How To Talk To Someone With Depression: Offering Support By Listening
If you know or love someone living with depression, wanting to help can be natural. However, you’re not alone if you’re unsure what to do. Listening to someone talk about their experiences may be a positive place to start. If you wonder what to do next, one way to offer support is to continue listening.
How to talk to someone with depression
Talking to someone with depression can be a delicate process. You may fear saying something wrong or not knowing what to say at all. If you are in this situation, there are a couple of ways to help this individual and potentially make them feel supported, including the following.
Listen to understand
Some people may listen to respond instead of to understand. Listening to respond means that while you listen to someone else, you’re already thinking about what you will say in return instead of the context of what they’re saying. This technique can make communication difficult and ineffective—especially when speaking to someone about their emotional challenges.
Listening to respond may limit your understanding of the other person. Although you may believe you can multitask, the human brain is not made to do so. When you’re listening to respond, you’re listening and planning your response— directing energy that could be spent focusing on the other person.
Listening to respond may be an attempt to make the conversation about you and what you have to offer instead of what the other person feels or thinks. Emotionally, listening to understand shows the person that you care about their feelings and want to understand better, even if you don’t initially relate or connect to their experiences. Focusing on them may help you give a helpful and supportive response that doesn’t come from planning what you want to say or changing the conversation to relate it to yourself.
Promote understanding
If you struggle to listen to understand, a practical model called “reflective listening” may benefit you. With this type of listening, you listen to what the person is saying and summarize your understanding of what they said in response.
Because you respond with what they told you, you’re forcing your mind to fully process what they said. This technique can help you understand and respond genuinely. It also helps you understand what they meant by asking for confirmation. If you didn’t understand correctly, the individual can repeat themselves to clarify.
Knowing that someone is listening to understand them may help the individual believe they are being listened to and heard. Those living with depression often experience real or perceived isolation. If they believe someone truly cares about their thoughts and feelings, it may reduce the sense of isolation.
Further, practicing reflective listening can help the other person understand themselves. Practicing reflective listening can serve as a soundboard for the other person to help them keep their thoughts and feelings in perspective.
Finally, reflective listening puts the other person in the pilot seat of the conversation. If you’re comfortable discussing their feelings, allowing them to rant and express themselves may be cathartic for them, even if you don’t offer support or a supposed resolution. Some people may not seek a “fix,” but someone to listen to them.
What should you listen for when talking to someone with depression?
When listening to someone with depression, the conversation may go in many directions. Consider offering space for this person to discuss whatever they need to say within your limits. Some people with depression may want to discuss how they feel and receive validation. Others might want advice. In some cases, a person with depression may not want to talk about their depression or emotions but be distracted by conversations about certain hobbies or other unrelated topics.
In this person’s life, you are not their therapist, so try not to “fix” their situation for them. Offering advice may not be what they want, and it could lead to invalidation. Try not to get so tangled up in reflective listening that you forget you’re talking to someone who is more than their depression. You’re not talking to depression—you’re talking to someone who experiences depression. If you keep reminding them of their depression, you may not be helping. If you’re unsure what to say in a conversation, ask open-ended questions to understand their point of view further. For example, you could ask, “What made you feel that way?” or “What often helps you when you’re feeling this way?”
What to say to someone with depression
Listening is its own form of support. However, listening doesn’t necessarily offer an entire conversation. When it’s your turn to talk, you can respond in a few ways, including the following.
Answer their questions
If you have been asked a question, reflective listening may not work. Instead of attempting to ignore the question to turn the conversation back around, answer the question honestly. If it’s a sensitive question, be careful about how you phrase your response. However, don’t lie.
People with depression are still people. Although you can take steps to attempt to avoid hurting their feelings, it may be unavoidable in all scenarios. It’s not your job to second guess and censor information for someone due to what you believe they need. Allow them to set boundaries for themselves.
If you’re lying to them, they may find out. Often, the goal of listening is to support the individual. They might not feel supported if they find out you aren’t telling them the truth. Instead, talk through the situation. Working through difficult situations with someone else can be helpful—even if it is difficult.
Offer advice when asked
You might be tempted to give advice you weren’t asked for if you have lived experiences or think a particular coping skill would work for them. However, don’t give advice when none is asked for. If the person did ask for advice, consider similar rules to those you might consider when speaking about personal experiences.
If you know someone is going through challenges, don’t rant about your own struggles. Instead, think of ways you might inspire them or lift them up. You can also offer insight into local resources if you know about them. If a friend confides in you about suicidality, offer them the information for the 988 Lifeline below. There are individuals trained in suicide warning signs as well as suicide prevention, and they are typically available immediately.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. Support is available 24/7.
Recommend that they talk to an expert
If your friend or loved one with depression regularly relies on you for support with their condition, you may be in a sensitive position. Frequent active listening can be emotionally challenging. In addition, although you might attempt to be a positive friend, you’re likely not an expert in mental health conditions. Suggesting your friend or loved one meet with an emotional and mental health expert can help them get professional guidance.
If your friend or loved one with depression regularly relies on you and people like you for support with their condition because they can’t afford mental health experts, they may also benefit from online therapy platforms like BetterHelp. Research has shown that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy in treating depression, with some studies showing that clients found online interventions more effective.
Online therapy services can offer affordability and convenience to clients. Some platforms offer a matching system to ensure clients meet with a professional who meets their treatment goals and has experience treating their condition. In addition, clients can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions, giving them control over how they converse with their therapist, which may be better than speaking to a friend for help.
Takeaway
What is the best way to communicate with someone who is depressed?
Communicating with someone who is depressed can be challenging, but it's important to offer support and understanding. Below are tips for effective communication with a depressed person:
- Be a good listener: Allow them to express their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or offering immediate solutions. Sometimes, people with depression just need someone to listen.
- Show empathy and understanding: Express empathy by acknowledging their emotions and letting them know that you understand they are going through a difficult time. Avoid minimizing their feelings or offering overly positive platitudes.
- Offer encouragement: Provide words of encouragement and support, letting them know that you believe in their ability to overcome their difficulties.
- Ask open-ended questions: Encourage them to discuss their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. For example, you might say, "How are you feeling today?" or "What has been on your mind recently?"
- Respect their pace: Be patient and respect any requests for space or time alone. Depression can be exhausting, and individuals may want breaks from social interactions.
- Avoid judgment: Refrain from making judgmental or critical comments. Remember that depression is a medical condition, and individuals do not choose to feel this way.
- Offer practical help: If appropriate, offer specific assistance, such as helping with tasks or accompanying them to appointments. Depressed individuals may find it difficult to manage daily responsibilities.
- Educate yourself: Learn more about depression to better understand the condition and its effects. Education may help you provide more informed support.
What advice can you give someone who is depressed?
If you or someone you know is experiencing depression, consider the following advice to offer them:
- Seek professional help: Consulting a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist, is often the top recommended way to cope with depression. They can provide a proper diagnosis and recommend appropriate treatments, which may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
- Engage in therapy: Participating in psychotherapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or interpersonal therapy, can be highly effective in addressing the underlying issues contributing to depression.
- Medication management: If a mental health professional prescribes medication, take it as directed. Be patient, as finding a helpful medication and dosage can take time.
- Build a support system: Lean on friends and family for support. Consider openly discussing your feelings with a close friend or family member and letting them know how they can help. Joining support groups or online communities can also provide a sense of connection.
- Self-care: Prioritize self-care by getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, and engaging in regular physical activity. These factors can significantly impact mood and well-being.
- Set realistic goals: Start with small, achievable goals and gradually work your way up. Avoid overwhelming yourself with unrealistic expectations.
- Limit stress: Identify and manage sources of stress in your life. Techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing exercises can be helpful.
- Routine and structure: Establish a daily routine to create a sense of stability. Having a structure can help some people combat a sense of aimlessness and may improve motivation.
The BetterHelp platform is not intended for any information regarding which drugs, medication, or medical treatment may be appropriate for you. The content provides generalized information that is not specific to one individual. You should not take any action without consulting a qualified medical professional.
What do you say to someone who is talking about depression?
When someone is talking about their depression, respond with empathy, understanding, and support. Below are a few ways you can be supportive:
- Listen actively: Let them know you're there to listen and genuinely pay attention to what they're saying. Avoid interrupting or offering solutions right away.
- Express empathy: Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand the pain and difficulty they're experiencing. You can say, "I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It must be really tough."
- Avoid judgment: Refrain from making judgmental or critical comments. Depression is a medical condition, and individuals do not choose to feel this way. Avoid statements like, "Snap out of it," or "Just be positive."
- Encourage openness: Let them know it's okay to talk about their feelings and that you're there to support them. Say, "You can talk to me about anything you're comfortable telling."
- Offer support: Ask how you can support them, whether it's by listening, providing company, or helping with practical tasks. You can say, "Is there anything I can do to support you right now?"
What is one way to help someone with depression?
One potentially effective way to help a friend or family member with depression or major depression is to encourage them to seek professional help and provide support throughout the process. Below are a few ways to provide this guidance:
- Recommend professional help: You may gently suggest that they speak to a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist, who specializes in treating depression. Let them know that seeking professional help can be a crucial step in managing depression effectively.
- Offer to assist: If they are open to it, offer to help them find a suitable mental health provider or therapist. You can assist in researching professionals, scheduling appointments, and providing transportation if necessary.
- Accompany them: If they feel anxious or apprehensive about their first appointment, offer to accompany them to their initial meeting with the mental health provider. Your presence can provide emotional support and reassurance.
- Be understanding: Recognize that starting therapy or taking medication can be a significant step, and they may have reservations or doubts. Be patient and understanding of their concerns.
- Respect their autonomy: While you can encourage and assist, ultimately, the decision to seek professional help must be their own. Respect their autonomy and choices in the process.
- Provide emotional support: Continue to be a source of emotional and social support throughout their treatment. Encourage them to discuss their thoughts and feelings about therapy, and offer a listening ear.
- Check in regularly: Keep in touch and check in on their progress. Knowing that you care and are interested in their well-being can be a great source of motivation.
While your support is essential, professional help is often the most effective way to manage depression or to diagnose major depressive disorder or other common mental health disorders. Encourage them to stick with their treatment plan, monitor their depression symptoms, attend therapy appointments, and take treatment prescribed by their mental health provider. A mental health professional will also be able to identify immediate risk factors and suicide warning signs which may aid in suicide prevention.
If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, reach out for help immediately. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached at 988 and is available 24/7. The lifeline also has Spanish-speaking volunteers trained in suicide prevention.
How do you talk to someone who is mentally struggling?
Talking to someone in your own life who is mentally struggling or who is experiencing an emotional crisis often involves compassion, empathy, and sensitivity. Below are some guidelines for approaching the conversation:
- Choose the right time and place: Find a quiet, comfortable space to have a conversation, free from distractions.
- Start with care and concern: Begin the conversation by expressing your care and concern. For example, you can say, "I've noticed that you've been going through a tough time, and I'm here to listen and support you."
- Listen actively: Encourage them to discuss their thoughts and feelings, and actively listen without interrupting. Show that you're fully engaged and that you value what they have to say.
- Avoid judgment: Refrain from making judgments or offering immediate solutions. Create a non-judgmental and safe space for them to open up.
- Use open-ended questions: Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves. Questions like "How have you been feeling?" or "What's been on your mind lately?" can be helpful.
- Validate their feelings: Let them know that their feelings are valid and that it's okay to experience difficult emotions. Say, "It's completely normal to feel this way sometimes."
- Offer reassurance: Provide reassurance by letting them know that you're there to support them. Say, "You don't have to go through this alone; I'm here for you."
How do you comfort a struggling person?
Comforting a person who is struggling involves providing emotional support and reassurance while being empathetic and understanding of their difficulties. Below are some ways to comfort someone who is going through a tough time:
- Be present: Offering your physical presence can be comforting. Sit with them, hold their hand, or offer a hug if they're comfortable with it.
- Listen actively: Encourage them to talk about their feelings and experiences. Be an active and non-judgmental listener, giving them your full attention.
- Validate their feelings: Let them know that their feelings are valid and that it's okay to feel the way they do. Say, "It's completely normal to feel this way given what you're going through.”
- Use empathetic language: Express empathy by saying, "I can imagine this is really tough for you," or "I'm here to support you through this."
- Avoid offering solutions: Some people may only want to be heard and understood. Avoid jumping to solutions or advice unless they ask for it.
- Ask what they need: Offer your support by asking, "What can I do to help you right now?" This question allows them to express their needs.
- Encourage self-care: Suggest self-care activities or practices that may help them feel better, such as taking a walk, practicing deep breathing, or engaging in a calming hobby.
What message can you send to someone who is depressed?
When sending a message to an individual experiencing depression, express that you are there for them and that they can reach out to you for support anytime. You may also suggest resources they can use to get help from a mental health professional, which may provide support.
What are two main ways to treat depression?
The two main ways to treat depression are psychotherapy and medication. Psychotherapy involves talking to a trained mental health professional, such as a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Medical intervention might include medications and medical treatments like transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS).
There are various types of psychotherapy that can be effective for depression, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), and dialectical-behavior therapy (DBT), among others. These therapies aim to help individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns, develop healthier coping skills, and improve their emotional well-being. Psychotherapy provides a safe space to explore and understand the underlying causes of depression while working toward effective solutions.
Medication can be another component of depression treatment. Antidepressant medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), are commonly prescribed to help control neurotransmitters in the brain that influence mood. Medication is prescribed by a medical doctor, such as a psychiatrist, and is often used in conjunction with psychotherapy. The choice of medication and dosage is tailored to an individual's specific needs and responses.
The most effective treatment for depression may vary from person to person. Some individuals may find relief through psychotherapy alone, while others may benefit from a combination of therapy and medication. Additionally, lifestyle changes, self-care practices, and a strong support system can complement these primary treatment approaches to promote recovery and well-being.
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