Tips For Managing Emotions When Overwhelmed
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Feeling a range of emotions is part of the human experience. If you feel like your emotional responses are taking over or negatively impacting your life, however, it may be worth investigating ways to regain control by managing your emotions.
Managing emotions can be a beneficial skill for anyone who wants to feel happy and healthy. A strong emotional response can be overwhelming, and it might consume a lot of your time and energy, resulting in stress. However, if you know some skills to help manage emotions, you can better understand them and respond in a healthy and productive way.
For example, by developing emotional intelligence, we can potentially improve our decision-making skills, strengthen healthy relationships, and improve professional development. It may also be helpful to recognize the impact of external factors, such as social media, on our emotional intelligence. Learn more about why people might feel some emotions strongly and how to better control your emotional state more effectively in this article.
Why do some emotions feel stronger than others?
Circumstances are one reason, which is easy to understand. The feelings of sadness you experience after dropping your ice cream cone on the ground will naturally be less intense than those you experience when a loved one gets sick, for instance. In addition, some emotions are simply more intense than others, like elation versus contentment or terror versus nervousness. Diet, exercise, sleep, stress, physical illness, and other lifestyle- or health-related factors can also play a role in experiencing and managing emotions.
Finally, some people may simply be wired to experience emotions more intensely in general. One study found that “highly sensitive people” were more aware of and experienced more negative emotions than others. Another found that they also tend to experience positive emotions more intensely than others and even react more quickly in these situations.
The impact of intense emotions
However, frequently feeling emotionally overwhelmed and experiencing negative impacts on your daily life as a result is not healthy for you, either. This is known as emotional dysregulation, which is simply having difficulty controlling one’s emotions. While most of us become temporarily emotionally dysregulated from time to time, it may be cause for concern if it’s happening often and disrupting your life because you find it difficult to act rationally in these moments. It may cause relationship issues, affect your sleep or physical health, and make it hard to relax or feel comfortable. Overwhelming emotions may also lead you to seek out unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self-isolation or substance abuse. Dealing with emotional moments in a healthy is a learned skill, and one that can be especially helpful for those experiencing the symptoms of mental health issues.
Emotional dysregulation can manifest as unpredictable outbursts, emotional reactions that are out of proportion to the triggering event, or simply feeling frequently overwhelmed by emotions. The cause of frequent dysregulation can vary—from traumatic life experiences to certain mental health conditions—and may be hard to pinpoint.
Learning to manage strong emotions
If emotional overwhelm is happening frequently and disrupting your life, you may be interested in some of the following tips for managing strong emotions.
Name what you’re feeling
Naming the intense emotion(s) you’re feeling in the moment can be a powerful technique to help you regain control. Psychologist Dan Siegel calls this practice the “name it to tame it” approach. The ability to say to yourself, “I feel angry” or “I feel hurt” is a helpful way to come into an awareness of your emotions. While this technique seems simple, often a person can be dealing with conflicting feelings, like anxiety and anger. You have very little chance of moving through them if you don’t identify or acknowledge them, so naming what you feel can be a helpful first step.
Take a break from the trigger
The part of the brain that’s responsible for releasing hormones related to the fight-or-flight response is called the amygdala. When we start to feel upset about something, it may jump into action and make us feel overwhelmed by negative emotions like fear, worry, or distress because of an increase in these hormones—what some refer to as an “amygdala hijack.” It’s your body’s way of trying to defend you from danger, so being in this state may cause you to act impulsively or otherwise feel out of control. That’s why physically separating yourself from the trigger can help you calm down and regain control because you’re removing yourself from the situation that your brain and body are perceiving as dangerous. Stepping away from a frustrating point of a work project or from a tough conversation with your partner, for example, can give you the opportunity to take a break, take a breath, reset your system, and compose yourself before returning to sort it out.
Strong emotions can be overwhelming
Try a breathing technique
Our breath is closely linked to our emotional state. Think about how your breathing speed increases when you feel panicked, or how you may even hold your breath or breathe in a shallow way when nervous or afraid. It’s unsurprising, then, that breathing in a certain way can help you calm yourself down when overwhelmed by emotions. You can try doing a “physiological sigh,” for example, where you inhale twice through your nose and then do an extended exhale. It allows more oxygen in and more carbon dioxide out, which can help calm the body’s stress response. This type of mindful breathing is one of many grounding techniques you can use to calm the body’s stress response. Many people use breathing exercises as a part of their regular self-care routine.
Speak with a therapist
Connecting with a trained therapist is another way in which you can work on getting your emotions more under control over time. One academic paper on the subject discusses that some therapeutic styles for those who feel emotionally overwhelmed are specifically aimed at “changing individuals’ relationships to their own emotional experiences, helping them to employ more adaptive emotion control strategies during times of emotional arousal.” In other words, a therapist may be able to assist you in reframing thoughts that cause intense emotions and developing healthier coping mechanisms for negative feelings.
Some people who are interested in seeking treatment from a mental health professional prefer the comfort and availability of virtual therapy. Research suggests that it can provide similar benefits to traditional, in-person therapy, and many find speaking with a therapist via phone call or video chat feels more comfortable for them. An online therapy platform like BetterHelp can match you with the therapist who is right for you and can help you address concerns about the emotional challenges or other stressors you may be dealing with. Their licensed therapists are qualified to help manage the symptoms of a number of mental health conditions. Ultimately, the therapy format you choose—whether in person or virtual—should feel right for you and your situation.
Takeaway
How can we manage our emotions?
How we effectively manage our emotions will change with time and circumstance. It may take time and effort, but there are several strategies you might try in situations where your emotions seem beyond your control:
Breathing exercises
Deep breathing techniques can help calm the body and mind by activating the parasympathetic nervous system (the part of the brain responsible for neutralizing our “fight, flight, or freeze” response). Try exercises like abdominal breathing, box breathing, alternate nostril breathing, or pursed-lip breathing.
Grounding techniques
Staying calm and present can be challenging when our emotions run high, but practicing grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique can help. Take a few moments to name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Take your time to feel each sensory experience as deeply as possible. If you’re short on time, simply doing a body scan to pinpoint tension in the body can work, too.
Mindfulness strategies
Engaging in mindfulness activities in daily life not only may help take your mind off your worries and promote relaxation, but it can also help you better control your emotions during challenging times. Try spending time in nature, walking, doing yoga, or practicing tai chi. Some people find it effective to incorporate mindfulness into activities they enjoy, like cooking or gardening.
Meditation
A daily meditation practice can help you better manage your emotions in times of stress and discomfort and improve overall physical and mental well-being. If you’re a beginner, start with just a few minutes a day and then increase your time as you get used to the practice.
Get to know your feelings better
Whether through journaling, recording your thoughts and feelings on a device, or simply spending time alone in a quiet place, understanding the connection between your thoughts and emotions is key to learning to control them. Consider using an emotions chart to label how you’re feeling. Once you get in the habit, you might be surprised to find that what you thought you were feeling isn’t quite the whole story. For example, it can be easy to confuse anger with frustration or sadness with helplessness. Finding the right word for your feelings can make a big difference in how you respond and help you cultivate stronger emotional intelligence.
Practice emotional acceptance
Regardless of their unpleasantness, your emotions are important and worthy of validation. Accept emotions as they arise and allow them to exist without judging yourself for having them. If you’re having difficulty coping with them, try reciting a mantra aloud or to yourself for encouragement, such as “These feelings will pass” or “This might be challenging, but I will get through it.”
Ask for help
Everyone experiences challenging emotions sometimes. If you feel overwhelmed and can’t seem to cope on your own, consider calling a trusted friend or loved one to talk about it. They might be able to provide empathy, support, and a new perspective. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to family or friends, seek guidance from a mental health professional who can assist you in managing your emotions and give you the tools you need to cope with them in daily life.
How do you stop suppressing emotions?
While it may seem helpful in the short term, avoiding or suppressing your emotions can have a negative impact on your mental and physical health and well-being if it becomes habitual. If you find yourself actively pushing difficult or uncomfortable thoughts or feelings out of your consciousness by distracting yourself with an “escape” like TV or social media, there are some strategies you can use to stop suppressing your emotions and process them healthily:
Recognize and accept your emotions
Acknowledge that you’re feeling a particular emotion and allow yourself to experience it without self-judgment or criticism. If possible, label how you feel and say it out loud in the moment. Practice saying “I feel” instead of “I am” when acknowledging your emotions. For example, saying “I feel angry” may be much easier to accept than “I am angry.” This can help you avoid identifying as the emotion rather than recognizing it’s just an emotion, and it doesn’t define you as an individual.
Consider what your emotions may be trying to tell you
Like pain in the body, difficult emotions may arise as a response to a stimulus we must address to safeguard our health. This might be internally driven by thoughts or externally driven by an event or another person. Regardless of their source, think about what purpose your emotions are serving. Do you feel angry because you’re afraid of being hurt by someone? Do you feel guilty because you harbor shame around something that’s happened to you?
Develop a strategy to help your emotions pass on their own
Once you determine what sparks your emotions, what they’re communicating, and what they need, consider if it’s necessary to take action to process them. This might include actively labeling the emotion and sitting with it until it passes, finding a solution to the conflict or challenge causing the emotion, or participating mindfully in the activity that may be causing the emotion. For example, if you’re doing a task at work, immerse yourself in the process as you notice your feelings. If you’re doing household chores, make it a point to notice the sensory details of the task along with your emotions.
Challenge negative beliefs
Identify and question any negative beliefs or thinking patterns contributing to emotional suppression. For example, you may think that other people will judge you negatively for showing fear or insecurity. Question whether this is something you know for sure, or are you making assumptions based on past experiences that have nothing to do with the present? Once you challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about your emotions, you may find it easier to express them.
What are five key emotional management skills?
While there are many ways to manage your emotions and express them healthily, understanding these five key skills might help you do so with greater ease:
- Self-awareness: The ability to recognize and understand your emotions and what generates them is integral to effective emotional management.
- Empathy: The ability to understand and empathize with the emotions of others can help you effectively navigate social interactions and relationships and foster a sense of connection and understanding with others.
- Acceptance: The ability to accept your emotions as they are without judgment or self-criticism can help you manage them and respond to an emotionally charged situation rather than react.
- Reflection: The ability to reflect on your emotional reactions can help you differentiate the emotion from the circumstances, improving your ability to manage your emotions in challenging situations.
- Perspective: The ability to put your emotions into context can help you recognize whether they’re a healthy response to a situation or the result of deeper-rooted issues. For example, it’s typical to feel nervous before a first date—but if just thinking about talking to a love interest makes you break out in a cold sweat—there may be more serious issues to address around dating and relationships.
How do you handle difficult feelings?
For most people, difficult emotions are a normal part of everyday life, and neglecting or ignoring them isn’t always possible (or healthy). To handle them, allow yourself to approach them without judgment but instead with curiosity. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” and try to label them so you can get a better understanding of how and when they arise. Accept the emotion as it is and remind yourself that it will pass.
How do you control emotional outbursts?
Controlling emotional outbursts often begins with recognizing the situations, people, or thoughts that prompt an emotional reaction. When you feel an outburst forming, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath. This can help calm your nervous system and give you time to think before reacting. There are also habits you can incorporate into your daily life that might help you control emotional outbursts before they arise:
- Engage in mindfulness meditation or breathing exercises
- Find healthy outlets for coping with stress, like participating in a hobby, journaling, or talking to a friend
- Work on your communication skills to prevent misunderstandings, reduce frustration, and approach difficult conversations with a calmer demeanor
- Work on understanding your emotions better by keeping a journal of your feelings and reactions
- Set clear boundaries to safeguard your emotional well-being and avoid volatile situations
- Create a stable daily routine to establish a sense of predictability and control
- Be kind and forgive yourself when you have an outburst, and learn from the experience
- Reach out to a mental health professional if your emotional outbursts are frequent and disruptive to your daily life
How do I turn off emotions?
Turning off emotions isn’t possible (or advisable) for most people, as they are a natural, essential part of being human. However, you can manage and control them by practicing mindfulness activities, challenging and reframing negative thought patterns, and writing down your thoughts and feelings to gain insight into your emotional patterns.
Self-care can help you manage your emotions. Be sure to take good care of yourself with regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep. Engage in activities that nourish and bring you joy, spend time with loved ones, and set boundaries to safeguard your emotional well-being. Avoid harmful self-coping mechanisms like excessive alcohol or drug use or risky behaviors like unsafe sex. While such activities might temporarily distract or “numb” negative emotions, they aren’t a healthy or permanent fix.
How do I emotionally sontrol?
Managing and responding to emotional experiences healthily and constructively is an essential skill that impacts many areas of life, including how we work, the quality of our connections to others, and our overall well-being. Here are some tips on how to strengthen your emotion regulation skills:
- Cultivate self-awareness by identifying and labeling your emotions accurately
- Pay attention to and track the patterns of what elicits strong emotional reactions
- Engage in mindfulness exercises or develop a regular meditation practice
- Use cognitive techniques like challenging and reframing negative thoughts and then replacing them with positive self-talk
- Try physical relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation
- Engage in healthy activities that nourish your well-being and avoid unhealthy coping behaviors
- Share your thoughts and feelings with supportive, understanding people
- Address your stressors and develop problem-solving skills to handle them
- Care for your physical health
- Accept your emotions as they are and treat yourself with kindness and understanding
How do you stop an emotional shutdown?
Stopping emotional shutdowns may take time, effort, and patience—but feeling more connected to yourself and your emotions is possible. Start by practicing mindfulness and leaning on people who support and understand you. Here are some other suggestions that might help:
- Use grounding techniques like deep breathing and the 5-4-3-2-1 technique
- Stay connected to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your experience
- Engage in regular physical activities that you enjoy
- Create a safe, soothing space for yourself surrounded by things that bring you comfort and security
- Reflect and learn about yourself through journaling or other forms of self-examination
- Seek professional support from a therapist who can help you develop personalized strategies to work through emotional shutdowns
Why am I in so much pain emotionally?
Ultimately, you are the only one who can say for sure why you are in emotional pain. However, if you find isolating the cause(s) challenging, you aren’t alone. It isn’t always an easy and straightforward process, but a counselor or therapist can help you identify the underlying causes of your pain and work with you to manage it. Here are a few common causes of emotional pain:
- Life stressors: Major life events like divorce or separation, job loss, financial problems, the loss of a loved one, or homelessness can cause intense emotional pain.
- Past trauma: Unresolved issues from the past, such as abuse, neglect, or significant loss, can resurface and cause emotional distress.
- Relationship issues: Conflicts, breakups, or difficulties in interpersonal relationships can lead to emotional pain.
- Loneliness and isolation: Feeling isolated or disconnected from others can contribute to sadness and despair.
- Negative self-perception: Low self-esteem, self-criticism, and negative self-talk can amplify emotional distress.
- Unmet needs: Having unmet emotional, psychological, or physical needs may lead to feelings of emptiness and pain.
- Mental health issues: Conditions like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can cause emotional suffering.
- Physical health issues: Chronic pain or illness can affect your emotional well-being.
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