Friendship Questions: Enhancing Conversations And Bonding Over Memories
Having a thoughtful conversation can be a simple but powerful way to strengthen a friendship. By discussing your thoughts, feelings, wishes, and fears, you may learn to understand each other better while growing closer. How do you kick off this kind of enriching conversation, though? Often, the solution is simply to ask the right questions.
Below, you'll find a list of some interesting questions you can use to get to know your friends better—or to potentially make friends with someone you hardly know at all. Some are lighthearted conversation starters, while others are meant to open up a deeper exchange about the things that matter most in life. While there’s no “perfect question” that can guarantee a closer friendship, the topics listed here should help you get to know someone at least a little bit better than you did before.
How vulnerability and honest conversation can build a friendship
When you’re talking with a compatible person, this process can build on itself until you both wind up discussing the things that are nearest and dearest to your hearts or that make you feel vulnerable. Some of the closest and most rewarding friendships in life can be born out of this kind of communication. According to some psychologists, part of the reason humans seek friendship in the first place is because we want to find someone with whom we can express our authentic selves. The following friendship questions may help you reach that place of comfort and trust over time.
Pop culture questions
Discussions of books, movies, TV shows, music, and other forms of media can be an excellent “icebreaker” subject. When you’re not sure what to talk about with a friend, sparking a conversation about the things that most entertain them may help get things rolling. Examples of such questions include:
- If you were stuck on a desert island for the rest of your life with only one book (or movie, or TV show), which would you choose?
- What song do you most like to listen to when you’re sad?
- What song do you listen to when you want to get pumped up?
- If you had to appear on a reality TV show, which one would it be and why?
- What’s a movie that could have been great but was ruined by the ending?
- If you could pick one fictional character to be your best friend, who would it be?
- What piece of media that other people hate do you think is actually great?
What pop culture questions can tell you about a friend
Questions about TV shows and bands might seem superficial at first, but they can actually offer a sense of common ground while prompting deeper discussions. Powerful works of art often speak to a person’s most deeply held beliefs, longings, and fears.
Childhood memory questions
Knowing where someone came from can sometimes tell you a lot about who they are now. Here are some questions to consider asking about a person’s early life:
- When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
- How did you find out that Santa Claus wasn’t real?
- What book or movie influenced you the most when you were younger?
- What was your favorite holiday as a kid?
- Who was the first person you became friends with?
- What did you like most and least about the place where you grew up?
- Who was your childhood hero?
- Who was your favorite family member as a kid?
- When did you first start to realize your parents didn’t know everything?
- How did you feel about school as a child?
Coming-of-age questions
You can follow up your discussion of childhood with questions about adolescence and young adulthood, which may reveal even more about how your friend became the person they are now. Examples include:
- What was the worst trouble you got into as a teenager?
- What fashion trends did you love that make you cringe now?
- What was your AIM screen name (if applicable)?
- What did you study in college (if applicable)?
- What was the first concert you went to?
- What’s your favorite memory from high school or college?
- What’s the craziest adventure you’ve had?
What an adolescent or childhood memory can tell you about a friend
The way people think about their life stories may be a core feature of their identities. By learning more about where your friends came from and how they got here, you may better understand how they see themselves.
Time travel questions
Many fun conversation starters involve hypothetical scenarios about what a person would do if they could interact with the past or the future. Possible questions include:
- What historical figure would you most like to talk with?
- What do you wish you could tell your younger self?
- What question would you ask your future self?
- If you had to travel to the distant past and could only bring one piece of modern technology, what would you choose?
- What historical event would you change if you had a time machine?
- If you could learn one thing about the future of humanity, what would it be?
What time travel questions can tell you about a friend
Along with prompting a fun chat about history and time travel paradoxes, these kinds of questions can be a chance to talk about your big-picture priorities. You can talk about what you value in today’s world, what you wish was different, and what hopes you have for the future. These may help you discover whether your values and curiosities align with your friend’s.
Bucket list questions
Asking about a person’s “bucket list”—the things they hope to experience in their lifetime—is a classic type of “getting to know you” question. Here are a few examples:
- What’s the one place on Earth you’d most like to see before you die?
- What do you most hope to accomplish during your life?
- Is there someone you wish you could reconcile with while you’re both still alive?
- Who do you most wish you could meet before you die?
- What’s an experience you hope to have during your lifetime?
- If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
What you can learn about a friend from their bucket list
Many philosophers and psychologists have suggested that an awareness of mortality plays a significant role in how people understand the meaning of life. Reflecting on death can often trigger thoughts about your most significant priorities, so talking about them with a friend can be a deep bonding experience.
Questions about vulnerabilities
Questions about the things that make a person feel scared, sad, embarrassed, or otherwise vulnerable can be the most difficult to ask and answer. However, they may also be among the most valuable ways to build stronger friendships.
Learning the answers to some of the following questions may deepen your bond with your friend. Just remember to respect their boundaries if they don’t want to discuss or share about a certain topic:
- What’s your biggest fear?
- What would you change about yourself if you could?
- What’s your most embarrassing experience?
- Which family members do you have the most difficulty with?
- What are you struggling most with right now?
- What’s the weirdest thing you believe?
- What is your biggest regret?
- Do you have a guilty pleasure?
What questions about vulnerabilities can tell you about a friend
While the conversations prompted by the questions to ask listed above may be difficult, they can show you a side of your friend they don’t show to the rest of the world, which can be a powerful source of intimacy. In addition, they may help you better understand how to support them through difficult times in the future.
Self-definition questions
The following questions can help you get a better sense of how your friend sees their own identity:
- Are you a night owl or a morning person?
- What’s your favorite season and why?
- Are you a “Type A” or “Type B” person?
- If you were an animal, which one would you be and why?
- What’s your greatest strength?
- What do you wish people understood about you?
- What goals are you working toward right now?
- If you had one extra day every week, what would you do with it?
- What was your proudest fashion moment?
- What’s your biggest accomplishment?
- What are you most thankful for?
- Who do you think has been the biggest influence on your life?
- What’s the best compliment anyone’s ever given you?
- Which of your parents or other relatives are you most like?
- What do you think is most important in life?
- What would be your perfect day?
What self-definition questions can tell you about a friend
People may not always see themselves with perfect clarity. Still, understanding what your friend thinks about themselves can often help you learn a lot about their behavior, emotional responses, and motivations.
How a conversation with a therapist could help your friendship
If you’re concerned that you’re not as close with your friends as you’d like, prompting a deeper conversation with them may help. However, discussing what you’re feeling with a mental health professional might also be a good idea.
Persistent worries and insecurities about your relationships can sometimes be an indicator of anxiety, which therapy could help you address. Working with a counselor might also help you build self-esteem and confidence, which can make it easier to be vulnerable and responsive when talking with the people you care about.
Not everyone feels comfortable talking with a therapist about these kinds of challenges face-to-face, which is why many turn to online therapy instead. Internet-based treatment can create a sense of distance, control, and comfort that can sometimes make it easier to open up and participate in the therapeutic process.
Current evidence indicates that online treatment can be an effective way to treat persistent worries, self-esteem difficulties, and many other common obstacles to connecting with others. For example, a 2020 meta-analysis of 20 different trials suggests that online and in-person cognitive behavioral therapy “had an equal effect” on clients with social anxiety, with both methods producing significant reductions in symptoms.
Takeaway
What are good friendship questions to start a conversation?
Asking a new friend some questions may help you get to know each other and deepen your bond. You might ask them questions about their background, their likes and dislikes, their values, and their dreams and goals. According to social psychology, most people enjoy sharing about themselves, so questions that express genuine interest can go a long way.
What are 10 questions to ask friends?
Examples of 10 deep questions to ask friends to strengthen your connection include:
- In your opinion, what is the best quality to have in a friend?
- How do you usually respond in a crisis or when receiving bad news?
- What's a bad habit you have that you'd like to change?
- What's the biggest lesson or most important lesson you've learned in the past year?
- What do you consider to be the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- When did you know we were going to be good friends?
- What's your least favorite trait in yourself that you'd like to change?
- What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
- Where do you see our friendship in five years?
- What's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?
What questions to ask to fix a friendship?
If a friendship of yours has become damaged or weakened, you typically must figure out what caused the rift. You might first ask your friend to tell you their perception of what happened. Then, you might ask them if there's anything they feel unheard about in the friendship and listen actively when they share. From there, thinking about how you might be able to repair things together and asking them to share their ideas too can be helpful.
What are 10 good questions?
Whether you're simply bored or are trying to get to know someone better, these 10 fun questions can be good ones to ask:
- How did you meet your best friends?
- What was your favorite game as a child?
- How would you describe yourself in three words?
- What's the first movie you remember seeing in theaters?
- What's your favorite thing to do in your free time?
- What's your zodiac sign, and do you think it describes you?
- What's your plan if the zombie apocalypse happens?
- Who is your role model?
- Do you know your neighbors?
- What's your relationship like with your closest friend?
What are 20 questions to ask friends?
There are lots of different questions you can ask friends to increase closeness, connect deeply, and learn more about each other. Here are some examples:
- What was your favorite movie as a child?
- What was your favorite toy as a child?
- What's your earliest memory?
- What does your name mean?
- When's the last time you made a new friend?
- Do you like your neighborhood?
- What's a skill you really want to learn?
- What's your favorite thing about yourself?
- What's something most people don't know about you?
- What's a topic you could speak about for 30 minutes without preparing?
- What's your favorite comfort food?
- Who do you call when you're feeling down?
- What's an important lesson you've learned in the past year?
- What did you learn from your last relationship, if applicable?
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- Who was your first crush, if any?
- Who was your first kiss, if any?
- What's your biggest pet peeve?
- What do you appreciate most about your best friends?
- What's a goal you have for the coming year?
What are 20 random questions that don’t involve a bucket list, pop culture, childhood memory, or time travel?
Here are 20 of the most random, best questions to ask someone:
- If you had a plane ticket to go anywhere in the world for free, where would you go?
- What would your superpower be?
- When's the last time you stayed up all night?
- What was your favorite color as a child, and what is it now?
- What's the first thing you notice when meeting someone new?
- Describe your ideal vacation.
- Are you a dessert person or not?
- If so, what's your favorite dessert?
- Are you a dog person or a cat person?
- What do you usually eat for breakfast?
- Do you usually remember your dreams?
- Do you have any tattoos, or would you ever get one?
- Do you have any siblings?
- Did you have any pets growing up?
- Do you have a favorite book, video game, or podcast right now?
- What's something you wish people knew about you?
- What's your favorite way to spend a relaxing Sunday morning?
- What's your favorite season?
- What's your signature dish to cook for other people?
- What's something positive you learned from your parent(s) or caregiver(s) growing up?
What are 10 good truth questions?
When playing truth or dare, some truth questions you might ask include:
- What is something most people don't know about you?
- When’s the last time you felt really angry?
- What's your biggest guilty pleasure?
- What's something you would change about the past if you could?
- Do you believe in ghosts?
- What's your most embarrassing moment?
- What's the last thing you Googled?
- Have you ever ghosted someone?
- Which app do you use the most?
- What's your biggest fear?
What are the 21 questions?
There's no single set of 21 questions to be used to get to know someone. Instead, you must usually select questions that reflect what you want to know about a person. The best questions are typically those that are designed to elicit interesting answers but without embarrassing or making the person feel uncomfortable.
What are 5 good questions to ask someone?
Five good questions to ask someone you're trying to get to know include:
- What's on your bucket list?
- What's your biggest pet peeve?
- What would your superpower be?
- What's the most fun you've had recently?
- What's a goal you have for the coming year?
What are 3 questions to ask friends?
The questions you ask friends may depend on how close you are and what you want to know. For example, you could ask a close friend:
- What quality is most important to you in a friend?
- Do you remember the day we met?
- Is there anything I can do in our friendship to better support you?
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