Common Signs Of Relationship Addiction

What is the difference between love and relationship addiction?

The terms relationship addiction and love addiction are often used interchangeably, but they do have some subtle differences. For example, an individual may obsessively seek out intimacy because they can’t cope without love, yet they don’t feel the same draw towards having a relationship. Likewise, some people experience extreme dependency on or attachment to relationships without falling in love with their partner. Another common factor influencing love and relationship addiction is sex and intimacy. Some individuals with a sex addiction may not require love or a relationship, but they have an obsessive need for sex, leading to compulsive behaviors. 

How do you identify toxic relationships?

It isn’t always easy to tell if you’re in a toxic intimate relationship, particularly if you’re in love with or have very strong feelings for your partner. Here are a few signs that you might be in a toxic relationship:

• Constant criticism or disrespect

One or both partners may frequently belittle, insult, and criticize the other. This type of toxic behavior can make individuals in the relationship feel worthless or inferior and erode self-esteem over time.

• A lack of support

In a healthy relationship, both partners support each other's goals and ambitions. In a toxic relationship, there may be little to no encouragement, or one partner might actively undermine the other's efforts. 

• Controlling behavior

One partner may try to control the other’s actions and decisions, manifesting as jealousy, monitoring, or dictating what the other persona can or can’t do. Controlling behavior can also include monitoring and exploiting a partner’s social media, texts, and emails. Sometimes, a partner will try to isolate the other from friends, family, or social activities, making them dependent on the relationship for support and validation. 

• Manipulation and gaslighting

In a toxic relationship, one partner might use deceptive or coercive tactics to get their way, such as “gaslighting.” The term gaslighting refers to a manipulation tactic in which one partner makes the other question their reality so much that they doubt their own memories and perceptions.

• Unequal dynamics

There’s often a significant imbalance of power in toxic relationships, where one partner consistently dominates or controls the other, leading to feelings of helplessness or entrapment. Inequality of power in the relationship can also lead to an individual feeling like they must “walk on eggshells” around their partner. If you feel constantly on edge or in fear of upsetting your partner, this is a red flag for toxicity.

• Emotional or physical abuse

Any form of abuse—whether emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual—is a clear indicator of a toxic relationship. This includes threats, intimidation, bodily harm, or any behavior intended to hurt or control the other person. 

• Dishonesty

A lack of transparency, frequent lying, or hiding things from one another erodes trust in relationships and signifies a toxic dynamic. Fidelity and finances are commonly, but not always, associated with distrust in relationships.

• Lack of respect for boundaries

A toxic partner may not respect your personal boundaries, pushing you to do things you’re uncomfortable with or disregarding your need for space and autonomy. In severe cases, a lack of boundaries can lead to more serious behavior, such as stalking. 

• Hostility and resentment 

Over time, unresolved issues and unmet needs can lead to feelings of resentment and hostility, which can create toxicity in the relationship. Relationship therapy can help some couples cultivate more effective communication and resolve conflict better.  

What causes love addiction?

The causes of love addiction are often complicated and reflect a combination of psychological, emotional, and social factors. Here are some potential things that might cause an individual to develop an obsessive, addictive relationship with love:

• Attachment style

Some people with anxious or avoidant attachment styles might be more prone to love addiction. Often, these attachment styles stem from inconsistent or neglectful caregiving in childhood. People with such experiences may develop a deep-seated fear of abandonment or rejection that leads them to relationship addiction. 

• Trauma

Childhood trauma, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment, can create barriers to forming healthy relationships later in life. The individual may seek out relationships to fill an emotional void or to gain a sense of security and self-worth. In some cases, people who experienced childhood trauma may unconsciously choose partners with abusive traits similar to those with which they grew up.

• Self-esteem issues

People with self-esteem issues might seek validation and a sense of identity through romantic relationships, driving a fear of being alone or unworthiness that leads to clinging to relationships even if they’re unhealthy. 

• Emotional dysregulation

Some individuals struggle with managing  their emotions, leading to potential reliance on a relationship to regulate feelings of sadness, pain, or emptiness. Emotional dysregulation is sometimes associated with mental health conditions like bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, and others. In such disorders, patterns of unhealthy attachment behaviors aren’t limited to romantic relationships; however, they can have a significant impact on them. 

• Neurological functioning

Many medically reviewed studies suggest that love addiction might involve the brain's reward system, similar to other forms of addiction. The release of dopamine and other "feel-good" chemicals during romantic interactions can create a cycle of craving and dependence, much like substance addiction.

• Cultural and societal expectations

Societal messages that equate love and relationships with personal fulfillment and happiness can contribute to love addiction. Media portrayals of "perfect" relationships may also contribute to unrealistic expectations and a constant search for idealized love.

Who are love addicts attracted to?

While there is no distinct formula that predicts who a love addict might be attracted to, there are some behavior patterns that might provide a clue. For example, love addicts may be more attracted to people with avoidant attachment styles. People with this type of attachment style may enjoy the neediness that love addicts often provide but are themselves emotionally unavailable. Individuals with love addictions may also be more attracted to individuals with whom they can have a codependent relationship, such as those with substance abuse disorders or other types of addictions. 

Do love avoidants get jealous?

People with avoidant attachment styles are typically less likely to express jealousy than people with anxious styles of attachment; however, they can still become jealous. There are many reasons this might be, but it’s often because people with avoidant attachment styles can be extremely uncomfortable with the type of emotional vulnerability associated with feelings of jealousy. This fear of vulnerability can be related to low self-esteem and self-worth developed in childhood. 

Why am I so obsessed with relationships?

It’s common for people to feel obsessed with relationships sometimes, but an overwhelming obsession that leads to compulsive behaviors can be a sign of underlying psychological, emotional, and social factors. Here are some reasons why you might feel this way:

• Humans are inherently social and need connection with others
• Your attachment style makes you prone to relationship obsession
• Society often portrays romantic relationships as essential for happiness
• Fear of loneliness or missing out
• Low self-esteem and validation-seeking through relationships 
• Past relationships can shape your feelings about present partnerships
• Idealized portrayals of love and relationships in media and pop culture

Why am I craving a toxic relationship?

There are several possible reasons why you might be craving a toxic relationship, most of which involve deeper psychological and emotional issues. For example, people with past toxic relationships or who grew up in an environment where unhealthy relationships were common may be more drawn to toxic relationships. Individuals with low self-worth may accept or seek out toxic relationships as a form of self-sabotage or because it matches their self-perception. People with a fear of intimacy or who seek validation through conflict might be drawn to toxic relationships, as can individuals with anxious or avoidant attachment styles. 

What is a love bomb relationship?

In a "love bomb" relationship, one person overwhelms the other with excessive affection, attention, and gifts early on to gain control or manipulate the other person. Individuals with narcissistic or manipulative tendencies often use this tactic to establish power and quickly create an emotional bond with the aim of “trapping” their partner in a long-term relationship. 

What is philophobia?

Philophobia is the fear of falling in love or developing emotional attachments. This fear can be so intense that it interferes with a person’s ability to form or maintain romantic relationships. Philophobia is not just a dislike of love or relationships; it’s a deep-seated fear that can cause significant distress and avoidance behavior. Common symptoms of philophobia include:

• Relationship avoidance
• Severe anxiety and panic at the thought or possibility of a relationship
• Overanalyzing potential romantic relationships to find reasons to avoid them
• Fear of emotional vulnerability and rejection
• Emotional detachment
• Unrealistic, perfectionist relationship expectations
• Low self-esteem

Philophobia can be treated with various therapeutic approaches, one of the most popular being cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In CBT, individuals learn to identify and change negative thought patterns related to love and relationships. Exposure therapy is also effective in cases of philophobia. Gradual exposure to situations that involve emotional intimacy can help reduce fear over time. People with philophobia may find support groups where they can share experiences and successes with others to be helpful.  

What is possessive love disorder?

Although “possessive love disorder” (sometimes called obsessive love disorder) isn’t a clinically recognized mental health condition, it is often used to describe an unhealthy, obsessive form of love where one person is overly possessive, protective, controlling, and jealous in a relationship. People with possessive love disorder might have a difficult time coping when they are away from their partner. This might cause them to fantasize obsessively about their partner and fetishize their belongings or photographs of them.  

This type of behavior can be damaging to both the individual experiencing it and their partner, often leading to emotional abuse, manipulation, and an overall toxic relationship dynamic. People with possessive love disorder may have deep-seated insecurities, fear of abandonment, or a constant need for reassurance. In extreme cases, possessive love can lead to emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse as the possessive partner tries to exert control and dominance.