One-Sided Friendship Vs. Healthy Friendship

Friendships can have many positive impacts on a person’s mental and physical health. Most friendships are based on mutual feelings of affection and respect, but in a one-sided friendship, it may seem like you are not getting back what you’re putting in. Keep reading to learn more about one-sided relationships, how to identify them, and whether they are worth saving.

Signs of a healthy friendship

To understand when a friendship is one-sided, it can help to first to understand the signs of a healthy friendship. Every relationship is different, but here are some signs you can look for. 

• You want to talk openly with them. Whether it’s something good that happened to you or a meme that made you laugh, wanting to talk openly with a friend can be a sign that you feel comfortable and accepted. You are also likely to trust them enough to discuss things you may not feel comfortable telling others, like admitting when you made a mistake or discussing something you failed at.
• You feel comfortable asking them for help. It can be difficult to admit when you need help, but it may be easier to open up about your vulnerabilities without fear of judgment in a healthy friendship.
• You feel understood. In a healthy friendship, you may feel you don’t have to explain yourself. Your friend may get you regardless of your differences, and you may feel like you can be yourself without worrying about judgment or misunderstanding.
• You make an effort to stay connected. If you have a healthy friendship, you will likely make time for one another, no matter how busy your schedules are. Even though you may have to plan weeks in advance, you may invest in your friendship by ensuring you get time together.

Signs of one-sided friendship

One-sided friendships might not all look the same. Identifying one can be challenging because the signs may be unclear. However, below are some things to look for: 

• They may make it all about them. If your friendship is one-sided, your friend may dominate the conversation. When you plan to see one another, they may decide what restaurant you’re going to or where you’ll get coffee without considering what you want. They may not ask about things happening in your life and may only want to talk about themselves. 
• You can’t rely on them. They may cancel plans or forget about them altogether, whether it’s something relatively minor, like meeting for lunch, or something more substantial, like helping you move or watching your dog while you’re on vacation. In a one-sided friendship, the other person may not follow through when they say they will.
• They don’t tell you things. While you may want to discuss things with them, they may not return the sentiment. For example, if you notice that they seem stressed and ask what’s wrong, they may talk about vague details and then turn the conversation back to you to avoid answering questions. 
• They don’t keep your secrets. If you tell your friend something personal in confidence, you should be able to expect them to keep that information between you two. In a one-sided friendship, you may discover they have broken your trust by discussing this information with others. 
• They are unwilling to make an effort. If you notice that you’re always calling to catch up or reaching out to make plans, your friendship may be one-sided. They may reach out when they need help or want you to do something for them, but they may never text or call you just to check in or see how you’re doing.

One-sided friendship, toxic relationships, and mental health

A one-sided friendship can have many effects on your mental health. The following are just a few:

Questioning your self-worth when a friendship is one-sided

It can be painful when you put effort into a relationship and realize that the other person is not reciprocating. A healthy friendship can leave you feeling loved, supported, and understood, while a one-sided friendship can leave you wondering why your friend is not giving you the same time and attention. Doing so can lead to feelings of low self-worth and damage your self-esteem.

Feeling lonely in a one-sided friendship

Loneliness can increase the risk of stroke, heart attack, and premature death; quality relationships, including friendships, can be an essential way to combat it. If you have a one-sided relationship, you may not get back the effort and affection you put into it. If you continue to put your energy into it, it can leave you feeling drained, which can interfere with your other relationships. 

Affecting the health of other relationships 

In addition to taking up your time and energy, a one-sided relationship can affect how you feel about relationships in general. It can leave you feeling unappreciated and unsupported, which can cause you to feel cynical about others. You may be afraid to open up to others, which may prevent you from forming healthy, genuine friendships.

What can cause a one-sided friendship?

A number of factors can contribute to a one-sided relationship. The following are just a few:

Home environment and family history can have far-reaching effects

How we are raised can significantly affect how we relate to others in adulthood. Research shows that people who grow up in safe, warm, and secure home environments have trusting, accepting, and intimate adult relationships, while children from families that are “emotionally cold and risky” are lonelier.

If you are in a one-sided friendship, the other person may come from a place where they were used to looking out for themselves. They may not understand how to be in a relationship with mutual effort, affection, or respect.

Imbalance of expectations 

Poor communication can affect even a healthy friendship

Communication is typically an integral part of all relationships. If you and your friend cannot effectively communicate, this can lead to a lack of understanding about your needs and what you expect from the relationship.

Can you repair a one-sided friendship?

Some one-sided friendships might be repaired. If you are interested in repairing your relationship, communication can be key. Because so many factors can contribute to a one-sided friendship, having a conversation can help you and your friend understand what may be affecting your friendship. Something may be going on with your friend that you’re not aware of, or they may not realize that you feel like you’re not getting what you need from the relationship.

It can also help to take time to determine precisely how your friendship feels one-sided. For example, suppose you notice that your friend doesn’t respond to your texts right away or they reply with short responses when you message them in the evening. You can bring up these things when you’re having a conversation about your relationship. It may be that they don’t realize that they are being short with you, or they may be busy helping their kids with homework or cooking dinner at the time of the evening that you’re trying to get in touch. 

Asking your friend for what you need in a relationship instead of expecting them to know may help repair your relationship. For example, saying, “I’m having a difficult time; are you free to talk?” instead of expecting them to know you need support may help avoid confusion and hurt feelings.

When to walk away from a one-sided friendship

Deciding to walk away from a friendship can be a difficult decision to make. It can be beneficial to take a step back to evaluate the best path forward. If you stop texting first and they reach out after a few days to ask if you’re okay, the relationship may be worth saving. This interaction can give you an opening to discuss how you feel so that your friend can get on the same page. On the other hand, if you don’t hear from them at all, you may have to use your best judgment to determine if it’s time to walk away from the friendship.

How to end toxic relationships

There may not be a single right way to end a toxic friendship. What works for you may depend on your specific situation. If you stop being the first person to reach out and they never get in touch, perhaps the relationship can just end. Some people may feel that they need to confront their friend and officially end the relationship, while others may be content with letting the friendship fade away.

Experiencing friendship challenges?

Connect with a counselor

How therapy can help with friendship

If you have a one-sided friendship, therapy might help you learn how to navigate any complicated feelings you may be experiencing. Whether you are trying to improve your communication skills or overcome feelings of low self-esteem resulting from the relationship, a therapist can give you personalized support. 

Online therapy can be a convenient and flexible option for anyone who is looking for an alternative to in-person treatment. With an online therapy platform, you can work with a licensed mental health professional from your home, car, or anywhere you have a reliable internet connection. Most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours, and you can change providers at any time until you find someone you feel comfortable working with.