Long Distance Dating: Making Long Distance Relationships Work

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant, LMHC

Updated December 9, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Long distance dating can present unique circumstances for couples, often influencing their emotional states and relationship dynamics. The distance between partners in long distance dating often contributes to a sense of disconnection and uncertainty about the future. Due to these barriers, some couples in long distance partnerships seek ways to nurture their bond while managing their mental health. Below, explore how to maintain mental health while navigating long distance dating.

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Understanding the challenges of long-distance relationships

Long distance dating involve specific obstacles that can affect partners' emotional states. The absence of physical closeness often results in isolation and disconnection. Time zone differences and conflicting schedules may also complicate communication efforts. For some, uncertainty about the relationship's future and concerns about fidelity can create stress. Financial considerations from travel expenses and maintaining separate households may also add pressure to the relationship.

Common stressors in long-distance relationships

While not all long distance relationships are the same, couples face common stressors in these connections, including but not limited to:

Coordinating schedules for communication and visits
Limited visibility into each other's daily lives
Misunderstandings arising from text-based communication
Uncertainty about maximizing limited time together during visits

The impact of distance on emotional well-being

Some individuals experience loneliness or anxiety when apart from their significant other for extended periods. Scientific findings point to touch as a critical factor in establishing interpersonal bonds and communicating feelings. The absence of physical touch and in-person emotional support may lead to a sense of emotional disconnection. The cycle of reunions and separations may also be stressful over time.

Building a strong foundation for your long-distance relationship

Establishing a solid foundation may help couples navigate the challenges of long distance dating. This foundation often involves open communication, setting clear expectations, and fostering trust between partners. Creating a shared vision for the relationship can also help both individuals be more connected and invested in its success. Regular check-ins about the state of the relationship allow you to address concerns or issues before they become significant problems.

Establishing clear communication expectations

Setting expectations for communication is often helpful in long distance relationships. These expectations may include discussing preferred methods of contact, frequency of communication, and response times.

Some couples establish a regular schedule for video calls or phone conversations, providing a connection to look forward to each week. Discussing how to handle periods when communication may be limited due to work, travel, or other commitments may reduce misunderstandings.

Setting realistic goals and boundaries

Setting realistic goals and boundaries can help couples manage expectations during long distance dating. These goals may involve discussing visit frequency, plans for closing the distance gap, and individual boundaries concerning personal space and time. In addition, establishing boundaries around social media use and interactions with others may build trust and prevent jealousy or insecurity. Periodically revisiting these conversations could ensure both partners are comfortable and know they are respected while dating.

Nurturing emotional intimacy in long-distance relationships

Maintaining emotional intimacy may help couples sustain a long distance relationship. While physical distance can make dating challenging, there are ways to foster an emotional connection. Sharing daily experiences, thoughts, and feelings through distance can help partners become more involved in each other's lives. Engaging in shared activities, even from afar, can also strengthen emotional bonds.

Creative ways to stay connected beyond an email address or video call

While email and phone calls are common communication tools, exploring other methods can add variety to long distance interactions. Options during long distance dating may include the following:

Sending handwritten letters or care packages
Creating a shared online journal or blog
Using apps designed for long-distance couples to share moments
Participating in online courses or workshops together
Planning virtual date nights with themed activities

These activities can give couples a fun time to look forward to and ways to connect despite the distance. Spontaneity and creativity can also enhance the relationship and create unique memories.

The importance of vulnerability and honesty in long-distance dating

Sharing both positive and negative emotions can foster a supportive relationship dynamic. This approach might involve discussing fears about the future, expressing appreciation for your partner's efforts, or acknowledging moments of doubt or insecurity. Regular conversations about the state of the relationship, including any challenges or concerns, may help you address potential issues proactively.

Leveraging technology to bridge the gap: From email address to video chat

Technology offers various ways for couples to stay connected despite physical separation. From text messages to video calls, these tools can help couples become closer and more involved in each other's daily lives.

Making the most of video chat and video call platforms

Video chat platforms allow couples to see each other's facial expressions and body language. To enhance video call experiences, couples may consider:

Finding a quiet, well-lit space for calls to minimize distractions
Planning activities to do together during calls, such as making dinner or creating art
Reading more articles or books about long-distance relationships to share insights and strategies
Trying out new communication tools, such as virtual reality or augmented reality apps
Using screen-sharing features to browse photos or plan future trips together
Experimenting with different video call platforms to find the one that works best for their needs
Watching a movie together

Using apps and online tools to make your long-distance relationship work

Various apps and online tools are designed for long distance couples. These apps can range from shared calendars and to-do lists to apps that allow partners to send virtual touches or heartbeats. Options may include couple-specific messaging apps, virtual date night platforms, and apps that allow partners to share their location or daily routines.

A woman in a blazer sits at a table near a large window while looking down at the phone in her hand. — Getty/Frazao Studio Latino

Maintaining your identity and personal growth

Maintaining individual identities and pursuing personal growth can contribute to a balanced relationship dynamic and personal well-being. Engaging in individual hobbies, maintaining local friendships, and pursuing personal goals may also provide a sense of fulfillment outside the relationship.

Discussing and supporting each other's individual pursuits can strengthen the relationship while allowing both partners to develop as individuals. In addition, maintaining separate social lives and interests may alleviate pressure on the relationship to fulfill all emotional needs.

Coping with loneliness and managing anxiety in a long-distance relationship

Studies show loneliness is common in long distance relationships. Acknowledging these emotions and developing strategies to manage them can support individual well-being and the relationship's health. Staying busy with work, hobbies, and social activities can be a step toward managing this challenge. In addition, creating a routine that includes self-care practices, exercise, and enjoyable activities can provide structure to daily life.

When feelings of anxiety arise, communicating openly with your partner about these concerns may lead to reassurance and problem-solving discussions. If these feelings start to interfere with daily routines, professional support from a therapist or counselor may offer additional resources for coping.

Developing a support system outside of your long-distance relationship

Building and maintaining a support system can provide emotional comfort and practical assistance outside of your connection with your partner. Your support network may include friends, family, or therapists who can provide different perspectives. For those in long distance relationships, support groups or online therapy platforms offer opportunities to share experiences and strategies with others who understand your specific challenges.

Mindfulness and self-care practices for emotional regulation

Incorporating mindfulness and self-care practices into daily routines may help couples manage the stress often associated with long distance dating. These techniques might include:

Regular meditation or deep breathing exercises
Journaling to process thoughts and feelings
Engaging in physical exercise or yoga
Practicing gratitude
Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule and healthy eating practices

Navigating conflicts and misunderstandings in long-distance dating

Conflicts and misunderstandings can be challenging in long distance relationships due to the limitations of remote communication. When conflicts arise, prioritizing clear communication may prevent misunderstandings. For example, scheduling a video call to discuss the issue face-to-face rather than relying on text messages or emails may help couples avoid misinterpretation.

Focusing on finding solutions rather than assigning blame can strengthen the relationship and improve problem-solving skills as a couple. When couples reach a mutual understanding and resolution, they can build trust and strengthen the relationship's foundation.

Will your long-distance relationship work? Strategies for long-term success

Sustaining a long distance relationship over time often involves commitment and ongoing effort from both partners. Regular relationship check-ins are a way for both partners to prioritize each other’s needs and can allow for adjustments as circumstances change.

Planning for the future in long-distance relationships

Having a shared vision for the future may provide direction in long distance relationships. This vision could involve discussing plans for eventually closing the distance gap, career goals, or other longterm aspirations.

Setting both short-term and longterm goals as a couple can create a sense of progress and shared purpose. These goals might include:

Planning visits
Saving for a future move
Working toward personal milestones together

Discussing potential challenges and how to address them as a couple may also build resilience and prepare partners for future obstacles. When couples have a shared vision and actively work toward change, they may become more closely connected and motivated to make their relationship last.

Transitioning from long distance to local: What to expect

As long distance couples plan for a future in the same city, discussing expectations and potential adjustments can be helpful. This transition can bring its own set of challenges as partners adapt to daily life together.

Discussing practical aspects such as living arrangements, financial management, and division of household responsibilities may smooth the transition. Talking about how you envision your daily routines and social lives once living in the same place could also reduce the stress of adjusting to a new lifestyle.

A man in a blue shirt sits at his desk with his laptop and phone while gazing off deep in thought. — Getty/MoMo Productions

Professional support options

Long distance dating can be challenging, especially when facing conflict. Online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and Regain for couples offers potential benefits for couples in long distance relationships. The ability to talk to a therapist from different locations allows partners to participate in sessions together, regardless of their physical distance. Additionally, the scheduling flexibility often associated with online therapy platforms may accommodate partners in different time zones or with varying work commitments, potentially enabling more consistent therapeutic engagement.

Emerging research on online couples therapy via videoconferencing has shown positive outcomes. Studies report high participant satisfaction and improvements in relationship contentment and durability. This data indicates online interventions may be as effective as in-person therapy for addressing relationship issues. However, every relationship is unique; what works for one couple may not work for another. Finding strategies that resonate with both partners and remaining flexible as the relationship evolves may lead to greater success.

Takeaway

Long-distance relationships can present unique challenges, but couples can find ways to maintain a fulfilling connection. By focusing on communication, leveraging technology, and maintaining individual growth, couples can navigate the complexities of long-distance dating while supporting their well-being. For support as you navigate your relationship, consider online therapy.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

Can a long-distance relationship work?

According to a question from a Pew Research Center survey about dating deal-breakers, 51% of respondents say they would definitely not or probably not date someone who lived far away, while 49% say they would or already have. These statistics indicate that long-distance relationships are relatively common, which suggests that it is possible for them to work. As with any other relationship, it’s likely to take strong communication, mutual interests and shared life visions, the ability to set ground rules, and a shared commitment to the relationship.

Is it worth dating someone long distance?

Whether it’s worth dating someone long distance or not depends on each individual’s needs and preferences. For many people, engaging in a long distance relationship for the first time helps them realize whether or not this type of connection is right for them. How much a person enjoys or finds fulfillment in a long distance relationship may also depend on many factors, including outside stressors, individual communication styles, and partner compatibility.

How to maintain a long-distance relationship?

Strong communication is often the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and this may be even more true for the people involved in a long distance relationship (LDR). Texting or calling regularly to avoid the constant underlying uncertainty and lack of trust that can often dominate one’s thinking and that may even kill long distance relationships is often important. In addition, making a trip to see each other regularly, coming to decide how you’ll conduct yourselves when you’re not together, and setting expectations for the course of the relationship so that you’re not on the completely wrong page can all be helpful.

How to bond during a long-distance relationship date via video chat?

Video chats can be a useful way to maintain and strengthen your bond with your partner in a successful long distance relationship. You might propose the idea to meet virtually for a call at a certain time and in the same way each week, for example. You can then catch up about your days, check in about your relationship, and then play a game, watch a movie, or enjoy whatever will happen organically and help you feel closer as you spend quality virtual time and be in the present moment together.

How long does long distance dating usually last?

A study referenced by dating website eHarmony reports that the average long distance relationship (LDR) lasts 4.5 months. Infidelity or fear of infidelity is cited as a key contributing factor to LDR breakups. To reduce the risk of a partner secretly meeting other girls or other potential partners, you might quickly begin your relationship on the foundation of open communication from the start.

Highly limited exposure to each other could also lead to trust issues. The funny thing is that humans psychologically benefit from face-to-face contact when it comes to building trusting connections, so it often makes sense to have regular in-person visits with your partner—such as every few weeks or months if possible—as well.

What are the disadvantages of long-distance love?

There are advantages and disadvantages to long distance relationships. Some of the potential disadvantages that can make long distance relationships tough include longer periods being away from your partner and missing them often, the requirement of spending money and time to get together for a visit, more effort that may be required to communicate effectively, and the challenges related to trust that may be more likely.

How to make long distance dating interesting using a video call, email address, texting, etc.?

Going on virtual dates using different communication methods may help keep a long distance relationship interesting. Virtual time spent together can matter if you want to achieve a pretty healthy relationship that doesn’t feel meaningless or emotionally distant, so prioritizing these connection points can be key. You could play texting-based games, watch a movie together on a video call, or send each other love letters via email, as a few examples.

How healthy are long-distance relationships?

While some people assume that long distance relationships aren’t good for people, they can be positive or negative for mental health depending on many factors—just as any other relationships can. If you’re in a relationship with someone who takes their job as a supportive partner seriously and shares the hope of making your relationship strong enough to survive the challenges, it may be a source of fulfillment and joy that benefits your mental health. Or, if your relationship has foundational problems or causes significant stress, it may harm your mental health.

Does long-distance affect love?

Distance doesn’t have to affect love. It’s possible for partners to hear and meet many of each other’s emotional needs, even at a distance.

How do you treat a long-distance boyfriend?

Treating a long distance boyfriend or partner with care, compassion, and respect is typically key if you don’t want to lose them. You both being engaged and supportive on calls and during visits and offering care and thoughtfulness the rest of the time can be a recipe for long distance relationship success. It’s also worth noting that communication as optional is rarely an effective approach; being open and honest with your needs and expectations regularly can help make you a good partner to your boyfriend.

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The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.

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