Dealing With Dementia: How To Support Someone You Love

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D. and Majesty Purvis, LCMHC
Updated October 8, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team
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Are you or a loved one living with dementia?

Coping with dementia can fall as heavily on a person’s caregivers as it does on the person living with dementia. There can be many ways to help your loved one cope with dementia, including medications, physical health treatments, specialized assisted living, and home care. Both those with dementia and their loved ones can benefit from working with a licensed therapist as well.

What is dementia?

The first thing you may wish to know about dementia is that it is not necessarily a disease but a condition marked by certain behaviors and difficulty remembering. Dementia can be defined as the name for a group of symptoms that can be caused by various conditions. When most people think about dementia, they may think about memory loss. Memory loss can be one of the symptoms associated with the early stages of dementia, but having memory loss doesn't necessarily mean that a person has dementia. Having dementia can also impact how a person thinks, behaves, and interacts with other people, making it difficult to feel confident in social situations.

It’s more than memory loss and forgetfulness 

In addition to difficulty remembering simple words or familiar objects, other signs of dementia can include trouble choosing words, difficulty planning to-do lists, and personality changes. As dementia progresses, an individual might feel confused more often, ask a question repeatedly, or show changes in posture or facial expressions at inappropriate times. These are tangible examples of how dementia feels for a person with dementia, affecting their communication skills and how they process and respond to the world around them. 

Similar to memory loss, it can be important not to assume that a loved one has dementia simply because you notice one of these symptoms, as they might react strongly or take things personally. Some symptoms, like motor problems and depression, can occur in advanced age for reasons unrelated to dementia. However, if you notice any of these symptoms in a friend or family member, it doesn't necessarily mean that you should not take them seriously. It can be best to encourage a loved one to see a professional for a definite diagnosis. Dementia is typically best managed when it is diagnosed early. Even if symptoms aren't indicative of dementia, they can still be treated by a doctor.

Dementia can begin to occur at any age, depending on the cause, although it is more common in older adults. Symptoms are most likely to begin after age 65 and tend to be most common in people with a family history of dementia. It can be important to note that dementia was not always as understood as it is now, so people who are currently at or around this age may not know for sure whether their older relatives had dementia or not.

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Possible causes

Dementia can be caused by a wide variety of conditions. The cause of dementia usually impacts the kind of care required. As a result, it may be worth discussing some of the most common conditions that can cause dementia, though the aim of this article is not to include every possible cause.

Alzheimer's disease may be the best-known cause of dementia and is generally the most common cause in people over 65. The exact cause of Alzheimer’s disease is currently unknown, and it seems to be incurable, although various treatments can slow its progression.

Vascular dementia, the next most common cause, is typically the result of damaged blood vessels in the brain. This type of dementia can begin earlier in life but tends to be more common in older individuals. Vascular dementia can also be caused by head trauma.

Huntington's Disease can be another example of a condition that may cause dementia at earlier ages, with symptoms usually appearing as early as the person's 30s or 40s. Huntington's Disease normally causes dementia as parts of the nervous system begin to fail.

Finally, dementia can also develop in people with Parkinson's Disease, another nervous system disorder.

Dealing with dementia: Home care and the different stages

Because dementia can cause all-encompassing and pervasive symptoms, people with dementia are often cared for at home by family members or other caregivers. Family members can help manage medications and serve meals with nutritious foods to their loved ones. They can also keep an eye on them while ensuring visual cues or safety features are in place and allowing them to remain in a familiar environment. 

Challenges for family members: memory problems, confusion, and forgetfulness

Eventually, however, many families find that they eventually must admit their loved one to a long-term care facility. This can be because caring for the loved one can impact other obligations, such as work. In addition, because dementia is often caused by conditions that also impact physical health, most families are eventually unable to offer the necessary medical care in a home setting.

While the individual is at home, one of the greatest challenges of dementia can be wandering. This can occur in the mild stage of dementia, when an individual may be having problems with memory, planning, and making decisions, but they may still be in good physical health. Memory problems, issues with planning, and poor decision-making can mean that the individual may also need help with meals to ensure that they are eating well.

In later stages, the underlying cause of dementia may cause physical damage to the nervous system, potentially resulting in problems with coordination. It can become increasingly difficult for individuals with dementia to get around on their own and perform basic tasks. Eventually, they may be unable to do things like go to the bathroom and eat without assistance. In many cases, they might require adaptations like sturdy shower chairs or other safety features around the home.

For even the most dedicated home caregivers, the later stages of dementia may indicate that it is time to consider how to move their loved one into assisted living or nursing care. Assisted living and nursing care facilities can take a great deal of stress and responsibility off the shoulders of home caregivers by taking over meal preparation, medication concerns, and general care. They can help offer reassurance and ensure that the person experiences the best possible quality of life in a supportive environment. They are also more likely to have the ability to provide long-term advanced medical care in a setting that is typically more comfortable and welcoming than a hospital.

Transitioning from home care to assisted living: caregiver support

While some family members may prefer to provide home care for as long as possible, there can be some benefits to making the transition to assisted living earlier in the progression of dementia.

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Are you or a loved one living with dementia?

Some of these benefits can have to do with the difficulties of living with dementia. Many assisted living communities are familiar with the many challenges of dementia and have special services to slow the progression of dementia through counseling, activities, and special meals. These treatments usually have the most impact when they are started earlier rather than later. Sometimes, these treatments can be available to people who are not staying in the nursing home, but they may not be in some areas. Dementia assisted living is usually better equipped to provide a comfortable setting for people living with dementia as well. 

For example, people with dementia may become easily agitated, and things like the hustle and bustle of living in a family household might result in irritability. While some individuals with dementia may prefer to live with family as long as possible, some might find dementia-assisted living to be more relaxing, as they may have specific activities and outdoor areas to support their physical and emotional needs. These facilities can also be better equipped to handle medical emergencies like falls. 

Some of the benefits of moving a loved one with dementia into assisted living, however, may have to do with the potential challenges of caring for a person living with dementia. Many people find that they cannot provide adequate care while working full-time, but working less often results in financial difficulties. Many people also find providing care to a loved one living with dementia to be emotionally challenging. As a result, they might not be able to spend time managing daily life tasks and personal activities. 

Many assisted living communities provide "respite care." Respite care can occur when a home caregiver checks their loved one into an assisted living community for a couple of days. This may allow the caregiver to take a vacation, leave town on business, or do whatever they need to do. Knowing that this service is available can be a relief early in the process, but it can also be a good way to introduce all parties involved to the idea of the loved one living with dementia eventually transitioning to one of these communities full-time. Not all assisted living facilities offer respite care, however, so check out their websites or call their management to find out which assisted living communities near you offer it.

Have patience while managing physical and mental health care

Because physical ailments can cause dementia, the primary care provider typically needs to provide medical interventions. Do so with patience. Those with dementia may also benefit from talking to a therapist to process their emotions and effectively cope with their diagnosis.

Therapy can be beneficial for family members who have a loved one with dementia. The caregivers can experience "caregiver burnout," which can be a name for the physical and emotional exhaustion that may come from caring for another person around the clock. Because most forms of dementia are progressive, family members can also experience something called "anticipatory grief." Both of these sensations can put the caregiver and family member at risk of serious conditions themselves, such as depression.

Online therapy can be a great option for those with dementia and their loved ones. You can attend online therapy from home or any other location with an internet connection, which can make it a convenient and reachable form of treatment. You can also schedule sessions outside of typical office hours, which can accommodate your other obligations and make it easier to fit therapy into your schedule.

A 2023 study suggested that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy could be an effective form of treatment for depression symptoms in people living with chronic conditions, such as dementia. In addition, a large body of evidence generally states that online and in-person therapy can be equally effective in addressing a variety of mental health concerns. For example, a therapist may be able to help support other mental health concerns associated with dementia, such as anxiety and depression. 

Takeaway

When a loved one has dementia, you may help them by taking them to doctor’s appointments and ensuring they keep up with medications. You may also provide home care or find an assisted living facility for them. It can be helpful for you and your loved one to find therapists you feel comfortable with as well because dementia can be a challenging diagnosis for those living with it and for the people who care about them.
Navigate the challenges of dementia
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