Emotional Permanence And Mental Health: How Emotional Impermanence Can Cause Anxiety
Emotional permanence refers to knowing you're loved and cared for, even when your loved ones aren’t around. People with healthy emotional permanence don’t typically desire constant reassurance from others to know they’re cared for. However, some people struggle to experience this reassurance, causing emotional distress when the individual thinks that love disappears when the loved one leaves.
When someone struggles to feel loved when not receiving reassurance, it’s called emotional impermanence, and it can impact one’s emotional health, relationships, and self-esteem. Below, explore the concepts of emotional permanence and impermanence and how they affect an individual's daily life and relationships. In addition, learn about therapies for coping with emotional impermanence and learning emotional regulation.
What is the difference between emotional and object permanence?
Many might recognize the term object permanence to describe how people learn that objects continue to exist, even when out of sight. Emotional permanence is the ability to understand that feelings and emotions persist, even when not actively expressed. In essence, emotional permanence is like object permanence but for emotions. You trust that someone cares for you even when they aren't present or showing it.
Signs of emotional impermanence
People with emotional impermanence may have trouble trusting others, doubting that their feelings for them are consistent when they aren't present to show them. As such, individuals with emotional impermanence might seek constant reassurance from others and have an overbearing desire to hear they are loved and cared for. People with emotional impermanence might have frequent mood swings, trouble expressing emotions, and emotional overwhelm.
In some cases, such emotional dysregulation can lead to "doomsday" thinking, a cognitive distortion characterized by a tendency to focus on adverse outcomes and possibilities, often related to relationships or personal circumstances. When apart from loved ones, people with emotional impermanence might have difficulty remembering positive aspects or bonding in their relationships. All these characteristics can cause turmoil in relationships, barriers to trust and emotional intimacy, and problems with self-esteem.
What causes emotional impermanence?
Emotional impermanence can stem from several sources, including emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving in childhood. Such experiences can create a sense of instability, making it harder to develop a secure sense of emotional permanence. Individuals might develop emotional impermanence because they’ve experienced social rejection in life or toxic or unstable relationships that hinder their ability to trust others. Additionally, evidence shows that certain mental health disorders, like borderline personality disorder (BPD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), can increase one’s risk of emotional impermanence.
Impacts of emotional impermanence on relationships
Emotional impermanence is a relationship-driven condition and may present in relationships of any type at any age. People struggling with emotional permanence might often have problems regulating emotions, contributing to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and conflict within their relationships. Emotional permanence can interfere with an individual’s ability to establish and sustain healthy relationships with friends, loved ones, and peers.
Feeling emotionally reactive and clingy or struggling with mental health challenges and emotional impermanence
Emotional impermanence can cause intense fear and anxiety in relationships. This intense fear may lead to clingy or anxious behavior in relationships, as the individual struggles to believe that their loved ones care for them in their absence. The individual might not feel loved unless they receive constant reassurance, and they may experience anxiety when loved ones are emotionally or physically distant. Insecurity and fear can cause people with emotional impermanence to overanalyze distance, silence, or unusual behaviors from a partner as signs of abandonment. In relationships with emotional impermanence, conflicts are often fueled by fear rather than the facts of the situation.
Withdrawal and avoidance as coping with object permanence challenges
Just as clinginess and neediness can result from emotional impermanence, so can withdrawal and avoidance. Avoidant relationship styles are also fueled mainly by a fear of trusting another’s intentions. One might “shut down” to protect oneself from anticipated rejection, withdrawing from a relationship that might otherwise have been healthy. Such coping strategies can make forming or maintaining long-term emotional bonds difficult.
Emotional permanence and self-esteem
When one is emotionally balanced and understands that others love them regardless of separation or expression, they may be more likely to have a healthier sense of security and confidence. People with emotional permanence might be better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks in life. Emotional impermanence, however, can have many negative impacts on self-esteem. Some of these impacts include:
- Doubt and insecurity: People struggling with emotional permanence might experience higher insecurity levels and a lower sense of self-worth.
- Fear of abandonment: Believing that other people may abandon you at any time without remorse can severely impact self-esteem.
- Need for reassurance: Constant validation-seeking and reassurance from others to establish a strong sense of self-worth can be draining and reinforce feelings of insecurity.
- Impulsivity: People who lack emotional permanence may exhibit impulsive behaviors and poor judgment as they attempt to “fill the void” of emotional insecurities.
Borderline personality disorder, ADHD, anxiety, and more: Mental health implications of emotional impermanence
Emotional impermanence can occur on a spectrum from mild to severe, and not everyone experiences significant mental distress. However, mental disorders and emotional impermanence often do have a multi-directional relationship. For example, one may experience emotional impermanence as a symptom of a mental disorder. On the other hand, people with emotional impermanence might be more at risk for developing certain mental health conditions. The dysfunctional attachment patterns and emotional dysregulation that may occur in people with emotional impermanence also play a role.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Emotional impermanence is often a key symptom of BPD. For example, people with BPD are susceptible to perceived rejections or failures, creating insecurities in relationships that can lead to coping behaviors like excessive clinginess or withdrawal. Emotional impermanence and ADHD can be linked to difficulties with object constancy, which is the ability to maintain a bond with another person, even when they are upset with them. This symptom can contribute to intense abandonment fears.
Anxiety
Anxiety is often rooted in fear, worry, and a sense of impending danger. It can also manifest as a secondary emotion with anger or jealousy. As such, the characteristics of emotional impermanence may align with anxiety. For example, compulsive fear of rejection, trust issues, and uncertainty around relationships can contribute to dysregulated anger and jealousy.
Depression
Emotional impermanence can be a significant influence on the development and maintenance of depression symptoms. People with severe emotional insecurities in relationships may encounter feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Challenges in maintaining stable emotional relationships and the fear of rejection can lead to social withdrawal, isolation, and a loss of interest in activities. The constant desire for validation and reassurance can negatively impact self-esteem and confidence, making it challenging to be secure in one's own identity and worth. Individuals struggling with emotional impermanence might also be more vulnerable to developing depression due to heightened emotional instability and challenges in regulating emotions.
ADHD
Research suggests the connection between ADHD and emotional impermanence may stem in part from differences in ADHD brain functioning. For example, several areas in the amygdala and prefrontal cortex involved in affect and reward processing have been implicated in emotional dysregulation in ADHD. Additionally, ADHD symptoms like impulsivity, inattention, and hyperactivity can affect one’s ability to retain information about past emotions and experiences, potentially making it difficult to maintain emotional connections when not physically present.
Developing emotional permanence
Cultivating a sense of assurance that your emotional needs will be met, even in the face of separation or uncertainty, is often possible, even if it takes time or effort. You might begin learning to identify and understand your emotions. Mindfulness strategies such as meditation and journaling can help you focus on your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
As you learn to identify these feelings, challenge the negative emotions and thought patterns undermining your sense of security and reassurance. Reframe those thoughts to discover more positive (and often realistic) ones. With time, you may also develop emotional permanence through self-awareness by realizing that difficult emotions are frequently temporary and will eventually pass.
Try self-soothing activities like participating in a relaxing hobby, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative expression to strengthen self-compassion. If possible, integrate such activities into a consistent routine. A regular daily routine can create a sense of stability and predictability. Finally, reach out for support from trusted friends and family members. A solid support group can help you build confidence and emotional permanence.
Therapy for coping with distressing feelings and emotional impermanence
Many types of therapy are available to help people address and move beyond emotional impermanence to develop healthy self-esteem and relationships. Mental health professionals often tailor therapeutic interventions to the individual's specific needs, symptoms, and circumstances. Examples of psychotherapies for managing emotions and emotional impermanence include, but aren’t limited to:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): This type of therapy helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to emotional distress. By understanding the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, individuals can develop healthier coping mechanisms.
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): DBT focuses on teaching skills such as mindfulness, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, all of which are crucial for regulating emotions.
- Mindfulness-based interventions: Mindfulness practices help individuals observe their emotions without judgment, allowing for a more balanced, less reactive response.
- Psychoanalysis: Some professionals use treatment methods that adhere to psychoanalytic theory. These methods explore repressed emotions and underlying conflicts, providing insights into emotional patterns and promoting emotional stability.
Emotional impermanence may also be treatable with therapy. With the rise in popularity of online treatment, many people have more access to mental health care and experience fewer barriers to getting support. Virtual therapy platforms like BetterHelp give individuals a wider pool to find a therapist and the flexibility to switch therapists if they aren't a good match. In online therapy, one can also attend sessions from home via phone, video, or live chat at a time that works for them, including outside of standard business hours.
Research indicates that online therapies for disorders with emotional permanence symptoms can be highly effective. For example, a 2023 study published by The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists measured the quantitative and qualitative experiences of mental health clinicians working with BPD and other personality disorder patients. After a structured, brief one-month intervention, the clinicians reported that the online treatment program was effective and acceptable for people coping with a range of personality disorders.
Takeaway
What causes a lack of emotional permanence?
The ability to maintain emotional states, even when others aren’t present or currently expressing emotions, is called emotional permanence. For example, someone who is happily married trusts that their spouse loves them even when their spouse is on a work trip. A lack of emotional permanence can stem from a lack of trust in yourself and others, an anxious attachment style, or certain mental health conditions.
What is emotional permanence in BPD?
In psychology, emotional permanence generally refers to trusting that the people who care about you continue to do so even when they are not present. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often struggle to cultivate emotional permanence. They may feel unloved any time they are separated from those they care about.
What is emotional permanence in autism?
Individuals with autism spectrum disorder may experience a lack of emotional permanence. This means that they may not be able to trust that others’ emotions toward them remain stable even when they aren’t together in person.
Do people with ADHD lack emotional permanence?
Some people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder may lack emotional permanence. They may question others’ feelings toward them and request frequent reassurance, believing that their loved ones don’t love them anymore whenever they’re apart.
How do I know if I lack emotional permanence?
You may lack emotional permanence if:
- You need frequent validation and reassurance from loved ones
- You spend a lot of time questioning others’ feelings for you, especially positive ones
- You struggle to trust others and frequently reflect on reasons why you can’t trust them
- You have trouble regulating your emotions
There are healthy ways to develop emotional permanence. Engaging in open communication with loved ones is often vital, and working with a therapist can be helpful.
What are examples of emotional permanence?
Those with emotional permanence often feel secure and settled in their relationships. They don’t often seek emotional validation from those they care about. They may also recognize that they can’t control others or their reactions. In many cases, those with emotional permanence felt safe with their parents growing up. They grew to expect that relationships and the world around them were trustworthy.
How can you fix emotional permanence?
Developing emotional permanence often involves different things like introspection, learning to trust oneself and others, and working toward a secure attachment style. A licensed therapist can support you through this personal growth process.
Who struggles with emotional permanence?
Many people struggle with emotional permanence. Those with anxious attachment styles, ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, and borderline personality disorder may be more likely to experience a lack of emotional permanence.
How do you help someone who lacks emotional permanence?
Showing that you can be trusted may be helpful, but in general, it’s important for the person lacking emotional permanence to put in the effort to cultivate it. The first step may be reflecting on their past and considering why they lack emotional permanence. This knowledge and context can help them move forward. However, it can be challenging to develop emotional permanence on one’s own, so you can help by encouraging them to seek professional support.
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