Navigating A New Relationship Over The Holidays: Traditions, Time Together, And Self-Care
New relationships often cause a whirlwind of joy and excitement. People tend to want to spend lots of time together as they fall in love. However, if you just started a relationship before or during the holidays, you might be uncertain about what qualifies as too much time to spend together. You may also worry about how to combine each other’s traditions and schedules during this time while not abandoning your other plans or self-care. Below, explore ways to navigate a new relationship over the holidays while simultaneously keeping your other plans intact and looking after your mental health.
Potential impacts of the holidays on your feelings and mental health
Those in a new relationship may not be aware of the other person’s holiday situation yet, which can bring up conflicting desires for holiday plans. In addition, past negative relationship experiences may come up in the emotion of the holidays, and being in the early stages of a relationship can lead to misunderstandings. Being aware of these factors may be helpful when figuring out how to navigate a new relationship over the holidays without letting past relationships, past experiences, or stress impact your connection.
The chemistry behind love and new romantic relationships: maintaining emotional and sexual health
Understanding what happens neurologically in a new relationship as you build emotional intimacy may be helpful. When you first fall in love, the brain releases dopamine frequently as you spend time with the individual or think about them, creating a sense of euphoria. As you get to know them and share affection and physical intimacy with each other, your brain releases oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone that can make you feel sleepy, comfortable, and calm. Because of these chemical reactions in the brain, you might experience strong urges to be around the person often.
Being aware of these tendencies in romantic relationships may help you manage them—especially around the holidays. For example, if your desire to spend time with this person eclipses your desire to stick to family holiday plans you already made, you might consider whether changing them is the best choice for your emotional health and the health of your other relationships. Or, if your desire to be close to this person tempts you to engage in risky sexual behaviors or in being physically intimate before you’re ready, you might take a step back before acting to preserve your emotional and sexual health.
How to discuss traditions and holiday plans in a new relationship
Before the holidays, you might consider whether your relationship is at a point where you’re comfortable discussing traditions, religion, and holiday wishes. Some couples might decide to spend the holidays apart and take things at their own pace if their relationship is new. Others might be comfortable discussing the possibility of having holidays together.
If you do plan to celebrate together, some of the best relationship advice to consider is to discuss it beforehand. Here are a few questions you might ask in conversations focused on growing a healthy relationship:
- Will either of you want to spend the holidays with your family?
- Who will host the holiday traditions or parties if you live in separate homes?
- Are any religions or spiritual beliefs important to either of you? Are any of these beliefs conflicting, and if so, how will you cope with the conflict?
- Do either of you work on any major holidays?
- Do you want to celebrate holidays with family on one day and with each other on a different day?
- Do either of you have food sensitivities or allergies to be aware of when making holiday meals?
- Do either of you want to decorate together for the holidays?
- Are there any traditions you always do on the holidays that you would like to share or not share?
Prioritizing self-care and mental health while still valuing your relationship
A new relationship absolutely can be exciting and make you want to spend all your time with the person, but this may not always be wise. Spending too much time with someone at the beginning of a relationship may be harmful to your mental health and could create a sense of dependency.
Instead, it can be helpful to continue to value the routines you had before the relationship, including work schedules, time alone, family time, and hobbies. You might aim to be true to your personal story and not let the relationship cut you off from who you are. The holidays in particular can be chaotic, so if you struggle to find time to include everything, be patient with yourself. Having a routine over the holidays that resembles similar routines in your daily life may help you reduce stress and keep your nervous system regulated.
Remember as well that self-care doesn’t only mean taking care of your body by eating, drinking water, and exercising. Self-care can also mean taking time to relax or partake in enjoyable activities. For example, writing in your journal, reading a book by the window, sitting by a fireplace, or playing with a pet are all ways to practice self-care alone. It may also help to give yourself some nights to sleep alone and process your feelings and thoughts about the person and your holiday experiences so you can keep a clear head.
Fun ways to build emotional and physical intimacy with a new partner over the holidays
Below are some ideas on how to have fun with a new partner over the holidays. These ideas can be enjoyable for both those in long-term relationships and those who have recently started dating.
Enjoy new romantic relationships by crafting together
A structured activity like a holiday craft can be a fun way to bond. For the holidays, you might try making a gingerbread house, painting dreidels, decorating a Christmas tree, building a snowman, or decorating cookies. You could also take a holiday painting or craft class in your area if available. You could make holiday-themed alcoholic or non-alcoholic drinks and listen to festive music to celebrate while you work on your crafts together.
Go ice skating
Some cities have ice skating rinks that hold holiday public skates. If you live near one, you and your date could consider visiting to skate under sparkling lights while listening to holiday tunes. This type of date can also be a photo opportunity. You might wear your nicest winter clothes, gloves, and scarf and take a cute picture together to commemorate the beginning of your relationship.
Have a holiday meal to share each other’s cultures and family dishes
If you and your partner have different cultures or family backgrounds, you can use the holidays to learn about each other’s traditions. For example, perhaps there’s a delicious dish from your home country you’d like to make for your date, or maybe they have a unique tradition with their family that they want to show you.
Have holidays on different days to prioritize both partners’ feelings, self-love, and mental health
You don’t have to celebrate the holidays on the holidays themselves. For example, if you usually celebrate Christmas with your family on December 25 and aren’t ready for your date to go with you just yet, you might consider scheduling a separate celebration with them the night before or the following weekend.
View the holiday lights with your new relationship partner
Many cities and neighborhoods put up holiday light displays for people to enjoy. You might consider going to one with your partner. If you can’t find one near you, you can also drive around and listen to holiday music while looking at lights on houses in a neighborhood that decorates.
Do winter activities together to increase physical intimacy and improve sexual health
Winter activities can be fun for couples who like to be active together. For example, you might go skiing, sledding, or snowboarding. If you live near nature trails, you may be able to go on a winter hike. Some people also enjoy winter activities like snowball fights, making snowmen, and taking their dogs out in the snow. Physical activity can increase the release of endorphins in the brain, which may also increase sexual chemistry between couples who have or plan to develop a sexual relationship.
How talking to a therapist may be helpful for new couples over the holidays
The holidays can be stressful, and they may also put pressure on a new relationship. When you’re still getting to know someone, you might be unsure of how to navigate more complicated discussions about the holidays. If you’re looking for support in how you approach a new romantic connection, holiday stress, or other challenges, you might consider meeting with a therapist. They can offer techniques to help you regulate your emotions and build emotional intelligence, share relationship advice if desired, and support you in exploring your goals for a casual or committed relationship with the person you’re dating.
Mental health support for individuals and couples
If you’re considering therapy, finding an in-person therapist might be difficult—especially during the busy holiday season. In such cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples may be more convenient.
Through an online platform, you can get matched and then schedule sessions with a licensed therapist at times that work for you. In addition, you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions. Research also suggests that online therapy can often be as effective as in-person therapy.
Takeaway
Frequently asked questions
Below are some of the most frequently asked questions about navigating a new relationship over the holidays or in general.
What do you do at the start of a new relationship?
There is no one way that couples must act in a relationship based on any rule book. Instead, how a relationship goes can depend on whether you and your partner are on the same page about your desires for the current relationship. Differences in behavior at the beginning of a relationship can be a matter of both you and your partner having different expectations. Some people may start a relationship intensely, looking for commitment from the beginning. Others may wait to make decisions until it flows naturally, having a more casual connection at first.
Follow your gut instinct and have open conversations with this new person about how much time you want to spend together, what you want to do together, and the labels for your relationship. Communication is often one of the most effective ways to avoid relationship issues and can be a useful tool at the beginning to ensure you know how your partner feels and can address differences if they come up. However, there’s no such thing as the “right” way to have a new relationship, especially if you’ve found the right person for you.
How does a new relationship start?
Relationships often start with two people meeting and enjoying each other’s company. Some people may actively seek out a romantic relationship. In contrast, others may find their relationship develops over time as they start to spend every waking moment thinking about the other person and falling in love. Potential relationships can arise from many sources, including online dating or meeting someone at an event for people who like the same kind of video games as you. Over time, someone might ask the other person if they want to become exclusive or enter a relationship. However, there’s no scripted line for what you “must” say to get into a relationship with someone. If you want to be in a relationship and your partner feels similarly, you can be in a relationship.
How do you act in a new relationship?
New relationships start in many ways and can be as unique as the individuals in them. Relationship experts have many different views of how couples “should” act, but what may matter more is whether the relationship is contributing to your physical and mental well-being. Treat your partner with respect and kindness when in a new relationship, and expect the same back. If you enter a new relationship with rose-colored glasses and only see the good but are not being treated well, you may start to experience conflicts over time that can lead to mental health challenges or the inevitable demise of a healthy connection.
What should you not talk about in a new relationship?
Every couple has different standards for what they’re comfortable talking about. Ask your partner if there are any topics they believe are off-limits at the beginning of a relationship. If you want to avoid conversations that may lead to conflict, you might avoid targeted questioning about someone’s past, in-depth conversations about your former partner, or frequent comparisons to your last relationship. However, some people might be comfortable talking about these areas, including intense conversation topics, because having these conversations earlier may help you realize whether you’re compatible with someone so you don’t ignore potential red flags or warning signs of unhealthy patterns.
Is it normal to feel unsure about a new relationship?
Uncertainty about a new relationship is normal, and you’re not alone in this feeling. If you’re uncertain about someone, it may be a sign that you’re not ready for the level of commitment or intensity of the current connection. Instead, you might try to give yourself time to get to know them more, go on more dates, or have less time together.
How do you tell a man your expectations?
You can tell anyone your expectations by letting them know you’d like to have a conversation about expectations and boundaries. If they aren’t willing to have this discussion, it may be a red flag that they are avoiding communication, which could be a problem down the line. Discussing needs before you get into a commitment with someone is generally considered healthy.
Note that boundaries and expectations should have to do with your own behavior and are not an attempt to control someone else’s behavior. For example, if you expect a partner to make an effort toward planning dates, you might phrase it like, “I want a relationship where we both plan dates and put in a joint effort. I wouldn’t be comfortable continuing to date if that were absent.”
How do you make a new relationship stronger?
One way to strengthen a new relationship is to play couples games, such as question games, that help you get to know each other better. You can also try strategy games like an escape room to see how well you communicate under pressure. Some new couples might also consider counseling not as a way to fix a problem but as a way to prevent problems from arising.
What questions can you ask your new partner?
Below are some prompting questions to ask a new partner that may open dialogue between you:
- Who inspires you most in your life?
- What were you like as a child?
- What is your biggest dream?
- If you could travel to one country right now for free, which would it be?
- What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned in life that you try to share with others?
- What’s your MBTI?
- What’s your astrological sign?
- What are your three biggest hobbies?
- What’s your dream date?
- What motivates you most to finish a project?
- Are you more emotionally or logically minded?
- Do you prefer creativity or reason?
- What is a creative skill you have?
- Is there a weird fact about you I wouldn’t have guessed?
- What are your plans for the future with me?
How do I prepare for a new partner?
If you’re not in a relationship, you can prepare to have a new partner by focusing on improving your mental and physical health and getting yourself mentally ready to date. If you don’t know it, look up your attachment style and learn how attachment problems can arise in relationships. You can also list the qualities you want in a partner and your boundaries in a relationship, which can help you find someone who meets those standards. Even if you believe you have high standards, settling for someone you’re not entirely comfortable with can lead to conflict or the end of a relationship down the road.
How can you be romantic in a new relationship?
Below are a few ideas for being romantic in a new relationship:
- Cuddle in silence or while listening to music
- Sing together in the car
- Buy them flowers, chocolates, or another romantic gift
- Write a romantic sticky note and put it somewhere in their home for them to find, such as the bathroom mirror
- Do favors for them, such as filling up their gas tank or paying for their morning coffee
- Do errands together to make them more fun
- Hold hands while walking
- Give hugs
- Give kisses that don’t lead to anything sexual
- Cuddle while watching a movie
- Tell them how much they mean to you
- Compliment them
- Spend uninterrupted time together without using your phones
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