When To Take The Next Step When Casual Dating
Research suggests that expectations for casual relationships depend on implicit rules about commitment. By definition, people in casual relationships are not committed to one another, but that doesn’t necessarily mean these relationships are uncomplicated.
For some, casual dating can lead to deeper feelings that can make it challenging to maintain a relationship without commitment. These feelings can lead individuals to question whether it could be time to take the next step and establish a monogamous relationship. It can be important to openly communicate with your partner to determine whether you’re on the same page. For more personalized insight and guidance, consider scheduling a session with a licensed therapist.
What is casual dating?
Casual dating may be defined as getting to know someone without being in a committed relationship. Every relationship is different, though, and casual relationships can mean different things to different people.
Those who are casually dating may take the time to get to know one another better or explore a strong physical or emotional connection. Some people may prefer casual dating, as they may not be interested in having a committed relationship. Others may see casual dating as the first step in finding a suitable long-term partner.
Ultimately, people who are casually dating are not in a committed relationship, and there is generally no promise of monogamy. However, there are different types of casual relationships to consider, each with a unique dynamic.
Types of casual relationships
The following are some examples of casual relationships.
Casual sex
Casual sex can be loosely defined as sex outside of a committed relationship. In many cases, it takes place without any expectations that it will develop into something romantic. Casual sex can take place between people who have just met, or it can be an ongoing relationship where people continue to meet up occasionally to have sex or be intimate in other ways.
There can be many types of casual sex. For example, in a one-night stand, the people involved typically have one intimate encounter and do not continue the relationship, in many cases never seeing one another again. Meanwhile, a hookup can develop into an ongoing casual sexual relationship.
Friends with benefits
Friends with benefits can be seen as a type of casual sex, but it usually implies that there is a friendship outside of the sexual encounters. People who are friends with benefits may already have an established friendship, or they may already be having casual sex and also enjoy spending time together socially. Despite the established friendship, people in these relationships are not committed to one another in any romantic way, and physical intimacy is generally understood to come with no strings attached.
Casually dating
Casual dating is generally understood to be different from a casual sexual relationship. While individuals who are casually dating may still have sex with no commitment or expectation of monogamy, those who are casually dating typically spend time together doing things other than being intimate. They may be taking the time to get to know one another romantically, or they may just enjoy spending time together without any expectation of something developing in the future.
Some people may see casual dating as the beginning of a committed relationship, but others may not be interested in taking things further. When people who are casually dating want different things, it can be a source of tension, stress, and emotional pain.
Benefits and risks of casual relationships
Casual dating can have many benefits. People who have just gotten out of long-term relationships and aren’t ready to pursue anything serious may prefer casual relationships, while others may not be interested in a long-term commitment but enjoy getting to know someone while fulfilling their sexual needs.
Casual dating can also help you get to know yourself. Spending time with different people can help you determine if you want a long-term relationship and what you value in a partner. It can also be fun to get to know people and try new experiences.
There can be risks associated with casual dating as well. Even if the intention may be to keep things casual, there may always be a chance that one person in the relationship will develop more intense feelings for the other.
This development can be difficult for people who have entered a friends-with-benefits situation. Although updated evidence may be needed, research shows that most friends-with-benefits relationships do not result in a committed romantic relationship. About half of the people studied reported that they continued the friendship after the sexual aspect came to an end. Others reported believing they’d been deceived by their friends and experiencing high levels of psychological distress and loneliness.
Some people are not looking for long-term relationships to develop from casual dating. Communicating and enforcing these boundaries can be challenging, and people who are not on the same page may have to end the relationship.
How to take a casual relationship to the next level
Before considering how to take a casual relationship to the next level, it can be worth deciding whether you should.
If you are in a casual relationship with someone who has been clear about their intentions from the beginning, trying to change the nature of the relationship may not end in the way you’d like.
If your feelings have evolved, and you want something more than casual dating, it may be best to honestly communicate your desires with the understanding that it may mean the end of the relationship. If the other person is only interested in keeping things casual and does not share your feelings, moving on and finding someone who shares your relationship goals can be a healthy way forward.
In general, there is no trick for taking a casual relationship to the next level. If you have developed deeper feelings for someone you are seeing casually, be honest about your feelings to help you determine the next steps.
Things to keep in mind
Here are some considerations to note when casually dating.
Communication can be key
In any relationship, being open and honest about what you want can avoid confusion. For example, if you’re only interested in dating casually and are not looking for a serious relationship, establishing those boundaries from the start can prevent problems down the line. Or, if you are casually dating to find someone with whom you can build a relationship, being honest about what you’re looking for can help you find people who are looking for the same thing.
Feelings can change
Even if you have communicated your boundaries from the start, it can be helpful to remember that feelings can change. If you enter a relationship intending to keep it casual, you or the other person may ultimately develop romantic feelings for one another as you spend more time together.
Check in occasionally
Regularly checking in with your casual dating partner can help you ensure you’re on the same page. Many things can change the nature of a casual relationship. Perhaps one of you has developed strong feelings for the other or met someone with whom you’d like to be in a monogamous relationship. Asking the other person if they are still okay with the relationship the way it is may allow both of you to address any concerns or end the relationship if you are no longer on the same page.
How casual relationships can affect your mental health
Casual dating can have both positive and negative effects on mental health. For people who are just coming out of long-term relationships or are starting to date again after a long time, casual dating can be a way to boost their self-esteem and confidence and help them understand what they are looking for in a relationship. That said, people’s experiences with casual dating can vary widely, and everyone may react to their experiences in different ways.
Casual sex isn’t quite the same as casual dating, but research suggests that casual sex without any type of relationship can negatively impact mental health. Study results have found that casual sex tends to be negatively associated with well-being and can increase the risk of negative psychological outcomes, regardless of gender.
Working through dating challenges in therapy
Casual dating can be a fun way to meet new people and figure out what you’re looking for in a relationship, but it is not necessarily for everyone. Miscommunication can lead to conflict and confusion, and some casual dating relationships can end in heartbreak.
If you’re trying to determine what you want in a relationship or need help improving your communication skills, working with a therapist can give you the support you deserve to confront these challenges.
Online therapy can be an accessible, convenient way to get support. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can work with a licensed professional from the comfort of your home or any location with a reliable internet connection. Most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours of signing up, and you can switch providers at any time for no additional fee.
Research has found that online therapy can be an effective way to manage the emotions associated with relationship challenges. A 2022 study reported that online couples therapy generally improved both relationship satisfaction and mental health. Additional research supports the use of online therapy for individuals as well.
Takeaway
There are many types of casual relationships, and everyone’s experience with them tends to be different. The best approach for taking your relationship to the next level may be to honestly communicate your feelings and determine the next steps from there. If you’re having trouble navigating dating and relationships, or if underlying mental health concerns are negatively impacting your connections with others, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional in person or online.
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