What To Talk About With A Girl: Communication Techniques
When you’re interested in a girl, it’s common for nerves to take over, leaving you struggling to make conversation. Whether you’re worried about striking up a conversation with a crush or feeling nervous about a first date, it can be helpful to have a few ideas in mind for what you might bring up.
Here, we’ll explore some conversation starters and communication techniques for engaging with new people and taking those first few steps towards a potential relationship.
Why do I struggle to talk to girls?
For many, it can feel scary to talk to someone new, especially in a coffee shop or social gathering. You might feel apprehensive or unsure due to the following concerns:
- Social anxiety or general nervousness
- Apprehension related to being judged
- Fear of rejection
- A lack of conversation topics or trouble keeping the conversation flowing
In some cases, speaking to someone you trust, like family members or close friends, about your favorite childhood memories or future plans may benefit you and help you gain new social skills. Engaging in deeper discussions and discussing interesting things can also boost your confidence.
How to initiate a conversation with a girl
There are a few ways you might decide to open a conversation with a girl you like or want to be friends with, including the following.
Say "hello"
One way to spark a conversation is by introducing yourself in a friendly manner. Saying "hello" and introducing yourself may be easier than thinking of a witty remark that may not resonate with the person you're speaking to. It could also open the stage for the person to discuss further conversation topics if interested.
Make small talk
An icebreaker question or funny observation may be enough to get a back-and-forth conversation going. You could also strike up a conversation with some small talk:
- Her outfit (e.g., “I like your t-shirt!”)
- The weather (e.g. “It’s so nice out today.”)
- Future plans (e.g. “Do you have anything planned this weekend?”)
Small talk can allow you to establish common ground, ease into more meaningful conversation, and build rapport with the other person.
Ask her about her interests
You may be able to open a conversation with a girl by asking her about her interests or hobbies, which can help her feel appreciated and express interest in her as a person. For example, you could ask her about her favorite activities, furry friends she may own, fun things she likes to do, or her future plans and life goals. Steer clear of touchy subjects like past relationships or pet peeves.
Discuss common ground
Another approach to spark great conversations is by finding common ground, such as mutual friends, common experiences, or similar personality traits. This can create a connection and start talking about topics that both of you find engaging.
Ask her advice
You may be able to open a conversation with a girl by asking her for a recommendation or advice on a specific topic. For example, you could ask her about her favorite restaurant in the city and why she would recommend it. Try to refrain from asking for intense advice, such as advice on an interpersonal conflict—you might want to save that for future conversations.
What to talk about on a date
If you’re in the early stages of dating someone, it's important to find topics that are engaging and allow you to learn more about each other. Striking a balance between light-hearted fun and deeper questions can create a comfortable atmosphere where you both feel at ease sharing about yourselves.
Get to know her
It may be valuable to start by getting to know her. People often find it easy to talk about themselves and tend to appreciate the feeling that someone is interested in getting to know them. For example, you could ask about:
- Her hobbies and interests
- Where she’s lived or traveled
- Her favorite movies, books, or music
- Her career and what she's passionate about
- Cultural traditions or customs she values
- Educational background or what she studied
- Future aspirations and dreams
- Pets or animals she loves
- Cuisine or restaurants she enjoys
- Activities she does for relaxation or fitness
What you've already learned
When looking for topics to discuss, consider what you've already noticed about the girl you're interested in. You might pay close attention during your conversation to pick interesting topics to explore further.
For instance, is she reading a particular book? Does she seem interested in art? Is she using a particular laptop model you're interested in? Does she have a unique sense of style? Asking her about these topics may get her talking and spark a fun conversation. Additionally, she may be impressed that you noticed these details.
Try the "36 Questions To Fall In Love"
If you've passed the initial getting-to-know-you stage and are interested in deepening your connection, consider asking her a few of the 36 Questions to Fall in Love.
You might start by asking if she’s heard of the “36 Questions,” and checking whether she feels comfortable doing this activity with you. While this may be a bit personal for a first or second date, it can be a fun activity to try with a prospective partner.
Communication techniques to keep a conversation going
Once a conversation starts, you might want to know how to keep it flowing so that you can both stay engaged and interested. Consider the following ideas.
Ask open-ended questions
Early in the conversation, after you have used a couple of the opening topics above, you may consider asking some open-ended questions.
Here are a few examples to consider:
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- What are your interests?
- What do you want to accomplish in life?
- What are you passionate about?
- What is your favorite place you've ever traveled to?
- What is one piece of advice you received that you've always kept in your heart?
- If you were stranded on an island and could only bring three things, what would they be?
- Who is the most inspiring person you know?
Relate to her experiences
When talking to someone new, you might be a stranger to them, and they may not feel comfortable opening up immediately. Discussing your own interests and experiences can take the pressure off and make the conversation feel less like an interview.
Find a conversation topic that both of you can enjoy discussing. If she loves to cook, mention your own culinary adventures or how you also appreciate cooking. This fun way of connecting can lead to a more engaging conversation, and you may even discover activities you can do together. For example, you could suggest cooking together at your place or attending a cooking class to hone your skills. By focusing on common interests, you're more likely to have a great conversation and show her that you're genuinely interested in getting to know her.
Practice active listening
If the conversation is moving, practice active listening and try to avoid interrupting the girl you're talking to. Listening can be integral to a healthy conversation and is often vital in forming an authentic connection.
Don't get too personal too quickly
Try to avoid delving too far into personal matters initially. Deeper, more intimate conversations typically require some level of comfort and trust, which can develop over time as you get to know each other better.
If you've had a few conversations and you are confident that she's interested, you might bring up a deeper conversation topic by asking her if she feels comfortable elaborating on something she said previously or if it's okay for you to bring up a touchy subject.
What to talk about with a girl you just met
Some individuals struggle with knowing what to talk about. However, exciting conversation starters and active listening practices can help the conversation flow naturally into fascinating topics.
If a conversation with a girl you just met seems to come to a stopping point after you have put in your best effort, consider pivoting to a different topic. This topic could include anything from pop culture to sports to music. You could ask her whether she has watched any new films or TV series or if she likes skiing or snowboarding.
Things you have in common
It may be valuable to think about the things you enjoy and try to find some common ground. You might ask:
- What book are you reading right now?
- What activities are you participating in at the moment?
- What do you think about (insert band, TV show, movie, etc.)?
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- Would you want to go to (insert event) with me?
The person you're interested in may have something to say about at least one thing you bring up. The conversation may last longer if you find something you have in common.
Learn to accept rejection gracefully
As you learn to talk to girls, it may be important to learn how to gauge someone’s interest and accept rejection gracefully.
Remember, polite rejection is not a personal attack on your character, appearance, or personality—each person has unique preferences, and it’s important to respect people’s wishes and boundaries.
If the girl you're interested in does not feel the same, it's essential to respond with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge her feelings, thank her for her honesty, and move on without holding any resentment. This demonstrates maturity and respect for her decision, creating a positive impression even in the face of disappointment.
Online therapy for relationship support
Many individuals who experience social anxiety don't feel comfortable driving to an in-person appointment with a counselor. You might benefit from online therapy, in this case, which you can utilize from home with a solid internet connection.
Getting guidance on what to talk about with a girl and other communication techniques
Studies show that most individuals feel most comfortable in their homes. Additionally, research has indicated that online counseling is beneficial for treating symptoms related to loneliness, isolation, social anxiety, and depression. Through an online platform such as BetterHelp, you may be matched with a therapist who has experience in your area of concern.
Takeaway
Starting a conversation with a girl you just met may feel stressful or overwhelming, especially if you're romantically interested in her. Consider starting with a "hello," beginning with small talk, asking open-ended questions, and avoiding getting personal too quickly.
Active listening and accepting rejection may be two skills that are valuable to you. If you have difficulty approaching new people or regularly experience anxiety in social situations, you may wish to consider speaking to a professional. For research-based insights on dating and relationships, connect with a counselor on BetterHelp.
Frequently asked questions
How do I keep a conversation going with a girl?
Using a friendly conversation starter like an open-ended question or a compliment can get things going. Once you’ve broken the ice, you could ask a thought-provoking question or two and see if you receive genuine interest in the conversation. If not, it may be best to leave them be. If so, an engaging and interesting conversation may result. If you run into any awkward silences, commenting on your common surroundings or asking about how their day has been or what they’re doing next may help get things back on track.
What are 21 questions to ask a girl?
Examples of questions to ask a girl or a person of any gender that you may be interested in include:
- What are your food preferences: What do you love or hate to eat?
- What’s one thing that always makes you feel excited or happy?
- Who’s your celebrity crush?
- What are some of your favorite movies?
- What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen happen?
- What’s your ideal date night?
- What do you think makes a healthy relationship?
- How would your friends describe you?
- What are your favorite interesting stories or funny stories about you from your childhood?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
- If you could have any animal for a pet, what would you choose?
- What’s the best compliment you've ever received?
- When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
- What’s your favorite song right now?
- Do you have a creative outlet? What is it?
- What’s the last rabbit hole you went down on the internet?
- What’s your favorite fun fact?
- What would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow?
- What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?
- Do you have a bucket list? What are some items on it?
What would you talk about with a girl?
If you’re looking for things to talk about with a girl, having a great conversation starter can increase your confidence and help you get started. That said, you don’t need to put pressure on yourself to find something brilliant to say right out of the gate; a meaningful conversation can start with a simple greeting and a question about someone’s day or a compliment on their outfit. You can then ask questions about her life, discuss interesting things about your own life, and even come prepared with silly questions or prompts that can serve as topics to talk about together.
What do I talk about with my girl?
If you’re looking for topics to talk about with a partner, you might think of what you have in common or what she enjoys. Remember that people generally enjoy talking about themselves and their interests, so you could ask to learn more about her favorite hobbies, her pets, her dreams for the future, or her favorite memories. In many cases, a lively conversation can begin in this way. Remember that while it may help you feel more confident to avoid awkward silences when possible, they’re not the worst thing that can happen. Offering another question or compliment in this case may get the conversation going again.
How to flirt with a girl?
To flirt with a girl, you might offer her a compliment, ask a question about something she’s interested in or passionate about, and listen attentively.
How do I keep her interested?
You can’t control whether someone else has or keeps a romantic interest in you. All you can do is be yourself, try to keep things fun and lively, and be kind and considerate to her. It may help to offer compliments, pose funny or interesting questions to keep the conversation going, and listen attentively when she speaks.
How do you chat with your crush?
The best approach for chatting with your crush is usually to be yourself and ask engaging, open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. Respecting their boundaries and listening attentively are typically good practices as well.
What can you say to a girl on chat?
When getting to know someone new, asking questions about their life, their interests, and their dreams is usually the best course of action. You can look for common ground as well as opportunities to learn something new. You could even try asking for some simple advice or recommendations, particularly on a topic she’s knowledgeable about.
What can you ask your crush?
There are lots of different questions you can ask your crush to get to know them better, both silly and serious. Lighthearted questions could include things like, “If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?” and “Where would you go if you could travel anywhere in the world?” More serious questions could include things like, “What’s your biggest fear?” or “Who is the most important person in the world to you?”
What's a good flirty question?
Choosing the right flirty question to ask someone depends on your relationship with them. If you’re just getting to know each other, it’s typically best to be respectful and not come on too strong. In this case, a question like, “What’s your perfect day?” or “What’s the first thing you notice about someone?” might be a good choice. If you’re already dating, it’s usually okay to ask something more intimate, such as, “What’s something you’re dying to ask me but have been too shy?” or “What’s something you like most about our dynamic?” In the end, it’s usually best to use your judgment and what you know of this person to ensure that your question doesn’t cross a line or make them feel uncomfortable.
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