Staying Connected In A Long Distance Friendship
Many people may be familiar with the concept of a long-distance relationship, in which two partners live far apart and are not able to see each other very often. It can be less common to talk about a long-distance friendship, even though people may be more likely to experience that kind of distanced relationship. Long-distance friendships can be challenging, but they can also be rewarding and meaningful.
Cultural and historical friendship symbols
Long-distance friends may be separated by entire oceans, continents, time zones, or states, or they may simply live across a busy city from one another, where long commute times and high levels of traffic may make it difficult to stay connected. It can take more intentionality and effort to stay friends with a long-distance friend, and not everyone may be able to make it work. However, if you are willing to put some work in, you may find that such a relationship remains unaffected by distance.
Pop culture depictions of long-distance friendship
Pop culture loves to tell the story about two friends staying connected after one friend moves away. If your situation is similar, there are a number of movies, shows, and books you can use to find solace.
Movies and TV shows
One blockbuster hit about long-distance friendship is The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, a movie about four teenage girls who have grown up together and now are facing the first summer of their life that they will spend apart. They discover a pair of magical blue jeans, which somehow fit each of them despite all four of them having different body types and shapes. They agree to share the jeans throughout the summer, passing them along by mail to each girl along with letters and postcards to keep each other in the loop about how their summer is going.
Another depiction of long-distance friendship is the finale of the show Broad City, which focuses on the close friendship between two women, Ilana and Abbi, who live in New York City. At the end of the show, Abbi moves away to Boulder, Colorado, leaving her best friend Ilana behind, but the two women are able to maintain their friendship by communicating with each other often.
Books
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie was originally based on a book, which author Ann Brashares has expanded into a five-book series, all focused on how the four girls maintain their friendship as they grow into women and develop their separate lives in different locations. Another, more classic book that focuses on long-distance friendship is Anne of Green Gables. In the novel, the main character Anne must temporarily separate from her friend Diana when she leaves to attend boarding school.
Long-distance friendship gift ideas
One of the more effective ways to maintain a long-distance friendship is to show that you are thinking of your friend and still value their companionship, even though you may not talk every day. Sending your friend meaningful gifts could be one way to accomplish this.
Personalized long-distance friendship gift ideas
The most meaningful gift ideas might be those directly tailored to the lives of you and your friend. You might send your friend gifts related to their hobbies. For example, if they are a big skier, you could send them a new pair of gloves at the beginning of ski season. You could also send them small gifts that remind you of significant memories you have together, like a recipe that makes you think of a cooking class the two of you once took.
Friendship gifts inspired by pop culture
If you and your distance friend are fans of a specific film or series, it could be fun to pick a related item of clothing that the two of you can send back and forth, along with documentation of what you did while wearing it, like pictures and postcards describing your adventures. You could choose a hat, a scarf, a T-shirt, or even something more subtle like a piece of jewelry.
The importance of a social support system
Maintaining a network of friendships, wherever your friends are located, can be an important part of a healthy and fulfilling life. Putting in the effort to maintain those friendships—and seeking additional support—can be beneficial for your physical and mental health in the long run.
Multiple support resources: Why you might benefit from having both a psychologist and friendship in your life
Research indicates that social support can be crucial for your overall well-being and that lack of connection with other people can have serious detrimental health consequences. If you are experiencing loneliness due to a friend moving away, it may be helpful to connect with a psychologist or a therapist. While professional boundaries prevent these positions from developing friendships with you outside of the office, they can still be a significant source of emotional support. Therapists and psychologists can listen and provide support and advice as you talk through your situation.
An online psychologist and friendship challenges
If you are grieving a close friend moving away from you, it can be tough to attend in-person therapy sessions. In these situations, online therapy could be a helpful alternative. With online therapy, you can attend sessions from the comfort of home via audio, videoconferencing, or live chat.
Can online therapy help?
Research has found that online therapy may be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy at addressing a variety of life concerns, including those related to the grief involved with evolving close relationships. One study assessed an online therapeutic intervention to address symptoms of grief and loss and found that participating in online therapy helped to reduce grief symptoms.
Takeaway
Do long-distance friendships work?
Long-distance friends can stay close in many ways. For example, they might have frequent video calls, send letters via snail mail, send each other gifts across the globe, or have frequent discussions over phone calls about each other’s weeks and share the present moment with photos and videos. They might also plan trips to visit each other when possible. Bonding doesn’t only have to occur in person, and the space between friends can create a unique connection.
How often should long-distance friends see each other?
The amount of time between visits in long-distance relationships and friendships depends on the individuals in that relationship. Some people may live a significant amount of miles apart or in a different country, so traveling to different cities can be expensive. Have a conversation with your friend to decide what frequency makes sense for you to hang out. It doesn’t matter how often you hang out if you remain connected from afar.
Does distance affect friendships?
Distance can affect friendships in some cases, such as a case where a friend has lost touch with someone because they moved away to college. However, not all long-distance friendships are negatively affected outside of missing one another. If you put effort into and cherish your friendship with a long-distance friend, you may notice that your joy and connection haven’t ended. Try to have at least one conversation with your friend per week if you’re afraid you might lose this person forever due to the distance. You can also ask them how they feel about the change.
Can distance break a friendship?
Distance can break a friendship in some cases. However, each friendship is different, and what is a struggle for some may not be for others. You might realize that the distance actually makes you closer, and what you were afraid of hasn’t happened. Over time, the distance can become the new norm until you’re back together. You can still connect with your friend by sharing a good book you read, having frequent calls, starting a group chat, sharing photos of your daily life, and discussing new relationships with them, such as a new college friend you made or a new partner. If you have been best friends for a long time, this factor may not change only because someone is far away or across the world.
What is the problem of a long-distance friendship?
Some people may struggle with long-distance relationships because they enjoy being able to spend quality time with the people they love in the sense that both people are physically present. For people who communicate in physical affection, like hugs, not having a friend close by for difficult moments can be challenging. Whether you keep a friendship long-distance is a personal choice. Whatever you’ve decided, you’re not alone. In some cases, the point of life two friends have reached is so different, and the course of one’s life doesn’t bring them back together in the future. If you’re concerned about your friendship, ask your friend if they can hear you out while you talk about how you feel. Even if you spent only a short time in this person’s life, losing them can be painful, especially if they seemed like family to you.
What are 2 lines or a long-distance friendship gift?
Two quotes you could tell a long-distance friend include:
- “The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.”
- “Friendship knows no distance.”
If you’re looking for a long-distance friend gift, consider the following options:
- Surprise flowers
- Their favorite meal, ordered over a food delivery app
- A card congratulating them on a life milestone and telling them how proud you are
- A heartfelt letter or poem
- A self-care package with lotions, bath bombs, affirmations, and other positive items
- An astrological reading
- A gift card to a massage parlor or salon
- A faith-based gift, if they are religious
How do you fix a relationship according to pop culture psychologist and friendship expert Marissa Franco?
Psychologist Marissa Franco recommends continuously putting effort into long-distance friendships by reaching out, showing vulnerability, and not sweeping conflicts under a rug. Treat the friendship like you still live in the same area. Value each other’s time and energy, but try to make time for each other, as well.
What causes distance in friendship?
Distance in a friendship can be caused by various factors, such as resentment, a lack of communication, dislike, differences in interests, or life changes, like moving to a new state. If you’re having distance in your friendship, consider bringing it up to your friend to see if you can come to an agreement. If you struggle to communicate, talk to a therapist about how to best bring up this subject.
How to reconnect with someone?
If you have lost touch with a long-distance friend, consider reaching out and sending them a message telling them you miss them and would like to reconnect. Be positive, friendly, and kind. Try to avoid mentioning any disagreements or negative reasons you may have lost touch, unless you need them to address these issues before you start talking again. If you’re not sure what to say, send a meme, picture of your pets, or another conversation starter.
How do I comfort my best friend?
To comfort your long-distance best friend, consider sending them their favorite meal via delivery app or sending them money to get a gift for themselves. You might also ask them if they want to talk over the phone or a video call so you can catch up. Let them know you care about them and are there for them, even if you can’t physically support them.
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