The Impact Of Divorce On Children’s Mental Health
Divorce can be a challenging life event, impacting children and families worldwide. Children of divorced parents may experience increased risks for mental health problems like anxiety, depression, and behavioral challenges. These emotional changes may arise due to transitions in family dynamics and parental roles.
The period following a divorce can leave children uncertain and fearful. They may believe they are the reason for their parents' separation, which may lead to guilt and shame. In addition, children may struggle academically and socially, finding it difficult to concentrate in school or maintain friendships. Identifying potential problems and offering support may reduce some of the negative effects linked to parental divorce.
Immediate psychological effects of parental divorce on children’s mental health
Children exposed to divorce may encounter immediate psychological effects. These effects may vary based on the child's age and the severity of the conflict between divorced parents.
Emotional responses of children to parental divorce
- Anxiety: Some children may become anxious about their future and stability.
- Sadness: A common response may be sadness and a sense of loss.
- Anger: Some children might express anger toward one or both parents.
- Guilt: Children may experience guilt, thinking they could have prevented the divorce or that they are to blame for the situation.
- Emotional instability: Children may exhibit mood swings and emotional instability as they try to cope with the changes and uncertainties brought about by the divorce.
- Increased stress levels: The stress of divorce and its aftermath may lead to increased stress levels in children, affecting their overall well-being and mental health.
Behavioral changes
- Acting out: Disruptive behaviors, such as aggression, can occur.
- Withdrawal: Children may become more withdrawn from social activities.
- Regression: Very young children might revert to earlier developmental stage behaviors, like bed-wetting. They may also act “younger” than they are.
- Difficulty forming attachments: Children may find it challenging to form secure attachments with others, fearing abandonment or rejection.
Cognitive effects of divorce on children
- Decreased academic performance: Parental separation may lead to difficulty concentrating, resulting in lower grades and possible school dropout.
- Impaired decision-making: Children may struggle with making decisions and solving problems effectively.
- Memory difficulties: Parental divorce can impact a child's memory and ability to retain information.
Children may react differently to the divorce of their parents
Children may process and react to parental separation differently. Some children may experience several of these effects to varying degrees, which may change as they grow older. Others may process the divorce in other ways. There is no wrong way to grieve or process divorce.
Mental and behavioral health outcomes of parental divorce on children
Studies reveal that academic difficulties are common among children of divorced parents. For instance, they might earn lower grades and have a higher likelihood of school dropout. These academic struggles may result from the emotional and psychological stress caused by parental separation.
Parental divorce and emotional impact on girls
Different effects on children’s mental health are noted across genders. For example, research indicates that girls might exhibit more emotional problems following a divorce compared to boys. Two years after the event, the emotional impact on girls tends to be more pronounced. Evidence also suggests that the impact can persist into adulthood, affecting overall well-being and stability. Psychological problems and interpersonal challenges have been seen more in women than in men.
How to help children cope with the effects of divorce
Due to the various challenges children can experience after their parents’ divorce, extra support may help them cope. Children may cope more effectively with divorce by working through the following strategies alongside caregivers and parents.
Communicate
Divorced families can make efforts to communicate openly and honestly about the changes happening in the divorce process. Explain the situation in simple, age-appropriate terms to your children and encourage them to express their emotions, reassuring them that they are valid and make sense.
Maintain consistency and routines
Consistency and routine may provide a sense of security for most children. Maintain regular schedules for school, activities, and family time. This consistency may reduce the destabilizing effects of divorce. If possible, both biological parents can agree on rules and routines to ensure everyone is on the same page.
Offer emotional support
Providing emotional support can also guide children. Children can benefit by knowing they are loved and supported by both parents. Listen actively to their concerns and avoid placing children in the middle of conflicts, regardless of whether one parent is at fault or acting unhealthily. Reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents still love them.
Involve children in the decision-making processes
Involving children in decision-making may help them be more in control during a difficult time. Let them share their opinions on visitation schedules or holiday plans. Working together may help improve their sense of being valued and respected, which may help them cope more effectively.
Organize family bonding activities
Family bonding activities may help children maintain strong relationships during and after a divorce. Families can plan fun activities like game nights, outdoor trips, or cooking together. These moments can strengthen family ties and create positive memories despite the changes.
Teach mindfulness practices to manage emotions
Mindfulness practices may help children manage their emotions during a divorce. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling may reduce stress and help them process emotions. These practices can also promote overall well-being and aid in their ability to bounce back from difficult times.
Encourage time for play or sports
Encouraging children to play or participate in sports may help them cope with divorce. Physical activity may reduce stress and improve overall health. Participating in team sports or hobbies can provide a sense of normalcy and a positive way to release energy.
Professional help for the effects of divorce on children's mental health
Seeking professional help in the mental health system may be valuable, and an individual does not need to be diagnosed with a mental illness or severe mental health symptoms to go to therapy. Therapists or counselors can offer guidance personalized to a child's needs. Professional support may help children process their emotions more effectively and provide a neutral place for them to speak about the divorce with someone who is not their parent.
How parents can find support
Parents going through a divorce often experience increased stress. Like children, parents may also benefit from seeking appropriate support to work through this challenging period.
Community support programs
Some communities offer programs designed to support divorced parents. These programs may include parenting classes, support groups, and family therapy sessions. In addition, they may provide emotional support, practical advice, and strategies for co-parenting effectively. Parents can also check with local community centers or social services for availability.
Online resources
Numerous online platforms may offer support for divorced parents. Websites and forums provide a space for parents to share experiences and gain insights. Organizations like Rainbows for All Children, the Forensic Evaluation Service Center, and the Nationwide Children’s Hospital offer various resources to educate parents and children about divorce, how to prepare for it, and how to cope.
Professional counseling
Seeking help from licensed therapists or counselors may benefit parents. Professional counseling can provide an environment to manage emotional challenges and learn coping skills. Counselors can guide parents on how to communicate healthily with their children and manage co-parenting dynamics.
Books and educational materials
Educational materials, such as books and online courses, can also be valuable resources. These materials often provide step-by-step guidance and practical tips on managing divorce-related challenges. Parents can find these resources in libraries, bookstores, or online platforms dedicated to family well-being. By using these support systems, individuals may better manage the emotional and practical aspects of divorce.
Support options for parents and children
In some cases, individuals may struggle to find accessible in-person support from a therapist due to barriers like cost or time. A divorce can be costly and cause significant burnout, which may make it difficult to go to an appointment. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for adults or TeenCounseling for teens aged 13 to 19 may be more accessible.
Various online platforms provide access to licensed therapists who specialize in problems related to family dynamics and separation. Through these platforms, clients can schedule sessions at flexible times, access therapists regardless of location, and choose between phone, video, or live chat.
Effectiveness of online therapy
Studies show that online therapy can be effective for conditions like anxiety and depression. One study found that online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) significantly reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety, which are common in children experiencing the effects of parental divorce.
Takeaway
How does divorce affect a child's mental health?
Children may react differently to divorce depending on their age, the severity of the interparental conflict, and other individual circumstances, like living arrangements, but it can cause multiple mental health issues. For example, some children may develop anxiety, guilt, or anger. They may act out, withdraw, or have difficulty forming attachments. For some, it can affect academic performance, cause memory difficulties, or affect self-esteem.
At what age does divorce affect a child the most?
Divorce can affect children at any age, from infancy to adolescence. Even the youngest infants can detect stress in an environment, which can make them irritable and clingy. In some cases, infants and toddlers may show signs of regression or developmental delay. Toddlers experiencing divorce may resist toilet training and giving up their pacifiers more than other kids their age, and they may have trouble going to sleep or sleeping alone.
Toddlers and preschoolers may think that any troubles at home are their fault, and they may have nightmares or experience extreme anger. School-aged kids may feel abandoned or like they are to blame. At this age, many children may be more likely to align themselves with one parent over the other and see one as “good” and one as “bad.” They may lash out at the world or become depressed or anxious.
The effects of divorce can last into adolescence, with some research showing that divorce may be a factor in early sexual activity in males and females.
What are the stages of divorce for a child?
Children may experience the five stages of grief after a divorce: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The change in family structure and being separated from one of their primary caregivers can be a significant loss and lead to emotional turmoil, similar to grieving the loss of a loved one.
Is it better to stay together for a child?
An increasing number of children around the world experience family instability, and divorce can be a defining event in a child's life. That said, research has found that staying together for the kids isn’t necessarily the best thing for them. For example, children who grow up in dysfunctional families and are exposed to neglect, abuse, domestic violence, and constant conflict are likely to develop emotional and behavioral problems. For children in high-conflict families, staying together may not be the best option.
What are the two most harmful effects of divorce on children?
Divorce can have many effects on children's lives, and because everyone’s experience is different, it can be challenging to determine which are the most harmful.
That said, two broad effects of divorce that can affect children in many ways include the risk of anxiety and depression and possible difficulties forming healthy relationships.
Is it better to stay in an unhappy marriage or get divorced?
Every family and every situation is different. In situations where neglect, conflict, or domestic abuse are present, divorce may be a more suitable choice, as it may be less psychologically damaging for everyone involved than staying together.
What shouldn't you say to your kids during a divorce?
According to some researchers, “Parents, whether single, married or divorced, have got the responsibility to protect their children’s mental health.” It can be beneficial for parents to be honest about the situation but not blame or criticize. Avoid putting kids in the middle, and be respectful and supportive of the child's relationship with the other parent, whether they are the custodial parent or not.
Positive communication techniques, like being respectful, clear, and concise, can be beneficial, as can working with a co-parent to assure children they are not to blame and will be safe and cared for.
What is the strongest predictor of how kids will cope with divorce?
In an article published in World Psychiatry, the official journal of the World Psychiatric Association, children and adult offspring of separate parents are “over-represented in the mental health system,” indicating that they may be prone to mental health challenges. The article continues to say, “Structured interventions offering parenting support and education have been shown to reduce children's psychological problems.”
Many parents may not know how to approach supporting their children through divorce, especially when they are going through a difficult and emotional time themselves. Focusing on being civil with the other parent can help. Some research shows that conflict between parents is one of the strongest predictors of children’s problems following divorce.
Should you tell children the real reason for divorce?
Talking to your children about divorce can be challenging. Here are some tips from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry for how to talk to your children about divorce.
- Don’t keep it a secret. Be honest but straightforward, and don’t share more than your child is interested in knowing.
- Tell your child together with your spouse if possible.
- Assure them that it is not their fault.
- Tell them that the divorce will be difficult and sad for everyone but that you are both still their parents and you still love them.
- Don’t criticize or talk about one another’s faults in front of your child.
Parents should also look out for signs of distress in their child, like depressed mood, withdrawal, or aggression. Behavior problems are common, and their schoolwork may suffer. During a divorce, parents may be dealing with their own mental and emotional challenges, and it can be difficult to make sure children get the help they need.
For added support, consider getting outside help for your children. For example, it can be beneficial to take them to a support group where they can play and interact with other children who are dealing with similar feelings or to find a counselor who has experience working with kids who are going through a divorce.
Should divorced parents spend time together with their children?
If both parents are comfortable with it and they are able to get along, it can be beneficial for divorced children to spend time together with their parents. Children of divorce do best if they know their parents are still their parents and if they remain involved. Research shows that minimized conflict and cooperation for the sake of the child can be beneficial.
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