The Psychology Behind Trauma Dumping

Conversations around mental health tend to be increasing, and new terms for describing mental health concerns and behaviors may emerge regularly. "Trauma dumping," or oversharing details of traumatic experiences without considering the listener’s boundaries or interest, can serve as one such example. Trauma dumping may happen when people are seeking validation or emotional relief, when they struggle to process and manage their emotions on their own, or, in some cases, when they’re attempting to manipulate others. Trauma dumping generally differs from a venting conversation because it tends to be one-sided. For help coping with others’ trauma dumping or learning to stop trauma dumping, consider scheduling an online or in-person therapy session with a licensed mental health professional.

What is trauma dumping?

It may be prudent to note that trauma dumping is not a clinical term. It's typically used colloquially to describe the oversharing of a person's traumatic experiences and painful emotions with another person. What sets trauma dumping apart from venting or "wearing one's heart on one's sleeve" may not only be sharing too much too fast. The difference may also lie within its goals and the interest and willingness of the person on the receiving end. 

Some trauma dumping examples can include the following:

• A friend who frequently calls you when something is wrong but isn't interested in conversing: They may ignore or talk over you when you try to participate in the conversation. If you say nothing or try to cut the conversation short, they may become upset or accuse you of being unsupportive.  
• A coworker who shares inappropriate personal things while you're working: They may go into uncomfortable details about a traumatic event or situation. You may try to change the topic or hint that you're uncomfortable, but they may not notice. 
• Someone you know oversharing on social media: People trauma dumping on social media might constantly post inappropriate details of a traumatic experience or things that are no one else's business. They may post cryptic content like vague statements or song lyrics. 

Why do people engage in trauma dumping?

There are many potential reasons why people may seem to need to overshare the details of traumatic events and emotions with others. Some may be conscious, and some may not, but they can all feed into the behavior and contribute to its effect on relationships. 

Some reasons why people may engage in trauma dumping can include the following:

Seeking validation and support

People might share their trauma to gain validation for their experiences and emotions. They may hope to find understanding and support from others but may alienate themselves in the process.

Desire for relief

Talking about trauma can provide temporary psychological relief for some people. Sharing difficult emotions and experiences might be cathartic and help the individual process their feelings, even if it's at the listener's expense. 

Difficulty processing or expressing emotions appropriately

Some people may find it difficult to cope with their emotions and process trauma alone. Sharing can help them externalize their feelings, which can be beneficial when done healthily, but this can be harmful when those emotions are displaced or misdirected. 

Lack of coping mechanism

Inadequate coping mechanisms or a lack of healthy outlets might lead individuals to unload their emotions onto others, even unintentionally.

Seeking attention or connection

Some may engage in trauma dumping to garner attention or to form a connection with others, albeit through negative experiences.

Unawareness of boundaries and social cues

Some people have difficulty recognizing social cues or boundaries, leading them to overshare without considering the impact on the listener.

Manipulation

In some cases, individuals may knowingly use trauma dumping to manipulate a situation or an individual for personal gain.

Though it may not be the case for everyone, many of these types of thoughts and behaviors stem from underlying mental health conditions. For example, people with borderline personality or bipolar disorders often have difficulty expressing emotions appropriately or must receive excessive attention from others to feel better. 

Meanwhile, people with narcissistic personality disorder typically use emotional manipulation tactics to control and exploit others. These tactics may include trauma dumping and trauma bonding. 

The impact of trauma dumping on relationships

While it can be admirable to support friends and loved ones through difficult times, how those experiences are shared usually matters greatly. When trauma dumping is involved, it can strain empathy, cause those on the receiving end to believe they’ve been taken advantage of, and erode the foundation of trust between individuals. 

Listeners of trauma dumping often experience emotional burnout and frustration. Over time, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can emerge when they realize there's no way to aid a trauma dumper, and no amount of listening may help. As a result, people who are closest to individuals who engage in trauma dumping may become more vulnerable to developing mental health disorders, including anxiety and depression. 

Overcoming trauma dumping

Whether you're close to someone who is a trauma dumper or you think you might be one, it can be important to take steps to diffuse the behavior. To do so, it may be helpful to recognize the fine line between venting and trauma dumping.

• When venting, people usually speak about a specific issue in a mutual conversation. When trauma dumping, the dialogue is typically one-sided and may jump between different traumas.
• Confiding information is normally measured and gradual in a venting conversation. Trauma dumping typically happens all at once. This might be in the form of uncontrolled ranting or rapid oversharing. 
• Involvement tends to be mutual in a venting conversation. When someone is trauma dumping, they're usually the only willing participant.
• Venting may happen at appropriate times and places. However, trauma dumping may occur at inappropriate times or during inappropriate situations. People who vent typically pay attention to social cues, while people who engage in trauma dumping don't often "read the room."
• In venting conversations, the sharer is usually responsive to input and feedback from the listener. With trauma dumping, the sharer normally isn't interested in what the listener has to say or contribute, even (sometimes especially) if they offer possible solutions.  

How to tell if you're trauma dumping 

Many people who engage in trauma dumping don't realize they're doing it. They may believe they're simply confiding sensitive information to another person. In addition, people may be reluctant to let others know that they're trauma dumping because they don't want to contribute to their emotional distress. These factors can make it difficult for someone engaged in trauma dumping to recognize when, where, and how they do it.  

Still, there can be clear signs to look for if you're worried you may be a trauma dumper: 

• You tend to dominate conversations with uncomfortable, distressing, or graphic details of your feelings and experiences. 
• Others seem uncomfortable when they engage with you, perhaps "checking out" during your conversation or looking for reasons to leave.
• You may know you're making others uncomfortable but can't seem to stop oversharing.
• The oversharing may be urgent, to the point that you "tune out" everyone else's emotions and reactions as they listen to you. 
• You may share things that, upon reflection, you regret confiding.

If you notice these cues, you may want to stop and reflect on your social interactions more closely. After your next uncomfortable conversation, consider how well you knew the person and how much you shared. Did you notice their verbal cues or body language? Did you create an environment where both of you could engage in a give-and-take conversation, or did you "hold them hostage" so they couldn't remove themselves from the conversation?

It can be helpful to examine your motives for oversharing, too. Think about what you wanted or expected to receive from the conversation. Were you looking for support, a listening ear, or advice? Did you want attention or sympathy? If you were trauma dumping, you might realize that instead of someone to talk to, you were looking for someone's undivided attention.

How to address trauma dumping from another person

It can be challenging to respond to trauma dumpers. When someone seemingly confides in you with highly personal and sensitive information, you may not want to cut off the conversation or tell them you're uncomfortable for fear of hurting them more.

When you find yourself engaged in a conversation with someone who's clearly trauma-dumping, it can be critical to respond with respect and empathy. However, to protect your mental health, doing so with boundaries is often the best way to address such conversations.

If (and when) you become uncomfortable in the conversation, it may be acceptable to kindly and gently let them know that. You may say something like, "I'm glad you trust me enough to share such difficult experiences, but I must be honest, it's overwhelming and difficult to hear. I'd like to give you mental health support, but I think I can do that better if you leave out some of the more intimate details." 

It can be important to understand that you're not obligated to be supportive (or say you'd like to be supportive) if you would prefer to stay out of it entirely. In such cases, you're generally within your rights to gently tell them that you know they've had some difficult experiences, but you don't think you're the best person for them to confide in. If they insist on continuing the conversation, you might tell them that the subject makes you uncomfortable and you'd like to talk about something else. 

There can also be ways to manage trauma-dumping conversations from a practical standpoint. For example, it might help to state upfront that your time is limited. Decide how long you'll listen and let them know that's how long you can talk before you must leave. If you become overwhelmed or the conversation extends beyond your comfort zone, you might look for opportunities to change the subject or pause and take a break. For example, you may excuse yourself to use the restroom or make a phone call. 

Seeking help

Trauma dumping, while often unintentional, can have a profound impact on relationships and mental well-being. If someone in your life regularly involves you in trauma dumping, it can be extremely draining and taxing on your mental health. Addressing the significance of boundaries and consent and seeking professional support when needed tend to be crucial steps toward coping. For those who find themselves regularly trauma dumping, guidance from a mental health professional may be critical. Therapists and counselors can provide a safe space to process emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. 

Benefits of online therapy

Many people seek professional support via online therapy because of its accessibility and convenience. Platforms like BetterHelp typically offer affordable online therapy on your schedule from the comfort of home via video conference, phone call, or online chat. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

A growing body of research shows that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy for treating a wide range of mental health disorders, including trauma-related conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and bipolar disorder.