Turning Stubbornness Into Positive Personality Traits

Stubbornness is a common personality trait that exists on a spectrum; as such, it can produce observable differences in the brain that may cause us to feel or behave in certain ways. Some people are able to keep it in check and use it for their good and the good of those around them, while others may have trouble understanding how to manage this tendency. If you’re finding that stubbornness is causing problems in your life or relationships, read on to learn about how you might be able to better balance this quality.

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Learn to manage stubbornness in a healthier way

What is stubbornness?

The dictionary definition of stubbornness is “the quality of being determined to do what you want and refusing to do anything else.” It’s usually used to describe someone who sometimes or often behaves with narrowmindedness toward the suggestions, ideas, or opinions of others, instead believing that their view or way of doing something is the best or only correct way. Although this tendency often gets a bad rap, it can be positive or negative depending on the situation and the intensity with which it’s applied.

Understanding stubbornness and its causes

Before seeking to change stubborn tendencies, it can be helpful to understand why a person may default to stubbornness. Stubbornness may stem from childhood experiences; for example, a child may mimic stubborn behavior from a parent, or a caregiver may inadvertently reinforce such behavior by making excuses for defiance by labeling a child as stubborn.

In other cases, a person might tend to be stubborn because they’re resistant to change. They might fear stepping out of their comfort zone, or feel uncomfortable about challenging existing beliefs.

Others may be stubborn because they crave control, leading them to be resistant to the perspectives of others in an effort to help themselves feel safer. If you’re having trouble coping with stubbornness in your life or are experiencing frustration as a result of a stubborn loved one, you might try asking yourself if an emotion like this could be behind the behavior and try to approach the situation with empathy.

Potential advantages of stubbornness 

While the word stubbornness may carry negative connotations, the same qualities that make a person stubborn can be beneficial. In fact, a 40-year longitudinal study found that children who consistently displayed stubborn behaviors in their youth were more likely to have a higher income as adults. 

There may be some advantages of stubbornness, including:

  • Determination: If a stubborn person has set their mind to accomplishing a goal, they’re unlikely to give in until their goal is reached. Note that in cases like these, “stubbornness” is often referred to using a word with a more positive connotation, such as “determined,” “hard-working,” or “dedicated.” 

  • Strong personal convictions: Stubborn individuals often have strong convictions and are less likely to be swayed by peer pressure, enabling them to stand firm in their beliefs.

  • Resilience against adversity: The tenacity associated with stubbornness can translate into resilience, empowering individuals to withstand and recover from setbacks.

  • Focus and determination: Stubbornness can enhance focus and determination, driving individuals to pursue their objectives with unmatched dedication.

  • Innovation and problem-solving: Sometimes, being stubborn about finding a solution can lead to innovative thinking and breakthroughs, as it forces individuals to look beyond conventional solutions.

  • Clear boundaries and self-awareness: Stubborn people often have clear boundaries and a strong sense of self, which can lead to healthier relationships and self-respect.

  • Motivation for self-improvement: In some contexts, stubbornness can motivate individuals to improve themselves and their circumstances, refusing to accept complacency.

  • Leadership and influence: Stubborn individuals can be compelling leaders, as their conviction and persistence inspire others to follow their vision and efforts.

  • Decisiveness: Stubbornness can foster a sense of decisiveness, as individuals are often clear about their wants, needs, and the direction they wish to take. This clarity can make decision-making processes quicker and more straightforward, reducing hesitation and the potential for procrastination.
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When stubbornness can be a problem

As with many traits, stubbornness can also have its disadvantages—especially when it’s relied on too often or out of habit rather than out of dedication to a goal or cause.
  • Difficulty in relationships: Stubbornness can be a difficult quality to live with in a partner, roommate, parent, child, or friend. Resistance to compromise or change can impair cooperation, which can lead to conflict. If stubbornness is affecting your relationships, consider how you might instead practice open-mindedness.

  • Workplace conflict: In a professional setting, stubbornness can lead to conflicts, impede teamwork, and hinder problem-solving efforts. It can cause frayed relationships with coworkers, which may have career consequences.

  • Resistance to change: Stubborn individuals may struggle with change, making it hard for them to adapt to new situations or environments, which can be detrimental in rapidly changing contexts.

  • Missed opportunities: A stubborn attitude can lead to missed opportunities, whether in personal growth, careers, or new experiences, due to a reluctance to try new things or consider alternative viewpoints.
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Learn to manage stubbornness in a healthier way

Tips for finding a healthy balance with stubbornness

Stubbornness can be healthy and helpful, but it also has the potential to be harmful when taken to the extreme. If you’re concerned about the level of stubbornness you’re exhibiting, the following tips may help you find a healthier balance.

1. Pay attention to what triggers this tendency in you

Which situations can you identify that reliably lead you to a stubborn attitude? Paying attention to what these situations are—perhaps by taking up journaling—can be a first step toward understanding your tendency toward stubbornness. 

For example, do you find that you dig your heels in when someone tells you you’re wrong? When you feel blindsided by a new change? When someone explains something to you in a way that you interpret as condescending? Once you’ve identified the scenarios that seem to lead to your stubbornness, you might be better able to manage your response to them as they arise. 

2. Identify the root cause

As part of your process of learning more about stubbornness-inducing situations, you might also look for clues about the root cause of this behavior in yourself. It could relate to fear of change, embarrassment about making mistakes or being wrong, a tendency toward perfectionism, anxiety about the future, or a number of other interpretations, expectations, or feelings. Figuring out what may be driving this tendency could help you address it in healthier ways going forward.

3. Practice active listening

If stubbornness has been a key element of how you interact with others for a long time, you might find yourself defaulting to this attitude without really hearing out the person on the other side. In many cases, people just want to have their voices heard, and what they’re saying could potentially benefit you both. So next time you’re in a situation when you’d normally be stubborn, you might try to engage in active listening and truly hear the other person’s perspective. Not interrupting, having empathy, and asking clarification questions as needed can be useful parts of this practice.

How therapy can help turn stubbornness into positive personality traits

If you suspect that a mental health condition may be contributing to a sense of stubbornness that’s interfering with your daily life, seeking the support of a therapist is usually a recommended next step. However, you don’t need to have symptoms of a mental health condition in order to pursue this type of support. A mental health professional can offer help to virtually anyone who is facing an emotional challenge or looking for help adjusting their cognitions, feelings or behaviors. If a tendency towards stubbornness is causing problems in your life or relationships, connecting with a counselor could help.

Seeking treatment from a mental health professional, particularly psychotherapy, is one of the most obvious ways to transform a "negative personality." Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most popular kind of psychotherapy that can help you manage difficulties by altering your thoughts and behaviors.

Those who want to meet with a therapist but feel intimidated at the prospect of attending in-office appointments might consider online therapy as a possible alternative. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging to address the challenges you may be facing. Research suggests that online therapy can offer similar benefits to in-person care, so you can generally feel confident in choosing whichever format you may prefer.

Takeaway

Stubbornness is a personality trait that can result in both advantages and disadvantages, depending on the situation and how it’s used. If you’re finding that a tendency toward stubbornness is causing problems in your life or relationships, analyzing where the tendency comes from and meeting with a therapist are two strategies that could help you strike a healthier balance.
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