Second Dates: What They Mean And How To Navigate Them
For many people, a second date can cause a mix of emotions, including excitement and nervousness. It can be challenging to know how to approach a second date, as many people want to show interest but not too much or too soon. Here, we’ll look at second dates, what they mean, and some strategies to help you enjoy them with minimal stress.
The dynamics of second dates after meeting on a dating app or in person
This may be especially the case for those who have experienced rejection or difficult breakups in the past. Conversely, some people may be nervous about going on a second date in case they end up having to tell a person they’re not interested in a third date, as they may fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Still others might worry about feeling awkward or embarrassed on their date. Whether you met in person or on a dating app, these are all common worries during this phase of dating.
Ideas for a second date: a dinner date, an ice cream date, and more
It may be helpful to consider more than one date idea for your second meeting before suggesting one to your date. Many individuals are most comfortable with one that provides opportunities to talk while also engaging in a structured activity, but you might consider different options till you find one that both you and your date feel comfortable with.
A dinner date
To some people, a dinner date may provide the opportunity to get to know someone better while also connecting over great food. However, choosing the right type of dinner setting can be challenging. If you fear running out of topics to talk about, you might choose a place with some background noise or entertainment. For example, you could pick a semi-informal restaurant, such as a burger place or somewhere with entertainment or activities like a trivia night.
A movie date
Some people may feel comfortable seeing a movie on the second date. If, on the first date, you discussed the topic of film, you might find a movie or genre you have in common for the second date. If you didn’t, you might choose a light film that allows for some laughter, which may help reduce any anxiety about the date.
A coffee or ice cream date
For some people who have just started dating someone, the thought of a dinner or movie date on the second meeting might seem daunting. They might think these dates are too long or intimidating for this stage. In such cases, some people might prefer something shorter like a coffee or ice cream date. This can allow two people to connect and talk about whatever comes up without interpreting that they have to commit to a two- or three-hour date with someone they’re just getting to know.
An outdoor date
When two people have an interest in outdoor activities in common, it may be best to plan something outdoors—regardless of date number. A good second date might involve a sport you both enjoy, mini golf, or a simple activity like visiting a park or a botanical garden.
Conversation topic ideas: pop culture, hobbies, and more
If you’re not sure what to talk about on a second date, know that you’re not alone. Many people experience a bit of nervousness about conversation topics. Thinking about a few beforehand may help you feel more prepared. Here are a few possible ideas:
- TV series
- Movies
- Favorite music groups
- Hobbies
- Work ambitions
- Upcoming holiday plans
When it comes to choosing topics, one of the most important date tips is to remember that it may help to remain flexible. For example, some people might feel comfortable talking extensively about family, whereas others might not want to get into it yet beyond sharing how many siblings they have. This may not be a reflection on you but on relationship challenges in their family, so don’t worry too much if they want to change the subject.
Should you follow her on Twitter (X) or Instagram after a first or second date?
Many people wonder whether they should follow someone on social media after a successful first date. This can be a challenging decision to make. While you may feel comfortable sharing your social media handle with your date at this stage, they may not be ready to share theirs.
If you had positive first impressions on your first date and the other person has since followed you on social media, it may be okay to follow them back without coming across as too forward. Otherwise, it may be best to avoid following the person until after a third or fourth date. This may help you avoid crossing any boundaries that the person may have with respect to social media and that type of intimacy. Also, by not connecting with the person online yet, you might avoid the temptation to follow them too much online, which can sometimes lead to harsh judgments or unrealistic expectations.
Talking to a mental health professional before a second date
Some people choose to speak with a mental health professional as they approach a second date—or at any other phase of the dating process that may make them nervous or when they may be seeking dating advice. A therapist may be able to help a person build confidence and communication skills and learn effective ways to cope with anxiety and uncertainty in the dating world. Also, therapists can typically help with any pain or trauma from past relationships, which may support healthier potential relationships in the future.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Connecting with an online therapist prior to a second date
Some individuals might live in an area with few therapists. Other people might feel hesitant to discuss their feelings about a potential partner in a traditional office setting. In these and other cases, online therapy may be a more feasible and comfortable option.
With online therapy, you can talk to a licensed therapist from the comfort of home or from anywhere you have an internet connection. You can speak with the therapist via video chat or via audio or live chat if you prefer not to use video. You can also reach out to your therapist at any time through in-app messaging and the therapist will reply as soon as they can, which can be useful if you experience anxiety in between dates.
What does research say about the effectiveness of online mental health care?
Over the last 15 years, numerous research studies have explored the effectiveness of online therapy. Findings generally suggest that, in many cases, online therapy can be effective for treating depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Also note that you don't have to be experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition to see or benefit from seeing a therapist. Therapy may help a person process their emotions regardless of their mental health status.
Takeaway
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
The following are some frequently asked questions about second dates.
How can I decide whether to follow her on Twitter (X)?
After a first date, if a person hasn’t already followed you on social media, you might consider waiting to follow them. This decision may vary depending on the individual, but there may be fewer downsides to waiting a bit. Following them too soon could make them feel pressured or anxious, and it may also tempt you to try and get to know them based on their digital persona or presence rather than who they are offline.
What’s a better second date: a dinner date or an ice cream date?
The choice of how to spend a second date may depend on both individuals involved and the connection formed during the first date. Those who believe that things went well might feel confident in arranging a longer get-together like a dinner date. For people who had a good first date but are nervous about the connection they have or about making conversation, a shorter meeting like a coffee or ice cream date might take some of the pressure off of both people.
If you met someone on a dating app, do you give them your number before a second date?
The decision to give someone your number after a first date depends on personal boundaries and how comfortable you feel. Some people choose to wait to offer someone their phone number until they know the person a little better. Others feel comfortable exchanging numbers if the other individual has made a good impression on the first date.
What pop culture topics are good for second dates?
To some people, the thought about talking about their favorite pop culture topics on a second date may seem daunting. They may fear that the other person might not like their taste in music, art, movies, or TV. However, in general, it may be best to simply be honest about what you like. This gives the other person an opportunity to get to know the real you. Remember also that you don’t have to have the same taste in music or film to form a strong connection. People can enjoy different interests and still develop a fulfilling relationship.
What should happen on the second date?
There are no rules for second dates on what “should” happen. What someone is comfortable with depends on the individual. For example, some people might be comfortable having sex on a second date, whereas others may only want to kiss or try holding hands. Always ask for consent before touching someone; don’t assume a date will lead to anything more. Try to aim to have fun, no matter what happens with the date. Use awkward silences to tell a joke, break the ice with a game, or take a personality quiz together. Be creative, and know there isn’t any wrong way to have a second date as long as you’re being consensual, respectful, and relaxed.
What is the two-date rule?
The two-date rule refers to a rule that after you have two dates with someone, you decide whether they’re for you or not. For the first two dates, you remain detached from the relationship's future, allowing yourself to go with the flow and see whether you hit it off. After the second date, if you still want to connect with the person more profoundly, you might allow yourself to think more about a potential future and where you want the relationship to go. This rule doesn’t apply to every situation and might be hard to implement at the beginning of a relationship, but it can be helpful for those who tend to fall head over heels in love quickly to help you slow your mind down and allow yourself to meet more than one person before deciding who you want to commit to or spend more time with.
What does a second date usually mean?
A second date may mean that both people enjoyed the first date and want to learn more about each other. Try not to attach expectations to a date. If you’re confused about the other person's intentions, consider asking them about it, and try not to stay stuck on details at this point in the connection. Have fun, get to know each other, and allow yourself to enjoy the time, even if it doesn’t end with you or the other person wanting a third date.
What is expected after a second date?
There are no expectations after a second date except for the expectations a person creates for themselves (their boundaries). If you have expectations after a date, keep them within the bounds of what you expect of yourself and whether you want to continue dating the individual. Controlling someone else’s behavior or expecting them to act a certain way because you have been on two dates can be unhealthy. Many women recount stories of being expected to have sex on a second date after a drink in the city, or in other ways not being heard about their boundaries. Anyone of any gender can be treated poorly by a date, so be sure to support your date by always practicing consent, not expecting physical touch, and going on a date to learn more about each other and have fun.
What makes a guy want a second date?
All men are different, so what makes a man want a second date depends on the man. Be yourself when you go out, and don’t try to do anything you’re uncomfortable with just to get someone to want to spend more time with you. If he doesn’t like you after the first date and you know you were 100% yourself and authentic, then you might not be compatible. Dating is generally considered a way to get to know people, so people may spend a week dating someone and then write them to let them know they’re not interested. In these cases, you can find another person to go on a date with to find your match. If a guy pressures you to have sex or kiss before you’re ready, don’t do it. Disregarding your own boundaries can lead to significant issues in communication down the road and may hurt you both.
Can a guy fall in love after two dates?
Some people fall in love quickly. However, the time it takes to fall in love is subjective and depends on the person. Some people take months or years to fall in love in a way they can define as “love.” You are the judge of whether you are in love, and the guy you’re dating is the judge of their emotions. If you want to express your feelings early, you can do so. However, know that some people might not be comfortable hearing “I love you” after two dates, as it may seem too intense too soon.
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