The Wealth Gap Between Friends: Navigating Finances And Income Disparities

Forming friendships with people in different life circumstances can be more challenging than connecting with those similar to yourself. This difficulty may be particularly pronounced in friendships across a socioeconomic divide. Money can be an uncomfortable subject of conversation, and relating to someone in a different financial position can be tricky. 

Some may wonder if it is possible to maintain a strong friendship despite a significant wealth gap. Keeping friendships healthy across social strata often involves effort and care. Friends might make a change by facing up to some of the uncomfortable feelings and social dynamics that financial issues can provoke. By learning to communicate openly about budgets and emotions while refraining from unjustified assumptions, you may keep differences in wealth from derailing your connection. 

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Are financial disparities amongst friends common?

While making friends with someone who makes significantly more or less money than you do is possible, research suggests this situation may not be the norm. A sociological study from 2021 found that as income inequality has increased in the United States over the past several decades, socioeconomic stratification has grown as well. In other words, fewer people today are friends with those at different levels of wealth than before.

This phenomenon may not be limited to the US. A 2016 paper found similar results in Mexico, noting that people tended to be more closely connected with others in their own socioeconomic class. 

Why people are more likely to make friends with similar finances

Friendships cluster along socioeconomic lines for a few reasons. Some of these reasons concern the pragmatic realities of daily life, while others are driven by the complicated feelings and thoughts people may have about money, status, and privilege.

Proximity

Since home prices and living expenses can vary considerably between neighborhoods, people living in the same place may have similar financial resources. This effect may be exacerbated by the tendency to treat homes as investment assets, which may lead to greater clustering of wealth in specific areas. As such, people may interact more with those with similar fiscal resources, making forming friendships easier. 

Educational similarities

A 2022 study found that as people age, more and more of their friends tend to be people with similar levels of education. This statistic may be due, in part, to a tendency to share ideas, beliefs, cultural references, and life experiences with people who have the same educational background. Since education level has a significant effect on earning power, this tendency may naturally lead to people mainly having friends with similar incomes.

Access to leisure activities

People often make new friends based on shared hobbies and interests, but a person’s wealth may affect their leisure activities. Someone whose primary forms of recreation include costlier activities such as sailing and skiing may be less likely to meet people who can’t afford these hobbies. 

Prejudice

Some people harbor negative stereotypes and assumptions about people from other economic classes that can make friendship difficult. For example, a person who views wealthy people as clueless, greedy, or uncaring may be less likely to seek out friendships with them. The same may be true for someone who assumes those with less wealth are unintelligent, unmotivated, or prone to bad behavior.

Wealth gaps can place a strain on existing friendships

In addition to making new friendships less likely, disparities in wealth and income may drive a wedge between people who are already friends. A financial divide may add a variety of new pressures to a relationship, including but not limited to the following: 

• The person with less money may become envious of their friend’s wealth
• A friend who’s recently become wealthier may develop a new group of friends and leave their old circle behind
• The person with more money might develop a condescending or rude attitude toward the person who’s had less career success
• Wealthier friends may be less able to relate to the everyday challenges faced by those with lower incomes
• Money-related conflicts may arise when trying to plan activities — for example, a higher-earning individual may want to meet up in expensive restaurants or bars that their friends can’t afford
• The lower-earning person might expect their wealthier friend to help them out financially, which could create resentment or tension

Even if they start small, these sources of friction between friends may grow until they lead to a serious rift in the relationship.

Benefits of making friends across a wealth gap 

Although building and maintaining friendships with people in different socioeconomic circumstances can be complex, psychological and sociological research suggests there may be value in making the effort. Having a social network that includes people both similar to and different from yourself may increase your overall well-being. In contrast, sticking to those like yourself can decrease your sense of connection and social cohesion in the long run.

Friendships with people in different life circumstances may also help you grow as a person. They may challenge your assumptions about the world and create opportunities for experiences you might not otherwise have. 

Social benefits of friendships with wealth gaps

Nurturing friendships across an economic divide might also have long-term benefits for society. A study published in Nature reported that cross-class friendships tend to increase economic mobility and reduce income disparity in the subsequent generation. If you and your friends can sustain your connection as you raise families, your children may not have as large a financial barrier to cross.

How to stay friends with someone despite financial disparities

Keeping a friendship strong despite differences in wealth can involve deliberate effort. However, by anticipating and steering around some common pitfalls in mixed-income relationships, you may be able to sustain a mutually respectful and rewarding bond. Below are a few strategies that may help you with this challenge.  

Be honest about your budget

Some friends with wealthier people describe getting frustrated about frequent invitations to activities they can’t afford. Turning these invitations down for financial reasons can lead to embarrassment (delete – ‘make you feel embarrassed’) or create a sense that you don’t fit in. Some people may feel pressured to go along with the group, causing them to spend too much or take on debt to pay for pricey meals, concerts, or vacations. 

In these cases, be clear that these activities aren’t within your budget and you’d prefer a cheaper activity. Doing so may be uncomfortable — surveys repeatedly show that money is among the topics Americans are most reluctant to discuss with friends. Still, financial transparency can prevent your friends from assuming you don’t want to hang out with them while reminding them to keep cost in mind when planning future hangouts. 

Being honest may take some self-discipline. You might find reining in your spending more difficult when surrounded by others who aren’t trying to conserve their money. However, success in staying frugal can help you avoid believing your friends are bad for your wallet. 

Try affordable activities 

Finding less costly ways to bring your friend group together may ensure the less wealthy members of a friend group aren’t excluded. You can plan a cocktail party at your house instead of going out to an expensive bar or organize a camping weekend at a nearby state park instead of a trip overseas. 

Groups don’t have to plan everything they do around the friends who earn less. You can still enjoy more costly activities, but be understanding when not everyone can participate. Additionally, if you’re the lower earner in the friendship, you may put effort into brainstorming alternate leisure activities. Expecting your friends to do all the planning can lead to hard feelings, even when no money issues are involved.

Don’t take your friends for granted

People who find financial success sometimes discover that their friends now expect them to pay for every shared activity. This behavior can quickly lead to resentment, making the higher-earning friend believe the group members are taking advantage of them. 

When you form a friendship with someone with more significant financial resources, take care not to give the impression of mooching or taking them for granted. Accepting a gift may not be harmful if they periodically want to treat you to a night out or pay for your ticket to an expensive destination. However, showing appropriate gratitude and appreciation can be crucial when this happens.

Give each other the benefit of the doubt

Despite your best efforts, friends may become offended during conversations. Someone might make a comment that seems to imply that you didn’t deserve your good fortune or act in a way that seems like they’re rubbing their wealth in your face. In these moments, try to assume their action was an honest mistake rather than a deliberate attempt to give offense. Maintaining a friendship can sometimes mean letting certain situations pass. 

Depending on the nature of the offense, you might talk with your friend later and let them know how you felt (delete – ‘they made you feel’) so that they can avoid this behavior in the future. Honest communication can be constructive if you carefully avoid an accusatory or judgmental tone. If they seem understanding and offer a sincere apology, accept it and move forward.

Talk about your feelings with a therapist

Even if you’re determined to remain friends with someone at a different socioeconomic level than you, feelings like frustration and envy may still arise. Instead of dwelling on these negative emotions and letting them grow, consider talking them over with a counselor or therapist. Techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or mindfulness training may help you let go of counterproductive feelings, such as resentment of a wealthy friend’s success or impatience with a lower-income friend’s frugality.

You can often find qualified mental health care providers by asking your doctor for a referral or searching online databases such as:

• The American Psychological Association Psychologist Locator
• The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Find-a-Therapist
• The Anxiety and Depression Association of America Find Your Therapist Directory
• The Interpersonal Therapy Institute IPT Certified Therapists Directory

Alternative mental health support options 

One way to get assistance for your friendship challenges is to talk with a licensed counselor online through a platform like BetterHelp. This approach often enables easier scheduling, in part because there’s no need to travel to a second location to participate in sessions. In addition, online therapy is often more cost-effective for those with lower incomes. 

Though sometimes considered less traditional, Internet-based mental healthcare appears to be as effective as in-person therapy for many people. For example, a 2020 research review compared standard and online cognitive-behavioral therapy and concluded that they produced “equivalent effects,” suggesting that counseling over the web is still valuable for tackling behavioral and emotional difficulties. 

Takeaway

Wealth gaps can pose several obstacles to the bond between friends. They may lead to misunderstandings, envy, and undesirable social and financial pressure. However, with sensitivity and honest communication, dedicated friends can often overcome these hurdles and remain close. For support in friendships, consider contacting a therapist online or in your area.