Tips For Online Dating

While online dating was once considered unusual, success stories of couples that first connected on a dating app or site have continued to grow over the past 20 years. The idea of finding a romantic match or life partner online no longer seems out of the ordinary and instead is viewed as a common way to approach dating. If you're a single person looking for a date or a relationship, you may have considered turning to an app or site to help you. Below, explore tips for online dating, regardless of whether you want to get married and start a family or find someone to have fun with for a night.

Work through your nerves about online dating

Connect with a counselor

Make sure you're ready to date

People who use online dating might be wary that the platforms will be filled up and used by those who don’t want to date. They may worry about coming across users who swipe but never message or send many messages and refuse to meet up to start dating offline. Some people join dating sites out of curiosity but never make it on a first date, which can hurt and frustrate others who want to move beyond the platform. When joining a dating site or app, ensure you’re committed to trying dating or meeting up with your matches to avoid frustration for you and others. 

Know what you're looking for in a match

Represent yourself positively and accurately

Researchers have found that a significant proportion of people lie on dating apps to make themselves sound better, which may lead to disappointment once matches find out the truth. Because of this trend, encountering lies on dating apps is a fear some who use them have. Commit to representing yourself accurately to help the online dating process go smoothly and ensure you don't break anyone's trust.

Being accurate doesn't necessarily mean putting every negative aspect of your personality front and center in your profile in the name of honesty. Still, try to portray yourself in a positive light. Choose photos that flatter you, but ensure they are recent and reflect how you look in person. Don't use years-old photos, photos from when you had a different hair color, or pictures that have been highly filtered or altered using digital tools. 

Describe your job and hobbies positively but also accurately. Do not pretend you are extremely physically active or that you love international travel if the reality is you prefer spending your nights watching movies from the couch. Don't inflate your height, educational history, or salary. The more accurately you represent yourself, the more likely you may be to find a genuine match. Consider asking a close friend or family member to review your profile and help you determine what information is best to share and what is best to save for later.

Consider safety

While online dating is generally considered fun and safe, some basic precautions may be worth taking, just in case. Do not share identifying information about yourself in your profile or initial messages. For example, do not post pictures that show the front of your home or work or immediately give your phone number or social media accounts to anyone who asks. Ask potential dates many questions so you get to know them as they get to know you. Don't share personal details until you are comfortable, and don't meet up in person until you are ready. If the situation seems off, trust your intuition and end the conversation.

The difference between an online dating site and a dating app

People new to online dating may be confused or overwhelmed by the terminology. While "dating site" and "dating app" are often used interchangeably, they have somewhat different meanings. 

What is an online dating site? 

Online dating sites are dating platforms that can be accessed from the web. To reach an online dating site, a person types the URL into an internet browser and then logs in. The earliest forms of online dating were all dating sites. Some of the earliest online dating sites came into being in the 1990s and are still around, such as Match.com and Jdate.com. With time, many online dating sites also began offering app versions. However, there are still a few online dating platforms that are only accessible through a site.

Dating app

Dating apps often offer the same or similar features as those found on online dating sites, but they are accessed in a different way. A dating app is a mobile application that must be downloaded to a smartphone or tablet. Once a person creates an account, they usually do not have to sign in again and can tap on the app's icon to open it. 

People with iPhones can search for and download dating apps from The App Store, while those with Android phones can use Google Play. Most popular dating apps are available in both The App Store and Google Play, but some are only available in one or the other. People who have smartphones with other less common operating systems generally have access to fewer dating app options.

Choosing from popular dating apps like OkCupid

Consider which dating apps might work best for you when beginning online dating. Different apps offer different features, such as video chat, voice notes, or speed dating. Apps also tend to be more popular with different groups, so finding the best app for your age, gender, sexuality, and dating goals may improve your chances of dating going well.

Most popular dating apps

Pew Research Center found eight sites and apps that are the most popular among people who have used online dating. 46% of people who do online dating have tried Tinder, while 31% have tried Match, 28% have tried Bumble, and 21% have tried OkCupid. Below are descriptions of these top four most popular dating apps so you can better decide which online dating company might be best for you.

Tinder: One of the most popular dating apps 

Tinder is primarily meant to be used in their dating app since matches are made by proximity. The app uses GPS to identify your location and then shows you the people closest to you. However, a Tinder for web option is available, and an upgraded version of the app allows you to connect with people outside of your area. 

Tinder initially skewed toward users in their late teens and 20s, but in recent years, the app has become more popular among adults in their 30s and 40s, as well. Some people argue that Tinder is best for casual dating because of its emphasis on appearance, but others find long-term love on the app.

Match

Match was one of the first dating sites and is now available as an app. According to the company, 44% of users are aged 30 to 49, 37% are over 50, and 19% fall between 18 and 29. About 80% of people on Match have gone to college. 

This dating app connects you with people who meet your criteria, whether age, educational level, religion, political views, or another category. The app differs from other dating sites in that it allows users to message another, even if they haven't matched. While that feature could result in a wider variety of options, it may also lead to unwanted messages.

Bumble

Bumble was first marketed as a woman-friendly alternative to Tinder. The app initially only allowed women to send the first message to matches to reduce unwanted messages. Now, women and non-binary people can choose to either send the first message or utilize an option called Opening Move, in which they set a question that matches can reply to.

Bumble prides itself on inclusivity. Its site says, "We champion integrity, kindness, equality, confidence, and respect during all stages of any relationship. We don't just welcome; we celebrate every orientation — whether you're here to find love or find fun." In addition to dating, Bumble offers similar matching tools to help people find friends or make business connections.

OkCupid

OkCupid offers both a site and an app for finding potential romantic partners. The company's site says, "We're dedicated to helping people find love and happiness through meaningful connections." The wide variety of questions available to OkCupid users is a standout feature, allowing people to answer questions on topics important to them and sift through prospective matches accordingly.

OkCupid may be a valuable option for people who want depth in their dating and aren't just looking to swipe based on appearance. According to the company, they make over 91 million matches each year and 50,000 dates each week and have had "more mentions in the New York Times wedding section than any other app." Like Match, OkCupid began as a web-based site and now offers app features.

When to seek support in dating 

Dating, including online dating, can be a stressful experience for some. People may fear rejection or struggle to accept rejection when it occurs. Making the first move, responding to messages, or taking a conversation from an app to real life can all be nerve-wracking. Therapy provides a safe space in which people with dating anxiety can sift through their worries. Remote therapy may be uniquely comforting since sessions can be attended from home. Through an online platform like BetterHelp, you can connect with a therapist within 48 hours of signing up and choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions. 

Researchers haven't specifically studied the intersection between online dating and therapy. However, studies on dating anxiety in general have found that dating anxiety is linked to anxiety about one's appearance. Past studies have also found that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help people improve their body image. For these reasons, experts hypothesize that CBT may help people with dating anxiety. Online versions of CBT have also been found more effective than face-to-face therapy in supporting people with anxiety in many cases.