Recognizing Stalking Behaviors And Coping With Their Emotional Impact

Stalking is a crime that can cause significant emotional and even physical harm to the target. However, it can be difficult to get this behavior to stop because of different (and often tenuous) legal definitions from state to state. The US Justice Department defines stalking as “a course of conduct that would cause a reasonable person to fear for his or her safety or the safety of others or suffer emotional distress.” Describing exactly what such conduct looks like can be difficult though, because it often depends on context. For example, a person sending another a bouquet of flowers can seem harmless—but if this person has a history of threatening behaviors or if they found the target’s address without their permission, it could make the recipient of these actions feel unsafe indeed.

Connecting with law enforcement and/or a service like the Domestic Violence Hotline (by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or texting “SAFE” to 88788) is typically recommended for those who are experiencing stalking behaviors from another person. Below, we’ve also outlined some tips on how to recognize and respond to stalking as well as information about coping with the potential emotional effects of having this behavior directed at you.

Potential signs of stalking behavior

Stalking behavior can take many different forms depending on the stalker and their relationship to the target. That said, repeatedly engaging in the following could be examples of potential stalking behaviors:

When the stalker is someone who was once a romantic partner, and/or someone who engaged in domestic violence, taking action to put a stop to their behaviors can become even more difficult. One reason is that many stalkers are skilled at hiding violent patterns of behavior and may lay on the charm to outsiders when confronted. They may also be manipulative and use the threat of public shame or blackmail to keep their target from seeking help. 

Safety tips for when you suspect you’re being stalked

Again, immediately notifying law enforcement and seeking support from other sources like the Domestic Violence hotline listed above is generally recommended if you feel your safety may be at risk. Keeping the following safety tips in mind as you pursue these avenues can be helpful:

• Report stalking behavior to the authorities
• Contact law enforcement to get a protective order against the stalker, which can allow you to report any violations to the local police and may increase the chances that the stalker will face consequences for their actions
• Look for local organizations and resources that can help with planning, safety, and support information
• Avoid responding to communication from the stalker after making a clear statement that you do not wish to communicate in any way
• Keep a log of the stalker’s actions, including communication, unwanted visits, and/or gifts, as it may be helpful in any future legal proceedings
• Avoid the stalker as much as possible (e.g., change your routine, take new routes, visit different stores, etc.)
• Never travel alone; use the buddy system whenever possible
• Stay in public spaces as much as possible

Resources for targets of stalking behavior

If you’re in an emergency situation that requires immediate attention, don’t hesitate to contact local emergency support services. If you are not having an emergency but require immediate assistance, you can contact a local resource provider. If you’re not sure where to start, you might explore the following:

• Resource Center for those who have experienced a crime
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• RAINN: Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network

Furthermore, helpful learning resources for those who are having or previously had stalking behaviors directed at them include: 

• Safety Planning Strategies
• Log for Documenting Incidents and Behaviors
• Stalking and Harassment Risk Profile (SHARP)
• Identifying Stalking SLII Strategies

How being stalked can affect mental health

Experiencing or having experienced stalking behaviors directed at you or at someone close to you can have a significant impact on your mental health. As research from 2019 suggests, people who have had to overcome unwanted pursuit behaviors commonly show signs of anxiety or depression, such as difficulty sleeping, trouble eating, and feeling nervous and stressed. Some may also experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) such as flashbacks, avoidance, or hypervigilance. 

How a person reacts to a stalking incident(s) can depend on internal factors like their own general resilience to stressful situations as well external factors like what behaviors the stalker exhibited. For example, if your life or the life of a loved one was threatened, your reactions may be stronger and more pervasive. Or, if law enforcement failed to take your report seriously or put protections in place, it may be difficult to regain peace of mind or a sense of safety. 

Therapy for targets of stalking behaviors

Again, if you suspect or know you’re being stalked, it’s recommended that you reach out to the appropriate authorities. If the stalking occurred in the past, it may be helpful to meet with a licensed therapist. They can guide you through processing the fear and potential trauma these behaviors may have caused and help you learn to manage related stress. 

For those who may find it difficult to travel to an in-person appointment with a therapist, online therapy can represent a convenient solution. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of your home or anywhere you have a stable internet connection. Research suggests that online therapy with a licensed therapist can be just as effective as traditional, in-person therapy in many cases, so you can generally feel confident in choosing whichever format you may prefer.