National Stress-Free Family Holidays Month: Giving Yourself The Gift Of Self-Care

Popular media paints a picture of cozy family holidays, with roaring fireplaces and families gathered around the table, traveling to grandma’s house, and swapping gifts against a backdrop of nostalgic holiday music. Even if families argue, this picturesque painting of joy is gentle and funny, Hallmark movie-style ribbing. For many, the holidays are expected to be the most wonderful time of the year. 

However, contrary to the cozy picture that the media tends to perpetuate, many people struggle with stress over the holidays and face mental health challenges like anxiety or depression. National Stress-Free Family Holidays Month is a reminder that taking care of your own mental health can be essential during this time of year. 

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The origin story of National Stress-Free Family Holidays Month

National Stress-Free Holidays Month is observed during December and has indeterminate origins. Mental health non-profit organizations and healthcare entities widely promote this holiday to spread awareness of the challenges that individuals face this time of year and address the stigma attached to poor mental health in general and during the holiday season specifically.  

How the holiday season can impact mental health

Despite the human tendency to romanticize the holidays, many people spend them stressed, disappointed, or burned out. Stress can often arise from unrealistic expectations, family stress, and seasonal affective disorder (SAD), among other factors.  

Idealism vs. reality

Experience around the holidays can be disappointing, not despite the glowing vision of holiday joy but because of it. Commercials, social media posts, movies, television shows, and magazine articles start cropping up in October and bombard communities with depictions of warm and cozy holiday excitement. 

Family dynamics

Another challenge for many over the holidays is dealing with family dynamics. Many families gather together over the holidays; even the tightest-knit families can have difficult relationships. Coupled with the high expectations of the holidays, dealing with family members who are at odds can be even more problematic than usual as people are expected to be pleasant. 

Seasonal depression

On top of the financial and emotional strain, many people also experience some form of seasonal affective disorder, from diagnosed and severe seasonal depression to mild depressive symptoms that pop up during the cold, dark winter months. Often, the presence of mental health stigma exacerbates these factors. Instead of acknowledging and addressing mental health, individuals may pretend that they’re fine and start to experience worsening symptoms. 

Managing unhealthy family dynamics over the holidays

One strategy for promoting a stress-free holiday season is planning for any unhealthy family relationships or dynamics that may interfere with holiday plans. Even though it’s the holiday season, you don’t have to tolerate conflict or poor behavior from family members. You can set boundaries on your time and emotional needs. Below are some ways to do so. 

Communication styles

Assertive communication can be helpful when managing family conflict. Assertive communication is a form of communication that asserts your own rights and boundaries while also being respectful of others. For example, if your Aunt Debbie has a tendency to bring up politics at the dinner table, despite everyone’s discomfort, you might talk to her before the visit when others aren’t around and say, “Aunt Debbie, I know that you enjoy discussing politics, but I want us to avoid this topic at family gatherings. I won’t be able to invite you to future family events if you keep breaking this boundary.”  

Unresolved trauma

Some families may be experiencing unresolved trauma, and the holidays can provide an opportunity for those in positions of power to make demands of others. For example, emotionally (or otherwise) abusive parents may insist that they need to get together for a holiday event, despite being low or no-contact “because it’s the holidays.” 

Contrarily, you might hear statements like, “You have to invite Uncle Ed to the family dinner; he’s family.” Holding fast to boundaries can be helpful, but if you decide to spend time with certain family members for the sake of family togetherness, don’t give in to feelings of guilt. Families are complicated, as are how people interact with them. 

Prioritizing self-care and mental health for National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month in December 

Prioritize self-care during the holiday season. Self-care can include physical self-care, like getting enough sleep, and emotional self-care, like taking breaks from the holiday when necessary. For example, you don’t have to participate in every holiday event. In addition, if it doesn't spark joy, skip the holiday cookie-decorating party your co-worker is giving. 

The holidays can cause loneliness for many people. If you are lonely because you don’t have a close family or are estranged from them, make plans with a friend or volunteer at a non-profit or charitable organization. Giving back to your community can give you a sense of closeness, even if you aren’t with family. 

Tips for stress management in December

Holiday stress can be overwhelming, especially as expectations create guilt that you aren’t enjoying yourself as you believe or are told you “should be.” You may reduce stress by implementing some of the following strategies:

• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness may involve deep breathing, visualization, meditation, or gentle exercise practices like yoga or tai chi.
• Prioritize the friends and family that matter most: Don’t spread your schedule thin by saying yes to every event. Only participate in events you’ll enjoy.
• Volunteer: If you are alone this holiday season, find ways to help others in need. You can volunteer your time at a soup kitchen, an animal rescue, or a charity that is important to you
• Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Drink plenty of water, prioritize quality sleep, and get regular exercise

Ways to celebrate National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month

Awareness is the first step toward less stressful holidays. You can participate in National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month by leaning into its message. Protect your own mental health by saying “no” to perfection over the holidays. Below are a few ways to celebrate and set boundaries: 

• Say no: Practice saying no to people in a polite way. For example, you could say: “A holiday-themed race sounds so fun! But I have a lot going on, and I won’t be able to participate this year.” 
• Set boundaries: Set boundaries and stand your ground regarding family gatherings. You can say: “I love having dinner at grandma’s, but if Uncle John starts complaining about gay marriage, I’m going to have to leave”. 
• Extend grace to yourself and others: The holidays can be stressful when tackling difficult issues or changing minds. Set realistic expectations, and walk away when you feel the urge. Address the conflict later if you still want to. 
• Budget: Create a holiday budget and stick to it. You can offer gifts of time, experience, or handmade items. 
• Be social: Spend time with the people you love. If you can’t, try to spend time with your community by attending community events or volunteering. 
• Have alone time: Don’t skip out on hobbies or activities you enjoy—carve out time for yourself even when life gets busy. 

Getting the word out about National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month

Talking to others about National Stress-Free Holiday Month can remove some of the stigma of feeling lousy over the holidays. In addition, being open about mental health can encourage others to accept their own feelings. Being open can take some of the pressure off, allowing people to realize they don’t have to have a perfect holiday experience and that everyone struggles sometimes. 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers resources for the holiday blues you can share with friends and family or over social media. By discussing the issues that can come up around the holiday season, you can make it easier for others and for yourself to enjoy the holidays more realistically and authentically.  

Seeking mental health support for family trauma and holiday stress 

If the holidays are stressful and difficult because of family conflict, therapy can be an effective way to address these problems. Family therapy or individual therapy can offer tools and strategies to improve communication skills, heal from past trauma, and manage stress more effectively. 

Because the holidays are already a hectic time for many families, online therapy can be a way to fit individual therapy sessions into a packed schedule. Research shows that online therapy is as effective as in-person sessions, and by trying an online platform like BetterHelp, you can be matched with a therapist by filling out an online questionnaire. You can then meet with your therapist over video, phone, or live chat from the comfort of your home or office.