How To Navigate A Friendship Breakup: Mental Health Effects Of Friendship Breakups
People may not often use the word “breakup” in reference to the end of a friendship. Instead, breaking up is commonly associated with the end of a romantic relationship. However, some friendships end in much the same way as romantic relationships do, and a friend breakup can be just as emotionally difficult. Here, we’ll take a closer look at why friendship breakups happen and how to find support through this experience.
Why some friendships end
Sometimes, two mutual friends slowly lose their connection over time. It’s probably not likely that you will stay friends with everyone you considered a good friend when you were in middle school, for example. Friend groups can change and evolve naturally as people, needs, and situations do.
However, other times, instead of fizzling out, a friendship could end with an escalated conflict or an estrangement. These types of friend breakups may be due to long simmering issues in the relationship or one deeply affecting situation like a serious betrayal.
Signs a friendship breakup might be coming
It’s fairly rare for any relationship to go downhill out of nowhere. If a breakup-causing conflict might be looming, you and your friend may be experiencing the following tensions:
- Communication is happening less frequently
- Conversations are becoming more superficial
- One friend is putting in more effort than the other
- Misunderstandings, arguments, and other conflicts are happening more often
The impact of friendship breakups
Friendship breakups between mutual friends can be deeply affecting. Even if it was ultimately your decision to walk away, it can be hard to break ties with someone you were close to and cope with the effects of that lost friendship.
How a friend breakup can affect your physical and mental health
The loss of a former friend, especially a best friend, could take as significant a toll on your emotional and mental health as the loss of a romantic partner. The conflict could lead to sadness, stress, confusion, and a sense of betrayal, which could affect mood and perspective. In addition, if this friend was someone you spent a significant amount of time with, the friendship breakup could lead to increased loneliness. Loneliness and social isolation have been tied to detrimental physical and mental health impacts, so friendship breakups could take a serious toll on your overall well-being.
How a friendship breakup can sometimes be positive
While the process of breaking up with a friend is usually not a pleasant experience, it can sometimes end up having positive outcomes. For example, if the friendship had become unhealthy and attempts to improve it were unsuccessful over time, it may be best to leave it behind. Controlling or manipulative behavior like guilt-tripping or constantly putting you down could be signs of a problematic friendship that may be hard to let go of initially, but may be better for your emotional well-being in the long run to move on from.
Coping with a friend breakup
Again, even if you’ve decided it’s best for you to walk away from a friendship, it can be difficult to cope with the loss. Focusing on what you’ve learned may be one way to do so.
What you can learn from friendship breakups
While friendship breakups can be tough, there are often opportunities to learn from the experience. Taking some time to reflect on what happened with your former friend—particularly what went wrong—may help you understand how to more effectively relate to other people in your life now and in the future. You may also develop a clearer sense of what you do and do not want from your friendships and what you expect from future friends. Also consider that friendship breakups aren’t always one-sided and that you may realize, upon reflection, that there are some things you’d do differently in the future too.
(H3) How to apply lessons learned to future friendships
Let’s consider an example of how to apply takeaways to future relationships and new friendships. For instance, if conflict and differing viewpoints were an incendiary issue in a former friendship, you might prioritize future friendships with people who share more of your value system. In other words, it can be useful to take time to think about what you are seeking from future connections when reflecting on lessons learned from a friendship breakup.
Mental health support after a friendship breakup
When a person experiences a romantic breakup, they are often supported in their loss and grief by their social support system—such as family and friends. A friendship breakup may not be seen as significant a loss, though, so people may be left to work through their sadness and loneliness largely on their own. In these situations, it may be beneficial to speak to a mental health professional for support as you work to get over a friendship that has ended.
Online therapy with a mental health counselor
After the loss of a meaningful relationship like a close friend, it can be helpful to have someone to talk things over with and a safe space to express your feelings. If you don’t have many mental health providers in your area or are simply looking for a more convenient support option, you might explore virtual therapy sessions. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp can match you with a licensed therapist who you can then meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from anywhere you have an internet connection.
Research has indicated that online therapy may be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy at addressing a variety of emotional and mental health concerns, including those related to relationship loss. For example, one study examined the use of online therapy for treating symptoms of grief and loss, and its findings suggest that online therapeutic intervention can be an effective way of mitigating grief symptoms.
Takeaway
Any meaningful relationship can come to an end, yet romantic breakups are often more normalized than breakups between friends. The loss of a friend can take just as significant a toll on your mental health and well-being. Focusing on the lessons you learned, leaning on other friends or a family member for support, and talking to a licensed mental health counselor may help you navigate this often difficult emotional experience.
Frequently asked questions
Below are some frequently asked questions about friendship breakups.
Is it normal to have friendship breakups?
Friendship breakups can be just as common as romantic breakups, although they might be talked about less. Having a falling out with a friend does not mean you didn’t put effort into the relationship or you are not worthy of friendship. In some cases, things just don’t work out. While it can be important to reflect on relationship experiences in order to grow and learn moving forward, friendship breakups don’t necessarily mean that you are a bad friend.
What are the stages of a friendship breakup?
Every friendship breakup is different and every person’s method of processing the loss of a relationship is unique. That said, friendship breakups can sometimes lead to grief, and there are various proposed models for the grieving process that might be helpful during this time. One popular model is the Kübler-Ross stages of grief, which include denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance.
How do you reconnect after a friendship break?
Sometimes, it can be possible for two friends to reconnect after experiencing a friendship breakup. This friendship renewal may not be ideal or possible in all scenarios. However, when it is, it can help to start the process slowly and reflect often on how spending time with this other person makes you feel. Prioritizing open communication about how you both are doing and what your needs are can be crucial.
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