What Is A Platonic Friendship? How To Set Clear Boundaries

Talking about respect in relationships may bring up the question of what it means to have a platonic friendship. A platonic friendship is an intimate connection without any romantic or sexual involvement. 

These friendships may involve close bonds between people who might have romantic feelings for each other but choose not to act on them. Such friendships are common and can sometimes turn into romantic relationships, but setting clear boundaries can be important to maintain the platonic nature of the relationship.

What is a platonic friendship or platonic relationship?

A platonic friendship is a bond between two or more people that doesn’t include romantic or sexual involvement. These relationships might instead focus on deep emotional connections and enjoyment of each other's company. The term "platonic" comes from the Greek philosopher Plato, who believed in love that transcends physical attraction.

Platonic relationships can exist between friends, family members, or even strangers. These bonds are often purely about companionship and mutual respect. A platonic friend is typically someone you can trust and discuss experiences with without romance getting in the way.

A healthy platonic friendship often requires clear boundaries and solid communication. Good boundaries may help maintain the nature of the friendship and prevent misunderstandings. In some cases, new platonic relationships might require adjustment periods as both parties settle into the relationship dynamics.

Separating friendship and sex

Platonic friendships can get complicated when sexual or romantic feelings are involved. Therefore, it can be important for these friends to establish and adhere to boundaries. For example, friends might communicate their intentions clearly to keep the relationship strictly friendly.

Sometimes, friends might have dated before deciding to be just friends. In these cases, it may be important to have a conversation about maintaining a purely platonic connection. People in this situation might discuss what makes each person comfortable and set clear rules.

It can also be common for feelings to shift over time. If one friend starts having romantic or sexual feelings, it can complicate the friendship and may require an open conversation. If you’re already in a romantic relationship, keeping your partner informed about your platonic friends may help build trust.

Ways to set boundaries in platonic friendships

Setting boundaries in platonic friendships can help ensure a healthy and balanced relationship. With the right boundaries, you can maintain respect and trust while preventing misunderstandings.

Communicate openly

Clear and honest communication can help establish boundaries. Friends can talk about what they expect from each other and set mutual boundaries. Doing so may help prevent misunderstandings and ensure both people are comfortable. If either person is uneasy or needs to adjust a boundary, they can share their feelings openly.

Clarify emotional availability

It may be important to know how much emotional support you can offer and discuss with your friend how much you can lean on one another. Being clear on this may help avoid emotional burnout. Boundaries here might mean limiting how much time is spent talking about personal struggles or emotional challenges.

Respect each other's personal lives

Respecting each other’s personal lives can be key to a platonic relationship. Friends may want to recognize that some topics are off-limits. It can be important to honor each other’s space and avoid prying into personal matters unless invited. By doing this, friends can protect their individual boundaries and maintain trust. Constantly pushing for personal information can lead to discomfort and strain the friendship.

Discuss expectations

Having a conversation about expectations may be helpful. Friends may need to clearly understand what each person wants from the relationship. This might involve discussing how often they want to spend time together, how they deal with disagreements, or what personal boundaries are important to them. If these expectations aren’t discussed, misunderstandings can arise and lead to frustration. Ignoring these discussions may create tension and make it hard to maintain a healthy friendship.

Say no when necessary

It’s typically important for friends to be comfortable saying no. This can mean turning down an invitation or request if it crosses personal boundaries. If friends aren’t free to express their discomfort, resentment may grow. Not being able to say no can create pressure and make the friendship seem unbalanced.

Limit digital communication

Setting limits on digital communication can be beneficial. Friends might benefit from discussing how often they will text or call each other. If there aren’t clear boundaries, one person might be overwhelmed by constant messages while the other may feel ignored. Without these limits, communication can become stressful and take away from time spent on other aspects of life.

Limit physical affection

Physical boundaries can also be helpful in a platonic relationship. Friends might benefit from discussing what level of physical contact they are comfortable with. Since everyone has different comfort levels, it can be important to discuss these boundaries openly. Crossing these boundaries may lead to awkward moments or misunderstandings that strain the friendship.

Setting boundaries in platonic friendships may be a continuous process that requires effort from both sides. Clearly communicating and respecting each other's limits can promote stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Managing platonic friendships while in a relationship 

Being in a romantic sexual relationship doesn't usually mean you have to abandon your platonic friendships. Communication with your romantic partner about the boundaries and nature of your platonic friendships can help build trust and security.

For example, if you're planning to spend time with a platonic friend, telling your romantic partner can help avoid misunderstandings. That way, you can show respect for both relationships. Discussing feelings and finding compromises may help strengthen both your romantic relationship and your friendships.

Platonic friendships typically offer many benefits, such as emotional support and common interests, which can enrich your life and complement your romantic relationship. Keeping a balance may help maintain healthy relationships all around.

The effects of relationships on mental health

Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, can have an impact on your mental health. Friendships and romantic relationships can offer emotional support and help reduce stress. 

When you discuss your emotions with a friend, you might experience a sense of relief and connection, knowing that someone understands and cares about your experiences. Romantic relationships can bring joy and companionship, which may boost self-esteem and provide a reliable support system in difficult times.

On the other side, strained or toxic relationships can contribute to anxiety, depression, and stress. Constant arguments and misunderstandings might cause isolation and make you feel emotionally drained. Healthy relationships can be key to maintaining mental well-being, while unhealthy ones can harm your mental state.

Finding support for problems in platonic relationships

If you’re experiencing problems in platonic friendships, knowing where to turn for support can help. Friends and family might be a potential first stop, as they may provide a new perspective on what’s going on.

Sometimes, problems in friendships might seem too complicated or sensitive to discuss with friends or family. In such cases, professional help may be beneficial. Therapists or counselors are trained to help people manage and resolve problems in relationships. They can often offer a place to explore feelings and find solutions. 

Another option is seeking online support groups. These groups often provide a community of people who might be going through similar challenges. You might look for reputable platforms that facilitate discussions on friendship and relationship concerns.

Online therapy for relationship problems

Online therapy platforms may also be useful resources if you're facing challenges in your relationships. Online therapy allows you to discuss your relationship concerns with a licensed therapist via audio, video, or live chat. This eliminates the need for travel and may make it easier to fit sessions into a busy schedule. 

Effectiveness of online therapy for mental health challenges

Online therapy has proven to be effective for many mental health challenges, including those associated with relationship problems. For instance, those living with anxiety or depression might find it challenging to maintain healthy relationships. 

In one study, 108 people with major depressive disorder chose either a 12-week in-person therapy program or an online therapy program with weekly online modules and therapist feedback. Both groups showed similar improvements in depression symptoms and quality of life, but the online therapy group had better attendance, completing more sessions on average.

Takeaway

A platonic friendship is a close relationship in which two people have a deep emotional connection without romantic feelings. These friendships can be satisfying, but they may need clear boundaries to avoid any confusion, especially if one person starts developing romantic feelings. It may help to talk openly about expectations and respect what's comfortable for each other. 

If you’re experiencing challenges with a platonic relationship, you may benefit from speaking with a trusted friend, a family member, or a licensed therapist. Take the first step toward getting support with friendship concerns and reach out to BetterHelp.