Why Do I Feel So Alone And How Do I Fix It?
Loneliness doesn't always mean being alone. Feelings of loneliness can persist even for busy, productive, and sociable people. They can result from actual or perceived isolation and can be deeply painful. One study of the American public found that 76 percent of people surveyed were lonely.
Loneliness can lead to anti-social behavior, which can often be self-defeating and make these difficult feelings worsen. Fortunately, there are many ways to understand and learn how to cope with loneliness.
Why am I so alone and how did I get here?
There are many reasons why you may think "I feel so alone." Although any two individuals may have similar circumstances, one may still feel a sense of loneliness while the other may feel perfectly content. Perhaps one of these scenarios resonates with you:
- You feel alone because you've lived your life vicariously through the people you love. You've let them define who you are and what you need to do to live a happy, productive life.
- You haven't pursued your dreams. Perhaps you've spent more time dreaming about what things will be like when you reach your goals and not enough time working toward them.
- You’re feeling lonely because you are navigating mental or physical health conditions that make it hard for you to spend time with others.
- You feel lonely because you may have gone through a recent breakup or a loss, and you're reeling from the normal emotions that follow. Or perhaps you haven't yet recovered from a past loss.
How to start overcoming loneliness
If you're struggling with these feelings, here are a few pointers to assist you:
- Feeling Lonely Is Natural. In some cases, loneliness is to be expected. For example, it's normal to feel lonely after a breakup because you're experiencing a change. Trying to mask your emotions by getting prematurely involved in a new relationship or returning to your ex may only prolong your lonely feelings.
Acknowledging these feelings instead of fighting them because you think the feelings are negative can help you move forward more effectively. You may also be better prepared to support your mental health because you’ll feel more in tune with how you truly feel. - Process And Accept Your Emotions. Since you are human, it is normal for you to feel many emotions. Somehow, many of us think we should be happy or strong all the time. This perspective is unrealistic, and unpleasant emotions do serve their own purposes. Emotions are a natural, healthy part of being human. Accepting and honoring your authentic emotions is an important component of mental wellness.
- Learn To Be Alone. The idea of being alone may sound intimidating. However, being okay with being alone is an important element of happiness. Learning to be okay by yourself allows you to develop a foundation of purpose and contentment that isn't dependent upon being in a relationship with another person. This process can feel foreign and difficult, but can also be empowering as you transition from feeling lonely to being content in your own presence.
- Explore New Interests And Engage In Hobbies. Revisit past hobbies and leisure activities that you may have forgotten or consider engaging in new interests. This can help create healthy distractions from negative thoughts and may lead you to your purpose. You may even pursue activities that help you support your physical health as well.
- Keep A Journal. Using a journal allows you to express your thoughts, feelings, and plans in writing. Often, people say that they feel a sense of relief and fulfillment after journaling. Noting your thoughts and feelings in a journal allows you to review the entries later. This may give you deeper insight into yourself and your patterns, so you can learn how to adopt healthier thoughts and habits.
- Build A Strong Support System: Having people around you who you can depend on for emotional support is vital to your well-being. Not only do loved ones help encourage you during difficult times, but they’re there to cheer you on through your victories as well. Having close, strong bonds with other people is one of the most effective ways to stave off feelings of loneliness.
If your social network seems lacking, consider how you can make meaningful connections with others. You may be able to meet new friends by joining a local hiking club or taking a baking class; you’re likely to find you’ve connected with new people you like to spend time with as you both pursue your interests.
Continuing to get out of a rut
No matter how you may be feeling in this moment, loneliness does not have to be something you live with for the rest of your life. There are many ways to move beyond chronic loneliness and find happiness. Here are some ideas to consider:
- Moving forward may mean stepping out of your comfort zone. It's a little unsettling at first, but you can find the value in it over time.
- Lacking a sense of purpose can lead to loneliness. Do you need additional education or training to pursue a truly satisfying career? If you need to complete training while working full-time, there are options for online classes in nearly every field. Visit a local college or technical school to explore the possibilities.
- Do you need to develop talent? Carve out time in your schedule to practice your craft or seek additional training with an industry mentor.
- Do you need to find a healthier work-life balance? Set up a session with a life coach to give you some guidance and support.
These are just a few ways to build a richer life so that you can start to move past feelings of loneliness. You may want to consider extra support along the way from individuals who can offer professional guidance and a new perspective.
Online therapy with BetterHelp
Working with a qualified therapist can be a powerful way for you to navigate the tricky terrain of loneliness. Moving past these difficult feelings often requires some internal work. The qualified mental health professionals at BetterHelp can support you as you reclaim your sense of purpose.
Technology has made us more connected than ever but has also left many of us feeling lonelier than at any other time period. However, it still comes with its advantages. Online therapy allows you to easily connect with a therapist from your smartphone, tablet, or computer and communicate in a variety of ways, including by phone, video, and chat sessions, as well as messaging. When the pangs of loneliness hit throughout the day, you can message your therapist or set up a session with them to find relief.
The efficacy of online therapy
More and more people are turning online in search of a convenient way to speak with a trusted mental health professional without having to leave the comforts of home. Recent studies show that electronically delivered cognitive behavioral therapy reduced depression and anxiety symptom severity more effectively than face-to-face therapy. The analysis considered 17 randomized controlled study trials, “evaluating the clinical effectiveness of CBT compared to face-to-face and considered a wide range of outcomes including the severity of symptoms, adverse outcomes, clinically relevant outcomes, global functionality, participant satisfaction, quality of life, and affordability.”
Takeaway
Why am I feeling so alone?
There could be several reasons you’re experiencing loneliness. Many people struggle to form connections as easily as their peers, causing them to feel isolated. Others may alone because—despite having many friends—they aren’t establishing meaningful connections. We sometimes create bonds that are only surface level, which can prevent us from truly getting to know others.
You may also experience loneliness due to external influences, such as participating in remote learning instead of in-person classes. Taking an online course can be convenient, but it may prevent you from meeting classmates and enriching your social life. Additionally, the increased use of social media may prevent us from connecting with others in real life. There is a well-established link between social media use and loneliness.
What can I do when I feel so alone?
When you’re feeling alone, it can help to put yourself out there and make new connections. One effective way of meeting new people is by pursuing your passions, whether they’re related to sports, reading, volunteering, crafting, or other interests. Try to find a group near you that is centered around that activity. Often, such groups host meetups through which you can make new social connections and spend time with people who have similar interests.
If you have once-close friends or family members you’ve lost touch with, consider reaching out and rekindling your relationship with them. You can also try to create strengthen relationships with acquaintances, such as coworkers or mutual friends. To get to know these individuals better, try to ask questions about their life and provide insights into your own life. This can help you establish a deeper emotional connection and find common ground.
Why am I still so sad?
Persistent sadness can be the result of several different mental health or life challenges. You may be living with chronic stress, a depressive disorder, or an anxiety disorder. You may also be experiencing a difficult transition period that is causing you to feel consistently sad. For example, the loss of a loved one can lead to complicated grief, a mental health condition in which bereavement can create persistent and intense feelings of sadness. If you’d like to find the source of persistent sadness, consider working with a therapist, who can also help you find solutions for addressing any underlying concerns.
Why do I feel lonely but I have friends?
If you have several friends but are still experiencing loneliness, your social bonds may not be as strong as they could be. You may have numerous casual friends and acquaintances but struggle to form deep connections. According to Adrienne Wood, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, “Having tight-knit, stable set of friends leads to better well-being”.
Additionally, a mental health concern like social anxiety or depression can cause you to feel lonely despite the presence of friends. For example, if you feel awkward in social settings due to social anxiety, you may still experience loneliness, even though you’re around a lot of people.
How do I stop feeling lonely and single?
If you’re single and feeling alone, there are several steps you can take to feel more connected to others. Consider volunteering during community activities in your area, such as park cleanups or toy drives. This can provide you with the opportunity to meet locals while improving your neighborhood. It can also help to reach out to your loved ones consistently. We don’t always remember to foster our social connections, which can make us feel disconnected. Simply sending a text message to friends and family members may help you feel closer to others.
What does loneliness feel like?
Loneliness can make you feel as though you don’t belong, even when you’re around other people. You may feel like you don’t share common interests with other people, or like you aren’t being understood. Loneliness can feel like sadness and emptiness. It can cause you to feel disconnected from society and isolated from your loved ones. Loneliness has even been shown to affect our physical health, increasing our chances of experiencing heart disease or a stroke.
Why do I always cry now?
If you find that you cry frequently, there could be several explanations. Often, we cry when we feel sad. You may be experiencing loneliness, grief, stress, or other challenges that are causing you to feel this way. Crying can also be caused by a major change in your life. If you’ve lost your job, moved, or separated with a significant other, you may find that you cry more often than before.
Why did I cry suddenly?
Crying typically occurs due to a specific trigger, even when tears arise suddenly. For example, a specific stressor during the day may cause you to feel overwhelmed and, subsequently, to cry. In some cases, though, crying may not have a specific source. Depression can cause you to feel sad for seemingly no reason, potentially leading to increased weepiness. Also, sudden outbursts of crying are a symptom of a neurological condition known as pseudobulbar affect. If you live with pseudobulbar affect, you may start to cry (or laugh) uncontrollably.
Why do I cry so easily?
If you cry easily, you may simply experience your emotions more powerfully than others. Crying is a healthy way to express your feelings and self-soothe when you’re experiencing emotional distress. So, crying easily may be a sign that you’re expressing yourself in a healthy way. However, if you cry more often than you would like, this may be a sign that you’re living with a mental health challenge. Conditions like depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder can cause you to become teary frequently. If you believe you’re living with a mental health concern, a healthcare professional can provide you with screenings and determine whether further testing, a diagnosis, and treatment are necessary.
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