Turning Stubbornness Into Positive Personality Traits
Stubbornness is a common personality trait that exists on a spectrum; as such, it can produce observable differences in the brain that may cause us to feel or behave in certain ways. Some people are able to keep it in check and use it for their good and the good of those around them, while others may have trouble understanding how to manage this tendency. If you’re finding that stubbornness is causing problems in your life or relationships, read on to learn about how you might be able to better balance this quality.
What is stubbornness?
The dictionary definition of stubbornness is “the quality of being determined to do what you want and refusing to do anything else.” It’s usually used to describe someone who sometimes or often behaves with narrowmindedness toward the suggestions, ideas, or opinions of others, instead believing that their view or way of doing something is the best or only correct way. Although this tendency often gets a bad rap, it can be positive or negative depending on the situation and the intensity with which it’s applied.
Understanding stubbornness and its causes
Before seeking to change stubborn tendencies, it can be helpful to understand why a person may default to stubbornness. Stubbornness may stem from childhood experiences; for example, a child may mimic stubborn behavior from a parent, or a caregiver may inadvertently reinforce such behavior by making excuses for defiance by labeling a child as stubborn.
In other cases, a person might tend to be stubborn because they’re resistant to change. They might fear stepping out of their comfort zone, or feel uncomfortable about challenging existing beliefs.
Others may be stubborn because they crave control, leading them to be resistant to the perspectives of others in an effort to help themselves feel safer. If you’re having trouble coping with stubbornness in your life or are experiencing frustration as a result of a stubborn loved one, you might try asking yourself if an emotion like this could be behind the behavior and try to approach the situation with empathy.
Potential advantages of stubbornness
While the word stubbornness may carry negative connotations, the same qualities that make a person stubborn can be beneficial. In fact, a 40-year longitudinal study found that children who consistently displayed stubborn behaviors in their youth were more likely to have a higher income as adults.
There may be some advantages of stubbornness, including:
Determination: If a stubborn person has set their mind to accomplishing a goal, they’re unlikely to give in until their goal is reached. Note that in cases like these, “stubbornness” is often referred to using a word with a more positive connotation, such as “determined,” “hard-working,” or “dedicated.”
Strong personal convictions: Stubborn individuals often have strong convictions and are less likely to be swayed by peer pressure, enabling them to stand firm in their beliefs.
Resilience against adversity: The tenacity associated with stubbornness can translate into resilience, empowering individuals to withstand and recover from setbacks.
Focus and determination: Stubbornness can enhance focus and determination, driving individuals to pursue their objectives with unmatched dedication.
Innovation and problem-solving: Sometimes, being stubborn about finding a solution can lead to innovative thinking and breakthroughs, as it forces individuals to look beyond conventional solutions.
Clear boundaries and self-awareness: Stubborn people often have clear boundaries and a strong sense of self, which can lead to healthier relationships and self-respect.
Motivation for self-improvement: In some contexts, stubbornness can motivate individuals to improve themselves and their circumstances, refusing to accept complacency.
Leadership and influence: Stubborn individuals can be compelling leaders, as their conviction and persistence inspire others to follow their vision and efforts.
- Decisiveness: Stubbornness can foster a sense of decisiveness, as individuals are often clear about their wants, needs, and the direction they wish to take. This clarity can make decision-making processes quicker and more straightforward, reducing hesitation and the potential for procrastination.
When stubbornness can be a problem
Difficulty in relationships: Stubbornness can be a difficult quality to live with in a partner, roommate, parent, child, or friend. Resistance to compromise or change can impair cooperation, which can lead to conflict. If stubbornness is affecting your relationships, consider how you might instead practice open-mindedness.
Workplace conflict: In a professional setting, stubbornness can lead to conflicts, impede teamwork, and hinder problem-solving efforts. It can cause frayed relationships with coworkers, which may have career consequences.
Resistance to change: Stubborn individuals may struggle with change, making it hard for them to adapt to new situations or environments, which can be detrimental in rapidly changing contexts.
- Missed opportunities: A stubborn attitude can lead to missed opportunities, whether in personal growth, careers, or new experiences, due to a reluctance to try new things or consider alternative viewpoints.
Tips for finding a healthy balance with stubbornness
Stubbornness can be healthy and helpful, but it also has the potential to be harmful when taken to the extreme. If you’re concerned about the level of stubbornness you’re exhibiting, the following tips may help you find a healthier balance.
1. Pay attention to what triggers this tendency in you
Which situations can you identify that reliably lead you to a stubborn attitude? Paying attention to what these situations are—perhaps by taking up journaling—can be a first step toward understanding your tendency toward stubbornness.
For example, do you find that you dig your heels in when someone tells you you’re wrong? When you feel blindsided by a new change? When someone explains something to you in a way that you interpret as condescending? Once you’ve identified the scenarios that seem to lead to your stubbornness, you might be better able to manage your response to them as they arise.
2. Identify the root cause
As part of your process of learning more about stubbornness-inducing situations, you might also look for clues about the root cause of this behavior in yourself. It could relate to fear of change, embarrassment about making mistakes or being wrong, a tendency toward perfectionism, anxiety about the future, or a number of other interpretations, expectations, or feelings. Figuring out what may be driving this tendency could help you address it in healthier ways going forward.
3. Practice active listening
If stubbornness has been a key element of how you interact with others for a long time, you might find yourself defaulting to this attitude without really hearing out the person on the other side. In many cases, people just want to have their voices heard, and what they’re saying could potentially benefit you both. So next time you’re in a situation when you’d normally be stubborn, you might try to engage in active listening and truly hear the other person’s perspective. Not interrupting, having empathy, and asking clarification questions as needed can be useful parts of this practice.
How therapy can help turn stubbornness into positive personality traits
If you suspect that a mental health condition may be contributing to a sense of stubbornness that’s interfering with your daily life, seeking the support of a therapist is usually a recommended next step. However, you don’t need to have symptoms of a mental health condition in order to pursue this type of support. A mental health professional can offer help to virtually anyone who is facing an emotional challenge or looking for help adjusting their cognitions, feelings or behaviors. If a tendency towards stubbornness is causing problems in your life or relationships, connecting with a counselor could help.
Seeking treatment from a mental health professional, particularly psychotherapy, is one of the most obvious ways to transform a "negative personality." Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most popular kind of psychotherapy that can help you manage difficulties by altering your thoughts and behaviors.
Those who want to meet with a therapist but feel intimidated at the prospect of attending in-office appointments might consider online therapy as a possible alternative. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging to address the challenges you may be facing. Research suggests that online therapy can offer similar benefits to in-person care, so you can generally feel confident in choosing whichever format you may prefer.
Takeaway
What does it mean to be a stubborn person?
A stubborn person is often characterized by their unwavering determination to stick to their own opinions, beliefs, or decisions, even in the face of evidence or arguments to the contrary. The phrase "stubborn as a mule" is a common expression used to describe individuals with high obstinacy and resistance to change.
Stubborn people tend to be resolute in their convictions and may be unyielding when it comes to altering their viewpoints or accommodating the perspectives of others. They are often seen as persistent and tenacious, which can be both a strength and a weakness.
However, being described as stubborn is not always a negative trait. In some situations, being headstrong and resolute can be advantageous, especially when pursuing personal goals or standing up for one's principles. It can demonstrate commitment and determination.
On the flip side, excessive stubbornness can also be seen as unreasonable or even detrimental. Overly obstinate individuals may be unwilling to consider alternative viewpoints, leading to conflict in personal and professional relationships. Their stubbornness can hinder cooperation and compromise, making it challenging to reach mutually beneficial solutions.
It's important to balance persistence and flexibility to maintain healthy relationships and open-mindedness. When you admit that your way isn't always the best approach, you can avoid unnecessary conflicts and cultivate a more positive personality.
Is being stubborn positive or negative?
Being stubborn can be positive and negative, depending on the context and the level of stubbornness. On one hand, strong conviction and determination can help you achieve your goals and stay true to your values. It can also demonstrate perseverance and resilience in the face of challenges.
On the other hand, being too stubborn can hinder personal growth, strain relationships, and limit your ability to adapt to changes. It can also lead to a closed-minded attitude and resistance to new ideas or perspectives.
If you fail to treat people respectfully and listen to their viewpoints, you may miss valuable insights and potential opportunities. Being overly stubborn can also prevent you from recognizing your mistakes or understanding different perspectives.
Turning stubbornness into positive personality traits
Depending on your outlook and how you use the personality trait, stubbornness may either be a positive or negative trait. In a positive light, being stubborn can be seen as having a strong sense of purpose toward your goal and having perseverance, determination, and tenacity in achieving what you are aiming for. It is possible to view stubbornness from a constructive perspective, not a purely negative one, despite its negative connotation.
How do you describe stubbornness?
Stubbornness can be described as a strong and persistent refusal to change one's opinions, beliefs, or decisions. It is often associated with being unyielding, even when presented with evidence or arguments that contradict one's stance. The point of stubbornness is not to prove one's opinion or position is right but to hold onto it despite opposing views.
In the interest of maintaining healthy relationships, it's essential to recognize when being stubborn is no longer serving you or those around you. It takes self-awareness and a willingness to reflect on your actions and behaviors.
Some ways to describe stubbornness may include:
Refusing to listen to or consider alternative viewpoints
Being rigid in one's opinions and beliefs
Demonstrating inflexibility in making decisions
Insisting on having things one's own way
Being set in one's ways and resistant to change
What does the expression stubborn mean?
The word stubborn means having an unyielding attitude or being resolute in one's opinions and actions. It is often used to describe someone who is determined and unwavering in their stance, even when faced with challenges or opposition.
For example, a stubborn refusal is a strong and persistent rejection of something, regardless of its value or merit. Similarly, stubbornness can also refer to someone who is headstrong and obstinate and refuses to compromise or adapt.
In some cases, the word stubborn may have negative connotations, implying an unwillingness to listen, learn, or consider alternative perspectives. However, it can also be used in a positive light, particularly when describing someone's tenacity or determination in pursuing their goals.
How does a stubborn person act?
A stubborn person may exhibit certain behaviors that reflect their inability to compromise or change their stance. Some common ways a stubborn person may act include:
Insisting on having things done in a specific way, even when there are more efficient or effective alternatives
Refusing to accept or admit mistakes
Having difficulty compromising or collaborating with others
Being resistant to change or the idea of trying new things
Demonstrating a strong attachment to their own opinions and beliefs
Struggling to understand or empathize with others' perspectives.
While these behaviors may stem from a place of determination and self-assurance, they can also be perceived as negative or maladaptive when taken to extremes. To better manage interactions with stubborn individuals, it's crucial to approach them with compassion and empathy rather than judgment or anger. It may also help to communicate your concerns and thoughts calmly and respectfully.
What is a stubborn attitude?
A stubborn attitude is a persistent and unrelenting mindset that resists change or alternative viewpoints. It can be characterized by an unwillingness to listen, consider different opinions, or adapt to new situations.
For example, a mother might say her child is stubborn if they refuse to eat anything besides their favorite food, even when presented with healthier options. In this scenario, the child's attitude demonstrates inflexibility and resistance to change. While the mother isn't necessarily criticizing her child's behavior, she's acknowledging their strong and persistent refusal to try something new.
Beneficial survival instinct
In some cases, a stubborn attitude can be beneficial. As a survival instinct, it can help us hold onto our beliefs and values in the face of adversity. However, when taken to extremes, a stubborn attitude can hinder personal growth, strain relationships, and limit opportunities for learning and development.
What does the Bible say about being stubborn?
The Bible offers various perspectives on stubbornness and its consequences. Proverbs 29:1 warns against the dangers of being stubborn, stating, "He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy." This verse suggests that persistent refusal to listen or learn can have negative consequences.
However, the Bible also acknowledges the impact of stubbornness in achieving one's goals. Galatians 6:9 states, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." This verse suggests that being steadfast and persistent in doing what is right can lead to positive outcomes.
Overall, the Bible encourages self-reflection and a balance between determination and flexibility. Regardless of spiritual or personal beliefs, stubbornness should be managed with care and moderation to foster greater understanding, empathy, and growth.
Is stubbornness a disorder?
Stubbornness itself is not a disorder, but it can be a symptom or characteristic of certain mental health conditions. For example, individuals with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) may exhibit stubborn behavior as one of their primary symptoms. However, in ODDs, this behavior is taken to extreme levels and can lead to significant challenges in daily functioning.
It's also worth noting that stubbornness, when paired with other traits like impulsivity or aggression, may be a sign of underlying conditions such as borderline personality disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or conduct disorder. Additionally, certain developmental disorders, such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), may also manifest in rigid and inflexible behavior.
Seek professional help
If you find that stubbornness has a negative impact on your relationships, work, or daily life, it may be helpful to seek professional help to address any underlying concerns and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and social skills training are some of the commonly used interventions for conditions that involve stubbornness as a symptom.
Why is stubbornness bad?
In certain situations, stubbornness can have negative consequences. Extremely stubborn individuals may struggle with adapting to new environments, collaborating with others, or letting go of harmful behaviors. It can also lead to strained relationships and conflicts with loved ones.
Moreover, when coupled with certain mental health conditions or developmental disorders, stubbornness can have serious implications for an individual's well-being and functioning. For example, ODD can interfere with a child's academic performance, social relationships, and overall emotional development.
However, it's essential to note that stubbornness is not inherently bad. In fact, when managed at healthy levels, it can be a valuable trait that promotes perseverance and determination. Like any other personality trait, it's important to find a balance and use it wisely in different situations.
Do stubborn people succeed?
Stubbornness can contribute to an individual's success if managed effectively. As mentioned before, when paired with determination and perseverance, stubbornness can help individuals overcome challenges and achieve their goals. However, it's important to also acknowledge that success is not solely determined by one's personality traits.
In some cases, stubbornness may hinder success if it leads to a refusal to listen or consider alternative viewpoints. In these situations, it's crucial to learn to be open-minded and flexible to grow and succeed.
Ultimately, success involves various factors such as hard work, determination, resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to learn and grow. While stubbornness may have its role, it's important to develop other crucial skills and traits to succeed in life.
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