What Are Some Good Questions To Ask People To Get To Know Them?

Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams, LPC, CCTP
Updated October 8, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

When you meet someone and you want to get to know them, it can be common to not know what to say. Perhaps you are nervous because you like them, or maybe you are afraid of talking to people in general. If you find that you feel nervous about talking to new people, you may experience a condition called social anxiety.

However, occasionally talking to people is not necessarily indicative of a social anxiety disorder. There are many people who are shy in public or experience other concerns that are holding them back in some way. If you experience difficulty going out in public because you worry about having to interact with others, you may benefit from working with a licensed therapist online through the comfort of your own home. 

Also, it may help to learn some strategies to get to know people better. Below, we’ll look at some questions you can ask people as you meet them as well as some strategies for handling yourself with composure and confidence in social situations.

Getty/MoMo Productions
It's often hard to form a bond with someone you don't know well

Some good questions to ask others

If you just want some ideas on how to get to know someone better, you might consider asking some of the following questions: 

  • What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?
  • What is your biggest pet peeve?
  • If you could be anyone, who would you most like to be?
  • What is your favorite smell?
  • Who is your idol?
  • Do you have any special talents?
  • Do you have any pets?
  • Would you rather go camping or go to a movie?
  • What is your ideal job?

Tips for getting to know people

When you are interested in getting to know people, it may help to use some of the following tips to make lasting connections with others.

Find people with similar interests

If you're interested in meeting people, you may find that you have an easier time by connecting with those who have similar interests. You might think about yourself, your hobbies, and your interests. Consider what you’re passionate about and what you love doing.

If you love to exercise, you might look into taking a boxing, yoga, or Zumba class at your local fitness center. If you enjoy pottery or art, then you can look into taking art sessions at a museum near you. Volunteering, joining a faith community, or even just taking a walk may also be opportunities to meet new people and make new friends.

You might not make friends on your first day of getting out and doing the things that you love. Finding people with similar interests may require time, commitment, and persistence, but if you stay the course, you may be more likely to meet people with similar interests.

Getty/Luis Alvarez

Don't force it

Getting out in the world to meet people can be healthy, but it may help to remember that you don’t have to force it. This may help with how you are perceived as you meet new people. You don’t have to overextend yourself and constantly reach out if another person does nothing to maintain the relationship. When the attempt to get to know someone is mutual, that person will likely reach out to you just as frequently as you're reaching out to them. 

If this doesn’t happen, it may help to reach out to other people and avoid catastrophizing. Another person’s lack of response may be related to mental health concerns they are facing, and you can always form meaningful connections with other people. 

Try to carry yourself with confidence

When you're getting to know people, they may pick up on the manner in which you carry yourself, just as you pick up on how they carry themselves. You might consider practicing ways to carry yourself in a confident, trustworthy manner without placing too much pressure on yourself. It may help to remember that other people experience their own insecurities and doubts. You don’t have to worry about pleasing or impressing them. By just being yourself, you may find that the connections you form are genuine, fulfilling, and long-lasting. 

Getty Images
It's often hard to form a bond with someone you don't know well

What is social anxiety disorder?

Social anxiety disorder is a common disorder that affects millions of people every day. Social anxiety can exist to different degrees in different people. For some people, it may affect them only in certain situations, but for others, it could be so severe that they avoid going out anyplace where they may have to talk to people. This can affect their relationships in both personal and professional settings. 

If you are avoiding activities like attending parties, shopping in crowded stores, or even going to work, you might consider the possibility that you may have a social anxiety disorder or social phobia. Some of the signs you have social anxiety disorder may include avoiding situations such as:

  • Speaking in public
  • Answering a question in class or at a meeting
  • Talking to strangers on the phone
  • Approaching a stranger in a store for help
  • Going to a job interview

Physical symptoms

Besides the above signs of social anxiety disorder, there are some possible physical symptoms as well. People who have social anxiety disorder may also experience symptoms such as:

  • Sweating
  • Heart palpitations (being aware of your heartbeat)
  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Diarrhea
  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Blushing

Talking about it may help

If you’re experiencing difficulty getting to know people, you may benefit from talking about it with a licensed therapist.

If you experience social anxiety and feel hesitant to speak with a therapist in person, you might consider trying online therapy, which research shows to be just as effective as traditional in-office therapy. One study published in the journal Cureus showed that online therapy was effective for social anxiety, phobias, depression, and panic disorder, among other conditions.

With online therapy, you can speak with a licensed counselor without leaving home. Also, you can communicate by audio or live chat if you prefer to avoid videoconferencing at this time. With BetterHelp, you can also message your therapist at any time through in-app messaging, and they’ll get back to you as soon as they can. This may be useful if you have questions or concerns about social interactions in between sessions.

Takeaway

Meeting people may seem intimidating at times, but there are ways to build confidence and ask meaningful questions to make connections with others. If you still experience difficulty connecting with others, you may benefit from consulting a licensed therapist in your community or online. With online therapy, you don’t have to leave home to get support from a licensed therapist. Also, you can be matched with a therapist who has experience helping people overcome social anxiety, and you can typically start therapy within 48 hours. Take the first step toward making meaningful connections with others and reach out to BetterHelp today.

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