Coping Skills For Depression And Divorce
Have you been experiencing symptoms of depression or other mental health challenges while going through a divorce? If so, you’re not alone. Depression after divorce is common, even among those who ended the relationship willingly. However, this difficult time of adjustment doesn’t typically last forever, and you don’t have to face it on your own. Below, we’ll discuss depression in the context of divorce, common symptoms, and effective treatments for depression.
Depression after a divorce
Although post-divorce depression is not necessarily the same as clinical depression, it can still have many of the same features. It can be difficult to distinguish whether symptoms are part of clinical or situational depression. If you have never had depression before, your doctor may treat it as an adjustment disorder. If symptoms do not improve over time, they might consider a clinical depression diagnosis.
Symptoms
The symptoms of depression after divorce can be similar to symptoms of clinical depression. The characteristics of situational depression can include the following:
- Lack of appetite
- Loss of interest in activities and hobbies
- Difficulty sleeping/insomnia (sleeping too much is also possible)
- Irritability or anger
- Fatigue
- Uncontrollable crying
- Problems concentrating or focusing
- Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and pessimism
- Suicidal thoughts or attempts*
*If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, help is available. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can be reached at 988 and is available 24/7. An online chat features is also available on the lifeline’s website.
In addition to these common symptoms of depression, divorced individuals with adjustment disorder or depression may also be likely to exhibit certain behaviors. These may include not fulfilling responsibilities, avoiding social engagements, arguing, and not performing well at work.
After a divorce, it can also be common to have feelings of guilt, anger, and frustration toward yourself or your former partner. Nonetheless, it may help to set healthy boundaries with your ex-spouse, no matter the circumstances of your married life.
If you notice that you have begun to completely cut yourself off from everyone around you and stay indoors most of the time for more than two weeks, it could be a sign that you are experiencing depression. If it has become difficult for you to cope with the stress of the divorce process and it has greatly affected the quality of your daily life, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed counselor.
Treatment for depression
Treatment for situational depression is similar to treatment for clinical depression, with one important difference. With clinical depression, medication is generally prescribed and is often combined with therapy. On the other hand, situational depression, such as post-divorce depression, typically emphasizes psychotherapy or talk therapy and uses medication to control symptoms only when they are severe or prolonged.
Psychotherapy
There are many types of psychotherapy that can be used to treat situational depression. The most common form of therapy used for this type of depression is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In CBT, a therapist may help you identify unhelpful thoughts and learn to control your thoughts and behaviors. Your therapist can be there to support you at the start of your healing process and help you take steps toward adjustment.
Medications
There are two types of medications sometimes used for situational depression: selective serotonin uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and dopamine reuptake blockers. Your doctor will likely only prescribe antidepressants if your symptoms are severe, if you are at risk of suicide, or if your symptoms are prolonged. You and your doctor can carefully monitor your symptoms so that medication can be decreased after the adjustment period is over.
It’s recommended that you not stop taking medication without first talking to your doctor. Even if you are feeling better and don't think they are necessary, consider waiting for instructions from your doctor before stopping the medication. SSRI withdrawal can be challenging and even painful. You may have to stop the medication gradually.
Coping with depression after divorce
While being treated by a doctor or therapist, it can also be beneficial to learn some coping skills to help you through this difficult time. It can be important that you take time for yourself and ensure your needs are being met. Here are some things you can do to build effective habits to help you cope with depression after divorce.
Write in a journal
Research suggests that journaling can be effective for relieving depression symptoms. You may have a lot of thoughts and feelings about your marriage, your divorce, and life going forward. As you go through this process, it might be productive to write down your thoughts and emotions in a journal. Even if you have a solid support system, like family, friends, or divorce support groups, journaling may help you to express yourself without a filter.
Another potential advantage of journaling is that you may be able to see how far you've come. It may be a meaningful journey to rediscover your sense of self after a divorce. Further down the road, during times when everything seems hopeless, you can go back and see what you have accomplished in personal growth.
Take care of your body
Exercise
Research has found that exercise leads to the release of endorphins, which can relieve symptoms of depression. You can choose from a number of activities, such as walking, lifting weights, doing aerobics, joining a sports team, or dancing around the house. Doing physical activity on a regular basis can give you a sense of accomplishment and thus help boost your mood, not to mention contribute to positive physical and mental health effects.
Eat nutritious foods
It can also be important to eat as healthily as possible. When a person is depressed, it is common to crave "comfort foods," many of which are high in fat and sugar. However, eating these types of foods may drag you down and ultimately make your depression symptoms worse. You could also gain weight, further impacting your mood. You might try to limit alcohol use and keep healthy snacks around. If you have to go out of your way to eat comfort food, you may be less likely to indulge in it.
Prioritize sleep
Research shows that about . It can be important to address sleep difficulties as they can be a contributing factor in worsening depression symptoms. Lifestyle approaches, such as relaxation techniques done prior to bedtime and adherence to a sleep schedule, are recommended by the American Psychiatric Association. Making efforts to improve your sleep hygiene can improve both your mental health and your overall well-being.
Take time for yourself
In the wake of a divorce, it can be easy to forget to take care of yourself. It may help to take some time out for yourself every day, even if it is as simple as listening to music for half an hour. When feelings of sadness hit you, you might try massage therapy or other relaxation techniques, such as meditation and aroma therapy. This may seem difficult at first, especially if you have children to care for, but it may help keep you healthy as you go through this adjustment period during the divorce process.
Ask for help
The emotional strain of a divorce may make you feel more fatigued. During this time, consider letting people help you with pre-made meals or extra babysitting. When you are feeling better, you can return the favor. It can be important to be surrounded by people who can take care of you and support you emotionally through this difficult time in your life. Consider building a support network around you that allows you to get the help you need when you need it.
Get out of the house
While therapy may help you develop more effective ways of coping while going through a divorce, treatment for people with depression often takes a multifaceted approach. Recent research emphasizes a solid support network, usually from friends and family or from social support groups, such as divorce support groups. When you are depressed, you may not want to socialize. However, it can be important that you continue to get out and see people during this time. Getting out of the house and around other people might help take your mind off what you are going through and give you a mental break. You may also enjoy a mood boost from socialization because of the sense of belonging it can provide.
Online therapy with BetterHelp
Coping with a divorce can be difficult whether it happened recently or years ago. Seeking support through therapy may help you develop new coping skills and begin to heal. If you are worried about incorporating regular in-person therapy appointments into your routine, there are other options. Online counseling platforms like BetterHelp can offer a convenient way to participate in therapy from the comfort of your home. Although depression can sometimes make it hard to leave the house, you can still receive mental health support from your couch, bed, or wherever feels comfortable. You can connect with a licensed, supportive therapist via phone, live chat, or videoconferencing at a time that works for you.
The efficacy of online therapy
Online therapy has been shown to be effective by numerous peer-reviewed studies. In a randomized controlled study of an online therapeutic intervention for divorced individuals, researchers found that participants experienced “significantly reduced anxious, depressive, and somatization symptoms.” These results were taken at one-year follow-up, and researchers found that their magnitude was large in effect size. Another study shows that online therapy is also effective for adjustment disorder and several other mental disorders, including bipolar disorder and substance use disorder.
Takeaway
The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory lists the death of a spouse as the most stressful situation a person can experience and divorce as the second. Research indicates that individuals who undergo a significant life event like divorce are 2.5-9.4 times more likely to develop depression.
Divorce and depression may be linked in several ways. Depression often impacts an individual’s behavior, emotional state, sense of self, and ability to engage with others effectively— all of which can negatively affect a marriage.
Divorce can have a significantly negative effect on an individual’s mental health and well-being in many circumstances. People undergoing a divorce may feel isolated and lonely, develop self-esteem issues, and experience overall sadness and stress.
Individuals who experience mental health issues after divorce may find it helps to practice self-care in the form of maintaining a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and getting enough sleep. Seeking support from a therapist can also help people process the intense feelings and loss associated with divorce so they may move on most effectively and healthfully.
Everyone processes the grief of a loss differently, and the circumstances around divorce are typically different for everyone. Depression from divorce may last weeks to months to years; it all depends upon the unique situation and individuals involved.
Suffering can take many forms within the context of divorce. For example, some are more prone to feeling depressed due to isolation and loneliness, while others experience more hardship associated with health and well-being. Changes in social relationships and domestic structure can also have a significant impact.
Some research illustrates these differences effectively, with one 2018 study suggesting that “men’s disproportionate psychological strain was transient, whereas women’s disproportionate economic strain was chronic.”
For many, the overarching effect of divorce is stress. Significant life events (positive or negative) can be overwhelming alone, but adding changes in well-being, domestic structure, and emotional and economic status contribute to additional stress.
Divorce may not increase some person’s unhappiness, while others may experience significant emotional difficulty. More current research is needed to determine how divorce in different circumstances affects individuals’ happiness, but details gathered in a 2002 study from the University of Chicago suggest that unhappily married couples who divorced weren’t happier than couples who stayed in an unhappy marriage.
Similarly, research suggests that couples who stay in an unhappy marriage and receive professional help from a counselor report higher levels of marriage satisfaction and are more likely to stay together upon completion of therapy.
What are the negative feelings after divorce?
Post-divorce negative emotions include but aren’t limited to, fear, frustration, anger, sadness, and confusion.
As with any type of loss, divorce typically includes stages of emotional transition. For example, one may first feel denial or shock, followed by anger and a bargaining period. This often leads to overwhelming sadness and, finally, acceptance.
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