Discovering Their Story: Questions You Can Ask Someone When Getting To Know Them

Medically reviewed by Elizabeth Erban, LMFT, IMH-E
Updated October 16, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Building a robust and meaningful relationship with someone may require more than just spending time together. One way to possibly understand and connect with another person can be by engaging in genuine conversation, exchanging stories and asking thoughtful questions. Some people may find this task easier than others, however.

In this article, we'll discuss various questions you can ask someone to get to know them on a deeper level, potentially fostering a stronger connection.

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Building a strong connection

Building a strong connection with others can be incredibly important. Strong connections can provide emotional support, which can be essential for mental health and well-being. Individuals with a network of supportive relationships may be able to better navigate life's challenges, possibly maintaining a sense of balance and confidence that can elevate their quality of life.

The impact of strong connections on personal growth and well-being

Strong connections can also contribute to personal growth and self-improvement. Engaging in meaningful conversations with others can lead to new insights, ideas, and perspectives that you wouldn’t have otherwise encountered, which can challenge you and broaden your perspective. Additionally, these connections can provide constructive feedback, helping many to feel encouraged enough to strive for self-improvement.

Lastly, studies have shown that individuals with strong social connections may have lower stress levels, which can contribute to better overall health. This reason alone is enough for many to begin evaluating their social habits and relationships, often encouraging some to broaden their networks with quality connections. 

Why should you ask questions when meeting someone new?

While you can start a conversation with someone new with virtually any topic, asking questions can demonstrate curiosity, interest, and a desire to understand someone's perspectives and experiences. Additionally, asking deeper, more engaging questions can stimulate conversations, strengthen your connection, and create lasting memories.

When engaging in conversation, it can be helpful to practice active listening as you go. This form of listening generally involves giving someone your full attention, empathizing with them when necessary, and reflecting on the other person's words. By doing so, you can show them respect and care—possibly creating an environment where both parties can learn from each other and feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings.

General questions: How to start a conversation

Initiating a conversation with someone new or deepening your connection with a familiar person can sometimes feel challenging. However, starting with general questions can effectively break the ice and might foster a comfortable environment for more meaningful discussions.

The questions listed below can help you explore common interests, similar experiences, and mutual values, possibly laying the foundation for a stronger connection. In this section, we will present some general questions that can spark engaging conversations, potentially helping you get to know others more personally.

Possible questions you can ask someone: Hobbies and interests

  1. What hobbies or activities do you enjoy in your spare time?

  2. Are there any new hobbies or interests you'd like to explore?

  3. What kind of music, movies, or books do you enjoy?

Hobbies can reveal a person's priorities, such as a commitment to physical fitness, creativity, or intellectual pursuits. This question might also help you identify common interests, which can serve as a foundation for deeper conversations (or strengthened interpersonal connections).

Inquiring about potential new hobbies in this way can encourage people to voice their desires, ambitions, and areas of curiosity, possibly revealing their willingness (or lack thereof) to embrace change and adapt to new experiences. Discussing potential new hobbies can also foster a sense of possibility and excitement, which might contribute to a more engaging and stimulating conversation.

Exploring an individual's preferences in music, movies, and books can offer a window into their personality and emotional landscape. A conversation on this topic can also go a bit deeper—possibly reflecting on an individual's values, beliefs, experiences, and emotional states. Discussing these preferences can unveil similar tastes or introduce new cultural experiences to one another, further deepening the connection between the conversational partners.

Possible questions you can ask someone: Work and education

  1. What do you do for a living, and what inspired you to choose that career path?

  2. Have you pursued any additional education or certifications in your field?

These two questions can be a more practical way to delve into an individual's professional life, aspirations, and commitment to personal development. They can provide insights into a person's sense of purpose, ambition, and motivation, while possibly revealing their values and priorities.

Asking about an individual's profession and the inspiration behind their career choice can also encourage them to talk about their personal stories and aspirations. This question can reveal significant aspects of their character, such as their determination, ambition, and passion for their work. It can also offer insights into key areas of their personality, such as their problem-solving abilities, adaptability, and willingness to face challenges.

Additionally, inquiring about an individual's pursuit of further education or certifications can demonstrate an interest in their “zone” or lane of professional development. This question can encourage them to open up to you a bit more, reciprocating interest and potentially finding common ground. If the person isn’t currently working, you might choose to redirect—asking them about possible career choices they would make if given the opportunity. 

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Possible questions you can ask someone: Values and beliefs

  1. What values are most important to you in your personal and professional life?

  2. Do you have any spiritual or philosophical beliefs that guide you?

Using the above questions to start or continue a conversation can reveal someone’s priorities, ethical stance, and the criteria they use when making decisions. Additionally, these questions may offer insight into a person’s motivations, commitments, and the qualities they might seek in relationships and work environments. As these questions are a bit more in-depth, they may foster a deeper understanding and connection between conversational partners compared to more “surface-level” topics.

Tolerance may be important to keep in mind here, especially if your conversational partner holds different beliefs. Empathizing and actively working to find common ground can solidify bonds, which can help all participants of the conversation to achieve a more fulfilling outcome.

Possible questions you can ask someone: Personal growth 

    8. What's an important lesson you've learned in life?

    9. How do you handle stress or difficult situations?

Asking about a vital life lesson or being vulnerable about coping techniques can encourage individuals to reflect on and discuss pivotal experiences that have shaped their understanding of themselves and the world. This question can reveal their ability to learn from setbacks, adapt to changing circumstances, and grow. It also can offer insight into their values, priorities, and personal philosophies, as essential lessons often stem from experiences that challenge or reinforce these beliefs.

As you ask this question, it can be helpful to remember the importance and value of holding space—especially if you find yourself talking about topics that might be difficult to speak about. Checking in with your conversational partners and assessing their comfort throughout the conversation can help to ensure that everyone feels respected over the duration of the conversation. 

Possible questions you can ask someone: Relationships and family

    10. What qualities do you look for in a friend or romantic partner?

    11. How do you maintain strong relationships with your family?

Asking about the qualities an individual looks for in a friend or romantic partner can encourage them to reflect on and talk about their preferences and values in relationships. This question can also reveal their priorities, such as trust, honesty, loyalty, or emotional support in relationships—possibly providing insights into their expectations and compatibility with others.

We do want to note: This question generally encourages the person to talk about their experiences and practices in building and sustaining familial bonds as they recount their previous experiences. Proceeding with caution, empathy, and tact can be helpful, as some people may find this topic to be sensitive.  

Possible questions you can ask someone: Personal preferences

    12. If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?

    13. What's your go-to snack or favorite food?

Asking about an individual's desired superpower can encourage them to engage in imaginative thinking, possibly prompting them to discuss their aspirations or fantasies. This question can also reveal aspects of their character, values, and priorities.

Secondly, discussing favorite foods or snacks can lead to conversations about similar culinary experiences, cultural differences in food preferences, and the role of food in social bonding. These discussions can further deepen interpersonal connections in an informal and enjoyable context—as food is a common topic for many. If you choose to go this route, be sure that you come prepared with your own set of culinary preferences and superpowers. You may be asked to reciprocate!

Possible questions you can ask someone: Life goals and dreams

    14. What's something you've always wanted to accomplish but haven't yet?

    15. Where do you see yourself in five or ten years?

Asking about an unaccomplished goal or aspiration can encourage conversational partners to reflect on their dreams and desires. This question can reveal their priorities, values, ambitions, and willingness to pursue and achieve challenging objectives. It may also offer insights into barriers or obstacles they might be working to overcome, possibly offering you another avenue of conversation or encouragement.

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How online therapy can help

By working with a trained therapist, individuals can develop a deeper understanding of themselves and others, possibly leading to improved relationships and communication skills. Additionally, therapy can help individuals learn to control their emotions, which can be a key factor in maintaining healthy relationships.

While this can be a positive outcome, working on this goal can feel overwhelming. Many people might appreciate the convenience of virtual therapy, which can help them avoid nervousness associated with seeking support outside the house.  

Research has continued to find that online therapy can be an effective way to deepen human connection. For example, a study published in BioMed Central Women’s Health suggested that online therapy can improve communication skills, reduce conflict in relationships, and increase feelings of intimacy and closeness.

Additionally, online therapy can be effective in helping individuals who have experienced trauma or significant life changes that may impact their ability to communicate. Through therapy, individuals can cultivate healthier coping mechanisms and deepen their understanding of themselves and others by exploring their emotions and experiences safely. As a result, they can establish stronger and more profound relationships with others, which may feature higher levels of deeper, more efficient communication.

Takeaway

Asking meaningful questions and genuinely listening to answers can help you form deeper connections with others. This process not only promotes personal growth, but can also foster understanding and empathy. If you’re having trouble communicating effectively, online therapy can help. BetterHelp can connect you with an online therapist in your area of need.
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