What To Do When It Seems Like Your Life Is In Shambles

You may have heard the saying "Life is a roller coaster" at some point in your life. This phrase can be a simplified way to describe life's ups and downs, as living with the reality of a chaotic life might not be so straightforward. Many people believe they've fallen into holes they cannot climb out of. At times, it can seem that your life is in shambles, and you may struggle to figure out how to clean up the mess. 

Getting back on track when your life is in shambles

There are many reasons someone may believe they've lost control of their life:

• Loss of a job 
• Financial strain 
• The end of a relationship 
• The loss of a loved one 
• Illness 
• Untreated mental health conditions 

In many cases, you may struggle with multiple factors at once. 

How to rebuild your life

Know that you are not alone if you believe your life is in shambles. During these times, it can be essential to have self-compassion, coping mechanisms to fall back on, and tangible tips for cleaning up your life.

“My life’s in shambles!” Techniques for cleaning up a chaotic life

Below are a few techniques for decluttering your life, regardless of why you might believe it is in shambles:

Practicing self-compassion when your life is in shambles

When you sense that your life is a mess, you might spend a significant portion of your time mired in self-conflict. This behavior might look like negative self-talk, self-destructive actions, or an unwillingness or disinterest in making change. Additionally, these feelings and actions may bring on a feeling of guilt. You might blame yourself for the state of your life, leading to a continually decreasing sense of self-worth and self-esteem. 

When living with guilt or low self-esteem, it can be challenging to practice self-compassion. While the concept of self-compassion can be simple, putting it into practice might seem easier said than done. However, there is not a "one-size-fits-all" approach to self-compassion. Self-compassion could look like forgiving yourself for past mistakes, practicing positive affirmations, allowing yourself time to rest, or opening up to yourself or others about the feelings you are experiencing. 

Ensuring self-accountability when your life’s a mess

If you feel your current situation has been caused by your own faults or mistakes, your journey to self-compassion may begin with taking responsibility. While holding yourself accountable for certain harmful behaviors can be beneficial, accountability doesn't mean self-hatred. For example, you may believe your life is in shambles because of certain behaviors that led to the end of a romantic relationship. It is possible to accept that you have made mistakes in this situation without hating yourself.  

While holding yourself accountable means taking ownership of the consequences of your choices or actions, self-compassion can also mean allowing yourself grace and space to improve moving forward. Taking responsibility could look like apologizing to someone you've wronged, paying off a debt, recognizing your capacity to make mistakes, and forgiving yourself.

Accepting your humanity 

You might have fallen into the habit of comparing yourself to others, convincing yourself that people around you do not make mistakes. You can use the affirmation "No one is perfect"  to remind yourself of your humanity. Author Ziad K. Abdelnour said, "There's no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections."

Recognizing your limiting beliefs

According to Harvard Business School Professor Gerald Zaltman, "95% of all thought and emotional learning occurs in the unconscious mind." This type of unconscious learning may create limiting beliefs or "myths" you tell yourself. These limiting beliefs may be positive or negative. For example, you may have a poor financial history, leading to the belief that you are irresponsible with money. Alternatively, you may be someone who previously flourished in high school sports. For this reason, you may tell yourself, "I am a great athlete." 

The canoe metaphor: Letting go of old beliefs

These limiting beliefs tend to come from past experiences. While these beliefs may have rung true or helped you in the past, these unconscious convictions may be holding you back in the present. 

This concept could perhaps most effectively be described using Australian illustrator and author Campbell "Struthless" Walker’s "canoe metaphor." In this metaphor, you have to escape a desert island. You have a canoe that you use to cross over the water, yet when you reach land, you still have quite a bit of distance to cover before reaching civilization. While the canoe proved helpful in your initial escape, choosing to drag it with you through the rest of your journey may slow you down and hold you back. 

Moving forward by letting go

Letting go of past beliefs or crutches (your “canoe”) can help you move forward. Recognizing these limiting beliefs and working to move on from them can play an influential role in you becoming the person you want to be.

Tangible ways to improve your life

When you believe your life is in shambles, the idea of cleaning up the mess can seem overwhelming. Consider starting with tiny steps and finding tangible tasks that aid you on your journey. 

Treating yourself as you might treat a friend or loved one

You might notice that you treat your friends and loved ones with more kindness and compassion than you treat yourself. When cleaning up your life, try imagining what you would say to a friend in your position. You might provide a shoulder to lean on and words of encouragement. It can be helpful to treat yourself similarly.

Avoiding social media

While technological advancements continue to make communication and healthcare more accessible, frequent use of social media can lead to comparing your progress to others and the absorption of harmful content. Avoiding social media can help keep you focused on your personal goals. 

“Decluttering” one area of your life at a time

When you believe your life is in shambles, it may help to focus on improving one problem area at a time. For example, if you sense that poor mental health is the main point of contention in your life, you might begin by seeking mental health treatment before moving on to another area of life, such as finances or relationships. 

Connecting with a therapist

No matter why you believe your life is in shambles, a therapist or mental health professional may offer guidance and rationale. In some cases, untreated mental health conditions can contribute to difficulty coping with everyday life, making it hard to reach out for support. If you relate to this situation, you might benefit from online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, which can connect people to thousands of therapists and many therapeutic modalities available in traditional face-to-face settings as well.

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy services offer a convenient and often affordable starting point for people seeking life guidance. Additionally, recent studies show that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy when treating symptoms of certain mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. When you sign up for an online platform, you may feel more in control of your care, as you can choose between phone, video, and chat sessions with your therapist and attend sessions from any location with an internet connection.