Addressing Political Disagreements In Relationships & How To Foster Healthy Dialogue

Because politics and political leaders affect laws that impact individuals and communities, people often get emotionally involved in what happens with elections and legislation. Many people are also close to someone who has a different political belief system than them or disagrees with them on certain policies. 

When two people who are emotionally invested in different ideas get together, conflict can occur, even if there is no conflict outside of the political disagreement. Below, explore how to navigate political disagreements in relationships of any type and tips for fostering mature, healthy dialogue about your needs and beliefs. 

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Politics and mental health

On any given day, you might hear about the 2024 election of Donald Trump, the Middle East, gun rights and laws, LGBTQ+ rights, and other hot-button topics. People talk about politics often, whether referring to social issues, finances, new laws, policymakers, or beliefs about human rights. Due to their ubiquity and impact, many people may find separating themselves from politics to be difficult or impossible, especially when laws directly threaten or harm them. 

How social media and political polarization affect public opinion

Many experts believe that social media plays a role in increasing political polarization, pitting people against each other to drive engagement, views, and sales. Algorithms often favor posts that get the most interactions on social media platforms, like those that get many long, detailed comments with lots of replies, shares, and likes. Political posts that include false information or exaggerate existing information can cause emotions to soar, causing people to post or comment without thinking about whether the information they’re viewing is accurate. 

When more people share false information or react to these posts with emotion, they can seem more real. Viral trends can also cause many people to spread information quickly or believe in something based on false and harmful information. This rapid spread of political misinformation leads to increased polarization, making multiple sides seem like only two opposite sides in extreme conflict. In reality, people often have many different beliefs that might not perfectly align with every belief of a political candidate or party.     

How social media and political polarization can impact relationships outside of public opinion  

Social media polarization of political views can also lead to conflict in relationships on a direct, personal level. For example, the larger the divide is between two political parties, the more intense the emotional strain may be in personal relationships. 

For example, if some people in one’s party say publicly that anyone who disagrees with them is unintelligent, a person hearing or viewing those messages may start to see others in their life this way, too. They may start to ignore all the beliefs they have in common with someone and begin only to see the “bad,” leading them to make assumptions about one person based on assumptions about a larger group that may not even be based on reality to begin with. 

Because humans are social creatures, social proof is often taken as “fact,” even when it doesn’t match the true facts. Even when presented with these, a person may refuse to change their mind, not wanting to be on the other side of the polarization that has occurred in case they are socially ostracized from their chosen “in-crowd.” This effect is called informational social influence. This psychological phenomenon is powerful and driven by a fear of losing one’s basic human need for community and belonging. 

How to talk about politics in relationships 

Consider the following tips when approaching a conversation with someone you love who has a different political opinion than you. These may help you avoid heated discussions, fights, or arguments.

Fact check, research, and prepare before you converse about politics or information you see online 

Because so much information shared online is false, fact-checking sources about key topics can be helpful before debating them with someone. You might also fact-check sources that your loved one may bring up from their side. 

To fact-check a post, article, or claim, you can use a resource like Media Bias/Fact Check. If you’re looking to share supporting information alongside what you say in a conversation with someone, you might bring studies that back up your points about your own side. Reputable studies are those shared on academic journals and websites and which are peer-reviewed and ethics-reviewed. 

Before you talk to this person about your differences in opinions, prepare for any reaction from them. If they are generally a highly reactive person, you might not be able to get through to them or solve problems of opinion together, even if you backed up your claims with research. 

Refrain from harmful conversational strategies or manipulation 

When you feel emotionally impacted by a conversation with someone with different political opinions, you might be tempted to use specific communication strategies to sway the conversation in your favor or regain control. However, it’s generally best to avoid resorting to name-calling, yelling at, threatening, or shaming the person. 

Instead, if you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed, try taking a step back from the conversation to give yourself time to reflect and decide how you want to proceed. If you can’t converse with this individual without becoming overwhelmed, you might choose not to speak to them about those topics in the future, converse digitally so you both have time to craft more thoughtful responses, or step back from the relationship altogether if it’s harmful. If they use these tactics against you, you have a right to let them know that you will take space until they’re ready to converse respectfully.  

Converse in a neutral setting

Conversing about politics in the other person’s home or at a family dinner over the holidays might not be the best time to do so. Instead, you might consider meeting up in public over coffee, going on a walk where you can leave quickly if needed, or having a calm conversation over the phone. Don’t have political conversations while using substances, upset about something else, or in a conflict with that person. In many cases, the time and place can be as important as the conversation topic. 

Set boundaries for your mental health 

Set boundaries about what you’re comfortable discussing, how you’re comfortable discussing it, and what you won’t tolerate. If you don’t want to talk about politics with this person, let them know. If they keep bringing them up, you can set further boundaries by spending less time with them.

Ask yourself whether you want to continue the relationship 

In some cases, a political divide is so intense that the relationship becomes unhealthy. If someone else is allowing their beliefs on political issues to come between you or is not respecting your marginalized identity because of their beliefs, you have a right to step back from the relationship. 

If they are your partner or your family member, you may want to prepare for a more extended conversation about a break from your connection. You might also consider family or couples therapy to talk about the conflict in a safe and neutral environment where the therapist can facilitate a positive discussion. 

How to do political research 

Political research can be difficult, as skewing words is easy—especially on social media and with the invention of artificial intelligence (AI), which can allow people to create false images in a way that looks real. Plus, AI is no longer just images. AI can now recreate voice and video, realistically impersonating politicians and celebrities. That’s why it can help to be wary of any media you see, even if it seems to be posted by a trusted or cable news source. In addition, news networks can bend the truth or present things in an especially inflammatory way to get more viewers, so evaluating your sources can be key.

You might look for information on government websites, from direct organizations, and by calling or emailing political candidates. You can also check studies published in academic journals or through reputable research organizations like the Pew Research Center. Google Scholar can be a helpful search engine for finding academic sources. Fact-checking websites may also be beneficial, but you might take care to look at multiple fact-checking sites to ensure they all have the same response. 

Key components of healthy communication 

Healthy communication generally involves a few key components. Striving to display and encourage these in political discussions with loved ones may help things go more smoothly. Some examples include:

• Active listening. When the other person is speaking, try to listen to understand rather than listening just to respond. You might try to find a point where you have common ground and ask questions to clarify what you don’t understand. 
• Positive nonverbal communication. It can help to be non-threatening and non-aggressive with your body language. Make eye contact when possible, nod your head, and keep a relaxed posture. 
• Empathy and respect. Give the individual you’re conversing with empathy and respect. See them as a human being above all else, regardless of who they are to you. Remind yourself that all humans deserve belonging, connection, and love. 
• Clarity. Be prepared for the other person to bring up politics. Have research and facts behind your opinions and know how to defend them if someone brings up a contradicting point. Otherwise, they may confuse your lack of clarity with being wrong. If you don’t want to talk about politics, be clear about it and don’t be afraid to gently but firmly enforce your boundaries.

What to do when someone you love has a political belief that threatens your identity or safety 

Some people, especially those in marginalized communities, face situations where they have a loved one who has a political belief that’s harmful to people of their identity. The loved one may have even voted for someone with a belief or policy that harms you and others in your community. In these cases, you might feel unsafe, scared, or unloved. Talking about these topics can be difficult, especially since you have firsthand experience with what it’s like to live in that group. You might be especially upset if your family member is also part of this marginalized group and still voted for or otherwise supports policies that may harm you or themselves. 

Although you can’t control who someone else votes for or what they believe, you can protect yourself. Decide whether you want to set boundaries, end the relationship, or attempt to discuss why this topic matters to you. If you hope to maintain the relationship, consider having this conversation with a therapist or another mediator present—especially if your discussions typically get heated. 

You can continue sharing resources, research, and opinions with this person to attempt to change their mind, but it’s ultimately their decision. If they refuse to understand you, consider talking to an individual therapist about where to go from here, as relationships can be complex. Some people choose to end the relationship temporarily, block the person on social media but see them in person, or never speak to them again. Prioritizing your mental and physical safety is typically key and may help guide your decisions. 

Work through relational strain in therapy

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Support options for mental health and relationship challenges

Politics are a loaded discussion topic, and they’re often profoundly tied to people’s identities and core human urges to belong to a group. When you face differing or troubling opinions from someone in your life, you might find therapy to be a helpful way to find common ground and reduce conflict. Family, individual, or couples counseling may be helpful in working through these differences. 

It can also be helpful to know that you don’t have to leave home to get help. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and Regain for couples can be helpful alternatives to face-to-face therapy. They allow clients to attend sessions with a licensed provider from home or anywhere they have internet via phone, video, or live chat sessions. 

Online therapy through a couples therapy platform, for example, can allow you and your partner to meet with your therapist from two locations, meaning your partner can be in another room from you. This distance may help you talk about politics in a calmer way. In addition, studies suggest that online therapy is often more effective for couples than in-person therapy because they often appreciate the distance from the therapist, allowing for an increased sense of safety that may make it easier to discuss more challenging topics.