Understanding Sibling Relationships And Mental Health

Historically, family dynamics experts have primarily focused on how a person's parents impact their personality and mental health. In the 21st century, they've begun delving more into the impact of siblings. Siblings can significantly impact how family units develop and grow, and conflict between siblings can affect mental health. Understanding the impacts can be a step toward finding support and repairing bonds. 

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What are family dynamics?

Siblings are thought to impact a person's mental health in part because each sibling influences family dynamics.

In a healthy family system, all members are comfortable, safe, and able to communicate with each other. When a family system is unhealthy, some members may have a sense of being isolated, left out, afraid to communicate openly, resentful about unfairness, or uncertain about their role in the family.

How siblings impact family dynamics

Because 80% of people in the US grow up with siblings, which is more than those who grow up with a father, sibling relationships and mental health may be significantly related. Research on family dynamics has often focused on the importance of parents providing children with love, safety, and security, as well as life lessons that shape personality and character. However, siblings can have a similar impact. 

Birth order dynamics 

Children may not only learn or feel safe because of the reassurance their parents provide. Often, older siblings play roles that, to younger siblings, are similar to a parent’s role. An older sibling may help care for a younger sibling or offer consequences. In addition, younger siblings often view older siblings as role models. If an older sibling engages in risky behavior, like drinking alcohol or using substances as a teenager, they may influence a younger sibling. Bullying or aggressive conflict between siblings can also have lasting adverse effects on mental health.

Sibling fights 

Fights between siblings are one of the most common challenges faced by parents. Research has found that 40% of siblings kick, bite, or punch one another each year. Fights and disagreements between siblings can impact the siblings directly and may incite stress in parents, sometimes changing how parents treat one or both children. When parents take sides in sibling disagreements or treat one child differently than another, a child may notice and be negatively affected by what they consider unfair treatment. Favoritism toward one sibling over others is associated with decreased mental wellness and a lack of trust in families.  

Chronic illnesses 

Sibling rivalry may sometimes impact family dynamics beyond directly impacting another child. For example, studies have found that when a child has a chronic disease, their siblings face a higher risk of developing depression, anxiety, and worry about the sibling's future. 

Participants in the study also faced a higher risk of hyperactivity, troubling focusing, and issues with peer relationships. These mental health effects could stem from worry about the sibling, as well as multiple changes to family dynamics. Parents of a child with a chronic illness may find themselves exhausted and facing mental health concerns themselves as they struggle to cope and care for their sick child.

Childhood sibling relationships and well-being

Negative sibling relationships in childhood can negatively impact a person's mental health and overall well-being. A person with a negative relationship with their sibling may have the sense that they are being rejected or isolated. In addition, they may miss out on potential positive effects of a positive sibling relationship, such as companionship, support, and encouragement.

Building positive sibling relationships in the family

Negative sibling relationships may relate to parenting. Parents can try to intentionally foster a positive relationship among children from an early age. For example, parents can help their children navigate and resolve disagreements and fights. Parents can also orchestrate fun activities for their kids to engage in that promote bonding and a positive relationship between them. 

Educational programs to help families build sibling relationships may also be available. These programs allow sibling pairs to attend and spend time together constructively to learn relationship skills. For example, siblings may learn how to regulate their emotions during disagreements, problem-solve when issues arise, and view their sibling as a teammate instead of an adversary. Attending these programs may improve the siblings’ relationships and overall family relationships. 

Benefits of warm sibling relationships

The impact of sibling relationships may not always be negative. Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that close sibling relationships that “feel warm” have a protective effect. When a person experiences positive sibling relationship in young adulthood, they may show reduced levels of anxiety and depression in their 40s. While poor sibling relationship quality can negatively impact a person's mental health, supportive sibling relationships can positively impact a person's mental health, even in the long term.

Positive sibling relationships and mental health

Like childhood sibling relationships, adult sibling relationships may continue to impact a person's mental health. Those with strong family relationships and positive relationships with their siblings may experience increased well-being, potentially due in part to sibling support provided during stressful life events. 

How sibling conflict affects family mental health

Adults who experience more sibling conflict or continue to have the sense that their parents favor a sibling over them may have reduced well-being. Negative sibling relationship qualities are linked to an increased risk of loneliness, anxiety, and depressive symptoms. One study found that when a person has a severe mental illness, their siblings tend to face a higher risk of mental illness and have a lower quality relationship with them. 

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Sibling relationship therapy

While family and relationship therapies have been studied, sibling therapy is often not explored as much in research. However, reputable news outlets like NPR have reported on the benefits of sibling therapy and its rise in popularity in recent years. Sibling therapy may help siblings resolve conflicts between them, whether they originated in childhood or adulthood. In addition, therapy may help individuals improve their communication skills and ability to resolve family conflicts in the future.

Individual therapy for positive sibling relationships and mental health

Individual therapy may also be explored when resolving conflict with an adult sibling or improving a sibling relationship. Remote therapy, in particular, may be convenient, not requiring a person to travel to appointments. Through a platform like BetterHelp, clients can attend therapy from any Wi-Fi-enabled location with a device. In addition, clients can access unique resources like journaling prompts, worksheets, and support groups. 

Online therapy can help families

Studies show that online therapy is effective in supporting families experiencing the impact of severe mental illness. In one study, clients reported reduced stress and mental health symptoms after attending internet-based cognitive-behavioral therapy. Many participants also reported an improved quality of life after the intervention.