Friendship With Benefits: How To Balance A Friends-With-Benefits Relationship And Mental Health

Relationships can take many forms. When defining relationships, it can be important to consider whether they include various elements of intimacy. Individuals who engage in sexual intimacy with a friend may be in a relationship that could be defined as a “friendship with benefits.” This type of arrangement can have both positive and negative effects on mental health. To more effectively navigate these or other types of relationships, consider speaking with a licensed therapist.

Are you struggling with a friends-with-benefits dynamic?

Talk about it with a licensed therapist

What is friendship?

What are friends with benefits? 

A friends-with-benefits relationship usually involves adding sexual activity to a traditional friendship. Other features of a friends-with-benefits relationship may include casual sex, a lack of commitment, and a sense of emotional intimacy. 

Casual sex

While the sex in a friends-with-benefits relationship may not be as casual as one may have during a hook-up or “one-night stand,” there is typically less responsibility than one would have in a relationship. Sex may occur multiple times, as opposed to a single casual sexual encounter. In some cases, a person may also engage in casual sex with a previous partner without officially rekindling the relationship, and this could be categorized as a friends-with-benefits relationship.

A lack of commitment 

While individuals in a committed relationship or marriage typically intend to be with one another for a long period of time, friends with benefits usually have a more non-committal arrangement. Friends-with-benefits relationships are often non-monogamous, meaning each person can explore sexual relationships outside their arrangement.

Emotional intimacy

Friends with benefits may also experience emotional intimacy. Due to the intimate nature of friendships, people in these types of relationships may have a more significant emotional investment than they would have with a casual hook-up partner. This is one factor that can differentiate these relationships from those that are described as “no-strings-attached.”

Are there other forms of friends-with-benefits relationships?

While it may be less common, friends-with-benefits relationships may not involve sex. In some cases, individuals may incorporate other elements of a romantic relationship, such as holding one another, kissing, and engaging in other non-sexual forms of physical intimacy. Friends with benefits may also refer to friendships that involve non-romantic benefits, such as those that relate to finances or specific privileges. 

What are the types of relationships?

Aside from friendships and friends with benefits, a person may experience a variety of relationships during their life. Some common relationship types include the following:

• Coworkers
• Acquaintances
• Friendships
• Romantic relationships
• Family relationships
• Casual relationships
• Polyamorous relationships

Each of these relationship types can involve varying levels of intimacy, friendship, and proximity. For example, coworkers may be friends, or they may simply be acquaintances. Relationships can also change over time, with some acquaintances becoming friends and some friends becoming romantic partners. 

Can friends start dating?

It can be possible for a friendship to evolve into a romantic relationship over time. Individuals may know each other for many years in a friendly capacity before deciding to pursue a romantic relationship. In some cases, the people involved may be in committed relationships when they meet. After those relationships conclude, they could develop romantic feelings for each other. 

Can casual sex ruin a friendship? 

While some may be able to engage in sexual intimacy with a friend without experiencing any challenges, sex may damage a friendship in some cases. Individuals may struggle to separate sex from their emotions, potentially developing more significant feelings for their friend over time. 

In some situations, one party may start to date someone else who is not comfortable with their previous arrangement. This may lead a person to break off a friendship to respect their current partner’s boundaries. 

How to take casual sex out of the friendship equation 

If you sense that your friendship may be entering friends-with-benefits territory, it could be beneficial to discuss your boundaries. Clearly defining your connection as platonic and letting the other person know you want to stay “just friends” may prevent confusion and keep both parties comfortable. This may involve highlighting specific comments or behaviors that are off-limits and reinforcing boundaries when you believe they have been crossed. 

Setting boundaries in a friends-with-benefits relationship

A few examples of boundaries you may want to address in a friends-with-benefits relationship include the following:

• Whether you will see other people
• Whether you will sleep at one another’s houses
• How often you will see one another
• Whether you will discuss the relationship with others
• Which sexual acts you are comfortable with

It can be crucial to ensure that any sexual activity is consensual and both parties fully understand the nature of the relationship before proceeding. 

How can friends-with-benefits relationships affect your mental health? 

Friends-with-benefits relationships may have a variety of positive and negative effects on a person’s mental health. In a 2014 study, researchers surveyed 119 adults to determine how they perceived these types of relationships. Their responses were organized into ten categories, five labeled as “positive” and five as “negative,” with participants categorizing their perceptions as follows:

These statistics indicate that participants generally had more positive responses than negative responses. However, this is only one study with a limited number of participants, and a significant portion of those surveyed still experienced negative emotional reactions to this type of relationship.

Mental health treatments that may be beneficial

While friends-with-benefits relationships can be positive, they may also have a negative impact on one’s mental health. As such, it may benefit individuals to seek the help of a mental health professional. Several types of therapy could be beneficial for those experiencing relationship-related difficulties, including the following:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help individuals address struggles that could impede their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. A CBT provider can help individuals recognize potentially harmful patterns of thought that could lead to negative behaviors, as well as find ways to restructure these patterns. 
• Couples counseling: If a friends-with-benefits relationship develops into a serious romantic relationship, couples counseling could be beneficial. This type of therapy often involves all parties in a relationship sitting down with a therapist to address their challenges. 
• Friendship therapy: Friendship therapy can borrow techniques from couples counseling to help friends who are experiencing challenges in their relationships. These sessions can allow friends to build up their communication skills, find their strengths, and address their weaknesses.

Are you struggling with a friends-with-benefits dynamic?

Talk about it with a licensed therapist

While these and other types of therapy can be beneficial, in-person forms of therapy may not always be convenient or accessible. Some may find it difficult to schedule appointments, travel to a therapist's office, or wait the weeks or months it could take to see a local provider. In these situations, it may be beneficial to explore online therapy. 

Research shows that online therapy can have the same level of effectiveness as in-person therapy. In a 2022 study, researchers found no significant differences between these therapeutic formats when measured by various outcomes, including symptom severity after treatment, overall improvement, working alliance, function, and client satisfaction.