Dealing With Grief: Coping With Family Member’s Suicide
When a family member or loved one dies by suicide, it can be natural for those who love them to go through a grieving process. Grief is a response to loss, and it can take some time to adjust to the absence of someone dear to you. Understanding that grief is a natural process that affects everyone differently may allow individuals to validate themselves as they process their grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve somebody, and it’s normal to become overwhelmed by emotions at this time.
After a loved one’s suicide, individuals may explore ways to deal with loss, move forward with life, and try different coping strategies for dealing with the loss of a family member. Especially in the case of suicide, which can be a particularly painful event and traumatic for survivors, it may be helpful for individuals to empower themselves to move forward with dignity.
How to cope with loss and dealing with grief
Particularly for suicide loss survivors, it may be challenging to come to terms with the nature of a loved one’s death. However, for some, feelings of grief fluctuate and may diminish over time. As well as grieving the loss of an important person in an individual’s life, they may also struggle with a range of painful emotions. These emotions can be a regular part of the grieving process, and understanding the root of these emotions may be the first step to recovery. Some of the emotions that you may encounter include the following:
Emotions you may encounter when dealing with grief, including anger
- Feeling guilty and wishing you could’ve prevented their suicide or been there for them during a difficult time.
- Anger at your loved one, perceiving that they abandoned you, or struggling to understand why they died by suicide.
- Questioning your relationship or believing that it wasn’t enough to prevent them from taking their own life.
- Experiencing suicidal thoughts in the aftermath of the person’s suicide.
- Replaying a loved one's death over in your head while imagining ways you could’ve handled the situation and prevented it from happening.
Understanding your emotions during grieving process
Suicide attempts are rarely preceded by relationship conflicts with partners and loved ones and most often are associated with being male, an advancement in age, a psychiatric disorder, or poor physical health. Understanding that grief is a natural process and that you’re not responsible for the death of a loved one may help you cope with and process the death.
Healing after suicide loss
There is no timeline for the healing process after a loved one’s suicide. Understanding some of the symptoms associated with the grieving process may help people identify emotions and approach them with compassion and acceptance. However, in some instances, people struggle to resolve the pain and loss after losing a loved one. This symptom is known as complicated grief.
Benefits of complicated grief therapy for navigating loss, anger, anxiety, and other reactions to grief
Researchers are beginning to explore the positive impact of complicated grief therapy in treating complicated grief. Through various steps, including acceptance of the loss, managing emotions, planning for the future, strengthening present relationships, learning to live with reminders, telling the story of death, and connecting with memories, individuals who are struggling to come to terms with loss, may live meaningful and fulfilling lives after loss.
Coping strategies during the grieving process
Grief can be challenging, and it may seem that you are drowning in emotions, numbness, or memories of your loved one. Being able to cope can mean doing your best to take it one day at a time. Consider the following strategies for moving forward and finding support.
Maintaining friendships and interactions during the grieving process
In some cases, people living with suicide grief may isolate themselves from those around them. However, coping with a family member’s suicide can be challenging to do alone, and relying on the support of others may offer a sense of love and connection.
The warmth, intimacy, and friendship of those around you may help you know you’re not alone during difficult times. If you do not have an abundance of friendships by choice or circumstance, moments with your local shop owner, work colleague, or neighbor may be uplifting. Support groups may also offer connections. These “weak-tie” relationships can also support overall social and emotional well-being.
Trying self-care, exercising, and journaling
Engaging in self-care activities may improve mood after a suicide loss, especially if one is experiencing severe symptoms of grief or mental illness. Research shows regular exercise can prevent mental health disorders and support overall well-being. Exercising might involve walking your dog around the park or taking a short exercise class from home. If you’re struggling to find the energy to exercise, journaling may also help you process grief, allowing you to express thoughts and emotions surrounding the loss and potentially increasing self-awareness.
Exploring creative outlets as a coping mechanism for grief, anxiety, and other complicated emotions
Expressing yourself through creative outlets like art, music, or poetry may be freeing when you or your family members are coping with the loss of a loved one. Creativity is positively correlated with well-being. Whether one practices art, music, or poetry, these activities offer an outlet for expression. Art therapy is a recognized form of therapy that utilizes artistic expression in the healing process of grief, allowing clients to focus on present-moment activities instead of grief. For children, art therapy may significantly improve overall well-being and help them process complicated grief.
Attending support groups
Speaking with other people who’ve dealt with the suicide of a family member may be supportive during a difficult time, as individuals can approach each other with compassion, empathy, and understanding. Support groups also enable individuals to share techniques that helped them during difficult times and be there for each other in times of need. Building a network of support may also lead to friendships.
Moving forward and finding meaning
Alongside strategies to cope with the loss of a loved one, individuals may cherish and honor the individual’s memory as they move forward with life. Below are a few different ways to cherish and remember someone you love to keep them as a source of sweetness and joy in your memory. In this way, grief can be a chance for you to develop compassion and empathy in everyday life.
Ways to cherish and remember someone you love
- Light a candle and buy them flowers on special occasions to celebrate their life and the memories you hold together.
- Join local charity walks and fun runs to raise money for suicide prevention programs and support the mental and emotional health of your community.
- If you have fond memories of a loved one who has passed away, share them with those around you. These memories may be a source of joy and connection in your life, helping you build bonds with current friends and family.
Mental health resources for suicide survivors
For suicide survivors, trusted friends, family, and mental health resources can be sources of support and compassion. Honest, open conversations with friends and family may help you move forward with your life. In addition, mental health professionals like therapists or counselors can provide effective methods of treatment, especially for those struggling with symptoms of grief.
Rearrange online appointments through BetterHelp
Some people may avoid grief therapy due to access barriers for in-person therapy and difficulty leaving home. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be beneficial. Online therapists allow you to schedule and rearrange appointments according to your needs. In addition, platforms often offer resources like support groups and worksheets, which may help you process grief alongside your weekly sessions with your therapist.
Internet-based cognitive-behavioral grief therapy (ICBGT)
The loss of a loved one by suicide is often an extremely distressing event. Internet-based cognitive-behavioral grief therapy (ICBGT) decreases depressive symptoms and common grief reactions for people bereaved by suicide. By utilizing the support of online therapy, a bereaved person may mitigate the impact of grief on their life, allowing them to maintain relationships and regular lifestyle practices that provide them with joy and fulfillment.
Takeaway
How do you deal with grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It can lead some to experience intense pain and confusing emotions, while others may feel numb and detached. Often, people experience a roller coaster of emotions, oscillating between feelings like sadness, guilt, confusion, relief, anger, and denial.
Here are some tips that can help people cope:
- Rely on a support system of compassionate friends and family
- Try grief counseling
- Join a support group
- Prioritize self-care
- Try to avoid making any major life changes
Grief can feel overwhelming and all-consuming, but symptoms usually improve as time passes. When significant symptoms persist for at least a year in adults, prolonged grief disorder may be diagnosed. This diagnosis usually requires professional help.
What are the 7 stages of grief?
The seven-stage model of grief developed from Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five-Stages of Grief included in her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” The seven-stage model was adapted to address critiques that the five-stage model oversimplifies some of the complexities of grief.
These are the seven stages of grief:
- Shock and denial: In this stage, grieving people have not processed the reality of the loss. They may be in disbelief or feel numb and detached from reality.
- Guilt: The emotional symptoms of grief become overwhelming or unbearable for the grieving person, sometimes causing guilt or inability to talk with loved ones about symptoms.
- Anger: Anger is a normal response to grief, sometimes leading people to assign blame. For example, when diagnosed with a terminal illness, someone may be angry with their doctor for not recognizing symptoms sooner.
- Bargaining: In this stage, someone may try to reason with a higher power. After a breakup, for example, someone may try to reason with their ex that they’ll be a better partner if they get back together.
- Depression: Many people experience symptoms of depression during the grief process. You may feel sad, have little interest in activities you usually enjoy, changes in sleep or appetite, or engage in black-or-white feelings. The person may worry about their own mortality or that they won’t ever be able to find love again.
- Reconstruction: This stage is about rebuilding and reconnecting with day-to-day life.
- Acceptance: In this stage, there is hope for the future. The person may still experience sadness over the loss, but their daily life has adjusted to a new normal.
There is no predictable or typical response to grief. People experience grief on an individual level, and symptoms can vary significantly. Someone may experience all of these stages, none of them, or stages in a different order.
What not to do while grieving?
Some things to avoid while grieving include:
- Making major life decisions
- Emotional suppression
- Self-isolating
- Self-medicating
- Ruminating on the past or what you could’ve done differently
- Isolating from loved ones
These strategies may help people feel better temporarily, but they’re maladaptive coping mechanisms, meaning they ultimately worsen or prolong feelings of grief.
Not everyone experiences a major loss in the same way, but it commonly makes people feel guilty, angry, depleted, or even feeling relieved. Adopting healthy ways to cope—such as confiding in a close friend, expressing feelings in a journal, or seeking grief counseling—can help to manage uncomfortable emotions and heal.
What is the most painful stage of grief?
There’s not a single stage of grief that is considered the most painful. However, some say that the early stages of grief provide protection and distance from painful emotions, whereas the sadness of the depressive stage can make negative emotions unavoidable. The experience of physical symptoms, such as the inability to get enough sleep or migraines, can occur at other times during the grief process but are often worse during depression.
Grief is a complex emotional response to loss, and symptoms may differ significantly based on types of grief, such as anticipatory grief in palliative care, complicated grief, or disenfranchised grief. Disenfranchised grief is often more common in situations like same-sex partner bereavement, infertility, loss of mobility or decline in health, loss due to a stigmatized death, or miscarriage. The invalidation of this type of grief can lead to greater shame, isolation, and stigmatization that can worsen symptoms.
What can grief do to your body?
Common symptoms of grief include many physical symptoms, such as:
- Rapid heart rate
- Excessive sweating
- Nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea
- Insomnia or sleeping too much
- Changes to eating habits
- Exhaustion
- Confusion or mental fog
- Headaches
Physical symptoms of grief tend to improve over time. However, people experiencing complex or prolonged grief disorders may experience symptoms that persist for longer. If you’re experiencing grief symptoms, consider getting professional assistance from a licensed therapist or grief counselor.
What makes grieving worse?
Here are some things that might make it more difficult to cope with loss:
- Coping skills that are maladaptive, such as substance use
- Making major changes during the grief period, like changing jobs or jumping into a new relationship
- Ignoring your feelings
- Spending time ruminating about what you “should” have done differently
- Placing a time limit on how long you can grieve
Instead, the listening ear of a friend or family member can help you explore your feelings safely. A therapist who specializes in grief counseling can help you further understand grief and offer yourself more compassion when grief is making you feel anxious.
How long does grief fatigue last?
There’s no “normal” amount of time that grief might last. It varies based on factors like:
- The type of loss: Certain losses, such as the sudden death of a close relationship due to an unexpected and abrupt trauma, illness, or injury may impact the duration of grief
- Nature of the relationship: The loss of a spouse, child, parent, sibling, or other close loved one often leads to more severe symptoms
- Factors after the loss: Managing finances, funeral homes, ceremonies, dividing assets, and other stressors after the loss can contribute to mental health challenges and lack of time to process the loss
- Multiple losses: If you’ve lost several people or things in a short time, it may exacerbate the severity and duration of grief
- Personal history: Individuals with a history of mental health challenges are at an increased risk of prolonged grief disorder
- Social isolation: Strong social support is one of the most important factors for healing
- Substance use: Many people self-medicate alcohol or other substances after a loss, but it increases the risk of substance use disorder and prolonged grief
Why is grief so painful?
Grief refers to a complex series of emotions that naturally occur in response to the loss of someone or something that is very important and valued by the individual. The negative emotions triggered by grief can cause physical pain in the brain, and feelings like anxiety, anger, depression, denial, and numbness.
If grief becomes severely distressing or prolonged, consider reaching out to local hospitals, organizations, or a national mental health helpline for support and resources.
What medication is used for grief?
Some medications your medical practitioner may prescribe include antidepressants, sleep-aid medications, beta-blockers, blood pressure medications, and anti-anxiety medications. Most commonly, antidepressants are prescribed in cases of complicated grief.
Other approaches, such as therapy, self-care, and social support, can help people heal from loss.
How does grief affect the brain?
Grief can impact cognitive functioning, such as concentration, decision-making skills, and memory. These impacts arise from the release of stress hormones and the “flight or fight” response in the brain.
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