What Is A Platonic Friendship? How To Set Clear Boundaries
Talking about respect in relationships may bring up the question of what it means to have a platonic friendship. A platonic friendship is an intimate connection without any romantic or sexual involvement.
These friendships may involve close bonds between people who might have romantic feelings for each other but choose not to act on them. Such friendships are common and can sometimes turn into romantic relationships, but setting clear boundaries can be important to maintain the platonic nature of the relationship.
What is a platonic friendship or platonic relationship?
A platonic friendship is a bond between two or more people that doesn’t include romantic or sexual involvement. These relationships might instead focus on deep emotional connections and enjoyment of each other's company. The term "platonic" comes from the Greek philosopher Plato, who believed in love that transcends physical attraction.
Platonic relationships can exist between friends, family members, or even strangers. These bonds are often purely about companionship and mutual respect. A platonic friend is typically someone you can trust and discuss experiences with without romance getting in the way.
A healthy platonic friendship often requires clear boundaries and solid communication. Good boundaries may help maintain the nature of the friendship and prevent misunderstandings. In some cases, new platonic relationships might require adjustment periods as both parties settle into the relationship dynamics.
Separating friendship and sex
Platonic friendships can get complicated when sexual or romantic feelings are involved. Therefore, it can be important for these friends to establish and adhere to boundaries. For example, friends might communicate their intentions clearly to keep the relationship strictly friendly.
Sometimes, friends might have dated before deciding to be just friends. In these cases, it may be important to have a conversation about maintaining a purely platonic connection. People in this situation might discuss what makes each person comfortable and set clear rules.
It can also be common for feelings to shift over time. If one friend starts having romantic or sexual feelings, it can complicate the friendship and may require an open conversation. If you’re already in a romantic relationship, keeping your partner informed about your platonic friends may help build trust.
Ways to set boundaries in platonic friendships
Setting boundaries in platonic friendships can help ensure a healthy and balanced relationship. With the right boundaries, you can maintain respect and trust while preventing misunderstandings.
Communicate openly
Clear and honest communication can help establish boundaries. Friends can talk about what they expect from each other and set mutual boundaries. Doing so may help prevent misunderstandings and ensure both people are comfortable. If either person is uneasy or needs to adjust a boundary, they can share their feelings openly.
Clarify emotional availability
It may be important to know how much emotional support you can offer and discuss with your friend how much you can lean on one another. Being clear on this may help avoid emotional burnout. Boundaries here might mean limiting how much time is spent talking about personal struggles or emotional challenges.
Respect each other's personal lives
Respecting each other’s personal lives can be key to a platonic relationship. Friends may want to recognize that some topics are off-limits. It can be important to honor each other’s space and avoid prying into personal matters unless invited. By doing this, friends can protect their individual boundaries and maintain trust. Constantly pushing for personal information can lead to discomfort and strain the friendship.
Discuss expectations
Having a conversation about expectations may be helpful. Friends may need to clearly understand what each person wants from the relationship. This might involve discussing how often they want to spend time together, how they deal with disagreements, or what personal boundaries are important to them. If these expectations aren’t discussed, misunderstandings can arise and lead to frustration. Ignoring these discussions may create tension and make it hard to maintain a healthy friendship.
Say no when necessary
It’s typically important for friends to be comfortable saying no. This can mean turning down an invitation or request if it crosses personal boundaries. If friends aren’t free to express their discomfort, resentment may grow. Not being able to say no can create pressure and make the friendship seem unbalanced.
Limit digital communication
Setting limits on digital communication can be beneficial. Friends might benefit from discussing how often they will text or call each other. If there aren’t clear boundaries, one person might be overwhelmed by constant messages while the other may feel ignored. Without these limits, communication can become stressful and take away from time spent on other aspects of life.
Limit physical affection
Physical boundaries can also be helpful in a platonic relationship. Friends might benefit from discussing what level of physical contact they are comfortable with. Since everyone has different comfort levels, it can be important to discuss these boundaries openly. Crossing these boundaries may lead to awkward moments or misunderstandings that strain the friendship.
Setting boundaries in platonic friendships may be a continuous process that requires effort from both sides. Clearly communicating and respecting each other's limits can promote stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Managing platonic friendships while in a relationship
Being in a romantic sexual relationship doesn't usually mean you have to abandon your platonic friendships. Communication with your romantic partner about the boundaries and nature of your platonic friendships can help build trust and security.
For example, if you're planning to spend time with a platonic friend, telling your romantic partner can help avoid misunderstandings. That way, you can show respect for both relationships. Discussing feelings and finding compromises may help strengthen both your romantic relationship and your friendships.
Platonic friendships typically offer many benefits, such as emotional support and common interests, which can enrich your life and complement your romantic relationship. Keeping a balance may help maintain healthy relationships all around.
The effects of relationships on mental health
When you discuss your emotions with a friend, you might experience a sense of relief and connection, knowing that someone understands and cares about your experiences. Romantic relationships can bring joy and companionship, which may boost self-esteem and provide a reliable support system in difficult times.
On the other side, strained or toxic relationships can contribute to anxiety, depression, and stress. Constant arguments and misunderstandings might cause isolation and make you feel emotionally drained. Healthy relationships can be key to maintaining mental well-being, while unhealthy ones can harm your mental state.
Finding support for problems in platonic relationships
If you’re experiencing problems in platonic friendships, knowing where to turn for support can help. Friends and family might be a potential first stop, as they may provide a new perspective on what’s going on.
Sometimes, problems in friendships might seem too complicated or sensitive to discuss with friends or family. In such cases, professional help may be beneficial. Therapists or counselors are trained to help people manage and resolve problems in relationships. They can often offer a place to explore feelings and find solutions.
Another option is seeking online support groups. These groups often provide a community of people who might be going through similar challenges. You might look for reputable platforms that facilitate discussions on friendship and relationship concerns.
Online therapy for relationship problems
Online therapy platforms may also be useful resources if you're facing challenges in your relationships. Online therapy allows you to discuss your relationship concerns with a licensed therapist via audio, video, or live chat. This eliminates the need for travel and may make it easier to fit sessions into a busy schedule.
Effectiveness of online therapy for mental health challenges
Online therapy has proven to be effective for many mental health challenges, including those associated with relationship problems. For instance, those living with anxiety or depression might find it challenging to maintain healthy relationships.
In one study, 108 people with major depressive disorder chose either a 12-week in-person therapy program or an online therapy program with weekly online modules and therapist feedback. Both groups showed similar improvements in depression symptoms and quality of life, but the online therapy group had better attendance, completing more sessions on average.
Takeaway
If you’re experiencing challenges with a platonic relationship, you may benefit from speaking with a trusted friend, a family member, or a licensed therapist. Take the first step toward getting support with friendship concerns and reach out to BetterHelp.
[H2] How do you differentiate between a platonic relationship and a romantic relationship?
A platonic relationship is a friendship that generally doesn’t involve shared romantic feelings or sexual intimacy. There may be platonic love and emotional intimacy but without the additional feelings and commitments related to sexual relationships or romantic partners. According to the World Health Organization, a romantic relationship “can be defined as relationships based on emotional and physical attraction that could potentially lead to long-term intimate relationships.”
[H2] What are some signs of a healthy friendship?
Healthy friendships are those that make a person generally feel safe to be themselves. Good friendships tend to also involve strong communication and a commitment to maintaining boundaries. The individuals involved are usually best able to build a long-term friendship when they also enjoy being together, reciprocate each other’s care, and hold similar values.
[H2] Is it common for sex to complicate platonic friendships?
In some cases, sexual tension or sexual intimacy in a platonic relationship can complicate the friendship. In others, it can be maintained as separate in a healthy way for some period of time. It depends on many factors, including the shared history between the people involved, their boundaries, the strength of their communication, and whether romantic interest or romantic love develops over time in either or both people or not. If this does happen, it’s often best to divulge feelings early and decide how to move forward together.
Can a strong platonic relationship exist between people of different genders?
Yes; it is possible to have solid platonic relationships between people of different genders. Individuals with sexual orientations that do not align often have a strong platonic bond, for example, but it's possible to have a strictly platonic relationship even if sexual orientations do align. Either way, it typically requires clear boundaries and communication to make sure all individuals involved remain on the same page.
Can you have platonic friendships while in a relationship?
Yes; it's very common to have a best friend and/or other close friends even while involved in a romantic relationship. In fact, having existing friendships outside of your romantic connection or life partner can be important. Expecting your partner to meet all your emotional needs is generally not realistic, so having other relationships like a good friend or a few where you share similar interests and can support each other can be important.
Do platonic friends fall in love?
Those with platonic bonds sometimes fall in love, though not always. The relationship between individuals with a close bond can take many different forms and can evolve in many different ways over time. For example, most friendships will remain a long-term friendship without ever becoming romantic or sexual in nature. However, in some cases, a person in one relationship may develop feelings for a close friend. This could lead to unrequited love, it could develop into a friends with benefits arrangement, or the individuals could start dating.
Also consider the existence of queerplatonic relationships, which are deeply close relationships that are non-sexual and non-romantic but have emotional strength beyond many typical friendships. Whether you're in a clearly platonic relationship, a friendship with developing feelings, or a queerplatonic relationship, being clear about your emotions and expectations to ensure that you both feel the same way can be crucial for long-term relationship health. If you're looking for support in figuring out how you feel about someone or communicating it, you might consider online counseling.
Are platonic relationships good for mental health?
Healthy friendships that are platonic can be good for mental health. Best friends and even more casual friends can offer support, encouragement, and care. Plus, loneliness and isolation have been linked to negative health effects. That said, not every platonic relationship is good for mental health. For example, someone who has romantic feelings for a platonic connection but is in the friend zone because that person isn't interested may experience emotional pain and other impacts. Or, a close friend who has an ulterior motive of manipulation or who consistently shows disrespect during an individual hang or a group outing could harm their friend’s mental health.
Can platonic friends have sex together?
In general, strictly platonic friends do not engage in any form of sexual intimacy. However, some friends may agree on an arrangement where sex is a part of their relationship. Those who go in this direction typically benefit from setting clear boundaries and expectations to avoid anyone's feelings getting hurt.
Can platonic friends hug?
The level of physical intimacy a person has with their friends can vary widely depending on the culture, boundaries, and comfort levels of everyone involved. In some cases, platonic friends cuddle and platonic friends kiss. In other cases, platonic friends hug but don't engage in any other form of physical intimacy. Friends who hug are very common, but you should generally ask your friend what they're comfortable with before engaging in physical touch.
Is platonic cuddling ok?
Platonic cuddling can be okay if all parties have agreed to it, as consent is important. Another factor to consider is an individual's romantic relationship, if applicable. For example, a person’s monogamous romantic partner may not feel comfortable with them sharing physical intimacy of certain types with a platonic friend. Communicating openly with everyone involved to figure out what both the partner and the friends wanted and feel comfortable with can be key.
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