“I Don't Have That Many Friends”: A Guide To Forming New Social Connections

There’s an Irish proverb that says, “A good friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.” While most people may agree that they want close social connections, they may also recognize how difficult it can be to form these relationships. In this article, we’ll explore how friends can enrich our lives as well as tips for making new platonic connections.

The connection between friendships and well-being

According to popular culture, having a large yet tight-knit group of friends is the norm, which can lead people who have a smaller group of connections to worry. Research on the topic, however, tells a different story, suggesting that having a large group of friends may not necessarily be linked to increased happiness. For example, a 2020 study found that, among the participants, “well-being was more strongly related to social satisfaction than to the reported number of close friends.” In other words, the quality of one’s friendships may be more important than the quantity. 

Given the shift to remote work and school during the COVID-19 pandemic and an increase in online and digital communication, it’s easy to understand why building a larger friend group may be more challenging now than ever. 

The bottom line is that close friendships may offer benefits for an individual’s happiness and well-being, so aiming to make more friends is generally a worthwhile goal. These types of social connections can be potential sources of emotional support, stress relief, fun and enjoyment, and a sense of belonging, and research even suggests that social connectedness can be a predictor of mental health. So below, we’ll explore strategies that may help you meet new people and cultivate friendships with those you click with over the longer term.

Helpful strategies for finding new friends

The first step in the process of finding new friends is usually to put yourself out there in some way. Taking the initiative to give yourself opportunities to connect with people is what kick-starts most new friendships. Here are a few strategies that might help produce such opportunities.

1. Start with common interests

Having a common interest can give you something to talk about and something to do when meeting new people. There are many ways to find like-minded friends. For example, if you like to read, consider joining a book club. Interest groups and communities can provide a common ground and a natural way of meeting people and making friends. 

2. Try turning acquaintances into friends

If you’re looking to build deeper friendships, you might also look at existing social connections that you could invest more time and effort into, as this approach might feel less intimidating than forming relationships from scratch. One poll of American adults reflects that most people say they met their friends through school, work, or their neighborhood. That means you may have luck if you consider the looser social ties you already have in these areas and see whether you might want to invite any of these people to spend more quality time together.

3. Explore apps and websites

Trouble making friends is a challenge that affects millions today, prompting experts to dub this the era of the “loneliness epidemic.” One positive result of this label, however, has been a boom of new apps, websites, and other tools designed to help people make new connections. Some are dedicated to specific hobbies or interests while others may offer more general opportunities to connect with others in your area. Either way, it could be worth exploring digital resources like these to help you get connected with new people.

4. Accept invitations

Making a point to say yes to invitations and opportunities that come your way may also be a helpful strategy for meeting new people and developing new relationships. You might consider keeping your ears open for chances to connect with others—such as work or school events, volunteer opportunities, or invitations to lunches, recitals, or parties—and aiming to say yes as often as possible when these opportunities present themselves. This may be a useful starting point for connecting with others.  

Tips for nurturing new friendships

A 2020 report suggests that it may take around 60 hours of conversation to make two people feel connected as friends, so patience is typically key. Giving yourself time to get comfortable around someone and investigate whether you might make good friends can allow you to build stronger foundations more naturally. Keep in mind also that not every social connection you make will become a best friend. It’s okay and can even be healthy to have connections of varying degrees, from deep, intimate friends to more casual acquaintances.

Showing up as your authentic self and practicing healthy communication may also help you turn promising new connections into closer social bonds. This can look like setting boundaries, showing some level of emotional vulnerability, and speaking up for what you need from the relationship. It can also be wise to watch out for unhealthy relationship dynamics in case they appear in any of your connections. Generally speaking, these could include behaviors like manipulation, gaslighting, insults, put-downs, or explosive conflict. 

Exploring therapy as a source of support

Feeling like you don’t have many friends and/or trying to make new friends may be difficult at times, and you might experience emotions like frustration, sadness, stress, or isolation along the way. A therapist may represent a valuable source of support in situations like this. They can create a safe space where you can express your emotions, and they can help you sharpen skills and cultivate qualities that are often important in relationship-building such as communication and self-esteem. If symptoms of a mental health condition are making it more difficult for you to form connections—such as social anxiety disorder or depression—they can help you address these as well.

Just as the internet has brought new ways to meet friends, it has also allowed new methods for receiving mental health care. For those who are interested in meeting with a therapist but don’t have time to commute to and from in-office appointments, online therapy can represent a more convenient alternative. It may also be more comfortable for those who simply feel nervous meeting with a provider face to face and would be more at ease connecting virtually from their own home. Someone interested in online therapy might consider a platform like BetterHelp, which can connect you to a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from anywhere with an internet connection. Research suggests that online and in-person therapy formats can be similarly effective.