How To Stop Feeling Like "I Just Want To Run Away"
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You might occasionally get the urge to run away, whether you're feeling threatened, fearful, apathetic, or another way. The urge to run can be normal, and it has a basis in the nervous system every human is born with. For many, the fight or flight response can be heightened, and the desire to flee may occur. However, leaving everything in your life behind might not be a realistic answer to your challenges. Instead, examining why your flight response has been activated and how you can constructively address it might be beneficial.
Wishing to flee can be linked to anxiety about specific responsibilities or obligations in your life. It may also be related to avoidant personality characteristics or mental health concerns like depression. Dealing with a desire to run away may call for mental reframing, channeling your energy into practical activities, or setting boundaries. Figuring out the right solution for you may depend on where your urge originates.
Chronic stress and the desire to run away
For many people, the pressures of daily life can build up to the point that escaping and starting a new life seems like an attractive idea. Job and career responsibilities are common causes of this feeling. In 2022, the American Psychological Association reported that work-related burnout was on the rise, with close to three out of five Americans experiencing the negative psychological consequences of work stress. Other potential sources of burnout include:
Parental responsibility
Caring for a sick relative or spouse
Leadership duties in political or non-profit organizations
Financial worries
Academic pressure
Immigration processes
Feeling responsible for another person's emotions
If you find yourself fantasizing about running away from your responsibilities or frequently thinking to yourself, "I don't want to do anything", you might be experiencing mental burnout.
Coping with chronic stress
There are many solutions for burnout or the desire to escape stress. One helpful first step may be to remind yourself of the reasons you took on these responsibilities.
By focusing on the values that led you to this situation, such as pursuing excellence, supporting your family, caring for others, or making a positive difference in the world, you may feel better about your challenges. This technique is known as self-affirmation, and studies have found that it can reduce job-related stress and improve emotional control.
You may also find it helpful to reconnect with areas of your life that matter most to you outside of your obligations. That might mean setting aside time for hobbies, visiting friends, or relaxing. If possible, taking a short vacation may also help you mentally recharge. Finding these small "escapes" could reduce your desire for a significant, more dramatic one.
Taking up a new creative practice could also help. Though this might sound like it would only add to your to-do list, it might feel liberating to have an activity you're doing purely because you want to. Research indicates that artistic tasks are particularly beneficial for stress reduction.
Current events and the desire to run away
Personal difficulties may not be the only cause of a flight response. It's also possible to feel stressed by world events, worrying trends, and distressing news. For example, a 2021 study reported that the more news about the COVID-19 pandemic people consumed, the more likely they were to feel emotional distress. Feeling troubled about the state of the world might make you wish you could hide or escape the news.
Coping with current events
When taking in a stream of negative content gives you the urge to run, avoiding the news may be a better strategy than avoiding everything in your life. Psychologists who have studied the effects of consuming distressing information have concluded that reducing your media intake can limit its mental health impact.
It might also be valuable to set aside a specific time each day to look at the news and avoid checking it outside of that window. Consider taking breaks from using technology for a few days of the week if you find that any exposure to it ruins your day or week.
Research points to spending time outdoors as another effective coping strategy. It can help you feel a connection to the world around you that may have nothing to do with the crises you hear about on the news.
Avoidant attachment and the flight response
If you have the urge to run from your relationships when conflict occurs, you might be experiencing an avoidant attachment style. Getting "cold feet" in a romantic relationship may seem like a Hollywood trope, but it can occur. Do your feelings of wanting to run away seem to pop up whenever you're starting to experience more emotional intimacy with someone close to you?
According to attachment theory, people tend to express specific patterns in their interpersonal relationships. Your attachment style may be partly determined by how safe and supported you felt in early childhood. Those with an avoidant attachment style may find it hard to feel safe expressing emotion and trust, which could lead to a desire to flee relationships when they begin to feel permanent.
Overcoming avoidant attachment
Overcoming deep-seated avoidant tendencies may require you to deliberately build the habit of placing trust in others. It may be helpful to take minor steps toward this goal, such as talking about vulnerable facts about yourself with your partner they don't know or expressing your emotions rather than repressing them.
Journaling might help, too. Expressing your feelings in your journal can make the idea of sharing them
with others less intimidating. Research has identified many psychological benefits of expressive journaling, including increased optimism and an improved ability to process emotions.
Studies have also found that attachment styles can be changed with education, therapy, and a willingness to examine your unhealthy habits. According to the research, a secure attachment style can be possible for those who haven't experienced it before.
Anxiety, depression, and the feeling of "I just want to run away"
The impulse to flee could also be linked to a mental health condition. Chronic anxiety, in particular, often involves a feeling that you're under threat and need to escape. This urge could be related to higher baseline activity levels in the sympathetic nervous system. Many people with anxiety disorders have an oversensitive "fight or flight" reflex that can be more easily incited daily.
Some researchers think that depression may also be linked to feelings of being trapped. Some studies suggest that experiencing a desire to escape a situation or emotion but being unable to get away can provoke feelings of helplessness that lead to depressive symptoms.
Managing anxiety and depression
Clinical research on depression and anxiety has identified certain healthy life habits that appear to reduce symptoms of both, including the following:
Exercise: Regular aerobic activity could provide a constructive outlet for your desire to run while decreasing your feelings of anxiety and depression.
Sleep: Sleep hygiene habits like avoiding screen time in bed may help you get better rest and improve your mental health.
Meditation: Taking ten to 20 minutes daily to focus on your breath and observe your thoughts without judgment can help you feel more stable.
In addition to these types of self-help strategies, therapy with the guidance of a mental health professional can be a powerful tool for addressing anxiety and depression. There's substantial scientific evidence for the effectiveness of methods like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
Is running away the right course of action in any scenario?
Feeling the need to run away may not be irrational in every situation. Walking away and separating may be the best course of action in some situations. For example:
If your employer is asking you to engage in illegal or unethical behavior
If the place you're living is unsafe due to faulty construction, environmental contaminants, or other hazards
If you're in a physically, emotionally, or financially abusive relationship
If you're in an unsafe location
If you need to flee a country for your safety
Many methods described above, such as journaling, meditation, and therapy, may help clarify your situation. These techniques could also enable you to decide whether getting away is the most appropriate response.
Counseling options
Regardless of the cause of your urge to run, psychotherapy may offer you the skills to process the emotions behind your urges and the healthy behaviors to cope with them. However, if you're already overwhelmed, locating a mental health provider and attending therapy may feel like another task to add to your stress.
In this situation, engaging in therapy over the internet might make the process easier. Finding the right therapist may be simpler online since you don't have to limit your search to your immediate area. Additionally, attending sessions remotely allows you to talk to a professional from a comfortable and familiar space, reducing psychological barriers to attendance.
Studies on the practice of online therapy show that it can be effective. According to a meta-analysis published in 2008, internet-enabled therapies were as effective as in-person methods for various mental health conditions. The authors concluded that there was "strong support" for the benefits of online psychotherapy. If you're interested in getting started, you can sign up with a platform like BetterHelp to get matched with one of over 30,000 licensed therapists specializing in various areas of mental healthcare.
Takeaway
Is running away a coping mechanism?
Running away from people and situations can be considered a coping mechanism. Typically, it would be framed as a maladaptive coping mechanism, because while it allows the individual to gain relief from the stressor It often is NOT dealing with uncomfortable feelings, it isn’t necessarily a healthy behavior. Running away does not allow a person to grow through experience and often by confronting uncomfortable things, you can learn to manage your emotions more effectively.
What is runaway syndrome?
Walk Away Wife Syndrome, also known as Runaway Syndrome or Neglected Wife Syndrome) is a colloquial term to describe women who have asked for greater intimacy from their husbands over a span of years, but then end up quietly walking away from the marriage when that intimacy never comes. It is often a surprise to the spouse, because the wife stops complaining and simply begins planning a good time to leave (for example, when the kids leave the house).
Do people that cope by avoidance end up alone?
Avoidance in psychology refers to a coping mechanism in which someone intentionally stays away from a thought, feeling, situation or person that causes him or her discomfort or distress. Someone who has been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder may have difficulty taking personal risks, and getting involved socially with others. Untreated, a person may end up alone since they often avoid relationships. However, avoidant personality disorder can be treated with therapy, most commonly cognitive behavioral therapy. Any person may choose to cope with stress or anxiety by avoidance and not necessarily meet the criteria to be diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder.
Why do people who choose to avoid go quiet?
People who have avoidant personalities often “go quiet” or cut off communication because they are frightened by intimacy. When feeling overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings they simply check out, wanting to escape rather than to address these feelings or continue connecting with the person that caused them.
Is someone who has been diagnosed with APD also a narcissist?
Avoidant personality disorder is a personality disorder, as are narcissistic or borderline personality disorders. There can be some crossover symptoms between APD and narcissistic traits, as well as bipolar disorder. This doesn’t mean that everyone who has an avoidant personality has narcissistic tendencies, though some might.
What is the psychology behind the feeling of “I just want to run away”?
Someone who has avoidant personality disorder experiences low self-esteem and poor self-image, and has extreme anxiety around social settings and relationships. They are often so afraid of getting something wrong that they run away from responsibility and relationships to avoid embarrassment, disapproval, or criticism.
Is running a form of escapism?
Running and other forms of avoidance can be used as a form of escapism.
Why do I run away from responsibility?
Some people will run away from responsibility because they are afraid of failure due to lack of self-esteem. If you find that this tendency causes disruption in your day-to-day life, then working with a mental health professional in-person at a therapy center or seeking online therapy is an effective way to increase self-esteem and learn the positive coping skills that can help.
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