Mental Health Support For A Friendship Breakup
People may not often use the word “breakup” in reference to the end of a friendship. Instead, breaking up is commonly associated with the end of a romantic relationship. However, some friendships end in much the same way as romantic relationships do, and a friendship breakup can be just as emotionally difficult. Here, we’ll take a closer look at why friendship breakups happen and how to find support through this experience.
Why some relationships end
Sometimes, two mutual friends slowly lose their connection over time. It’s probably not likely that you will stay friends with everyone you considered a good friend when you were in middle school, for example. Friend groups can change and evolve naturally as people, needs, and situations do.
However, other times, instead of fizzling out, a friendship could end with an escalated conflict or an estrangement. These types of friend breakups may be due to long simmering issues in the relationship or one deeply affecting situation like a serious betrayal.
Signs a friendship breakup might be coming
It’s fairly rare for any friendship to go downhill out of nowhere. If a conflict might be looming, you and your friend may be experiencing the following tensions:
- Communication is happening less frequently
- Conversations are becoming more superficial
- One friend is putting in more effort than the other
- Misunderstandings, arguments, and other conflicts are happening more often
Friendship breakups
A friendship breakup between mutual friends can be deeply affecting. Even if it was ultimately your decision to walk away, it can be hard to end things with someone you were close to and cope with the effects of that lost friendship.
Physical and mental health effects
Potential positive benefits
While the process of ending things with a friend is usually not a pleasant experience, it can sometimes end up having positive outcomes. For example, if the relationship had become unhealthy and attempts to improve it were unsuccessful over time, it may be best to leave it behind. Controlling or manipulative behavior like guilt-tripping or constantly putting you down could be signs of a problematic relationship that may be hard to let go of initially, but may be better for your emotional well-being in the long run to move on from.
Coping strategies
Again, even if you’ve decided it’s best for you to walk away from a friendship, it can be difficult to cope with the loss. Focusing on what you’ve learned may be one way to do so.
What you can learn from these breakups
While a friendship breakup can be tough, there are often opportunities to learn from the experience. Taking some time to reflect on what happened with your former friend—particularly what went wrong—may help you understand how to more effectively relate to other people in your life now and in the future. You may also develop a clearer sense of what you do and do not want from your relationships and what you expect from future friends. Also consider that these endings aren’t always one-sided and that you may realize, upon reflection, that there are some things you’d do differently in the future too.
How to apply lessons learned
Let’s consider an example of how to apply takeaways to future relationships. For instance, if conflict and differing viewpoints were an incendiary issue in a former friendship, you might prioritize future relationships with people who share more of your value system. In other words, it can be useful to take time to think about what you are seeking from future connections when reflecting on lessons learned from a friendship breakup.
Mental health support options
When a person experiences a romantic breakup, they are often supported in their loss and grief by their social support system—such as family and friends. A friendship breakup may not be seen as significant a loss, though, so people may be left to work through their sadness and loneliness largely on their own. In these situations, it may be beneficial to speak to a mental health professional for support as you work to get over a relationship that has ended.
Online therapy with a mental health counselor
After the loss of a meaningful relationship, it can be helpful to have someone to talk things over with and a safe space to express your feelings. If you don’t have many mental health providers in your area or are simply looking for a more convenient support option, you might explore virtual therapy sessions. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp can match you with a licensed therapist who you can then meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from anywhere you have an internet connection.
Research has indicated that online therapy may be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy at addressing a variety of emotional and mental health concerns, including those related to relationship loss. For example, one study examined the use of online therapy for treating symptoms of grief and loss, and its findings suggest that online therapeutic intervention can be an effective way of mitigating grief symptoms.
Takeaway
Are friendship breakups normal?
It can be normal for relationships to end. Sometimes, two people may gradually drift apart as their lives go in different directions. In other cases, one person may pull away to focus on their own needs, or a fight may damage the trust. There are many reasons why close relationships can end.
What are the stages of a friendship breakup?
There aren’t necessarily any specific stages of a friendship breakup. However, it’s possible to go through a grieving process. You might experience emotions like denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and eventually, acceptance as you begin to process the end of a relationship. The end of close relationships with friends can often hurt just as much as romantic splits.
How to reconnect after a friendship breakup?
If you want to reconnect with someone, consider reaching out with a call or text message, and offer an apology to acknowledge anything you may have done wrong. Try to remain open to hearing their side of the story, and remind yourself that they may have a different perspective than you. Keep in mind that your former friend may or may not be interested in rekindling the relationship, and it’s usually best not to pressure someone into a relationship if they prefer to maintain their distance.
What happens when friendships end?
When a close relationship with a friend comes to an end, it can be normal to experience a wide range of emotions. While some may find it pretty easy to move on with time, most find it challenging to get over the end of a relationship. If you’re having a hard time handling the emotional pain associated with the loss, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist for support and guidance.
What to do when someone ends a friendship?
When someone ends a relationship abruptly, you might reach out to ask why they did so. Many people wonder why their friend chose to end their relationship without warning, and you may be hoping for clarity. It may also be an option to give them time to cool down before attempting to rekindle the relationship. However, they aren’t necessarily required to respond to you or provide you with an explanation, and it may be best to focus on your other relationships or to try to start new relationships.
Why are breakups so painful?
Many people assume their friendships will last forever, especially if they’ve known someone since they were kids. A relationship, especially one between best friends, typically involves a deep bond and mutual emotional support. It can be very upsetting when you’ve realized you lost someone, and it’s normal to experience grief over the end of a friendship.
How do you know if a relationship is over?
A relationship may be over (or at least unhealthy) if the following apply:
- The friendship seems one-sided
- When you reach out, you get no reply or very short replies
- Your friend often cancels plans at the last minute
- Your friend only talks about themselves and doesn’t seem to care about your stories or what you have to say
How can you accept that a relationship is over?
Accepting that a relationship is over can take time. It can be best to allow yourself to grieve and turn to others for support. Try to avoid speaking negatively of them and saying things like, “She’s so ridiculous,” or “He’s so unreasonable.”
What is the last stage of friendship?
The last stage is often referred to as “post-friendship,” and it occurs after a relationship has ended.
How can you recover from a friend breakup and support your mental health?
It can be helpful to focus on self-care and the other important relationships in your life. You may want to spend time with your parents, siblings, friends, and spouse (if you’re married). Allowing yourself to fully experience your emotions may empower you to move forward over time.
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