How Are Porn And Performance Anxiety Related?

Note: While everyone may experience the issues mentioned in this article, please note that as part of BetterHelp's initiative to respond to the APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men (2018), this article focuses on how these topics affect men and boys. The article uses "men" to refer to anyone who identifies as a man. 

Pornography can be a sensitive subject, often referenced as a potential cause of insecurity, relationship conflict, or body image challenges. Some have suggested that porn might cause performance anxiety, potentially resulting in difficulty becoming aroused and climaxing during sexual activity. Facts and statistics about pornography use may offer insight into pornography’s potential impact on performance anxiety and helpful methods of addressing sexual concerns.

What is performance anxiety in a sexual context? 

Performance anxiety may affect anyone of any gender or background, and it can manifest in a number of different ways. For example, some women might face a considerable drop in interest in sex, have difficulties becoming aroused or orgasming, or feel pain during sex. Men may have trouble maintaining an erection, ejaculating, or becoming aroused as well. Such experiences could worsen existing feelings of inadequacy, potentially leading to further performance anxiety down the road. In this way, performance anxiety can become a cycle that's difficult to escape. 

Since many people experience mental and physical difficulties around sex, demystifying performance anxiety can be challenging. The source of performance anxiety may depend significantly on individual situations and histories. Anxiety affects over 40 million adults in the United States, making it a common condition. As anxiety can compel people to project insecurities, individuals navigating anxiety may be at a higher risk for sexual dysfunction.

However, there are many possible causes of performance anxiety, including fluctuating hormones, chronic pain, and inadequate or nonexistent sexual education. When combined with exposure to pornography, the latter can increase the probability of developing performance anxiety, as porn can portray an unrealistic standard for sexual attraction and performance.

How is porn related to performance anxiety? 

Porn can be a healthy part of an active sex life. It has previously been linked to positive effects, like better understanding one's sexual identity or boosting one's sexual satisfaction. However, the nature of popular and readily available internet pornography may condition people to a type of arousal that is more difficult to achieve in real-life sexual encounters.

With differing statistics, understanding porn’s impact on mental health can be complicated. Performance anxiety, mental health challenges, and sexual dysfunction might be related to frequent pornography use in a number of complex ways.

Guilt and abstinence-only sexual education

According to Prause, men with more conservative backgrounds may be more likely to experience erectile dysfunction after viewing porn due to beliefs about non-marital sex they were taught as children and adolescents. These men may have experienced "abstinence-only" sex education. This form of sex ed, taught in many areas throughout the United States, focuses on abstaining completely from sex until marriage.

By not being exposed to lessons about sex for the sake of pleasure as a healthy part of adulthood, people who received abstinence-only sex ed are more likely to look elsewhere to learn about sex, including the internet and libraries of pornography that might not reflect average relationships, interests, and body types. Watching this kind of porn after being taught that sex should take place only in the context of marriage might cause feelings of guilt and shame that could re-appear during sex with a partner. 

Unattainable desires

Pornography can lead to dysfunction between couples because one partner may have difficulty becoming aroused or climaxing without a sexual fetish or fantasy they seek out in pornography. Their partner may feel embarrassed or as though they are undesirable, which can lead to shame for both parties. The person experiencing sexual dysfunction may also have trouble recognizing or admitting to the source of their feelings.

Insecurity 

Porn might also fuel insecurities in men. Many men experience insecurity about their penis size, genitals, or body shape. They may not know that the average penis size when flaccid ranges from one to four inches, while an average erect penis can stretch from five to seven inches, which is often shorter than the penises that may be shown in porn. As a result, some men who watch porn could feel inferior and insecure about their size. 

Men might also believe their ability to pleasure their partner is inadequate after they compare themselves to pornography actors they see online. It might be helpful to remember that porn is a profession, and the individuals in the videos are actors who have been edited and have worked with a team to produce a video that is interesting and engaging to viewers. Some actors may have also received plastic surgeries to change their bodies.

Anxiety risk  

Porn may establish unhealthy and unrealistic expectations in some viewers. While many people can view porn occasionally without experiencing any performance anxiety, it could be more likely to affect those who view it frequently or compulsively.

How to cope with performance anxiety

For many people, understanding that performance anxiety is a symptom and not a condition can be a beneficial first step in managing its effects. Anxiety during sex may be a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder or could be a result of sexual trauma, insecurities, or an unhealthy relationship with porn. There are a number of steps a person can take to treat this symptom. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Start with your doctor 

Before investigating mental health concerns, consider consulting your doctor to rule out physical health issues. In some cases, performance anxiety might not be the cause of sexual challenges. Erectile dysfunction or decreased vaginal lubrication might be caused by poor heart health, fluctuating hormone levels, age, or various other factors that can be medically treated. 

Try focusing on a new area of sex 

Men's performance anxiety may involve difficulty with penetration and orgasm. It may be valuable to focus more on foreplay and your partner's pleasure. Focusing less on the "end goal" or how you think sex “should” be may reduce pressure, which could reduce anxiety. 

Stay intentional 

Retaining control of your thoughts and emotions during sex may prevent your anxiety from taking over. For example, focusing on enjoying the moment instead of stressing about your performance might make you more comfortable reaching your climax. If you're experiencing racing thoughts or fear during sex, consider asking your partner for a break before you continue. You don't have to experience sex from "start to finish." You can take breaks to care for your mental well-being if necessary, which is a part of healthy consent.

Speak up 

If you have sexual fantasies or fetishes you've seen in porn that you want to try with your partner, tell them. It might feel awkward to broach this topic. However, even having the conversation could enhance your sex life, regardless of whether you actually try out the new sexual interest, by improving your sexual communication. You might also ask your partner about their fantasies to see if you have any in common.

Take a break from porn 

If you believe your porn usage is negatively impacting your arousal or has become compulsive and difficult to control, it may be helpful to take a break. Give yourself one to three months without porn and see if you experience any improvement in your performance anxiety. You might find that taking a break from porn increases your attraction to your partner or your ability to maintain your arousal. 

Remember that sex isn't a performance

Although the phrase “performance anxiety” contains the word "performance," that may not be the most accurate way to describe sex. Sex is an activity shared between consenting adults. As long as it is enthusiastically consented to by all parties, there may not be a "goal" or "requirement" for how sex occurs. 

Many people have sex in ways that do not lead to orgasm but still result in intimacy and love. Others might focus on fetishes that don't involve the removal of clothing. You can have sex in many ways and don't have to "perform" for your partner in any particular way unless you want to. Try to think of sex as a mutual activity you can enjoy together. You can also try to reduce expectations for orgasm as an "end" to sex. Sex can continue after one partner has orgasmed, or sex may end before an orgasm. 

Reach out for professional support 

If your performance anxiety is causing you stress or sexual dysfunction, or you've unsuccessfully tried to overcome it, consider consulting a mental health professional. Many people may find it embarrassing to seek support for sexual performance. For this reason, online therapy might be a more appealing option than talking to a provider face-to-face. Additionally, online therapy platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples enable users to schedule appointments from a preferred space at a time that works for them, potentially eliminating commute times, parking costs, and other barriers. 

Online therapy shows promise in supporting men with performance anxiety or who compulsively watch pornography. One popular treatment approach called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be as effective when administered online as in person. According to the research, the more therapy sessions a person can attend, the more significant their improvements may be. When delivered online, CBT and another popular therapeutic technique, motivational interviewing, can be effective in helping therapy participants achieve desired behavior modifications, including reductions in internet-based compulsive behaviors and dependency.