What Is The Birth Order Theory?

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW
Updated October 9, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Everyone comes from families of different sizes. Some people are only children, while others are the eldest, middle, or youngest children. Many believe that one’s birth order can have certain impacts on personality. Understanding birth order theory can help you look at the traits of you and your siblings to see if it applies to your family.

Raising children is challenging for new and experienced parents

The history of birth order theory

The birth order effect has been observed since the early 20th century. Psychologist Alfred Adler was one of the first psychologists to bring the birth order theory into the mainstream, suggesting that when someone is born and how could influence who they become as adults. He believed that many personality changes could come into effect, depending on one's birth order. For example, the oldest child may be more spoiled or stricter, while the middle child may often feel left out.

Since this time, there have been other contributions to the theory of birth order. Studies have yielded mixed results, and it is difficult to study birth order in isolation, due to all the factors that can influence a child's behavior and development. 

Exploring birth order and personality

Below are a few ways birth order has been studied and connected to personality and other traits. 

Birth order and personality

Researchers debate whether birth order may have an impact on personality. This topic can be difficult to research scientifically. There are several factors that can play into the development of personality that scientists can’t separate through studies, like environment and temperament. 

If a person is born as the youngest child and has a different personality, psychologists may argue that it could be due to birth order, parenting style, financial privilege, and many other factors. If someone has more children, they may have less money. On the other hand, if parents work in higher-paying jobs and have support from other family members, they may have more money to spend on children and their needs. How much money someone has may impact their personality and behaviors. 

Birth order and intelligence

Some studies have found that firstborn children may have a higher IQ than their younger siblings. However, it can be valuable to consider that many factors can impact intelligence. A first-born child may have fewer children in the home to talk to before the birth or adoption of their siblings. They may instead associate themselves with adults. Siblings can play with each other at home, while only children can only talk to their parents, on most occasions.

Firstborns may have a higher verbal ability as well. However, this may also be due to being associated with adults, as opposed to children who have fewer verbal abilities. However, this idea is up for debate. If a child is told throughout their life that they are inferior, that may have an impact on their performance. If a firstborn is preferred by a parent, they may have more confidence and do better in academics and professional performance later in life. 

Birth order and sexuality

Another popular birth order theory is fraternal birth order. This theory claims that if a man has older brothers, there's a higher chance that he will be gay. The number of older brothers increases the likelihood, but by how much is unknown. Some studies claim that an older brother increases the chances by about 30%, while other studies say 15%. There have been other studies that have said that the birth order only accounts for 1/7th of all gay men.

There are no studies on maternal birth order or whether women may be more likely to be lesbians if they have an older sister. For this reason, studies on sexuality are often up for debate. Identity can also be personal, which means it may be up to an individual to decide whether they feel their sexuality is part of a genetic factor or another area of their life. 

Raising children is challenging for new and experienced parents

The only-child stereotype

Some people may have heard of stereotypical personality traits about children without siblings. They might be called spoiled, entitled, or bratty. If parents do not have any other children to raise, they may focus entirely on their only child. As they don't yet have parenting experience, they may be more permissive. In addition, parents may have more money if they only have one child, spending more money on them. 

However, studies indicate there is little truth to the stereotype. Parents may sometimes have high expectations toward their sole child, which can influence their children to grow up to be perfectionists. Sometimes, with fewer children to watch, parents can be stricter and more consistent with rules. However, the dynamics of each family are subjective and not every family with an only child is the same. 

Middle child syndrome

Another birth order phenomenon, which isn't a real, diagnosable disorder, is middle child syndrome. As the name implies, it entails the effects middle children may sometimes feel because of their birth order. When the first child is born, they may have a strict upbringing, while the youngest child may have a spoiled upbringing, or vice versa. It's sometimes suggested that the middle child gets ignored amid all this chaos, and may feel neglected by their parents.

However, this phenomenon may be purely situational. Some parents treat their children equally, while others do have their favorites, or some adjust their parenting styles over time. Sometimes the middle child is growing up during the transitional period between opposite parenting styles, and this can cause some negative effects.

Is the birth order theory true?

You may have seen a pattern in your family or in other families which confirms some of the suggestions of birth order theory. Yes, there may be some differences in personality, intelligence, or sexuality depending on one's birth order, but the science is conflicting. It is difficult for studies to replicate the same results, as every family is different. If the circumstances change from the birth of the first to the second born, it can affect how the child is raised, thus impacting their personality.

To summarize, the science is still out. We may never fully know the secrets of the birth order, if there are any patterns to be discovered. There is more than likely some impact the birth order has on personality, but how the child is raised makes a more significant impact. Of course, you could say that the birth order has an impact on parenting, so it's a chicken and egg situation that may never be fully hatched. There is also the self-fulfilling prophecy effect. If a parent believes their later children will be more spoiled, then it may happen.

It's hard to say what's caused by birth order and what is not. However, your child's behavior can change as they grow up. If you have some behavior you want to change, then your best choice would be to seek the help of a healthcare professional.

Support for improving your parenting style

Effective parents can raise their children to become well-adjusted individuals regardless of birth order, but parenting is often challenging. Those who want the best out of all their children may benefit from seeking therapy to make sure they're following best practices. There is no shame in having a professional evaluate your skills or make suggestions to help improve your parenting.

Many parents may find online therapy to be an advantageous alternative to in-person therapy, the latter of which is traditionally more costly and time-consuming. Between working, parenting, and nurturing a relationship with one’s partner (if applicable), it can be difficult to find the time to devote to other important priorities! With online therapy platforms like BetterHelp, you can schedule an appointment at a convenient time and in a preferred location – such as your office during a lunch break or at home while your kids are away. Removing the barriers inherent to attending in-person therapy may help a parent feel more receptive to seeking support.

In a pilot-controlled open study, 12 participants participated in a web-based intervention to gauge changes in their levels of psychological flexibility, avoidance, emotional control, parental stress, and coping skills. The results not only affirmed improvements in all of the aforementioned factors but additionally supported positive psychological adjustment in their children. These improvements were achieved over an average span of 64.2 days, with a range of 37 to 100 days. This finding implies that online therapy may help parents achieve more timely results than in-person therapy, which can last for months or even years.

Takeaway

There is no right way to parent a child, and a child’s birth order does not limit who they can become or what they can accomplish in life. While it’s interesting to read about birth order theory, a therapist may be able to have more insightful, evidence-based practices to help improve your parent-child relationships. Reach out to a counselor and see what you can do to improve your parenting.
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