Friendship Of Women: How Women Can Support Their Friends In Health, Education, And Life
It’s often said that “to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” In the busyness of day-to-day life, people may find that the friendship of women (and people of all genders) is put on the back burner while they focus on work, school, children, family, and other obligations. However, research has shown that strong social connection often comes with numerous health benefits, boosting your well-being and giving you a greater sense of purpose. When you are intentional about supporting your friends and nurturing your relationships, you may find that you are able to cultivate deeper friendships. A licensed mental health professional can help you develop the attributes and skills necessary for healthy connections.
The core functions of friendship
Researchers have determined six core functions of friendship. The presence and strength of these functions can determine the quality of friendships.
- Stimulating companionship: Good friends typically spend time doing activities they both enjoy and find exciting.
- Social support: Good friends usually offer emotional, instrumental, and informational support.
- Emotional security: Good friends generally help their friends experience a sense of safety when facing new or nerve-wracking situations.
- Reliable alliance: Good friends tend to be loyal and trustworthy; they are usually available when needed.
- Self-validation: Good friends frequently encourage one another.
- Intimacy: Good friends may reciprocally reveal personal information and react positively to what they’re told.
Find opportunities to support your friends
There is no single best way to support your friends. Consider the resources you have available and your friends’ current needs. The way you show up for your friends will likely vary as you all go through different seasons of life.
Physical support
Physical support can go a long way anytime someone is experiencing even a small life challenge. There are the cliched options that may readily come to mind, such as helping a friend move or driving them to the airport. You can also look for other ways to physically make life easier for your friends, such as coming over to help them clean, running errands for them, or letting their dog out when they have a long day at work.
You don’t have to live near your friends to show up for them physically. You might have their favorite meal delivered or send them a gift card for local professional cleaning services.
Here are a few more options to consider:
- Assist with home projects, such as putting together new furniture or organizing their closet.
- Offer transportation or the chance to carpool.
- Participate in a study session as they prepare for an exam.
- Join them in working in their garden.
- Deliver meals.
- Offer to come early to an event they’re hosting to help set up.
- Provide translation support for friends who speak different languages.
Emotional support
Emotional support often involves communication and may be considered a critical component of a friendship between women and people of all genders.
Being a good listener can go a long way in providing emotional support. Try to lend a non-judgmental ear when your friends need to talk about something, and acknowledge their emotions to let them know their feelings are valid. You don’t necessarily have to agree with a friend to offer your support.
It can be just as helpful to offer emotional support during celebratory times. Recognize achievements, whether big or small, perhaps through a congratulatory text or dinner at a restaurant to celebrate a promotion. This can prevent a sense of competition and communicate that you want to see your friends succeed.
Financial support
If any of your friends provide a good or service, consider supporting their business by making a purchase. It may be tempting to ask for a discount since you know them, but doing so can communicate that you don’t truly value what they do. If you don’t have the extra money to spend, share their business page on Facebook or make referrals to other friends and family.
Follow through
It can be disheartening to make plans with someone, only for them to fall through again and again. You can’t prevent sickness or mandatory overtime at work, but you can choose not to cancel just because you don’t feel like leaving your house that night.
Following through can also involve following up. Check in to see how your friends are handling life, especially when you know things have been a little challenging. If someone has a scary doctor’s appointment, you might send them a text to provide encouragement and let them know you’re thinking of them. After a tough break-up, periodic texts or calls can serve as reminders that your friend isn’t alone.
Tailor your communication
Communication can be an essential component of any relationship. Knowing how your friends best communicate can help you create opportunities to stay in touch and deepen your bond. For example, you may schedule weekly walks with one friend so you can catch up in person, while you may use voice memos to keep in touch with another friend. What you talk about may vary just as widely as how you talk to your friends. Tailoring your communication can deepen your relationships as you build closer connections based on shared interests or hobbies.
Meet your friends where they are
No relationship can be exactly 50/50 all the time. You may experience times when you must meet your friends where they are in order to sustain the friendship. For example, if your friend has had a baby, your girls' nights out dancing may turn into brunch at a baby-friendly cafe, or you may have to do most of the driving if your friend doesn’t have transportation of their own.
Each of your friends may have a unique set of gifts, just as they have a unique communication style. If you can learn to appreciate and lean into these gifts, you may experience less disappointment related to the areas in which they may be lacking. One person may excel at initiating social gatherings, but another may always be ready to hop on the phone and lend a listening ear.
Learn how to navigate conflict without emotional violence
Conflict occurs in almost every relationship. Knowing how to navigate conflict and prevent it from damaging your relationship can play a big part in maintaining healthy, long-term friendships.
Unhealthy conflict management can seem like emotional violence
Your previous experiences and relationships have likely played a role in how you learned to manage conflict. If unhealthy conflict management was consistently modeled for you during your childhood, that may be the only way you know how to address frustrations and disagreements. Unhealthy reactions to conflict can include the following:
- Saying and doing things you know will harm the other person
- Ignoring the conflict
- Exploding in anger
- Refusing to communicate or find a compromise
Healthy conflict management may lead to resolution
When two or more people can work through a disagreement and come to a solution, they may find that their relationship is ultimately strengthened. Healthy conflict typically won’t damage your friendship. Here are a few strategies involved in healthy conflict management:
- Accepting conflict as a normal part of any relationship
- Regulating your emotions with a pause and deep breath before you react out of anger
- Using “I” statements instead of accusing your friend of something
- Looking for common ground and solutions that satisfy both of you
How friendship impacts your health
Research has shown that friendship can play a key role in mental and physical health. A strong social network often provides greater access to necessary resources, positive people, and social support.
Mental health
Supportive friendships typically result in more positive emotions, a sense of security, and a greater belief that life has meaning. People with good friends tend to be less likely to experience mental health conditions like anxiety and depression.
Physical health
According to a 2023 study, people with high-quality friendships are generally 9% more likely to exercise and 19% less likely to experience a stroke. Researchers suggest that having friends can motivate individuals to take better care of their health because they know people depend on them. In some cases, their friends may encourage them to make healthier choices as well.
The health risks associated with a lack of friendship
As having friends can be beneficial for your health, it may not be surprising to hear that a lack of social connection may negatively impact your well-being. People who have few friends or who have poor-quality relationships typically have a higher risk of premature death, sometimes even higher than the risk of premature death for people who smoke or drink excessively.
Social connection can be so vital that the World Health Organization recently launched the new Commission on Social Connection as a way to battle the isolation that many people are experiencing.
How therapy can provide education about how to be a better friend
Any healthy relationship usually takes effort to maintain. If you want to learn new strategies to connect with others so you can be a better friend, therapy may be a good place to start. For instance, interpersonal therapy may help you improve the quality of your relationships with others and learn how to develop additional social connections.
If you already have a packed schedule, finding time to attend in-person therapy sessions may not seem feasible. With online therapy, you can schedule sessions at times that are convenient for you, whether that’s first thing in the morning or during your lunch break at work. Platforms like BetterHelp offer access to thousands of mental health professionals.
While not much research exists on the efficacy of online therapy for improving friendships, current studies suggest that online and in-person therapy tend to be equally effective. Both options may be valid ways to address a variety of mental health disorders and challenges.
Takeaway
Strong friendships can be crucial to mental and physical well-being. By being intentional about showing support to your friends, you can nurture your relationships and experience a greater sense of meaning, as well as enhanced life satisfaction. Knowing how to be a good friend doesn’t necessarily come naturally to everyone, however, especially if supportive behaviors weren’t modeled for you during childhood. Therapy, whether online or in person, may help you learn better ways to relate to others and navigate conflict healthily.
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