How And Why To Ask For Help When You Need It
- For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
- For those experiencing abuse, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- For those experiencing substance use, please contact SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357
Many individuals have needed support at some point or another. It's often normal and healthy to have people you can go to during difficult times or moments of emotional distress. So what should you do if you’re having the thought, “I need help”? It can be tough to know how to ask for help. We may tell ourselves that we don't deserve it or can manage just fine on our own.
Others may have led us to believe that admitting we are in trouble or need help means we are weak. However, there can be power in admitting when you need help and acting on that recognition.
How to know when you need help
In general, you may need to ask for help when something in your daily life is affecting your ability to function. For example, you may struggle to attend work, parent your child, or maintain romantic and platonic relationships. You might also start to experience physical symptoms or problems with your mental health.
While you may choose to handle some issues alone, feeling overwhelmed or out of control may signal that you need support from another individual. Depending on your needs, this could be a friend, family, doctor, trained crisis counselor, or mental health professional.
How and why to ask for help
Some people don't see the value of involving others in their struggles. Whether they've been let down in the past or feel shameful about needing help, asking for help may feel difficult for some.
However, asking for help may assist you in moving forward more efficiently than if you dealt with all your problems alone. You may not have the tools, resources, or coping mechanisms you need to heal in every situation that comes your way. However, you can learn these skills with time and new resources by reaching out for support.
Make a plan to ask someone you trust. Be direct in your communication and clear about your needs. Let the other person respond and respect what they have to say. Someone else may be available and willing if they can't offer you help.
Barriers to asking for help
Asking for help may not come naturally to everyone. Here are some obstacles you might face while seeking support.
Denial
If you're experiencing denial, you might have difficulty asking for help because you feel that there are no problems. You may tell yourself everything is fine, even if you know that's not the case deep down. Denial can be a complex issue that sociocultural factors could worsen.
For example, some men experiencing depression may feel discouraged from recognizing their condition and seeking help. They may struggle if they come from a family, culture, or location where it's considered "weak" to be depressed or discuss emotions with others.
Shame
You might feel that you shouldn't be struggling as badly as you are and avoid seeking help due to this thought. Perhaps your problem seems manageable in your mind, and you struggle to understand why you can't handle it alone.
Others might have made you feel embarrassed or weak for needing support. Due to the stigma associated with seeking help for various issues (including self-harm) shame can convince you to keep your problems to yourself. In these cases, you may feel that you’ll experience more shame from expressing these thoughts to someone else.
Shame is an emotion that is commonly felt by those who have experienced trauma. If this is the case for you, you may benefit from seeking trauma therapy. Although it can feel challenging to take the first step and reach out, connection and validation from an external party may reduce feelings of shame.
Stigma
Stigmas can be social, cultural, societal, or systemic. Those living with mental health problems are prone to experiencing stigma from friends, society, or even a family member or medical provider while they are seeking help.
Individuals with mental health conditions might be denied work or housing opportunities, get mislabeled, or feel bad about themselves for struggling. Stigma often keeps people from reaching out for support at all. However, this doesn't mean valuable mental health care and compassion are unavailable.
Acceptance: A way forward
Acceptance may be the antidote to denial. By accepting that we need help, we may get started on the pathway toward healing. You can move toward acceptance by practicing vulnerability, expanding your support group, and allowing others to be there for you. You can also help others, when able, to get used to the idea of giving and receiving.
When acceptance comes, you may feel a burden lifted. While it can be scary to think about getting the help you need, this is often a vital step on your journey to a healthier life. If you're unsure how to prompt acceptance, consider trying acceptance exercises, like the radical acceptance skill from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).
Considering your options
Once you've come to terms with the need for help, you may choose to weigh your options and explore the resources available to you.
There are several possibilities you might consider when it's time to ask for help:
- Reach out to a friend
- Confide in a family
- Talk with a mentor
- Talk with a religious advisor
- Turn to a support group
- Try a hotline (which may offer an incognito source of assistance)
- Find a helpful internet forum
- Seek the help of a mental health professional
- Look for viable treatment facilities
You might first choose to discuss your issues with those you're close to who are not licensed mental health experts. While they may not be able to offer you medical advice, their support can still be helpful. There are also options for those that feel they need a more intense form of assistance. Persons seeking treatment facilities should search for reputable institutions in their area or ask their doctor for help finding an appropriate facility.
At times, opening up to a friend or loved one can be enough to help you feel better and provide you with alternate perspectives that can change your mindset. In some cases, this won’t be as effective as seeking out professional crisis counseling.
Trial and error
Seeking help in different areas may help you determine what you need, what works for you, and what doesn't. Talking with a trusted friend or loved one may be incredibly helpful for some issues, but tends to be a less unknown source of assistance.
For others, seeking a support group focused on specific issues (such as depression, an eating disorder, relationship troubles, or addiction) might offer a greater sense of understanding, belonging, and support.
A mental health professional may be most able to provide you with the care you need for a specific concern.
Depending on the severity of the issue(s) you're facing, you may want to call a toll-free crisis line or seek the help of a licensed counselor. Should you be limited in the people in your life you feel you can open up to, your therapist can be a consistent presence to guide you.
Asking for help can feel challenging. You may benefit from connecting with a therapist online if you are facing barriers in your search to find treatment, such as location or cost. Online therapy allows you to call or text your therapist as the need arises. You can also contact them through video calls.
In a recent study, online therapy was found to be just as effective as in-person therapy for various mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Each of these categories and ratings was compared to in-person counseling, with the latter's figures also included in the findings.
If you're ready to take the brave step of reaching out for help, you might consider an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. Regardless of your need, many counselors are available with expertise in a variety of topics.
Takeaway
Recognizing when you need help may be the first step to overcoming denial, practicing acceptance, and considering and pursuing your options.
No matter what concern you're facing, help is available. Whether you confide in a friend, family, or licensed professional, telling someone about what you're going through takes courage and is often worth it.
What is a psychotic break?
A “psychotic break” is an outdated term for an episode of psychosis. Psychosis is not a mental health diagnosis, rather it refers to a group of symptoms in which a person has difficulty distinguishing reality from fantasy.
Psychosis can have rapid onset, but it often develops over a period with early warning signs like:
- Trouble sleeping
- Isolating oneself from friends and family
- Seeing things that are not there, such as shadows or lights
- Hearing voices or ringing
- Tasting or smelling things that others do not
If you’re experiencing any of these warning signs, it’s a good idea to reach out for the help of a therapist or trained crisis counselor. You can get trained crisis counselors free of charge through the 24/7 Crisis Text Line.
How to deal with poor mental health?
Many people experience mental health problems from time to time. In addition to working with a licensed therapist or trained crisis counselor, it can help to practice some self-care:
- Get routine exercise, such as walking, jogging, yoga, or body bodyweight exercises
- Eat nutritious food and maintain regular mealtimes
- Create a bedtime routine and prioritize getting seven to nine hours of sleep each night
- Find something you’re passionate about, such as a hobby or volunteer opportunity
- Call a loved one to share your feelings
- Avoid isolating yourself, and instead make more time to spend with friends and family
- Practice mindfulness and use it as a coping tool when you’re feeling overwhelmed
If you’re navigating a difficult period and want to talk to someone right away, you can always call or text a crisis text/hotline like the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
What are the five signs of emotional suffering?
By learning to recognize the five signs of emotional suffering, you can help someone who’s struggling even if they’re finding it difficult to reach out for help themselves:
- Personality changes: When people experience mental health problems, they often behave in ways that are unexpected or not in line with their beliefs.
- Uncharacteristic moodiness, anger, anxiety, or agitation: Signs like irritability, difficulty controlling emotions, or reacting out of proportion with the situation can be a symptom of a mental health crisis.
- Withdrawal/social isolation: One of the most common symptoms of mental health conditions like depression or bipolar disorder is self-isolation and withdrawing from family, friends, work, and/or school.
- They neglect their self-care or start engaging in risky behaviors: A common indicator that your friend or family member is experiencing emotional distress is disruptions to personal hygiene and self-care. For example, they may stop exercising, showering, or wearing clean clothes. Risky behaviors, like substance use, can also indicate emotional challenges.
- Hopelessness or overwhelming emotions: People experiencing a mental illness like depression may lose interest in activities they used to enjoy, adopt a hopeless or negative outlook on life, or make indications that they’re unhappy being alive.
With increased mental health awareness, you can better recognize when your friends and family members are going through a difficult time. Sharing mental health resources, like the Crisis Text Line, can help them get the support they need.
What are the warning signs of psychosis?
Psychosis refers to a group of symptoms resulting in a loss of touch with reality. Warning signs of psychosis include the following:
- Suspicion, paranoid thinking, or unease with other
- Thoughts are not clear or logical
- Social withdrawal and isolation
- Heightened intensity of thoughts, ideas, and behaviors
- Decline in personal hygiene or self-care
- Trouble discerning fact from fiction
- Difficulty sleeping through the night
- Hearing, smelling, seeing, or tasting things that are not there
- Steep decline in work or school performance
In most cases, people experiencing a psychotic episode will behavior (behave) in strange or unpredictable ways. Having a strategic plan in place can help you manage situations when a loved one is struggling.
Am I mentally ill or just lazy?
Laziness is a behavior that’s chosen. If you’re feeling lazy, you could perform a task but choose not to. Depression, on the other hand, is not an intentional decision. Depression is a serious mental disorder that you cannot control by sheer will.
How to tell if someone is mentally hurt?
Indicators that someone’s experiencing (someone is experiencing) mental difficulty include uncharacteristic behaviors not in line with their values, new moodiness or agitation, social withdrawal, lack of self-care or engaging in risky behaviors, or displaying a negative outlook/hopelessness.
Why do I shut down and can't talk?
If you shut down emotionally and verbally, it could be due to a trauma response, chronic stress, emotional overwhelm, anxiety, depression, grief, or other challenges. The experience of “shutting down” is often referred to as emotional flooding, emotional numbness, or dissociation.
Dissociation is a survival mechanism triggered by the sympathetic nervous system, and it can sometimes be beneficial in helping to settle your mind when you’re overwhelmed. But shutting down can also keep you from connecting with others. Some coping strategies to help in these times include going for a walk, practicing the 3-3-3 rule for anxiety, writing about your feelings, or trying deep breathing exercises.
How to deal with poor mental health?
Here are some ways you can improve your mental health and wellbeing:
- Get enough sleep
- Stay physically active
- Spend time outdoors
- Consume a nutritious diet and eat meals at regular times
- Learn healthy coping strategies, like deep breathing, journaling, exercise, progressive relaxation, and positive thinking
In addition to these self-care strategies and lifestyle changes, it’s often beneficial to work with a licensed mental healthcare professional, such as a licensed therapist, psychiatrist, or trained crisis hotline counselor.
How would someone with poor mental health behave?
Some signs of poor mental health include:
- They’re more withdrawn or isolated than they used to be
- Their personality seems different or out of line with their values
- They’re engaging in risky behaviors, like gambling or substance use
- They’ve become irritable, anxious, or otherwise less predictable
- They seem more pessimistic about life
Everyone deals with mental health challenges from time-to-time. By improving your mental health awareness, you can help people in your community when they’re struggling emotionally.
How to help someone who doesn't want help?
If someone doesn’t seem to want help, it can be difficult to know what to do. In these instances (and others), it’s recommended that you focus your efforts on listening to what they want to share, validating their emotions, and asking them questions about what they want and how you can support them.
In addition to knowing what to say, it’s important to know what not to say. In general, it’s recommended that you avoid giving them unwanted advice or trying to “fix” them.
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