Dealing With Grief: Coping With Family Member’s Suicide
When a family member or loved one dies by suicide, it can be natural for those who love them to go through a grieving process. Grief is a response to loss, and it can take some time to adjust to the absence of someone dear to you. Understanding that grief is a natural process that affects everyone differently may allow individuals to validate themselves as they process their grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve somebody, and it’s normal to become overwhelmed by emotions at this time.
After a loved one’s suicide, individuals may explore ways to deal with loss, move forward with life, and try different coping strategies for dealing with the loss of a family member. Especially in the case of suicide, which can be a particularly painful event and traumatic for survivors, it may be helpful for individuals to empower themselves to move forward with dignity.
How to cope with loss
Particularly for suicide loss survivors, it may be challenging to come to terms with the nature of a loved one’s death. However, for some, feelings of grief fluctuate and may diminish over time. As well as grieving the loss of an important person in an individual’s life, they may also struggle with a range of painful emotions. These emotions can be a regular part of the grieving process, and understanding the root of these emotions may be the first step to recovery. Some of the emotions that you may encounter include the following:
- Feeling guilty and wishing you could’ve prevented their suicide or been there for them during a difficult time.
- Anger at your loved one, perceiving that they abandoned you, or struggling to understand why they died by suicide.
- Questioning your relationship or believing that it wasn’t enough to prevent them from taking their own life.
- Experiencing suicidal thoughts in the aftermath of the person’s suicide.
- Replaying a loved one's death over in your head while imagining ways you could’ve handled the situation and prevented it from happening.
Understanding the grieving process
Suicide attempts are rarely preceded by relationship conflicts with partners and loved ones and most often are associated with being male, an advancement in age, a psychiatric disorder, or poor physical health. Understanding that grief is a natural process and that you’re not responsible for the death of a loved one may help you cope with and process the death.
There is no timeline for the healing process after a loved one’s suicide. Understanding some of the symptoms associated with the grieving process may help people identify emotions and approach them with compassion and acceptance. However, in some instances, people struggle to resolve the pain and loss after losing a loved one. This symptom is known as complicated grief.
Researchers are beginning to explore the positive impact of complicated grief therapy in treating complicated grief. Through various steps, including acceptance of the loss, managing emotions, planning for the future, strengthening present relationships, learning to live with reminders, telling the story of death, and connecting with memories, individuals who are struggling to come to terms with loss, may live meaningful and fulfilling lives after loss.
Coping strategies for dealing with grief
Grief can be challenging, and it may seem that you are drowning in emotions, numbness, or memories of your loved one. Being able to cope can mean doing your best to take it one day at a time. Consider the following strategies for moving forward and finding support.
Maintaining friendships and interactions
In some cases, people living with suicide grief may isolate themselves from those around them. However, coping with a family member’s suicide can be challenging to do alone, and relying on the support of others may offer a sense of love and connection.
The warmth, intimacy, and friendship of those around you may help you know you’re not alone during difficult times. If you do not have an abundance of friendships by choice or circumstance, moments with your local shop owner, work colleague, or neighbor may be uplifting. Support groups may also offer connections. These “weak-tie” relationships can also support overall social and emotional well-being.
Trying self-care, exercising, and journaling
Engaging in self-care activities may improve mood after a suicide loss, especially if one is experiencing severe symptoms of grief or mental illness. Research shows regular exercise can prevent mental health disorders and support overall well-being. Exercising might involve walking your dog around the park or taking a short exercise class from home. If you’re struggling to find the energy to exercise, journaling may also help you process grief, allowing you to express thoughts and emotions surrounding the loss and potentially increasing self-awareness.
Exploring creative outlets
Expressing yourself through creative outlets like art, music, or poetry may be freeing when you or your family members are coping with the loss of a loved one. Creativity is positively correlated with well-being. Whether one practices art, music, or poetry, these activities offer an outlet for expression. Art therapy is a recognized form of therapy that utilizes artistic expression in the healing process of grief, allowing clients to focus on present-moment activities instead of grief. For children, art therapy may significantly improve overall well-being and help them process complicated grief.
Attending support groups
Speaking with other people who’ve dealt with the suicide of a family member may be supportive during a difficult time, as individuals can approach each other with compassion, empathy, and understanding. Support groups also enable individuals to share techniques that helped them during difficult times and be there for each other in times of need. Building a network of support may also lead to friendships.
Moving forward and finding meaning
Alongside strategies to cope with the loss of a loved one, individuals may cherish and honor the individual’s memory as they move forward with life. Below are a few different ways to cherish and remember someone you love to keep them as a source of sweetness and joy in your memory. In this way, grief can be a chance for you to develop compassion and empathy in everyday life:
- Light a candle and buy them flowers on special occasions to celebrate their life and the memories you hold together.
- Join local charity walks and fun runs to raise money for suicide prevention programs and support the mental and emotional health of your community.
- If you have fond memories of a loved one who has passed away, share them with those around you. These memories may be a source of joy and connection in your life, helping you build bonds with current friends and family.
Mental health resources for suicide survivors
For suicide survivors, trusted friends, family, and mental health resources can be sources of support and compassion. Honest, open conversations with friends and family may help you move forward with your life. In addition, mental health professionals like therapists or counselors can provide effective methods of treatment, especially for those struggling with symptoms of grief.
Some people may avoid grief therapy due to access barriers for in-person therapy and difficulty leaving home. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be beneficial. Online therapists allow you to schedule and rearrange appointments according to your needs. In addition, platforms often offer resources like support groups and worksheets, which may help you process grief alongside your weekly sessions with your therapist.
The loss of a loved one by suicide is often an extremely distressing event. Internet-based cognitive-behavioral grief therapy (ICBGT) decreases depressive symptoms and common grief reactions for people bereaved by suicide. By utilizing the support of online therapy, a bereaved person may mitigate the impact of grief on their life, allowing them to maintain relationships and regular lifestyle practices that provide them with joy and fulfillment.
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