How To Stop Obsessing Over A Lost Friendship: Overcoming Friendship Breakups And Grief

Losing a friend can be a difficult experience, especially if you can’t seem to get them out of your head. While some level of preoccupation can be normal after a friendship breakup, too much may result in stress and other negative impacts on your emotional well-being. Learning how to stop obsessing over a lost friendship may take time but could benefit your mental health. To start, it may be helpful to learn what obsession is and how to recognize you may be obsessing over a lost friend. 

Are you obsessing over a lost friendship?

Talk to a therapist

What is obsession?

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, obsession is defined as “something or someone that you think about all the time.” It’s important to distinguish this concept from the definition in the field of mental health, which often involves obsessions present in those experiencing obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD obsessions can cause significant distress and lead to potentially harmful behaviors. The obsessions that some people experience after the end of a friendship can also cause harm, but they can be treated by a mental health professional. 

How to recognize that you are obsessing over losing a friendship

While each person’s experience with a lost friendship can be unique, it may be possible to recognize that you are obsessed by watching for the following signs:

1. You can’t stop thinking about your lost friend, even when you intentionally try not to.
2. You find yourself distracted with thoughts of your friend during other activities.
3. You frequently visit places you both used to go to together in the past.
4. You find yourself looking at photos or videos from your friendship.
5. You constantly check their social media pages.
6. You feel hurt when the person is mentioned or something reminds you of them.

Can losing a friendship be positive?

While it may be difficult to acknowledge in the initial stages of a friend breakup, sometimes losing a friendship can be positive. For example, if a relationship was toxic and you felt frequently demeaned or insulted, then the termination of that friendship is likely beneficial. Some friendships may also restrict your growth as a person, which could eventually result in resentment or conflict if the friendship does not end. 

Do friendship breakups feel the same as romantic breakups? 

In some cases, friendship breakups can have the same negative impacts and feel as bad as a romantic breakup. In both situations, individuals may experience a variety of symptoms, such as:

• Difficulty sleeping
• A desire to isolate
• Emotional outbursts
• Feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities

Those who have lost a friend may also feel fatigued or struggle to maintain their previous eating habits, which could lead to significant weight loss or gain. Breakups may also impact a person’s ability to function academically or professionally and may cause them to struggle with other interpersonal relationships. 

How to start new friendships after a lost friendship

One way to stop obsessing over a lost friendship may be to form new ones. For adults, there can be a variety of ways to make friends after the end of a friendship. For example, exploring new hobbies could provide a space to meet people with similar interests. This could involve joining a running club, finding intramural sports teams, or looking for groups online that are taking in new members. Volunteer work may also offer a way to make new friends while also providing the opportunity to give back to one's community. 

Do you have to start new friendships immediately after a lost friendship?

It is not necessary to look for new friends immediately after a friendship concludes. In some cases, a person may need time to process their loss, particularly if they have lost a best friend. This can involve reflecting on what challenges caused the termination of the friendship and addressing the potential impacts that termination had. Another important thing to consider after a friendship ends is whether you are taking care of yourself, i.e., engaging in self-care.

How to engage in self-care after a friend breakup

Self-care can be essential to maintain physical health and mental well-being after a breakup. This may be done through a variety of methods, including exercising, getting proper sleep, and practicing meditation. 

Exercise

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), exercise can have a variety of benefits, such as reduced risk of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, infectious diseases, and certain types of cancer, in addition to strengthening muscles and bones and increasing longevity. Exercise can also reduce the stress of a friend breakup and offer a healthy distraction to prevent obsessing over your situation. 

Proper sleep

One common experience after a friendship breakup may be difficulty sleeping. To ensure you get proper sleep, Harvard Health recommends the following tips: 

1. Avoid other activities in bed: It may be best to only use your bed for sleep or sexual activity. This can mean not watching TV, checking your phone, or working on a laptop while in bed. 
2. Create a comfortable sleeping environment: While your ideal sleeping environment may vary, Harvard Health recommends making your room quiet and dark while keeping it at a comfortable temperature. 
3. Avoid certain substances before bed: Consuming alcohol or caffeine near bedtime may interfere with restful sleep and cause unwanted side effects, such as heartburn. Eating large meals could have a similar effect, so Harvard Health recommends avoiding a big meal two to three hours before sleep. 

Meditation 

Mindfulness practices like meditation may help with various elements of a friend breakup, including stress and obsessive thoughts. Research suggests that meditation may have a variety of other benefits, including reducing anxiety, depression, fatigue, and chronic pain. Meditation can also help those who are experiencing addiction and may reduce the recovery time for common conditions such as colds and the flu. 

Can friendship breakups affect your physical health?

Friendship breakups can cause a number of physical health challenges, and in extreme cases, they may result in a condition known as broken heart syndrome. This condition, which can be caused by significant stress, can lead to a variety of symptoms. These may include heart arrhythmia (abnormal heartbeat), chest pain, and shortness of breath. It’s important to see a medical professional if you experience these symptoms, as they can also present during other conditions, such as a heart attack or stroke.

Can friendship breakups affect your mental health?

While the research on the effects of friendship breakups may be limited, their mental health impact may be similar to that of romantic breakups. In one study, 1295 unmarried individuals between 18 and 35 years old were asked about the effects that romantic breakups had on their psychological state and life satisfaction. Researchers found that experiencing a breakup was associated with a decline in life satisfaction and an increase in psychological distress. 

How to handle the obsession and grief of a friendship breakup

While each friendship breakup can be unique, there may be several ways to stop obsessing and process the grief associated with this experience. 

• Set boundaries about contact: In some cases, it may be necessary to go no-contact with your ex-friend, especially if they ask for space. However, if this isn’t possible for any reason (attending the same school, working in the same place, etc.), you might try to limit your contact as much as possible. 
• Connect with other friends: After a relationship ends, it can be beneficial to reach out to other friends. Making a point to revitalize old friendships may be mutually beneficial and provide the support you may need after other friendships end. 
• Focus on other areas of life: Some individuals coming out of a friendship breakup may find that they have been neglecting other areas of their life, such as work, school, or personal interests. Dedicating time to these activities may help take your mind off of the breakup and provide a valuable sense of satisfaction. 

Are you obsessing over a lost friendship?

Talk to a therapist

How else can you address breakup grief or obsession?

While self-care and other techniques may help with breakup grief or obsession, some individuals may need the assistance of a mental health professional. Several types of therapy may help those experiencing a friend breakup, including:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT techniques may benefit those who are experiencing specific thought patterns or behaviors after the end of a friendship. A CBT provider may be able to help you work through your grief and find ways to restructure potentially harmful thoughts or behavioral patterns. 
• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): ACT may help individuals address the emotions they are experiencing after a friendship breakup. With the help of an ACT provider, you may learn to accept the circumstances of your breakup and move forward in a healthy way. 

While these and other types of therapy may benefit those experiencing friendship breakups, in-person forms of therapy may not always be available. For example, some areas may lack a sufficient number of mental health providers. Others may live in remote regions or lack reliable transportation, which could make commuting to a therapist’s office challenging. In these and many other situations, alternatives like online therapy may be beneficial. Online therapy allows you to connect with a therapist via audio, video, or live chat at a time that works for you.

Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy. A 2022 study found no significant differences between these two therapeutic formats. An online therapist may be able to help you explore the truth about a lost friendship and move forward on a path toward healing.

Takeaway

While thinking about a friend breakup may be a natural part of the healing process, obsessing about a lost friendship could be unhealthy. In order to stop obsessing, it may be beneficial to address your feelings, engage in self-care, and focus on making new friends. For those who are still struggling with a lost friendship, it may be beneficial to seek the help of a mental health professional. Take the first step toward getting support with a lost friendship and contact BetterHelp today.