Mental Health And Depression: How To Help A Friend With Depression
Depression is a serious mental health condition that affects an estimated 21 million adults in the US. If you find that one of your friends is living with depression, you might wonder how to react, especially if you’ve never experienced a depressive disorder yourself. It's natural to be concerned when you hear that someone in your life is feeling down. Depression can be hard to navigate. But your loved one will likely be glad that you're there to support them. At the same time, it can help to know how best to provide support to someone living with depression. In this article, we'll discuss how to talk with friends and family experiencing depression and give you tips for supporting them in a constructive, helpful way.
How to help a friend with depression
When you discover that a friend is living with depression, it can be concerning. However, there are several steps you can take to help them through this experience and provide them with the support and care they need.
Learn about depression
It can be particularly difficult to provide support to a friend with depression if you have not experienced this mental health condition yourself. Researching depression can help you learn more about what your friend is going through. Educate yourself about what feeling depressed is like; that way, you'll know a little more about what to expect during this difficult time in their life.
For example, if someone is unfamiliar with depression, they may wonder what events led to their friend experiencing mental health challenges and question why they struggle to leave home or practice self-care. But depression doesn’t always have an underlying cause, and it can make it feel impossible to get out of bed or perform care tasks. Knowing this information (and more) can help you better provide support to your friend.
The following is an overview of depression to help you get started:
Depression is a mental health condition marked by low mood, lack of motivation, loss of interest, and trouble focusing. Depression comprises several depressive disorders, including major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder, and postpartum depression. In addition to impacting an individual’s physical and mental health, depressive disorders can affect their ability to work, maintain relationships, and care for themselves. Symptoms of depression include ongoing sadness, feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, sleep disturbances, and fluctuations in appetite.
Give them the opportunity to talk (when they’re ready)
A friend who is experiencing depression might want you to be in their life, but might not be ready to talk about their condition. If that's the case, then following their lead can help you avoid making them feel worse. If they haven’t brought up their mental health to you, but you suspect they’re experiencing depression, consider saying something like, "I feel like you're going through a difficult time right now. Do you want to talk about it?" It can also help to pick the right time and place to bring it up. Be tactful when discussing things in a mixed company.
If they feel like opening up to you, then you might say something like "that must be hard" or "I'm always here if you want to talk”. You might have the urge to give them advice, but it's best not to if it's unsolicited. It's far better to listen actively. If they want feedback from you, they will ask for it, but they may only want you to be a sounding board.
Avoid dismissing their feelings
People experiencing depression generally want to feel better, but depression can make it hard for them to address their symptoms. You may unknowingly make your friend feel worse if you say things like "forget about it" or "try harder”. That's generally not the way depression works, and sentiments like these can invalidate their feelings. Instead, you can say something like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I’m here to help you in whatever ways I can”.
Empathize with them (but avoid comparing your situations)
If you’ve experienced depression, empathizing with your friend can be helpful. It may be encouraging for them to realize that you’ve experienced similar feelings, especially if they know you’ve been able to manage your symptoms of depression. You can tell your friends that you understand how they’re feeling. This can be validating and encouraging for someone with depression.
However, you may want to avoid comparing their situation to yours. Depression can manifest differently depending on the individual, and your journey may have been completely unlike the one your friend is experiencing. Being mindful of these differences can help you as you provide support or advice. For example, instead of saying something like, “You should exercise because that helped me”, you can say, “If you’re up for it, exercising may help you as it helped me”.
Tell them about support services with a mental health professional
During the research that you conducted, it's possible you found out about some psychiatric services or other resources that may benefit them. If that's the case, then it may help to pass that information on to your friend. For example, the crisis lifeline can be reached at any time of any day at 988. Additionally, many towns and cities have established support groups for depression and other community mental health needs. If they're interested, they can pursue the options you're giving them, or they may decide that's not the best thing for them at the moment. Volunteer the information, but don't try to force them into anything.
Avoid stigmatizing medication as treatment
Antidepressants have been proven effective in reducing symptoms of depression and are often primary components of treatment plans. Like depression itself, try to avoid making light of your friend seeking help by taking antidepressants or otherwise stigmatizing their use of medication. Also, if your friend is having a hard time with the idea of going on medication, you can try to normalize it. You can equate their taking medication for their depression to someone taking insulin for diabetes.
Take care of yourself
Sometimes you can get bogged down while trying to help someone who is experiencing depression, and because of that, you can start to neglect your own feelings. You might not be depressed yourself, but trying to help your friend if they are suffering can put an emotional strain on you, and you should not ignore that. You should have someone to talk to in turn, preferably someone who is not directly in the situation and can offer impartial advice based on reason and logic.
Living with someone who has depression or having a friend in your life who has depression can be difficult for you. You may be upset that your friend is going through a hard time. Or you may feel helpless if you’re not sure how to respond.
How online therapy can help with major depression
Research suggests that online therapy can help alleviate the mental health concerns of those who provide care to others. For example, in one study, researchers found that online therapy reduced symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression in participants who looked after individuals experiencing physical or mental illness. The study also notes the increased availability of online therapy platforms.
If you have a friend with depression and want to learn more about the condition or how to provide support, online therapy can help. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, your therapist can help you better understand depression remotely, through video calls, voice calls, or in-app messaging. Online therapy is also an affordable option—BetterHelp memberships start at $65 to $100 per week (based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability, and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply), and you can cancel anytime.
Takeaway
How do you help a friend who doesn't want help?
Use encouragement and supportive words to share the benefits of getting help, but don’t push them. Let them know that you are available and that you care about them. Keep offering your support, and be patient. Sometimes this sort of thing can take time.
Remember, too, that you should set boundaries to protect your own mental health. It can be difficult when you are trying to support a loved one with mental health issues, and you may find yourself experiencing burnout. Recruit other friends and family members to help, and take time to take care of your own health and do the things you enjoy.
What strategies should you know about how to help a friend with depression?
Supporting a friend with depression can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re unsure what to say or do. Knowing a few key strategies can make a big difference—not just for them, but for your well-being too.
How to help a friend with depression
Not everyone manages depression in the same way, but there are a few strategies you can use to help someone with depression as well as protect your own well-being.
Educate yourself. One of the best ways to help someone with depression is to better understand how the condition affects people. You’ll know better what to expect and how you can best support your loved one. Depression affects multiple aspects of a person’s life, including their behavior, mood, cognition, health, social activities, and relationships with others.
People often feel ashamed about depression. Support them in seeking professional help, as it is a treatable condition, and proper treatment can lead to a decrease in symptoms.
Offer emotional support. Be willing to listen and offer positive reinforcement.
Offer physical help. They may have less energy and feel unable to do routine tasks like grocery shopping and other normal activities. Offer to help if you can do so without depleting yourself.
Offer to go on a walk, see a movie, or attend social events together. Ask them to try a new hobby or other activity with you. Don’t force the issue, but let them know that you’d be happy to do something with them.
Be aware of signs that depressive symptoms are getting worse, and learn how to spot suicidal ideation. Be ready to call emergency services if necessary.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text 988 to talk to someone over SMS. Support is available 24/7. If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
How do you start a conversation with a depressed friend?
Be honest, natural, and supportive. You can say something along the lines of “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately. Do you want to talk about it? What can I do to help you feel better?” Listen to what they say, and continue offering support and caring words.
What are three ways to help treat depression?
Treatment for depression can include following healthy lifestyle habits, psychotherapy, and/or taking prescription medication, depending on the individual and the severity of the condition. Some common symptoms of depression include persistently depressed mood, loss of interest, fatigue, increased or reduced appetite, weight loss or weight gain, anxiety, agitation, angry outbursts, fixation on past failures, and suicidal ideation. Individuals with depression may also have a lack of energy, so even small tasks might take much effort to accomplish. Suggest seeking help from a mental health professional for guidance about the right treatment approach for depression. Starting treatment early on can prevent comorbid conditions from developing.
What do you say to a friend who is struggling emotionally?
Often, the thing that a friend who is having a difficult time wants to hear most is that you care about them. Simply let them know that you are there for them, and mean it. You can reach out on the phone, through text message, or visit in person if they feel up to it.
How do you convince someone with major depression to get help and treatment from a mental health professional?
You can help by normalizing the experience of therapy and support groups. Let them know that everyone can go through a tough time, and there’s no shame in that. Offer to support them and to help them find support through individual or family therapy sessions, or other places that provide counseling. You can even offer to go along to the appointments if they want that. Remind them that treatment doesn’t always mean medication—it can also include talking to a mental health professional who can guide them through different options based on what feels right.
Seeking professional help can be crucial since individuals with depression have an increased risk of experiencing suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. Organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Institute of Mental Health offer education and support for individuals experiencing warning signs of depression.
How do you comfort a friend emotionally?
This can depend on the individual. The best way to find out what they need specifically is to ask them and then listen closely to the answer. They may just want someone to sit with them. They may want to engage in the usual talk you do together. They may want encouragement or support in doing more social things. They may simply need to know that you care about them. You may also suggest specific tasks you can help with; this can help ease the burden they feel to some extent.
How do I comfort my friend over text?
Just tell them what you would tell them in person. Be empathetic and try to understand their perspective. Let them know you care and that you are there for them if they want to text or call. Remind the person about their positive qualities or anything else you think might make them feel better. If you are geographically close enough, offer to spend some time with them. Make an extra effort to meet with them in person to provide emotional and social support.
What do you say to support someone?
People who experience depression often struggle with feelings of worthlessness. A way you can support them is to let them know that they mean something to you. This can be done through text, spoken words, or through giving of your time and attention. Apart from words, you can also offer practical support by helping them organize household chores and schedule certain tasks, such as meals, physical activity, medication, and sleep, to stay healthy. You may also express your willingness to help a family member by accompanying them in seeking professional support or attending family therapy sessions.
What not to say to a depressed person?
When talking to a person experiencing a mental illness like depression, avoid using phrases that invalidate their feelings or put pressure on them. Phrases like “You're being too sensitive,” “Just think positively,” and “It’s not that bad” can be invalidating for some people. Offering unsolicited advice and using judgmental or accusatory phrases can also undermine their confidence, potentially hurting their feelings. Instead, listen carefully and focus more on understanding and validating their feelings. Explain that depression is a treatable condition, not a personal flaw. You can gently encourage them to seek support from a health care professional for managing depression symptoms. Be observant about the warning signs of depression, and seek help immediately if necessary.
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