Friendship Of Women And Its Impact On Health And Education

Medically reviewed by April Justice, LICSW

Updated December 12, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It’s often said that “to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” In the busyness of day-to-day life, people may find that the friendship of women (and people of all genders) is put on the back burner while they focus on work, school, children, family, and other obligations. However, research has shown that strong social connection often comes with numerous health benefits, boosting your well-being and giving you a greater sense of purpose. When you are intentional about supporting your friends and nurturing your relationships, you may find that you are able to cultivate deeper friendships. A licensed mental health professional can help you develop the attributes and skills necessary for healthy connections.

A woman wearing a tan hijab sits in a chair next to other women while talking. — Getty/Hispanolistic

The core functions of friendship

Researchers have determined six core functions of friendship. The presence and strength of these functions can determine the quality of friendships.

Stimulating companionship: Good friends typically spend time doing activities they both enjoy and find exciting.
Social support: Good friends usually offer emotional, instrumental, and informational support.
Emotional security: Good friends generally help their friends experience a sense of safety when facing new or nerve-wracking situations.
Reliable alliance: Good friends tend to be loyal and trustworthy; they are usually available when needed.
Self-validation: Good friends frequently encourage one another.
Intimacy: Good friends may reciprocally reveal personal information and react positively to what they’re told.

Find opportunities to support your friends

There is no single best way to support your friends. Consider the resources you have available and your friends’ current needs. The way you show up for your friends will likely vary as you all go through different seasons of life.

Physical support

Physical support can go a long way anytime someone is experiencing even a small life challenge. There are the cliched options that may readily come to mind, such as helping a friend move or driving them to the airport. You can also look for other ways to physically make life easier for your friends, such as coming over to help them clean, running errands for them, or letting their dog out when they have a long day at work.

You don’t have to live near your friends to show up for them physically. You might have their favorite meal delivered or send them a gift card for local professional cleaning services.

Here are a few more options to consider:

Assist with home projects, such as putting together new furniture or organizing their closet.
Offer transportation or the chance to carpool.
Participate in a study session as they prepare for an exam.
Join them in working in their garden.
Deliver meals.
Offer to come early to an event they’re hosting to help set up.
Provide translation support for friends who speak different languages.

Emotional support

Emotional support often involves communication and may be considered a critical component of a friendship between women and people of all genders.

Being a good listener can go a long way in providing emotional support. Try to lend a non-judgmental ear when your friends need to talk about something, and acknowledge their emotions to let them know their feelings are valid. You don’t necessarily have to agree with a friend to offer your support.

It can be just as helpful to offer emotional support during celebratory times. Recognize achievements, whether big or small, perhaps through a congratulatory text or dinner at a restaurant to celebrate a promotion. This can prevent a sense of competition and communicate that you want to see your friends succeed.

Financial support

If any of your friends provide a good or service, consider supporting their business by making a purchase. It may be tempting to ask for a discount since you know them, but doing so can communicate that you don’t truly value what they do. If you don’t have the extra money to spend, share their business page on Facebook or make referrals to other friends and family.

Follow through

It can be disheartening to make plans with someone, only for them to fall through again and again. You can’t prevent illness or mandatory overtime at work, but you can choose not to cancel just because you don’t feel like leaving your house that night.

Following through can also involve following up. Check in to see how your friends are handling life, especially when you know things have been a little challenging. If someone has a scary doctor’s appointment, you might send them a text to provide encouragement and let them know you’re thinking of them. After a tough break-up, periodic texts or calls can serve as reminders that your friend isn’t alone.

Two woman sit on a patio while holding cups of coffee as they have a conversation. — Getty/The Good Brigade

Tailor your communication

Communication can be an essential component of any relationship. Knowing how your friends best communicate can help you create opportunities to stay in touch and deepen your bond. For example, you may schedule weekly walks with one friend so you can catch up in person, while you may use voice memos to keep in touch with another friend. What you talk about may vary just as widely as how you talk to your friends. Tailoring your communication can deepen your relationships as you build closer connections based on shared interests or hobbies.

Meet your friends where they are

No relationship can be exactly 50/50 all the time. You may experience times when you must meet your friends where they are in order to sustain the friendship. For example, if your friend has had a baby, your girls' nights out dancing may turn into brunch at a baby-friendly cafe, or you may have to do most of the driving if your friend doesn’t have transportation of their own.

Each of your friends may have a unique set of gifts, just as they have a unique communication style. If you can learn to appreciate and lean into these gifts, you may experience less disappointment related to the areas in which they may be lacking. One person may excel at initiating social gatherings, but another may always be ready to hop on the phone and lend a listening ear.

Learn how to navigate conflict without emotional violence

Conflict occurs in almost every relationship. Knowing how to navigate conflict and prevent it from damaging your relationship can play a big part in maintaining healthy, long-term friendships.

Unhealthy conflict management can seem like emotional violence

Your previous experiences and relationships have likely played a role in how you learned to manage conflict. If unhealthy conflict management was consistently modeled for you during your childhood, that may be the only way you know how to address frustrations and disagreements. Unhealthy reactions to conflict can include the following:

Saying and doing things you know will harm the other person
Ignoring the conflict
Exploding in anger
Refusing to communicate or find a compromise

Healthy conflict management may lead to resolution

When two or more people can work through a disagreement and come to a solution, they may find that their relationship is ultimately strengthened. Healthy conflict typically won’t damage your friendship. Here are a few strategies involved in healthy conflict management:

Accepting conflict as a normal part of any relationship
Regulating your emotions with a pause and deep breath before you react out of anger
Using “I” statements instead of accusing your friend of something
Looking for common ground and solutions that satisfy both of you

How friendship impacts your health

Research has shown that friendship can play a key role in mental and physical health. A strong social network often provides greater access to necessary resources, positive people, and social support.

Mental health

Supportive friendships typically result in more positive emotions, a sense of security, and a greater belief that life has meaning. People with good friends tend to be less likely to experience mental health conditions like anxiety and depression.

Physical health

According to a 2023 study, people with high-quality friendships are generally 9% more likely to exercise and 19% less likely to experience a stroke. Researchers suggest that having friends can motivate individuals to take better care of their health because they know people depend on them. In some cases, their friends may encourage them to make healthier choices as well.

The health risks associated with a lack of friendship

As having friends can be beneficial for your health, it may not be surprising to hear that a lack of social connection may negatively impact your well-being. People who have few friends or who have poor-quality relationships typically have a higher risk of premature death, sometimes even higher than the risk of premature death for people who smoke or drink excessively.

Social connection can be so vital that the World Health Organization recently launched the new Commission on Social Connection as a way to battle the isolation that many people are experiencing.

Two woman stand at the counter in a kitchen and prepare a meal together while smiling at one another. — Getty/Sopaphan Romphongoen

How therapy can provide education about how to be a better friend

Any healthy relationship usually takes effort to maintain. If you want to learn new strategies to connect with others so you can be a better friend, therapy may be a good place to start. For instance, interpersonal therapy may help you improve the quality of your relationships with others and learn how to develop additional social connections.

If you already have a packed schedule, finding time to attend in-person therapy sessions may not seem feasible. With online therapy, you can schedule sessions at times that are convenient for you, whether that’s first thing in the morning or during your lunch break at work. Platforms like BetterHelp offer access to thousands of mental health professionals.

While not much research exists on the efficacy of online therapy for improving friendships, current studies suggest that online and in-person therapy tend to be equally effective. Both options may be valid ways to address a variety of mental health disorders and challenges.

Takeaway

Strong friendships can be crucial to mental and physical well-being. By being intentional about showing support to your friends, you can nurture your relationships and experience a greater sense of meaning, as well as enhanced life satisfaction. Knowing how to be a good friend doesn’t necessarily come naturally to everyone, however, especially if supportive behaviors weren’t modeled for you during childhood. Therapy, whether online or in person, may help you learn better ways to relate to others and navigate conflict healthily.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What is the friendship of women like?

Female friendships, in many ways, stand out from other types of relationships. While all friendships offer emotional support, advice, and empathy, the unique shared mental, physical, and social experiences of women often create a deeper connection. In these friendships, women feel more at ease sharing intimate details about their lives, with less fear of judgment or misunderstanding.

What is the power of female friendship?

The strength of female friendships lies in their ability to provide emotional intimacy and practical support, creating a solid foundation for well-being, personal growth, and positive social influence. Female friendships can also be empowering, creating a support system of sisterhood and solidarity.

Studies show that women receive more emotional support from their female friends and release more oxytocin during stressful times when supported by a friend. There is also evidence to indicate that, depending on age, female friendships might be longer-lasting—with an average of 23 years for women in their mid-50s. Research from the UCLA Department of Psychology found women were more likely to turn to their friends in times of stress, increasing the production of stress-reducing hormones in the body.

What do women look for in a friendship?

Women often seek friendships that offer emotional support, trust, and mutual understanding. Here are some of the most common qualities women value in friendships:

Trustworthiness and reliability: Knowing they can rely on their friend in good times and bad is essential. Trust is critical, as it enables openness and vulnerability.
Empathy and emotional support: Women often value friends who are empathetic and offer support through difficult times. This includes having someone who listens without judgment and validates their feelings.
Respect and loyalty: Loyalty in friendships is important because it fosters a sense of safety. Respecting each other's values, opinions, and boundaries helps strengthen the bond.
Shared values and interests: While every friend brings unique qualities to a friendship, having shared interests can help form deeper connections and more enjoyable experiences together.
Effort and reciprocity: A balanced friendship in which both parties invest their time and effort is valuable. Women often appreciate friends who "check in," show interest in their lives, and make an effort to maintain the relationship.
Honesty and openness: The ability to speak openly about issues, resolve misunderstandings, and communicate honestly is often essential. Honest feedback (delivered kindly) is frequently valued in close friendships.
Positive influence: Many look for friends who bring positivity, inspire, or make them feel good about themselves. Friendships that contribute to personal growth or happiness are especially fulfilling.

What are the statistics on the friendship of women?

According to a survey from the Pew Research Center:

55% of women say they have between one and four close friends, while 36% say they have five or more
71% of women participants said all or most of their close friends are female.

A 2021 post-pandemic survey from the Survey Center on American Life reported:

41% of female participants had received emotional support from a friend within the past week, compared to 21% of men
49% of women said they had told a friend they loved them within the past week, compared to 25% of men
54% of women said they were completely or very satisfied with the number of friendships they had, compared to 48% of men.

What is a healthy female friendship?

A healthy female friendship is one rooted in mutual respect, trust, and positive reinforcement, in which each friend genuinely wants the best for the other. They celebrate each other’s successes, offer comfort during hardships, and strive to lift each other up. Healthy female friendships feature trust and open communication, where both friends feel safe sharing personal feelings without fear of judgment or gossip.

A solid female friendship supports growth and respects each person’s individuality. Rather than pressure to fit a mold or hide parts of themselves, each person feels safe to be authentic, with the friendship encouraging personal development. Healthy friendships add joy, companionship, and laughter to each other’s lives. They don’t leave either friend feeling drained or negatively impacted. Instead, they provide a source of positivity and emotional nourishment.

What are the characteristics of female friendships?

Female friendships often have unique qualities that distinguish them from other types of friendships. Characteristics commonly found in female friendships include:

Emotional depth and support: Women may share their feelings and experiences more openly, fostering an environment where they feel safe to be vulnerable.
Intimacy and self-disclosure: Women in close friendships frequently engage in self-disclosure, sharing personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
Empathy and nurturing: Many female friendships are built on compassion and a mutual desire to care for each other.
Healthy communication: Communication plays a central role in female friendships, with conversations often being the primary means of connecting and maintaining friendships.
Collaborative problem-solving: Female friends may engage in collaborative problem-solving and offer advice to help each other manage personal issues.
Shared interests and activities: While emotional connection is central, shared interests and activities may also play a role in female friendships.
Strong conflict resolution: Women may work harder to resolve conflicts between friends through open discussions and apologies.
Loyalty: Loyalty is a commonly valued trait, with friends offering consistent support and maintaining the friendship over time.
Mutual support: Healthy female friendships typically involve reciprocity, where both friends contribute to the relationship and offer mutual support.

What are the three affinities of female friendships?

"The three affinities of female friendship" refers to a concept coined by Danielle Bayard Jackson in her book Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships. The affinities are integral to understanding why female friendships are often so strong but sometimes fragile and susceptible to disruption. The three affinities include:

Symmetry: The feeling that someone understands you on a deep level
Support: The emotional support that women prioritize in their friendships
Secrecy: The feeling of exclusivity in the friendship

When one of these affinities is violated, tension may arise, but the relationship doesn't necessarily need to end. Instead, the friends can work to restore satisfaction for both parties.

Does the friendship of women last?

Like any type of friendship, some female friendships hang on for a lifetime, while others end much sooner. How long a friendship lasts might depend on several factors, both internal and external. Sometimes, connections persevere because the friends have many common interests or deeper personal bonds. Other times, friends might grow apart because of betrayal, lack of respect, or priority differences.

What is the power of female friendships?

Female friendships often hold a unique power that can have a transformative impact on individuals and their communities. Here are some examples of how female friendships can profoundly shape lives:

Female friendships are often deeply supportive, providing a safe space for emotional expression and vulnerability. Friends can serve as confidantes, offering empathy, understanding, and validation that help buffer stress and cope with life’s challenges.
Female friends frequently empower each other by celebrating accomplishments, reinforcing self-worth, and challenging each other to grow. This positive reinforcement can be an essential boost to self-confidence and self-esteem. The encouragement that comes from female friendships can inspire women to pursue their goals and take risks, knowing they have a support system.
Female friends often provide leadership and serve as role models for each other, helping to normalize ambition, self-care, and assertiveness.
Women often share knowledge, advice, and experiences within their friendships, contributing to collective growth. This shared wisdom can lead to greater life satisfaction and informed decision-making, as friends can rely on each other’s perspectives and experiences. This support network can be especially important in navigating life changes, such as career moves, relationships, or parenting.
Female friends often hold each other accountable in a supportive way, whether it’s related to personal goals, health, or career aspirations. Knowing that friends are invested in each other’s growth often leads to more consistent efforts toward goals.
Whether promoting education, organizing events, supporting local causes, or advocating for social justice issues such as domestic violence or reproductive rights, female friends often work together to create change. The community-oriented nature of many female friendships means that women on a mission can collectively significantly impact their surroundings.
Female friendships provide a space for emotional healing and growth. Friends often help each other process past experiences, heal from difficult relationships, and grow beyond self-limiting beliefs.
Female friendships are often enduring and provide stability across life’s phases. Friends who maintain long-term connections offer continuity, understanding each other’s history and providing a steady source of companionship. These lasting friendships can create a powerful anchor through life’s ups and downs, giving friends a sense of belonging and an unchanging support system, regardless of other life circumstances.

Are female friendships intimate?

Female friendships are often more intimate than other types, as they tend to prioritize emotional connection and support. Women are more likely to share vulnerabilities with their friends, which can lead to deeper, more lasting connections.

Form healthier friendships with support

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