Common Signs Of Relationship Addiction

Relationship addiction, also known as love addiction, may function similarly to other types of psychological addiction, common characteristics with substance abuse and behavioral disorders. It is often characterized by a dependence on relationships or the feelings connected to them, such as emotional support and cravings for new love.

Signs of relationship addiction may include a cycle of breaking up and making up, a lack of self-control with others, an inability to maintain relationships and having a life outside of them, constantly chasing the thrill of new love, entering unhealthy or addictive relationships to avoid loneliness, and experiencing low self esteem. Affected individuals may also act uncharacteristically, develop dependent attachments to loved ones, and confuse love with pain. Family therapy and support from family members and friends can be helpful in the recovery process for those struggling with relationship addiction. Health professionals can provide medical advice and help you improve your mental health struggles as well.

What is relationship addiction? 

If you’re experiencing relationship addiction, characterized by addictive qualities, you may sense that you cannot function without romantic relationships. If you’re not in a relationship and often feel incomplete or struggle to develop self-love, it may signify an issue with relationship addiction, dependency, or attachment.

Relationship addiction may also happen when you’re in a relationship, causing you to be confused and lose sight of your goals and self-purpose. You may find that you stop caring for yourself or change your personality or interests to align more with your partner’s.

Relationship addiction can have harmful consequences on your life or be connected to an underlying mental illness, such as a personality disorder, anxiety disorder, or other condition. Childhood experiences may also contribute to the development of relationship addiction.

Additionally, you may experience relationship addiction without realizing it until someone or something triggers the symptoms. Recognizing these signs can be the first step in healing. Those experiencing relationship addiction may require assistance from a mental health professional. Like other addictions, such as alcohol or gambling, it could feel challenging to eliminate the urges or experiences on your own.

Is it addictive or just unhealthy?

Being in a relationship can bring about a warm feeling of love. However, if a relationship causes you to doubt your self-worth or create inner conflicts, it may be time to evaluate the relationship and seek support for relationship addiction.

For instance, you might find yourself returning to a relationship that you know is unhealthy. This pattern can be associated with relationship addiction.

A sense of relationship addiction may arise from a deep-rooted fear of being alone, or abandoned. Those experiencing this fear may struggle to recognize when they are in an unhealthy relationship or behaving unhealthily toward someone else. 

Defining the line between love, infatuation, and addiction may be crucial. Love addiction treatment may help by introducing a new idea of love and healthy behaviors. 

You might work on your attachment style during treatment. Your attachment style is how you relate to and connect with those you love, often formed when you were an infant. Studies show that attachment styles can be changed over time, which means there is a potential to amend behaviors related to love addiction. 

Suppose you feel unable to break off a relationship that involves devaluing or demeaning behavior, the silent treatment, controlling behaviors, or physical and emotional control. In that case, you may be experiencing an unhealthy relationship or abuse.  

Signs you are addicted to relationships

Breakup/makeup cycles

A sign that you may be experiencing relationship addiction could be having numerous breakups or makeup cycles in a relationship. Those with a relationship addiction may feel unable to stay away from their partner for extended periods. They might decide to get back together or make up with their partner after a breakup, even if a conflict remains unresolved. 

This cycle may not improve the health of the relationship. If an argument leads to a breakup, someone dealing with a relationship addiction may initiate reconciliation, even if they have been wronged. It could lead to further hurt or breakups. 

If you and your partner have broken up countless times, the relationship may not be healthy, and one or both of you could be experiencing relationship addiction.

Difficulty exercising self-control

Like other types of addiction, those dealing with a relationship addiction may struggle to exercise self-control, which can impact their lives and families. This addiction can manifest in various ways, including frequent sex or seeking relationships to avoid pain.

Learning to control your emotions and actions can be a significant step if you relate to this issue. It may be beneficial to work to regain power over your life and be mindful of how you react to situations in relationships.

Hyperfocus on a relationship 

People with relationship addiction may constantly find themselves falling in love as soon as a previous relationship is over. Once in a new relationship, many people experiencing love addiction may give too much of their time or energy. They might obsess over what their partner is thinking, want to spend all their time with them, or feel unable to tolerate ignored messages. 

Relationship addiction may have adverse effects on other areas of your life in this way. For instance, you may spend so much time giving everything you have to your partner that you lose interest in hobbies, jobs, friends, or family. You might give all your attention to a relationship, even if your partner shows no interest or does hurtful and disrespectful things. 

You could give up everything else in your life to keep the relationship and find that you start to experience loneliness. If you think primarily of your partner’s needs for most of your day, it may be time to reach out for help. 

Inconsistency in a relationship

When on favorable terms with your partner, you may have a sense of being on top of the world. However, in challenging times, that may reverse to seeming like everything has crumbled. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you may be more likely to handle the ups and downs of life with more rationality. 

With love addiction, you might feel “addicted” to certain aspects of your partner, such as their body, appearance, smell, or voice. You might feel euphoric when you and your partner interact positively or physically. It may feel different from past relationships and could make you feel “lost” in a moment. 

Although extreme joy doesn’t necessarily connect to relationship addiction, it may be harmful to you if it accompanies deep periods of depression, anger, sadness, or regret when negative interactions occur. 

Non-stop thinking about a relationship

A person dealing with a relationship addiction may constantly be thinking about the relationship. They may ask themselves: 

• Why did my partner do this to me? 
• How can I make myself better so they will love me? 
• If I change this about myself, will they love me? 
• Will they stop hurting me if I change?
• What am I doing wrong? 

You may think about what is working in the relationship and how to fix any issues to the detriment of other areas of your life. 

You might also find yourself constantly talking about your relationship or partner, even when spending time with friends or family. At work, thoughts about your partner might be keeping you from focusing or causing anxiety. You may experience difficulty putting your phone down or starting a new task. These can all be common symptoms that people with behavioral addictions experience.

Seeking unhealthy connections 

Loving those who act in unhealthy ways towards you may also signify relationship addiction. You may enter a relationship with someone you know is not a healthy individual just for the sake of being in a relationship or because you want to “fix them.” 

The Gottman Institute states that fixing others may not be possible, and focusing on your own healing and mental health tends to be healthier. Healthy change is the responsibility of each person, individually.Someone else may act out in unhealthy ways despite your efforts to open up to them. Another individual’s behavior is not your fault. 

Lowered self-esteem or acting in uncharacteristic ways

If you experience relationship addiction, you may give your partner all you have, even if they are indifferent toward you. You might endure physical, verbal, and emotional mistreatment to avoid being alone.  

After experiencing a love addiction, a person who was once high-spirited and confident may start to act in unusual ways that are not in line with their personality. Their self-esteem may suffer from the energy spent focusing on another individual. Studies show that individuals in unhealthy or abusive relationships often experience a deterioration of self-esteem.  

Seeking support from a professional

Working with a licensed therapist may be an effective way to overcome relationship addiction. If booking a session with a traditional face-to-face therapist to talk about your experiences seems too intimidating, you might wish to consider online therapy instead.

With online therapy, you can attend sessions from anywhere with an internet connection, which means you may get the mental health and medical advice you deserve from the comfort of your home. Your provider can be anywhere from New York to California, virtual therapy allows you to choose from a wide array of therapists across the country.

According to a recent study, online therapy can effectively alleviate addiction symptoms. It was found that the study participants experienced positive changes in behavior and that these improvements lasted long-term.

If you want to connect with a counselor from home, online platforms such as BetterHelp are available, with a vast network of counselors who can provide medical advice in areas such as addiction, trauma, anxiety, mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder, and more. If you want to partake in couples therapy, online platforms such as Regain may also be beneficial.