Understanding The Role Of A Family Scapegoat

Families have various complex dynamics, as they often spend significant time together throughout life. In some cases, unfair and potentially abusive dynamics can arise, causing certain family members to be treated differently from others. The term “family scapegoat” has arisen to describe one of these dynamics. Understanding family terminology can be a step toward reducing the chances of unfairly treating family members and finding help if you are being treated like a family scapegoat.  

What is the role of a family scapegoat?

Scapegoats and dysfunctional families

Within a family system, scapegoating is often associated with a family's dysfunction. The American Psychological Association (APA) characterizes a dysfunctional family as "a family in which relationships or communication are impaired, and members are unable to attain closeness and self-expression." When a child attempts to express themselves in a way that could disrupt this dysfunctional dynamic, they may be alienated by their family members. Scapegoating is frequently the method used to achieve this goal—and to avoid addressing any challenges. 

The “golden child” vs. family scapegoats

A scapegoat may serve to defend other favored family members that the members of the family decide are not like the scapegoat, such as the family's "golden child." The golden child is often considered to be able to “do no wrong” and is doted on and safeguarded by family members. Familial favoritism refers to a process in which parents place great expectations upon a favorite child they consider unlikely to disappoint them. When family members decide on a golden child, that child's shortcomings may go unnoticed or be blamed on the scapegoat. 

While diametrically opposite to the role of a scapegoat, both roles can be psychologically damaging. In relation to the family's golden child, the scapegoat may bear the brunt of the problems within the family, including situations in which the favored child might be at fault. These roles may also build resentment and unbalanced power dynamics, which may negatively impact both individuals in their respective roles. 

Narcissistic parenting and scapegoating

Scapegoating and other rigid roles within a family are associated with narcissistic parents, particularly parents who experience challenges accepting responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Often, scapegoating is an attempt to diffuse familial dysfunction and tension by redirecting blame onto an outlet. 

Some findings indicate that growing up with a parent with narcissistic traits, particularly a narcissistic mother, may be a factor in predicting scapegoating within a family. Narcissistic traits do not necessarily mean one has a personality disorder. However, parents with personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) were noted in the study as being associated with the tendency to develop scapegoating dynamics within a family. Not everyone with a specific mental illness participates in the same behaviors, and people without these conditions can also perpetuate scapegoating. 

Drawing from family systems and developmental systems theory, differential treatment of individual family members—such as scapegoating one child—may be seen as a form of child maltreatment. This dynamic may also impact an individual’s risk of developing anxiety and depression in young adulthood. 

The mental health effects of scapegoating a child

When unaddressed, the role of a family scapegoat may impact a person throughout their life. According to findings, being a scapegoat is linked with mental health challenges, such as substance misuse and depressive symptoms. 

According to one study examining the role of scapegoats in a family, "the child becomes the bearer of unresolved conflicts, deep unconscious emotions, and the unfulfilled dreams and projects of the parents." This dynamic may be seen as a form of unconscious projection on the part of the family or parental figures. 

How emotional abuse occurs in dysfunctional families

Parents tend to play a vital role in the development of children, and the self-esteem of a child often relates to the response they receive from their early caretakers. In the case of constant disapproval from parents, a person may internalize parental feedback, which could cause considerable stress and anxiety. 

Being the family's scapegoat may be seen as a form of emotional abuse related to being belittled, put down, and shamed for other family members' mistakes. The sense of unfairness can also be frustrating, impacting one's ability to trust others. When a family member sees themselves as an unwanted outsider in their own family, they may also grapple with their sense of belonging in other settings. 

Dynamics involved with scapegoating

Unhealthy family dynamics may play a part in family scapegoating. Preferential treatment, alienation, and other behaviors can create an environment in which one child feels responsible for family challenges.

Signs a child is being scapegoated

The following are indicators that an unhealthy family dynamic is leading to scapegoating: 

• Constant blame directed at one family member in particular
• Exclusion from family discussions, activities, or conversations
• Projection of insecurities and concerns onto the scapegoat, who takes the blame for what goes wrong in the family

In addition, the scapegoat may grapple with depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. If the scapegoat questions or resists their role and the family's dynamic, they may be blamed further.

Types of emotional abuse used to scapegoat

Viewed as a relational situation, scapegoating may involve different psychological processes and associated behaviors, including:

• Gaslighting: Invalidating the individual’s experiences, perception, interpretation of events, and understanding, often leading to feelings of confusion and powerlessness 
• Triangulation: Bringing others against the scapegoat, such as extended family or friends, in a process of creating alliances and divisions within the family
• Projection: Attributing one’s own unsettling thoughts, feelings, or behaviors onto the family scapegoat

Roles in dysfunctional families

Expectations about the behavior of individual family members may arise within families. In some cases, children within the family system may adopt a certain role or be assigned a role by the way their parents treat them. 

Findings suggest that dysfunctional families may experience parental inconsistencies, hidden feelings, incomplete information, uncertainty, and mistrust, which may contribute to the adoption of rigid roles within the family unit. In addition, family dysfunction is often associated with greater adoption of the role of scapegoat, which is linked with reduced family satisfaction, as well as other mental health challenges. 

The long-term effects of scapegoating

Studies indicate that one may be more likely to experience depressive symptoms if they identify themselves as being the child who most disappointed their mothers. The role of scapegoat is also associated with many adverse outcomes affecting emotional well-being. Findings suggest that the role of a scapegoat is linked with excessive alcohol use in adult children, for example. 

How scapegoating can lead to trauma

If the scapegoating of a child was caused by abuse, a child may also develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD and struggle to form healthy relationships as an adult. They may unknowingly place this dynamic on themselves, taking the blame for those they love and struggling to set healthy boundaries. In addition, they may not stand up for themselves when other adults try to blame them or treat them unfairly.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

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Considering therapy

Therapy may help you examine unhealthy family dynamics and reframe your relationship with yourself and others. A responsive therapist may also guide you in techniques to improve mental health and well-being. 

Exploring the role of a family scapegoat with online therapy

If in-person therapy is inconvenient or you'd rather speak to someone online, consider using a platform like BetterHelp. Online therapy platforms may allow you to connect with a licensed therapist via video, phone, or in-app messages—all helpful when you'd like support navigating challenging emotions and want your therapist to respond to you soon. In addition, these platforms often offer additional tools like journaling prompts and support groups. 

Effectiveness of online therapy for mental health challenges

Online therapy is also effective. A naturalistic feasibility study examined the effectiveness of a digital psychotherapy platform. Its findings suggest that users of online platforms "experienced significantly reduced depression symptom severity after engaging with the platform." In addition, its findings indicate that internet therapy may be effective regardless of gender, financial status, and physical health status. Those without previous psychotherapy experience might find it even more helpful.