Learn How To Cope With Family Reunion Stress
Family reunions can be an exciting opportunity to spend quality time with your loved ones and reconnect with people you haven’t seen in years, but large family gatherings can also be a source of stress, tension, and misunderstandings. While you may be grateful for the opportunity to spend time with family, you may also experience anger, anxiety, regret, grief, or even resentment. Learning to manage the stress of family reunions through self-care, radical acceptance, and a focus on the things you have in common can help you maintain boundaries, improve communication, and avoid conflict. Working with a therapist can also be beneficial.
Factors that can influence stress at family reunions
Every family tends to be different, and there are many reasons why family gatherings might be stressful. For example, whether or not your family includes members from multiple generations, people may have different views of the world and varying opinions about values and politics. Some family members may have difficulty communicating, while others may ask prying questions. While one person may be happy to share personal information, others may not. If you’ve already had a negative experience at a family event, it may lead to increased stress associated with future events.
Underlying mental health conditions
Some mental health conditions can affect how you feel about family events, too. For example, if you have depression or social anxiety, being around a large group of people can be challenging, especially if you sense that you are being watched or judged. If you have neurodivergent traits, you may worry that some of your family members won’t understand you, or you may know from experience that someone at the gathering is likely to say something hurtful.
Some of these factors may be amplified if you’re attending a large family reunion. There may be people in attendance whom you haven’t seen in years, and you may be subjected to questions you aren’t comfortable answering or opinions you aren’t comfortable hearing.
How to cope with family reunion stress
If you’re stressed about spending time with family, it can help to engage in self-care in the days leading up to the reunion. Self-care can help you manage your mental health so you can attend the event with a clear mind and improved mood.
Self-care activities that reduce stress and anxiety
- Getting regular exercise
- Eating regular nutrient-dense meals
- Staying hydrated
- Prioritizing sleep
- Participating in relaxing activities, like listening to music, reading, or engaging in hobbies
Dealing with stress and anxiety
It’s important to understand that stress and anxiety are normal emotions to experience. By approaching these emotions with self-compassion and self-acceptance, feelings of stress and anxiety may feel less overwhelming before an important event.
Practice radical acceptance
Try heading into the event practicing radical acceptance. This generally refers to accepting circumstances that are out of your control. Try to recognize the reality of the experience, including the stress and discomfort it is likely to cause, and accept things as they are. You may wish that you could change how some of your family members act and what they believe, but accepting that you can’t control others may reduce the stress surrounding the event.
Focusing on the things that bring you together
Political discussions can be contentious, particularly if you are in the group’s political minority and are concerned about the topics that could arise. In this case, it might be helpful to have someone you trust help you shift the conversation to be less volatile.
Keep it friendly
The most important thing is that everyone is having a good time together. Sometimes, this may require you to steer conversations towards lighthearted, friendly topics. If attempts to casually steer the conversation to friendlier dialogue are unsuccessful, intentionally changing the topic may be an effective strategy. For example, you might say, “This subject is something we are not going to agree on; can we please move on to something else?” If the conversation becomes particularly heated, you might say, “This is a topic I feel passionately about, and I refuse to discuss this anymore.” You always have the option to walk away from any conversation that makes you uncomfortable.
Find common ground
Focusing on the things that bring you together can keep things positive. Look for things you have in common, even if that’s only old family traditions, an inside joke, or your favorite recipes. You can also try to shift the mood of the gathering by starting a dance party, organizing a talent show, or inviting everyone to play a game.
Families can also choose to set boundaries ahead of time. For example, the host may ask everyone to avoid specific topics, like religion, politics, or money, or you may choose to hang up a friendly sign as a reminder to avoid hot topics.
Setting clear boundaries before an event
Setting boundaries can be seen as an act of self-care that helps you set clear limits on how you expect to be treated. For family reunions, it can help to think about your boundaries ahead of time. Think about the behaviors you are unwilling to tolerate or conversations you’re not willing to have. Plan what you will say ahead of time to people who start these conversations so you’re confident and ready. Be direct and straightforward, but try to remain kind, as conversations like this can be tense for everyone involved.
Be clear with your boundaries
For example, if your long-term relationship recently ended and you aren’t ready to discuss it, when people ask about it, you can say, “Thank you for your concern, but that’s not something I’m willing to talk about right now.” Once you’ve communicated your boundary, stay firm. If they ask again, you may choose to change the subject or remind them again that you aren’t willing to discuss your relationship. If they continue to push the topic, remember that you can walk away and end the conversation.
Stepping away from difficult situations
If someone in the family crosses boundaries and creates tension, you might step away from the party and try some emotional regulation strategies to help you calm down, reset, and return to the gathering.
Try excusing yourself from the group and walking outside to practice box breathing. Inhale for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold for four counts, and repeat. You can also try excusing yourself to the restroom and splashing cold water on your face, sitting in your car for a few minutes, and engaging in progressive muscle relaxation meditation.
Leave if you are uncomfortable
If you’ve tried the above tips and still feel anxious, uncomfortable, angry, or disrespected, it is okay to leave.
You can speak with the host or the person who planned the family reunion, thank them, and be honest about why you’re leaving, or you can use an excuse if you’re uncomfortable giving specifics. If you sense that you must get away quickly, you can quietly slip away without telling anyone. Remember that you do not have to stay in a situation where you are unsafe or uncomfortable.
Mental health support after a family conflict
If you experience judgment, anger, stress, or anxiety when spending time with your family, it may affect your life in more ways than you realize. Working with a therapist can help you overcome these challenges and learn how to manage the difficult emotions that may be associated with family events in the future.
How to cope with family reunion stress from home
If you want to work with a mental health professional but prefer not to attend appointments in person, consider online treatment. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can work with a qualified therapist from the comfort of your home at a time that works for your schedule. Plus, there are more than 30,000 providers on the platform, and you can change therapists at any time until you find the right fit.
In addition to being flexible and convenient, research has found that online treatment can also be effective. One review found that online cognitive behavioral therapy typically led to significant decreases in anxiety and depression symptoms and was also effective for treating symptoms of panic disorder, stress disorder, and specific phobias.
Takeaway
While some people may enjoy attending family functions, what works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for everyone. Family reunions can be stressful for many reasons, but there are some things you can do to maintain boundaries, improve communication, and avoid conflict. Try engaging in self-care, focusing on the things that bring your family together, and stepping away if needed. If you need help managing your reactions to family conflict or preparing for the next time your family gathers, talking to a mental health professional online or in person can help.
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