Tips On Family Routines To Support Mental Health

Between work, school, extracurricular activities, and commutes, a lot can happen in a typical day of family life. When we couple hectic schedules with external stressors, such as concerns over money, health, and housing costs, it may not be surprising that the 2023 Stress in America Survey found that, on a scale of one to 10, 24% of adults rated their average stress levels between eight and 10.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines stress as "the physiological or psychological response to internal or external stressors." Although stress can be prevalent in many families, there are small things we can do to reduce it and care for the mental health of our families and ourselves, such as creating regular family routines. If you encounter challenges in establishing routines, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist for guidance.

Family life can be hectic and overwhelming

Working with a therapist can help

Why are routines beneficial to mental health and well-being?

While outcomes may vary based on various factors and unique circumstances, multiple studies and meta-analyses suggest that keeping a routine can benefit mental health in several ways. 

Consistent routines can cultivate stability and predictability

Many adults and children thrive in structured, predictable environments. Knowing what to expect each day may give us a sense of control over our lives, provide stability and predictability, and reduce anxiety and uncertainty. 

Routines may reduce stress

A routine can reduce stress by providing structure and organization to one's day. Knowing which tasks need to be done, which tools you'll need to do them, and when they need to be completed can help you prioritize your responsibilities and avoid overwhelm. 

Routines can reduce decision fatigue

While simple everyday choices may not seem like a big deal, research suggests the more decisions we must make during the course of a day, the more mental stress can arise. This may be especially true when:

• People, such as parents, have roles that require them to make a lot of decisions every day; decision fatigue might significantly affect individuals with jobs that require multiple decisions throughout the day
• The choices we make have a considerable impact on others 
• Decision-makers experience uncertainty and uncontrollable circumstances or are in the midst of challenging situations, such as the loss of a job or the death of a loved one

Additionally, perfectionists or people who tend to overthink things may have trouble with decision fatigue. Cognitive distortions like fortune-telling can make individuals more susceptible to decision fatigue. This may drain a person’s energy and put added pressure on them to make the "right" choices.

Routines can encourage better time management, focus, productivity, and work/life balance

Routines can help individuals plan their time effectively, which can have a ripple effect on other areas of their lives. For example, following a time-bound morning ritual often makes it easier to structure time later in the day to focus on productivity at work. When we're focused at work, we may be more likely to complete our tasks in a timely fashion, freeing up time for enjoyable activities later. 

Routines can cultivate family rituals

Routines can save time on the "busywork" activities that many families must do and free up more quality time to spend together. This regular quality time can evolve into a cherished, naturally occurring family routine. 

Routines may improve sleep 

A predictable nighttime routine tends to be a key part of good sleep hygiene, which can impact physical and mental health. If you dress for bed, brush your teeth, prepare your room, and read a book at the same time every evening, you may form a habit that signals to your body that it's time to sleep. 

Falling asleep at the same time every night and waking at the same time each morning can regulate circadian rhythms and promote quality rest. Effective sleep routines can look different between people and families, so finding the proper bedtime routine that suits your unique needs might take time. 

Routines can help us learn through repetition

Studies reveal that repeating activities or tasks within a routine can help individuals learn and perform those tasks better. Even ordinary, everyday tasks, such as tying shoes, preparing meals, or prioritizing activities, can be improved with practice and repetition. 

Tips for cultivating a routine that fits your family's lifestyle

While some routines might develop naturally through necessity (i.e., taking out the trash on the same day each week or going to work at the same time every day), some might require thought, reflection, and communication within the family to ensure they work. As you go through the process, consider writing down your findings for each stage and collaborating with your family members if possible. Below are a few tips for developing a family routine that's easy and tailored to your family's needs. 

Identify your primary vs. secondary tasks

Studies show that the average individual's daily routines are typically guided by primary and secondary tasks:

• Primary routines generally include tasks we must do to function in daily life. They often involve maintaining adequate nutrition, sleep, movement, and personal hygiene.
• Secondary routines typically refer to activities we want to do but may still contribute to overall well-being, such as social activity, leisure, and personal development.

While primary and secondary activities can both contribute to overall health and well-being, it might help to use these categories to prioritize tasks in your family routines. For example, brushing your teeth in the morning can be considered a primary task because it contributes to personal hygiene, while catching up on social media usually wouldn’t be seen as a primary task. 

Think about what time(s) of the day are most stressful 

Some families find that mornings are the most hectic and cause the most irritability. Others have trouble with dinnertime and bedtime. Reflect on the parts of your day and week when tensions run the highest and try structuring routines for those times first. 

Communicate as you prioritize 

Your family's input on prioritizing your daily tasks and budgeting your time around them may ensure your routines are sustainable in the long run. When everyone communicates about the things that cause them stress, you can find ways to address those challenges in your daily routine together. 

Schedule and write down your new routine

At this point, you've identified your primary and secondary tasks, which times of the day are most stressful, and agreed on which things are and are not necessary to schedule into the routine. Now it's time to structure your routine on a schedule and write it down on a large calendar, whiteboard, chalkboard, or anything else you can display prominently for everyone to see.

Adhere to your routine 

It may take days, weeks, or months to decide whether your new routine is working for your family, but giving yourselves time to work out any minor snags can be essential for determining whether it is realistic to maintain. 

Adjust accordingly 

As you experiment with your family's routines, pay attention to what seems to be working and what doesn't. For example, if everyone is still stressed out in the morning because you're too rushed to get out the door, find ways to adjust your morning routine to free up more time, such as picking out what everyone will wear the night before. Even younger children can complete this small task, and if it works out well, it may become a regular part of everyone's nighttime routine. 

Seeking professional support

Families who struggle to manage their stress may encounter mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depressive disorders. 

Despite therapy’s proven effectiveness in helping families and individuals manage stress and cultivate better mental health, many people experience obstacles that prevent them from getting the help they deserve. For example, many participants in the 2023 Stress in America Survey reported they did not seek mental health treatment because they believed therapy doesn't work, they didn't have time to attend sessions, or they didn't have insurance coverage for treatment. 

Online therapy platforms can offer families and individuals an alternative solution that eliminates many of these obstacles to treatment. Many individuals choose online therapy because it offers more flexible scheduling options and eliminates the need to commute to a therapist’s office in person.

Research indicates that online therapy tends to be as effective as traditional therapy for treating concerns like anxiety and depression, which may be associated with high stress levels. Additionally, online therapy is often more affordable than in-office treatment without insurance coverage.