How To Manage The Pressure To Look Young

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW
Updated October 16, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Societal emphasis on youthfulness may create unrealistic standards of aging, contributing to negative impacts on a person’s self-esteem and even leading to fear of aging. According to the 2020 Census Bureau, nearly one in six people in the US are 65 years and older, and this number is expected to increase dramatically in the next few years. Many people, both young adults and aging adults, are influenced to invest in expensive products and even cosmetic procedures to look younger. 

How can you maintain a healthy balance between taking care of your health and accepting the aging process? In this article, we’ll explore aging from a holistic perspective as well as discuss ways to cope with aging.

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The possible impact of advertising and media on attitudes toward aging

A 2015 study that looked into the media's influence on a group of middle-aged women suggests that participants objected to "the negative portrayal of older women in the media and to pressures to conform to a youthful appearance." While nearly half of the study participants had undergone some sort of medical intervention to achieve a more youthful appearance, such as using Botox injections, laser procedures, or skin fillers, participants reported that they prefer to "look good" rather than “look young."

Other research findings suggest that many older women can be prone to aging anxiety and body dissatisfaction, with some studies suggesting "a significant relationship of aging anxiety to appearance investment in middle-aged women." 

The pressure for younger individuals to look perfect

The urge to combat the signs of aging seems to have also extended to younger adults. A recent New York Times article focused on anxiety around aging among Gen Z, noting that even teenagers tend to seek anti-aging products, which can suggest an unhealthy aversion to the prospect of aging. The article further remarked on the prevalence of AI-generated and retouched images of idealized faces and bodies and their influence on this generation. 

How to age gracefully and holistically

Research indicates that a person's "subjective age" may impact health and longevity. In other words, feeling younger may actually influence longevity. However, feeling younger in this context generally lies in cultivating habits that promote health, longevity, and wellness. While nutritious eating habits, regular exercise, and practices like mindfulness meditation and yoga may be beneficial for the body, the focus should typically be on a holistic approach to aging and wellness. 

The National Institute of Aging recommends the following evidence-based suggestions for aging well:

  • Engaging in physical activity, including aerobic, strength-training, balance, and flexibility exercises 
  • Cultivating meaningful social relationships, as they can foster emotional, physical, and cognitive health
  • Learning something new, such as a new language
  • Spending time on a fulfilling hobby, such as playing the guitar, writing, gardening, playing chess, crafting, or cooking
  • Keeping your mind engaged, perhaps by going to museums, the theater, or taking a class on a subject that interests you
  • Volunteering for an organization that endorses causes in which you believe
  • Eating healthily by emphasizing nutrient-rich foods 
  • Drinking alcohol in moderation, if at all
  • Developing a routine that promotes sleeping through the night for seven to nine hours 
  • Managing stress levels
  • Speaking to a therapist if you are experiencing mental health challenges
A middle aged woman in a grey sweater gazes out of the window of her home with a sad expression.
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True beauty is subjective

The concept of beauty may be seen as both subjective and culturally determined. The way we perceive beauty may be shaped by our cultural values, beliefs, and personal attitudes around beauty and aging. 

For example, if you tend to experience a sense of inadequacy for not looking the way you did 20 years ago, it may be that you have internalized a need to conform to certain beauty standards. Some of these standards may be quite unrealistic for a person of any age. 

For some people, gray hair can be celebrated as a sign of wisdom and dignity. Many people are now choosing to embrace the natural gray strands in their hair rather than dyeing them. While this can be a personal choice, the move may indicate a person's willingness to accept their age and view aging as a privilege.

In general, each person has their own relationship to the aging process. Challenging standards that don't align with your core values can be empowering. For example, if you believe that true beauty primarily comes from within, it may be fitting to accept the aging process. In so doing, you may be able to strike a balance between caring for yourself and accepting that aging is inevitable. 

The role of cognitive dissonance in the aging process 

The term “cognitive dissonance” can refer to holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. For example, you might believe that aging is a natural process but spend considerable time and money on anti-aging products and invasive procedures. Cognitive dissonance can contribute to mental unease, which may prompt someone to change their attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors to restore a sense of balance. 

One way to resolve cognitive dissonance in this situation might be to avoid investing time and money on products and services that don't align with your beliefs. 

Some tips for managing internal pressure

There are many strategies you can try if you want to resist the pressures of looking ageless while embracing the natural aging process. Some different ways you can cope with aging include:

Look for role models

Find people, whether celebrities or people you encounter, who seem to be comfortable with the aging process. Be receptive to what they have to say. Observe their confidence and aim to learn their views on aging gracefully.

Avoid comparing yourself to others

Aim to avoid comparing yourself to others, especially younger people. This may include yourself when you were younger. 

List features that you like about yourself

Notice the features you like about yourself and emphasize them.

Update your style

Consider making changes that reflect your personal style and the stage of life in which you find yourself. Choosing a new style might signal to yourself that things have changed, and you're more than okay with that. 

Focus on your mental, physical, and emotional health

Foster a holistic approach to health and aging by taking part in activities, attitudes, and practices that align with your values and goals. 

Find a community

Aim to cultivate relationships with people who also have respect for and acceptance of the aging process.

A woman in a white shirt looks stressed while sitting at an outdoor table and lookiing at the cellphone in her hand.
Getty/Xavier Lorenzo
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How therapy may help you cope with the stress of aging

It can be challenging to make changes to foster mental health and self-esteem on your own. If you sense that you might benefit from the support of a therapist, you may want to consider in-person or online therapy. 

Many people find online therapy to be a convenient and affordable option. A platform like BetterHelp, for example, can connect you with a licensed therapist by phone, video, or online chat. 

A 2023 study suggested that therapist-guided internet-delivered cognitive behavior therapy (ICBT) could be an effective treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), both of which may involve challenging thought processes and emotions around the concepts of aging and appearance.

Takeaway

The way we perceive beauty may be shaped by our cultural values, beliefs, and personal attitudes around beauty and aging. It can often be challenging to accept the natural aging process. Many people want to resist the pressure to look young but struggle to put this goal into practice. Each person has their own relationship to the aging process, and challenging standards that don't align with your values can be empowering. If you believe you could benefit from working with a therapist to address your thoughts and feelings around the pressure to look young, connecting with a professional in your local area or through an online therapy platform could be helpful.
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