Tips On Family Routines To Support Mental Health
Between work, school, extracurricular activities, and commutes, a lot can happen in a typical day of family life. When we couple hectic schedules with external stressors, such as concerns over money, health, and housing costs, it may not be surprising that the 2023 Stress in America Survey found that, on a scale of one to 10, 24% of adults rated their average stress levels between eight and 10.
The importance of family routines to support mental health
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines stress as "the physiological or psychological response to internal or external stressors." Although stress can be prevalent in many families, there are small things we can do to reduce it and care for the mental health of our families and ourselves, such as creating regular family routines. If you encounter challenges in establishing routines, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist for guidance.
Why are routines beneficial to mental health and well-being?
While outcomes may vary based on various factors and unique circumstances, multiple studies and meta-analyses suggest that keeping a routine can benefit mental health in several ways.
Consistent routines can cultivate stability and predictability
Benefits of a structured environment
Many adults and children thrive in structured, predictable environments. Knowing what to expect each day may give us a sense of control over our lives, provide stability and predictability, and reduce anxiety and uncertainty.
Family routines to support mental health and reduce stress
A routine can reduce stress by providing structure and organization to one's day. Knowing which tasks need to be done, which tools you'll need to do them, and when they need to be completed can help you prioritize your responsibilities and avoid overwhelm.
Routines can reduce decision fatigue
While simple everyday choices may not seem like a big deal, research suggests the more decisions we must make during the course of a day, the more mental stress can arise. This may be especially true when:
- People, such as parents, have roles that require them to make a lot of decisions every day; decision fatigue might significantly affect individuals with jobs that require multiple decisions throughout the day
- The choices we make have a considerable impact on others
- Decision-makers experience uncertainty and uncontrollable circumstances or are in the midst of challenging situations, such as the loss of a job or the death of a loved one
Additionally, perfectionists or people who tend to overthink things may have trouble with decision fatigue. Cognitive distortions like fortune-telling can make individuals more susceptible to decision fatigue. This may drain a person’s energy and put added pressure on them to make the "right" choices.
Routines can encourage better time management, focus, productivity, and work/life balance
Routines can help individuals plan their time effectively, which can have a ripple effect on other areas of their lives. For example, following a time-bound morning ritual often makes it easier to structure time later in the day to focus on productivity at work. When we're focused at work, we may be more likely to complete our tasks in a timely fashion, freeing up time for enjoyable activities later.
Routines can cultivate family rituals
Routines can save time on the "busywork" activities that many families must do and free up more quality time to spend together. This regular quality time can evolve into a cherished, naturally occurring family routine.
Routines may improve sleep
A predictable nighttime routine tends to be a key part of good sleep hygiene, which can impact physical and mental health. If you dress for bed, brush your teeth, prepare your room, and read a book at the same time every evening, you may form a habit that signals to your body that it's time to sleep.
Falling asleep at the same time every night and waking at the same time each morning can regulate circadian rhythms and promote quality rest. Effective sleep routines can look different between people and families, so finding the proper bedtime routine that suits your unique needs might take time.
Routines can help us learn through repetition
Studies reveal that repeating activities or tasks within a routine can help individuals learn and perform those tasks better. Even ordinary, everyday tasks, such as tying shoes, preparing meals, or prioritizing activities, can be improved with practice and repetition.
Tips for cultivating a routine that fits your family's lifestyle
While some routines might develop naturally through necessity (i.e., taking out the trash on the same day each week or going to work at the same time every day), some might require thought, reflection, and communication within the family to ensure they work. As you go through the process, consider writing down your findings for each stage and collaborating with your family members if possible. Below are a few tips for developing a family routine that's easy and tailored to your family's needs.
Identify your primary vs. secondary tasks
Studies show that the average individual's daily routines are typically guided by primary and secondary tasks:
- Primary routines generally include tasks we must do to function in daily life. They often involve maintaining adequate nutrition, sleep, movement, and personal hygiene.
- Secondary routines typically refer to activities we want to do but may still contribute to overall well-being, such as social activity, leisure, and personal development.
While primary and secondary activities can both contribute to overall health and well-being, it might help to use these categories to prioritize tasks in your family routines. For example, brushing your teeth in the morning can be considered a primary task because it contributes to personal hygiene, while catching up on social media usually wouldn’t be seen as a primary task.
Think about what time(s) of the day are most stressful
Some families find that mornings are the most hectic and cause the most irritability. Others have trouble with dinnertime and bedtime. Reflect on the parts of your day and week when tensions run the highest and try structuring routines for those times first.
Communicate as you prioritize
Your family's input on prioritizing your daily tasks and budgeting your time around them may ensure your routines are sustainable in the long run. When everyone communicates about the things that cause them stress, you can find ways to address those challenges in your daily routine together.
Schedule and write down your new routine
At this point, you've identified your primary and secondary tasks, which times of the day are most stressful, and agreed on which things are and are not necessary to schedule into the routine. Now it's time to structure your routine on a schedule and write it down on a large calendar, whiteboard, chalkboard, or anything else you can display prominently for everyone to see.
Adhere to your routine
It may take days, weeks, or months to decide whether your new routine is working for your family, but giving yourselves time to work out any minor snags can be essential for determining whether it is realistic to maintain.
Adjust accordingly
As you experiment with your family's routines, pay attention to what seems to be working and what doesn't. For example, if everyone is still stressed out in the morning because you're too rushed to get out the door, find ways to adjust your morning routine to free up more time, such as picking out what everyone will wear the night before. Even younger children can complete this small task, and if it works out well, it may become a regular part of everyone's nighttime routine.
Seeking professional support
Families who struggle to manage their stress may encounter mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depressive disorders.
Despite therapy’s proven effectiveness in helping families and individuals manage stress and cultivate better mental health, many people experience obstacles that prevent them from getting the help they deserve. For example, many participants in the 2023 Stress in America Survey reported they did not seek mental health treatment because they believed therapy doesn't work, they didn't have time to attend sessions, or they didn't have insurance coverage for treatment.
Benefits of online therapy
Online therapy platforms can offer families and individuals an alternative solution that eliminates many of these obstacles to treatment. Many individuals choose online therapy because it offers more flexible scheduling options and eliminates the need to commute to a therapist’s office in person.
Effectiveness of online therapy
Research indicates that online therapy tends to be as effective as traditional therapy for treating concerns like anxiety and depression, which may be associated with high stress levels. Additionally, online therapy is often more affordable than in-office treatment without insurance coverage.
Takeaway
Establishing healthy habits and a predictable, sustainable routine can help families recognize and manage stress, freeing up more time for self-care and cultivating closer relationships. It may be challenging to create new routines on your own, but consulting a therapist online or in person can offer support.
How does a routine help mental health?
Predictable routines can reduce stress by reducing worries about the unknown. In addition, they may offer better health, ensuring balanced nutrition, consistent sleep patterns, and more time for self-care or family time. As you get used to a new routine, you know what to expect each day, so you may be better able to make commitments with others, knowing exactly when you are free to socialize. One study found routines comforting for people of all ages, making scheduling an added benefit to family matters.
What are family routines?
Family routines refer to scheduled family traditions or behaviors that occur repeatedly on a certain timeframe. For example, eating breakfast every morning is a daily routine, whereas grocery shopping every Friday is a weekly routine. Cultivating family routines can make children feel safe and ensure all members of the household know what to expect from each other, regardless of family size.
What is the role of parents in mental health?
Parents play a significant role in child mental health. Young children learn by mimicking their parents, so having a positive example can help a child feel safe, explore emotion regulation, and improve self-esteem. Older children can benefit from having consistency and healthy family relationships, showing them that their parents value and love them, even as they go through changes in their bodies, friendships, and schedules outside of the home.
What is a healthy daily schedule?
The schedule that is healthiest for a family may depend on the type of family. For example, single-parent families might not have the same amount of time or resources, as there are fewer adults available to support the kids. In these cases, a healthy daily schedule might look different than for a family with two parents or other adults present to support the children. However, in general, healthy schedules involve child routines that center self-care, learning skills, and ensuring basic needs are met for everyone in the household.
What are the seven healthy habits of highly effective families?
According to the book The Seven Healthy Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey, the seven healthy habits to keep in mind when creating family routines include the following:
- Be proactive
- Set a family mission statement
- Prioritize family
- Create win-win scenarios
- Actively listen
- Celebrate together and work as a team
- Practice self-care and family care behavior
How do you plan daily with your family?
Instead of creating new habits or a new plan each day, consider writing out and organizing your family plan the weekend before the new week. This way, you can get a good idea of what to expect for each day of the week without stressing everyone out with constant planning. You can let children know what to expect in advance on how much screen time they’ll get each day and how much time should be spent on homework at a minimum. For behaviors you want your children to adapt to, lead by example.
What are some basic family rules?
Every family has different rules, but below are some rules that may be more common:
- No interrupting
- Wash your hands before meals
- Clean up your mess
- Put coats and shoes away when you get home
- Respect each other
- Be safe
- Don’t stay out past a certain time
- Wake up an hour before school for breakfast
- Keep your hands and feet to yourself
How can parents support their own mental health?
Parents can support their own mental health by ensuring they practice self-care, take time out of their schedule for personal interests, and consider mental health support options. Although many people think therapy is only for those who have a mental illness, talking to a therapist can be a way to cope with many challenges, including stress, relationship conflict, family matters, parenting, and other problems. Talking to a therapist may help you structuralize your routine and know how to bring it up to your children.
What family habits can contribute to health problems?
Behaviors that can cause health issues for individuals can also be detrimental to families. For example, not eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, or drinking water are all ways to reduce health, especially in children who are growing steadily. A lack of exercise can also contribute to health problems, as well as a lack of enjoyable activities and free time.Frequent conflict and a lack of problem-solving from parents can also cause stress and mental health issues for children, and certain parenting styles, such as authoritarian parenting, have been associated with decreased mental health and school performance in children.
How can parents provide emotional support?
A few ways to provide emotional support include validating your child’s emotions, actively listening to understand, and providing your child space for self-care. Children are still learning how to emotionally regulate and can benefit from time to themselves. In addition, try not to judge your child’s emotions. Even if you have to redirect their behavior or thought patterns, remind them that emotions are natural and that it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or scared sometimes.
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