Navigating Mental Health in A Relationship: A Guide

How does depression affect personal relationships?

According to the American Psychiatric Association, depression is a common but serious mental health condition that can affect all aspects of an individual's daily life—including interpersonal relationships—in many ways. Sometimes, people with depression become socially isolated and withdraw from the company of others, making it difficult to maintain relationships. Depression often affects mood in ways that might create conflict, like irritability, negativity, or aggression. If you have depression, supporting a partner emotionally when they need it can be challenging. Though you may want to be there for them, you might find it challenging to maintain the energy necessary to stay present and emotionally engaged.

For some, physical connection is an essential component of a healthy relationship. If you’re dating someone with depression, you might feel rejected if they turn down romantic or sexual cues, decline dates, or sit out of activities. It might create issues when an individual copes with depression in unhealthy ways. For example, people with depression sometimes turn to illicit substances or risky behaviors as a form of “self-medication.” Depression can also create challenges in communication, leading to resentment and misunderstandings. 

With professional support, people experiencing depression that interferes with their relationships can learn to cope and, in some cases, use their bond to heal. Studies in clinical psychology reveal that some people with depression experience fewer symptoms when they're in a healthy, committed relationship—particularly in relationships where partners participate in novel and challenging activities together. 

Does depression make you end relationships?

In some (but not all) cases, depression can influence a person’s decision to end a relationship. Depression can result in symptoms and behaviors that can strain relationships and cause partners to distance themselves or seek separation. That said, depression doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship if partners work together, support each other, and communicate openly. If you or your partner has depression that interferes with your relationship, reach out for help. Organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offer general depression resources for education and to connect couples with local support groups and couple’s counselors.

Should depressed people get into relationships?

The decision to enter any committed relationship is best approached with thoughtfulness, and the same is true for someone with depression. That said, individuals with depression might have more complex factors to weigh, such as the severity of the depression, their readiness, and their potential partner's willingness to be supportive. 

Ultimately, the decision should focus on whether the individual feels capable of contributing to and benefiting from a healthy relationship while prioritizing their mental health. If you have depression and are considering embarking on a relationship, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• What is your level of self-awareness and care? How are you managing stress or your symptoms? If necessary, are you prepared to make lifestyle changes that better support your mental health? If you’re actively engaged in a depression treatment plan and are practicing self-care on your own, you might be in a better position to begin a relationship. 

• Who is your potential partner? An empathetic, understanding and nonjudgmental partner can provide a stabilizing influence, which might benefit mental health. 

• Are you prepared to work on it? Depression can affect communication, intimacy, and other aspects of a relationship. If one partner struggles to cope with the other's mental health challenges, it may lead to conflict or stress. If you and your partner are "on the same page" about the level of communication and effort the relationship might require, it might be a good time to begin. This includes being open to attending couples therapy if necessary. 

Can depression make you doubt your relationship?

Depression can have a significant impact on thoughts, emotions, and behaviors—which can foster doubts in even the strongest of relationships. Here are some of the ways that depression can influence doubt in relationships:

• Thought distortions

Depression can have a significant influence on a person’s thoughts and beliefs. Thought distortions like negative self-perception, catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, and selective thinking are common symptoms of depression and can create friction or make small challenges seem much more significant. For example, depression can make people feel as if they are unlovable, unworthy, or inadequate, leading to doubts about why their partner would want to be with them. Catastrophizing can make minor relationship issues seem insurmountable, fueling doubt about compatibility and your future together. Such thoughts can cloud a person’s judgment, especially when they don’t recognize where they’re coming from.

• Emotional “numbing”

Depression may dull positive emotions, leading to a sense of disconnection. Activities or time spent together might feel less enjoyable, making the relationship seem less fulfilling. Emotional numbing can also significantly impact physical intimacy, potentially causing feelings of rejection and doubt over whether you're still attracted.

• Low energy and motivation

Depression can drain an individual's energy, potentially leaving them exhausted and numb. This energy shortage can make maintaining a relationship feel overwhelming, leading to doubts about its viability. It can also impact a person’s ability to communicate effectively or participate in shared activities, which could make you feel distant or misunderstood.

• Increased sensitivity and guilt

Depression can heighten sensitivity to perceived slights or misunderstandings, which, without healthy communication, may cause unnecessary conflict or doubt. You might worry that your partner is unhappy and might leave you, amplifying insecurity and mistrust. You might feel guilty about how your depression impacts your partner, leading to doubts about whether staying in the relationship is fair to them. Intense fear or guilt can lead to self-sabotage in relationships, which, eventually, might cause you to push your partner away. 

How do I stop depression from ruining my relationship?

Depression’s influence on perception and emotions may be strong, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Recognizing when it’s negatively impacting your relationship is the first step toward managing doubts and protecting it. Seeking support from a mental health professional can help you learn how to spot depression and its influence. Individual therapy can help you identify the negative thoughts caused by depression and how they influence your behaviors in your relationships. With time, you can learn to challenge those negative thoughts and reframe them into healthier thoughts, which results in healthier coping strategies and stronger relationships.  

Is mental health a reason to break up?

Mental health challenges can strain a relationship, but they may ebb and flow, and having a “rough patch” doesn’t necessarily have to lead to a breakup. However, over time, severe and untreated mental health conditions like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, major depression, anxiety disorders, and others can erode intimacy and emotional connection, leading to feelings of incompatibility.

Whether mental health becomes a reason to end a relationship depends on several factors, including the nature of the relationship, the severity of the challenges, and how both partners approach them. For example, if one partner refuses to try to manage or denies they have mental health issues, it can lead to resentment and burnout from the other partner. If one partner’s needs or coping mechanisms conflict with the other’s ability to support, the relationship may become unsustainable. 

In cases where mental health issues lead to abusive behaviors, manipulation, or disregard for boundaries, breaking up may be necessary for everyone’s safety and well-being, particularly if partners are unwilling to seek professional help. If supporting a partner with mental health issues harms your emotional or mental health, it may be a sign the relationship is no longer healthy either. 

There are reasons why it might be better to stay and work through it, too. If both partners are willing to go to a couple’s therapist, mental health challenges and their impacts on the relationship can often be managed. The same is true if both partners approach relationship challenges with empathy and mutual respect. If the relationship is otherwise healthy and fulfilling, addressing mental health or treatment options together can deepen trust and resilience.

Why do people stay in unhappy relationships for so long?

People may stay in unhappy relationships for various psychological, emotional, practical, and societal reasons—but for many, attachment style plays the most significant role. For example, an individual with an anxious or insecure attachment style may have a more challenging time breaking up because they fear abandonment or loneliness, leading to clinging to their partner even when the relationship is problematic. 

An abusive person can make their partner feel they're unworthy of love or happiness, and they can do or don't deserve better. Even in unhealthy relationships, strong emotional bonds can make it difficult to let go. Additionally, an individual might hold on to the belief that their partner or the relationship will improve over time. The discomfort of acknowledging abuse in a relationship might lead to rationalizations (“It’s not that bad” or “All relationships have problems”).

Sometimes, people stay in relationships for practical reasons, too. Financial constraints can make leaving seem impossible, especially in cases where one partner controls resources. When a couple shares a life and responsibilities, they might stay together because it's less complicated or because they've already invested so much time, energy, or resources into the relationship. Sometimes, parents stay together for the sake of their children, even if it means enduring personal unhappiness. Rebuilding a life, especially after a long relationship, can seem overwhelming or impossible.

How do you know when to leave a relationship?

Deciding when to leave a relationship is deeply personal—only you will know when it's time. It's also typically conditional, depending on your unique circumstances. There are times when leaving a relationship is vital for an individual's safety, such as in cases of physical or sexual abuse. Abuse isn't always blatant, however. Emotional abuse can be subtle but can affect your overall well-being and create mental health issues that make it hard to function in other areas of life. 

For example, if a partner consistently undermines your independence, self-esteem, or decision-making, it can be a form of emotional abuse. Abuse can take the form of chronic dishonesty, infidelity, or lack of transparency, which erodes the foundation of trust. An abusive partner might devalue or disrespect you, keep you financially dependent, or isolate you from family or friends as a means of control. In such cases, intervention may be necessary in the form of separation or professional guidance. 

There are signs when it may be time to move on in non-abusive relationships. Persistent unhappiness, unmet needs, or harmful patterns might outweigh the relationship's benefits. For example, if the relationship consistently leaves you feeling emotionally exhausted, positive moments are rare, and you dread interactions or avoid your partner. Further, disagreements on key issues (e.g., finances, parenting, career aspirations) may create ongoing tension. Arguments might feel cyclical, with no resolution or meaningful change. If you and your partner are willing to address destructive behaviors and work on improving the relationship, you may be able to salvage what you’ve already built and move forward together. 

What is it like when your partner is depressed?

Depression can affect not just the person experiencing it but also their loved ones. Feelings of persistent sadness, disengagement, and pessimism about the future can create relationship conflict and invoke some of the same feelings in an empathetic partner. Depression can also manifest as frustration, anger, or irritability, which might feel directed at you. Emotional "numbness," in which the individual cannot express affection or intimacy, can be painful and make a partner feel rejected. 

Depression can cause lethargy and fatigue, making it difficult for the individual to fulfill responsibilities or participate in activities with others. They might isolate socially, withdraw from hobbies, or lose interest in shared activities you both used to enjoy. Further, individuals experiencing depression might not get enough sleep, have changes in appetite, or neglect personal care, which might impact your daily routine together. 

If your partner is experiencing depression, be there for them in an empathetic, nonjudgmental way. Depression can make it challenging to communicate, but ask what you can do to help. Often, a supportive partner can play a significant role in healing. Take care to stay mindful of your own mental health, too. Take good care of yourself, spend time with a support network of friends and loved ones, and speak with a therapist if you need extra guidance. 

Why am I suddenly doubting my relationship?

Suddenly doubting your relationship can leave you feeling confused and possibly a little alarmed, but it’s a common experience. Internal stressors associated with health, work, or family can spill over and take a toll on your mental health, which in turn creates doubt about the relationship. Fear of commitment and anxiety about the future can raise doubts, and uncertainty might arise if your relationship goals about things like lifestyle, marriage, and children don’t align. 

If you're wondering whether you might be better off without your partner, take time for some self-reflection. Depending on the situation, you may want to take a break to do this on your own or make it a point to have a focused, meaningful conversation about how you feel. If you're not ready to walk away yet, consider speaking to a professional with experience helping couples through such issues.