Exploring Family Dynamics With Your Siblings On National Siblings Day

Celebrated yearly on April 10th, National Siblings Day is an opportunity to honor the unique and complex relationship between siblings. Siblings can be positive role models, friends, and trusted confidants and are often some of the closest connections people have throughout their lives. For those with close relationships with their siblings, National Siblings Day is a time to celebrate these connections. Below, explore different sibling dynamics and ways to strengthen sibling bonds as adults. 

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The origins of National Siblings Day on April 10th and the Siblings Day Foundation

How sibling relationships can impact life 

For many people, siblings are their first friends and peers. Their presence can be woven throughout childhood memories, and the roles people play in childhood can follow them into adulthood. A protective older sibling may remain a protector in their other relationships. A younger sibling looking to stand out may develop certain talents that they may not otherwise have pursued. Whether through adaptive or maladaptive coping styles, reactions to sibling dynamics shape who individuals become throughout life. 

Different types of sibling dynamics

How siblings relate can depend on several factors. Some siblings may be best friends, while others might experience a sense of being rivals or in competition. Some older siblings may act as tormentors, while others take on almost a second-parent role. Depending on different circumstances and psychological research on sibling relationships, people can inhabit several recognized sibling roles. The most commonly recognized dynamics are birth order roles. 

Sibling birth order roles: Understanding siblings and psychology for National Siblings Day on April 10th by the Siblings Day Foundation 

Older siblings are often stereotyped as responsible, whereas younger children may be considered the “baby” of a family. Certain stereotypes are often connected to birth order, and studies have shown certain personality traits aligning with birth order. While not universal, older siblings often exhibit leadership qualities, a strong sense of responsibility, and perfectionist tendencies. Middle children are often considered more adaptable, have strong negotiation skills, and have a passion for fairness. Youngest children are often considered to have a free spirit, outgoing personalities, and keen problem-solving skills. 

Dysfunctional family roles

While birth order roles can pertain to siblings of any family, specific sibling roles are born of family dysfunction. The following stereotypes aren’t applied by chance but are roles put on children by family dynamics. 

The “Golden Child”

In a family, a “Golden Child” can do no wrong in the eyes of the parents and other family members. Being forced into this role can create low self-worth and perfectionist tendencies in adulthood, and these individuals may also struggle with obsessive attachment to others. In addition, these children may struggle to express their true emotions out of fear of disappointing their parents. 

The scapegoat

A scapegoat child is often considered the outlier and can become the focus of all family problems. They are often blamed for problems and may be more honest than other family members about what they see. The rest of the family may distance themselves from the scapegoat, make up lies, and triangulate. 

The hero

The hero's role is the antithesis of the scapegoat. The sibling in the hero role is the one who shows the world that the family is good. For example, if this child is a math star, the parents can use their successes to prove that the family is “functional,” even if other siblings aren’t as successful or are not getting as much attention. The hero can be susceptible to perfectionism and overwork as an adult. 

The parentified child

A parentified child is often responsible for the other siblings and the household tasks. Treated like another parent, they may be thrust into a caretaker role and can miss out on key developmental experiences. This type of child may struggle with setting boundaries in adulthood and be drawn to dysfunctional relationships. 

Factors that shape sibling roles

Sibling roles don’t occur in a vacuum. Several factors can shape these roles, and genetics and personality are only a piece of the puzzle. Often, external factors, including the following, play a strong role in creating these scripts. 

The influence of family culture

Family culture significantly impacts siblings. Parenting styles, family size, and expectations can affect people's development. In childhood, children tend to grow up as the person their parents see them as. Often, siblings fall into line with that vision and are shaped by parental influence. With this kind of reinforcement from the most important people in one’s life, breaking out of established sibling roles in adulthood can be difficult.  

Society and peers

In childhood, especially in adolescence, peer groups and greater societal norms may reinforce the roles in which people have been placed. Younger siblings might hear, “Oh, I had [older sibling] in my class! They were so smart and such a pleasure to teach!” from teachers. Conversely, a teacher might say, “I had [older sibling] in my class. I hope you don’t get into the same kind of trouble.” 

Children and teenage siblings who are close in age may also share or have overlapping friend groups. Within these groups, roles can be reinforced, leading to distinct personality traits. Cultural norms and expectations are also strong contributors to personality development in siblings. 

Sibling bonds across the lifespan

How individuals connect with siblings can change throughout life. In childhood, siblings may hardly avoid each other and spend most of their time together. How this time can play out in the long term can depend on personality and life situations. 

Sibling connections in childhood and adolescence

As children, sibling cooperation and sibling rivalry can strongly impact relationships. Rivalries can foster healthy competition and expand a child’s interests in their search for finding a skill their sibling doesn’t excel at and in which they can be the star performer. 

Cooperation can be key as it teaches children to work as a team, to share and compromise, and to support each other’s goals and dreams. A parent can support positive rivalry and cooperation by treating siblings equitably to reduce the impacts of jealousy and resentment. In doing so, they may strengthen their bonds into adulthood. 

Adult siblings 

Adult siblings can be sources of emotional support. Strong social connections are a key protective factor in mental health. Studies have shown that close sibling bonds promote mental health and can reduce the risk of anxiety and other mental disorders in childhood. Social scientists and other experts are currently exploring the impact of sibling bonds on adult mental health as well. 

Adult siblings can help each other understand and process childhood experiences. They understand their childhood in a way that their parents cannot, and they may be crucial in offering a shared perspective on childhood trauma. 

Strengthening sibling bonds 

Even siblings who grow up close can be separated by time, distance, and circumstance. However, sibling relationships are often the longest-lasting relationships in a person’s life. By maintaining the sibling bond, you can benefit from a connection with someone who knows you more intimately than most others in your life. 

For some, strengthening sibling bonds might mean picking up the phone. Calling a sibling once a week to talk about life can keep that connection open and lead to spending more time together when possible. In cases of family dysfunction, therapy may help rebuild damaged sibling relationships. 

Ways to celebrate National Siblings Day with your own siblings this April 10th 

The Siblings Day Foundation, an organization with non-profit status that helps promote widespread recognition of Siblings Day, offers several ways to celebrate Siblings Day with your siblings. Unlike Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, which are historically more celebrated with more formal cards, gifts, and recognition, you can participate in Sibling’s Day by:

• Posting favorite childhood videos on social media (use #NationalSiblingsDay for your post)
• Posting a tribute to your sibling on social media. The International Business Times published an article that offers a number of inspirational quotes you can use for National Siblings Day 
• Doing an errand or chore for your sibling
• Cooking a favorite meal together
• Going for a walk in the park together
• Sending an e-card
• Making a point to reach out on individual Sister’s Day or Brother’s Day 

If your sibling is deceased, the Siblings Day Foundation suggests consciously holding that sibling in your memory that day or lighting a candle of remembrance. 

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Therapy for healing unstable sibling bonds

Not everyone has grown up in a stable and healthy family environment. For some, a sibling may have been a lifeline in a struggling home life, while for others, the sibling bond may have been weakened by family dynamics or the roles they were forced into. If you and your sibling are struggling to communicate, therapy can be an effective way to process trauma, heal from the past, and rebuild fractured relationships. 

If you face barriers to finding therapy, you might consider online counseling through a platform like BetterHelp. Research has shown that online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy and can be far more accessible, especially when trying to schedule with someone else. With online platforms, you can meet with a provider from home and access tools like journaling prompts, support groups, and worksheets.