Friendship Definition: Exploring The Definition And Meaning Of Friendship
While many individuals emphasize the importance of having friends, it can sometimes be difficult to build and maintain the friendships we long for. Below, we’ll look at some common characteristics of a true friendship and the benefits of friendship for physical and mental health.
What does the dictionary say about friends?
According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, a friend is someone attached to another by affection or esteem. We can talk about friendship using a variety of words, including references, such as camaraderie, companionship, intimacy, fellowship, company, fondness, and rapport. Your friendships may be described in different ways depending on the nature of the relationship. You may experience greater intimacy with a friend who offers frequent emotional support, while a friendly neighbor you often visit may offer less intimacy but greater companionship. Ultimately, you get to choose what being a friend looks like for you.
5 common qualities that can define a true friendship
Most true friendships share a few common attributes. They aren’t typically limited to friendship; you may notice these same attributes in a romantic relationship. Here’s what you might expect to experience in a healthy relationship with a close friend.
Your own dictionary definition of friendship may involve how friends make you feel.
Have you ever walked away from a conversion and just felt uncomfortable? Maybe you spent the entire time gossiping or trading complaints back and forth. After spending time with a true friend, you often feel better about yourself and life in general.
Trust is a key component of a friendship definition.
A true friend is typically someone you can trust. You don’t need to pour out your deepest, darkest secrets, but you trust that what you choose to give out is safe with them. You can also be sure that a true friend isn’t lying to you or talking about you behind your back.
Authenticity is often part of a friendship definition meaning.
With a true friend, you typically don’t have to hide who you really are. You generally don’t have to cover up your quirks or struggles, and your friends aren’t putting on a show, either. They don’t need to pretend to be someone they’re not or make up stories to falsely impress you.
Support can be essential in a true friendship.
Support can come in a thousand forms. You might check in with a friend when you know they’ve had a stressful day, or they might give up their Saturday to help you move. In true friendships, people typically seek out opportunities to show up for one another and make life easier for the person they care about.
Common interests may be a part of your friendship definition.
While this isn’t a requirement for close friendships, common interests often enhance a friendship. In some cases, they offer the chance to find a best friend. People might bond over their love of a favorite game or discuss a hobby like hiking or cycling.
Things to watch out for
When you’re seeking a new friend, there are also qualities and experiences you might be wary of. Sometimes, it can be better to have fewer friends than to accept friends who display certain traits.
Unbalanced effort
Friends typically don’t need to spend hours on the phone or make plans to see each other at least once a week, but it’s usually best for there to be a balance in the effort that the two of you make to maintain your relationship. If you are consistently the only person reaching out, scheduling dinner, or sharing life updates, this friendship may be one-sided.
Alternatively, you may be on the other end of this type of friendship and notice that you have certain friends who are consistently the ones who reach out. If this is the case, it can be worth considering if you want to try to maintain that friendship. Are you friends because you truly want to be friends with that person, or are you friends because they create convenient opportunities to spend time with them?
Negativity
Negativity won’t necessarily prevent someone from being a true friend, but over time, it may be hard to maintain friendships that bring you down. If a friend is constantly complaining, you might end phone calls feeling drained and ultimately aim to spend time with other friends. Negativity can also come in the form of criticism or complaints about your choices, both of which can also damage a friendship.
Unreliability
In most friendships, you can typically expect your friends to follow through. They typically show up when you make plans and check in when they say they will. If someone frequently cancels on you or doesn’t follow through on their promises, you may end up disappointed with that friendship.
Disrespect
If someone disregards your boundaries or is outright mean to you, they may not truly be your friend. In the same vein, it can also be beneficial to watch how your friends treat others. For example, if your friend is always kind to you but speaks horribly about a mutual friend, there’s a chance they speak the same way about you when you’re not around.
Friendship is often about quality, not quantity.
You may believe that you need to have a large number of friends to be happy or that you’d be happier if you spent hours hanging out with your best friend. However, how often you talk with your friends may not be as important as the quality of your friendship.
Researchers have looked at the optimal number of friends a person should have. Having at least one true friend is much better than having no close friends at all, but scientists suggest a small circle of five to six friends may lead to high levels of life satisfaction and better health.
Your friendship definition meaning can change with age.
Your personal friendship definition may change as you grow older. Younger children tend to define friendships by proximity. Friends can be neighbors, family friends, or classmates. Even in middle and high school, friends are often limited to people who are nearby. As individuals age, however, their social circle typically expands, and they can often connect with a larger number of people, whether it’s through online platforms or involvement with community organizations. At this point, friendship can be less about proximity and more about shared interests or values.
Determining your own definition of friendship
The way you view true friendship doesn’t have to look the same as others view it. Your personality traits, age, background, gender, and other characteristics can have a direct impact on what you think a friend should be like.
You may find that when you expand how you view friendship, your social circle expands and you experience greater happiness. For example, cross-generational friendships may be rare in some Western societies, but they are often valued and enjoyed by people who form friendships with others of a different age. While same sex friendships are common, a third of U.S. adults say that their closest friends are a combination of genders.
The role of friendship in your health
Friendship can have such a big effect on health that some researchers believe that if people understood the health benefits of friendship, they would give it the same priority as eating healthy foods or engaging in regular exercise. Social relationships can impact your immune system, your sleep quality, your cardiovascular system, your life span, and more.
A systemic review of the connection between friendship and well-being found a number of connections between the two:
- The quality of your friendships at age 30 can predict your well-being at age 50
- Time spent with friends directly correlated to lower levels of loneliness and social distress.
- Supporting your friends makes you feel better and your friends feel better.
While children and young adults are often quick to speak about the importance of their friends and dedicate a great deal of time to maintaining those relationships, research has shown that friendship actually has a greater impact on your happiness as you grow older. A study in South Korea found that adults over the age of 60 were happier after interacting with their friends than with their closest family or neighbors and that happiness exceeded what younger study participants felt.
How therapy may help you create true friendships
If the thought of trying to form new friendships feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. Approximately 7.1% of Americans over the age of 18 experience social anxiety disorder (SAD). With social anxiety disorder, you may constantly worry about embarrassing yourself or experience intense fear when you talk to a stranger. You may constantly be concerned about being judged and avoid any situations that cause discomfort.
The intense fear, anxiety, and worry associated with social settings can make it difficult to meet new people. The result can be a very small social circle with few or no true friends. If any of this sounds familiar, a therapist may be able to help you learn new thought patterns, coping strategies, and friendship skills so that social interactions don’t feel uncomfortable. Online therapy may be ideal for someone with social anxiety, allowing you to meet virtually from a place that’s most comfortable for you. With an online therapy platform, you just need an electronic device and internet connection, and you can connect with your therapist through audio, video, or live chat.
A Hong Kong study examined the efficacy of internet-based therapy in treating patients with social anxiety disorder. Participants completed 14 weeks of therapist-guided online treatment, designed to replicate the traditional in-person cognitive therapy protocol often used to treat SAD. At the end of the study, patients experienced a significant reduction in their social anxiety symptoms, with 86% demonstrating remission from the condition. Their gains were maintained at a three-month follow-up check.
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