How To Meet People When It Feels Like You Have No Friends In College
For many young adults, college is the first time they live independently. For others, it may be the first time they’ve had to dive headfirst into the social waters of adulthood without the safety nets of family or childhood friends.
A sense of social isolation is a common experience when trying to settle into a new environment. For example, a recent study of 10,000 university students in the UK found that 59% of students said they were lonely most of the time, all of the time, or at least once a week, a percentage much higher than in the general population.
Many colleges offer opportunities for creating social connections. Teams, clubs, and events are often put into place on college campuses to assist in socialization. Although it may feel challenging to meet people, there are a few ways to attempt it.
Remember that college is often a transitionary period
Many individuals experience transitions throughout life, such as moving, getting married, having a child, or taking on a new career. Being a college student can be one of those stages.
The pressure
College is often a space where people feel pressured to perform well academically, plant the seeds of their future careers, and simultaneously have a healthy social life. These responsibilities can feel pressuring for young adults trying to figure out who they are and what they want to do with their lives.
The struggles of transitioning
It’s not unusual for college students to put their social life on hold to focus more on academics, but that’s not the only factor contributing to college loneliness. A 2018 study of German college students linked higher rates of loneliness to people struggling with physical inactivity, cultural differences, and other factors that created barriers to integrating with new social circles. One potential takeaway from the study was that these problems are often traceable to the struggles of transitioning into a new environment.
If you are struggling with transitioning from home life to college life, know that periods of change are often emotionally difficult. It may be rewarding to accept that you’re struggling with your transition and remind yourself that many people in your position have difficulty adjusting. Being patient and not pushing yourself too hard might also benefit you.
Escape the social media trap
You may experience loneliness in college due to social media. Feeling the need to compare your personal life to the externally presented lives of others can have harmful effects. Although it is natural to do, it may cause self-esteem issues.
In a piece for the New York Times, Cornell student Emery Bergmann described her experience of loneliness as a college freshman: “The worst part was that I felt as if I were the only one who was this lonely… I immediately turned on myself — criticized and blamed myself for being weird and unapproachable.” She reported that her cycle of self-doubt and blame made the first months of college life challenging.
Social media can cause isolation and loneliness
As she tells it, one aspect of Bergmann’s struggle was that she felt stuck in the trap of comparing her inner life to the lives people projected on social media. In her piece, she urges her readers to remember that “social media is not reality.” This idea resonates with the findings of studies on the connection between social media usage and loneliness. Contrary to what the term “social media” might suggest, research shows that overusing social media is commonly linked to feelings of isolation and loneliness. It may also have negative impacts on body image.
Benefits of limiting social media use
Limiting social media use may be beneficial for those who relate. A recent study from the University of Pennsylvania, titled “No More FOMO: Limiting Social Media Decreases Loneliness and Depression,” found that undergraduates who limited their social media usage to 30 minutes per day experienced a significant decrease in their loneliness.
Social media diet
Young adults struggling with loneliness may take refuge in social media distractions. Even though they think it may make them feel better, it could have the opposite effect. If you think social media exacerbates your loneliness, consider a “social media diet.” For example, you might try limiting your usage to 30 minutes per day, like the students in the study mentioned above. Find a time that works for you and try to stick to it as long as it doesn’t cause more stress or isolation.
Try joining a club
Many colleges and universities have a wide variety of student and faculty-run clubs open to anyone. These clubs might present opportunities to meet people with similar values, backgrounds, and recreational hobbies.
If you have no friends in college, joining one of these clubs may help
By creating spaces based around common interests, college clubs may allow you to break down social barriers that you may be struggling with. If you need a few suggestions, you might find the following types of clubs at school:
Sports: Group sports, like softball, soccer, frisbee, and kickball, or games, such as chess, are often helpful for meeting people who like to be active and have a friendly competition.
Food/Cooking: Food or cooking clubs may allow people to cook meals from different countries and cultures, and you could learn a new skill.
Academic: Academic clubs might allow individuals to learn from one another and talk about topics related to their studies or interests outside of their major.
Politics or Culture: Clubs based on politics or culture may allow you to get to know others with the same values, backgrounds, and interests. Consider looking for clubs based on the kinds of films, music, or books you enjoy.
Debate: A debate club can be a way to learn public speaking skills and hear various opinions.
Art/Creativity: In an art club, you might create art alongside other creatives and find people who enjoy your hobbies.
Support Groups: Colleges may sometimes have support groups for those experiencing a mental health condition, loneliness, or another stressor. If you’re struggling at school, you may make friends in a support group.
Suppose you’re unsure how to track down a club that suits your interests. In that case, they may be advertised on college websites, social media, or common spaces like libraries, cafeterias, or auditoriums. Alternatively, if you feel ambitious, you could start your own club. It may take work, but it also allows you the freedom to pick whichever interest best suits you.
Start or join a study group
At times, academics may get in the way of socializing, particularly during stressful times like exam periods. When school commitments feel like they’re preventing you from spending time with others, you might try to join a study group.
While focusing less on socializing, these groups can allow students to feel less isolated while getting their work done. Everyone in the group may come together toward a common goal—learning. You might also get to know your study partners over time and become friends as you have more conversations.
Get off campus
If you’re living in the dorms at your college or university, you may feel limited to the boundaries of the school campus. However, if you find that campus life is not meeting your needs, it may be worth exploring the world outside your school.
If you’re in a populated area like a city or large town, look into local cultural establishments like museums or theaters, which may have their own communities for you to join. Libraries might also have groups, contests, or social events.
If you’re in a more isolated area, it may be worth looking into outdoor opportunities, like hiking clubs or horseback riding. You might check if your college has an outdoor club that engages students with hiking, climbing, paddling, or other nature-based activities. Time spent in contact with nature has been proven to improve mental health, including reducing feelings of loneliness. Even if you don’t have entry to an outdoor club, you might find others willing to spend some time outdoors, even if it’s just a short walk.
Talk to a professional
One of the difficulties of loneliness can be feeling like you need to talk to someone about your loneliness and feeling worse when you don’t know who to talk to. If you struggle with that mindset, talking to a mental health professional may be helpful.
Online therapy
You might find yourself too busy or out of money to attend traditional therapy in college. If you’re looking for an affordable option, online counseling through a platform like BetterHelp might benefit you. One study on combating loneliness with online therapy found its subjects to have a significant reduction in feelings of loneliness after 12 weeks. The research showed that, while face-to-face treatment is also effective, the availability and comfort of online therapy provided significant benefits to its patients.
Takeaway
Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.
Is it normal to have no friends in college?
Making friends isn’t always easy, and college is a time of major transition. In Freshman year especially, you may feel that you’ve left all of your old friendships behind and are kind of adrift (especially if you are attending a college far from home).
Is it common to lose friends in college?
When transitioning out of high school and into college, it can be common to lose friends. Some old friends may be at home working; others may be in other schools across the country. With the best of intentions, friendships can fall off and your social circle can contract significantly.
Are you supposed to make friends in college?
Even if you have trouble making friends, there are plenty of opportunities in college to make new friends. There’s no prescribed way to live your life, but social relationships can be beneficial to mental health, as well as academic life. A study published in 2017 found that establishing strong friendships in college contributed to broadened worldviews, increased graduation rates, and more effective learning.
Is it OK to have no friends after college?
The time after college is another big transition, as we move into our careers. So, there may be some time when it is more difficult to have an established friend group. But as in other periods of your life, relationships can be important.
Is it OK to be unsocial or have no friends?
Making friends in college isn’t a requirement, but it can be helpful in many ways. Studies have shown that building community in school can offer benefits not only in mental health, but also academic performance. Not everyone is blessed with strong social skills, but anyone can find a friend or two with some simple strategies. Here are a few tips for building friendships in college:
- Try something new that interests you. There are a number of clubs and activities on campus…try several until you find something you really enjoy
- Remember that many of your fellow classmates feel the same way you do…they have also left home and are starting things from scratch. Just smiling and saying hi to someone you sit near can trigger a conversation
- In the same vein, get to class early. This can allow you time to strike up a conversation with someone else in class
- Try to put down your phone and make eye contact with others in social situations. It can feel awkward at first, however the more you do it the easier it can become
Why do I feel like I have no friends after college?
Simply put, life changes a lot after college. You are no longer living in an environment that encourages close contact with a lot of people. Graduates scatter all over the country (and perhaps the world), breaking up established social circles.
Do introverts make friends in college?
Campus events are a valuable resource for finding like-minded individuals. You don’t have to be an extrovert to build friendships in college…there are any number of activities that offer other people who may have similar interests. Attending campus events can be a good way to find people that you might not otherwise meet in classes or
How do you beat loneliness when you have no friends?
Friendships can be one of the best ways to address loneliness, but if you are finding it difficult to form friendships at this stage of your life, you can create social connections with other humans by getting involved. You aren’t the only person who may find it challenging to maintain friendships, and by doing volunteer work through charitable organizations, or joining a club or sport in your community, you can create contact with others.
You don’t need to be best friends with any of the other people involved to receive the benefit of social connection. However, you may find that in joining communities, you’ll find a friend or two. In any case, loneliness should no longer be a problem.
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