Why Do I Hate People, And How Can I Cope With This Feeling?

If other people's actions cause you to feel hatred or rage, you're not alone. Many people avoid public places or decline social engagements because they feel they hate others. However, living with these feelings may impact your mental health and cause challenges that impact you more than the people you hate. 

There are many causes for hatred or loathing toward others, and there are also ways to overcome, cope with, or understand these feelings. If hatred of others negatively impacts your life, you might consider trying a few techniques to start feeling more compassion and empathy for others you disagree with.

Why do I hate people? 

To understand the cause of your feelings, it may be beneficial to try self-reflection. One way people try to understand their feelings is by asking questions, which you could also journal about. Below are a few questions to consider: 

• Is my hatred toward one person, several specific people, or everyone?
• Is my hate a result of people's actions?
• Do I have a mental health condition that may cause me to feel loathing? 
• Do any adverse childhood experiences from my past contribute to how I see the world? 
• Am I angry at people or current events caused by certain people? 
• Are there people in the world that I love? Why do I love them? 

If your hatred is towards one or a few people and you have a reason for hating them, your hate may be referred to as "situational." If you hate people because of their actions, like making certain sounds or chewing loudly, you might be experiencing a condition called misophonia. If you hate people because of the anxiety-related feelings you experience around them, you might be experiencing social anxiety. 

If you're unsure why you hate others, you can also contact a mental health professional for advice. They can help you talk through your symptoms, thoughts, and feelings and guide you in making conclusions. 

How to manage hatred toward others

Whether you want to rid yourself of the hatred you feel or manage its impact on your life, consider the following coping mechanisms. 

Examine your past and present relationships

If your hatred is focused on one specific person or a group of people you know, consider whether there is a way to resolve these feelings. If you cannot think of a solution, you might examine whether the relationship is healthy and whether you want to continue. If you're no longer in contact with this person or people, try to understand the circumstances which led to your hatred. Assumptions or interpretations may be inaccurate if you're unsure what led to the relationship's ending. 

In some cases, ending a relationship may be the healthiest choice. However, many people experience hatred or anger when a relationship ends because one person hates another based on misinformation, misinterpretation, or other forms of misunderstanding.

Once you are confident you have an accurate understanding, you may be better positioned to determine if the relationship has room for improvement. If so, taking those steps could resolve the feelings. You might also choose to forgive these individuals or try to put them out of your mind as you work toward personal goals.

Shift your perspective

Holding onto hate and negativity toward others may be unhealthy for you. Try to shift your perspective and "put yourself in the other person's shoes" by imagining what they might feel, their motivations, and what their life is like. You can also try replacing your hate with positive emotions by focusing on gratitude for those you love and the positive aspects of your life.

It might also be valuable to tell yourself that individuals often have little to no control over what others do. Sometimes, the characteristics that feel the most frustrating and offensive could be those you can't control. These behaviors may also remind you of yourself.  

When you are annoyed by someone else, turn your attention to yourself. Gaining awareness of a tendency in yourself that you see in others may help you change how you think or behave. While changing feelings might not be easy, many people have access to changing thoughts, perspectives, and the meaning they attach to specific events, conclusions, and expectations of others. 

Coping mechanisms for anger

Hatred and hostility are often related to anger. Anger is a healthy emotion. However, when it motivates hatred, unhealthy behavior, or hostility toward others, it might be valuable to take a moment to consider coping mechanisms to reduce the intensity of the emotion. Below are a few you can try. 

Gratitude 

It might be challenging to feel hatred if you take a moment to focus on what makes you feel grateful. Even the ideas, situations, or relationships you consider "minor" might promote gratitude, such as your cat's purring or nature's beauty. Take time to notice what makes you happy. If you struggle to feel grateful, you can make statements like: "I am so happy I live near a beautiful stream. It's beautiful, and I'm grateful I see it each morning." 

If your hatred of others is related to world events or past maltreatment, consider expressing gratitude about the positive events in the world and the people who love you. Instead of focusing on negative or scary news stories, read about the people who are making positive changes in their communities, such as Malala Yousafzai.

Empathy 

If you can empathize with someone you love or like, it might help you develop empathy for others. Once you've exercised your "empathy muscles," you may also empathize with people you hate. Empathy doesn't necessarily mean you agree with or like someone, but it can mean you're open to understanding their circumstances and hoping they can make positive changes. 

Patience 

Patience and empathy sometimes go together, but they're not the same. If you struggle to cultivate empathy for the person or people you hate, patience might be a first step. To cultivate patience, try to remind yourself that people can take time to heal and learn, and it isn't your responsibility to make them do so. 

Meditation 

Meditation may be a start if you're unsure where to begin to cultivate these traits. A 2017 study published in the National Library of Medicine found that meditation could improve emotional control and self-motivation by modulating resting-state functional connectivity in emotion and motivation-related brain regions. Deep breathing techniques may also control feelings of anger and limit reactivity.

Professional support 

In addition to managing anger, understanding the origins of hate may help you neutralize it. Therapists often use techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help clients better understand their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Counseling options 

Hate can be a difficult impact of anger or fear that may cause you distress or confusion. Hate can impact your emotions, relationships, and mental and physical health, so it may be valuable to decide to reach out for support. 

One of the effective ways to address hate is to speak with a therapist about your feelings and experiences. However, despite this, some people don't seek therapy because it's inconvenient for their schedule, inaccessible from their location, or unfamiliar. If you experience any of these barriers to treatment, you can speak to a therapist online at your convenience from anywhere via messaging, phone calls, and video chat. 

Recent research shows that online counseling platforms can provide valuable tools for those who want to better address complicated emotions, such as hatred or rage. In one study, the effects of online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) on those living with anger and aggression were examined. Researchers found that participants had significantly decreased anger levels after therapy, suggesting that online CBT can effectively treat individuals with feelings of hatred.