Considering Sobriety: What Does It Mean To Be Sober Curious?

The term sober curious refers to an individual’s examination of their relationship with alcohol or drinking habits and how drinking less or abstaining altogether might benefit them. The concept of a sober-curious lifestyle was popularized in 2019, after the publication of the book Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol, by Ruby Warrington. In today’s dominant drinking culture, drinking is normalized, and it is even expected that people will drink alcohol in some contexts such as at networking events or after work happy hours. It’s often looked at as a social activity, a coping mechanism, or a confidence booster. However, research shows that drinking can have a significant impact on our mental and physical health, and more and more people are finding that they don’t have to drink to experience the confidence, social connectedness, or enjoyment in life that drinking seems to provide. With that in mind, what exactly does it mean to be sober curious or to have sober curiousity, and is it something that you might benefit from? If you’re someone who wants to explore your relationship with alcohol or has wondered what it’s like to drink less or to start a sober curious journey, keep reading.

What does sober curiosity mean?

Often, sober curious individuals give up alcohol for a specific period of time, such a dry January, for wellness reasons and to understand better the role that regular drinking plays in their lives, why they drink, and how they may benefit from abstaining. This can help them identify how they want to move forward with their relationship with alcohol and drink more mindfully, if they drink at all. 

A person may find that they feel better when they stop drinking and then proceed to drink more sparingly in the future, or they may find that they didn’t enjoy drinking after all and that the advantages of abstaining outweigh the perceived upsides. A sober-curious lifestyle is not necessarily a permanent abstention from alcohol, although some choose this eventually, nor is it a treatment for people who live with alcohol use disorder or alcohol addiction. Instead, it’s typically for people who want to explore these topics and want to practice more mindful drinking.

Advantages of a sober-curious lifestyle

Some positive effects, like fewer or no hangovers, are expected when you reduce or stop alcohol consumption. However, a diverse range of other benefits can come with lowering your alcohol consumption or if you quit drinking alcohol completely, some of which one may not expect.

Benefits of sober curiosity

Research shows that lowering or ceasing alcohol consumption can:

• Decrease the risk of certain cancers. Alcohol consumption is affiliated with a higher risk of breast cancer, liver cancer, and stomach cancer.
• Lower blood pressure  and risk of heart disease in a few weeks, as drinking alcohol can raise a person’s blood pressure and causes other complex interactions that impact the heart and cardiovascular system.  
• Lead to better sleep. Although some believe that a nightcap can aid their sleep, research shows that alcohol can have a negative impact on sleep patterns. Not getting enough sleep can affect both mental and physical health. 
• Improve gastrointestinal (GI) issues. Alcohol consumption can lead to GI distress, ulcers, and the exacerbation of existing GI disorders.
• Increase weight loss. Alcohol contains large amounts of calories and consuming large quantities of alcohol may cause weight gain, while reducing alcohol may cause weight loss. 
• Balance hormones. Drinking alcohol is linked to higher cortisol (known as “the stress hormone”) levels and other hormonal impacts, including those related to reproductive health.
• Increase your energy levels. This may be due to the improvement in sleep quality and hormone functioning that people often see when they stop or reduce alcohol consumption, along with other factors.
• Improve your mental health. Alcohol is linked to higher rates of depression and worsened symptoms of other mental health conditions, including anxiety. Some people find that not drinking is important for symptom management with various mental health disorders.
• Help your skin. Alcohol is dehydrating, which can dry out and weaken the skin, accelerate aging, and lead to puffiness.

In addition to the above benefits, some people also cite improvements in their social relationships and overall enjoyment. For many people, it’s worth it to look at why they drink and how they can make more conscious decisions around alcohol. It’s important to note that not having an alcohol use disorder doesn’t mean that someone has a healthy relationship with alcohol; those without an alcohol use disorder may still notice negative health outcomes or other concerns that arise due to drinking.

Whether drinking is a focal point or only a small part of your life, you might decide to learn more about your relationship with alcohol and how alcohol affects your daily life. The tips below can help you get started if you want to become sober curious. 

How do I start abstaining from alcohol consumption?

If you’re interested in delving into your relationship with alcohol and discovering the benefits of abstaining from it, but aren’t sure how or where to start, here are some things you might consider:

Ask yourself questions

Being sober curious is often largely about gaining insight and personal awareness surrounding the way you consume alcohol. You might ask yourself questions like: Why do I frequently order alcohol with dinner? Is it out of habit, or do I want it? Is it the alcohol that makes me enjoy this event, or is it the people I’m with? If it feels like it’s the alcohol, what does that mean for me? What do I truly enjoy without alcohol?

Find other sober-curious people

Seeking a community of people who are on the same path can be helpful in terms of support and motivation. This might be especially true if you’re concerned about how not drinking or drinking less might impact your social life. You may be able to find sober-curious people and communities in person, or you can look for sober-curious groups online. People tend to do better with a support group where you’ll have someone to talk to openly about the benefits of a sober-curious lifestyle, why you have made this choice, and any challenges you face (maybe, for example, there’s a friend or relative who gets offended when you don’t drink). Meeting other sober-curious people can provide a safe outlet to discuss your thoughts with people who understand your concerns.

Find alcohol-free activities to engage in

If any of your social interactions were built around alcohol before, you might find it helpful to pursue activities that provide some distance from alcohol. This can mean engaging in new and old hobbies (e.g., painting or fitness class), attending sober-curious meetups, going to designated alcohol-free spaces, or meeting with friends for coffee or tea instead of alcohol. There are even sober bars popping up around the country designed to provide the a way for people so socialize and avoid alcohol at the same time. 

Remember that it’s okay to say no

If you’ve decided to limit your alcohol intake, it’s okay to set boundaries and say no to alcohol. Even in circumstances where you might’ve had a drink without really thinking about it before, like going out to dinner, attending a concert, or at social events, it can help to know that you don’t have to drink to have a good time. This is a discovery many people make when they try a sober lifestyle.

Consider seeking a therapist for mental health support

You might also consider seeing a therapist for support. Therapy offers a safe space to talk candidly about alcohol and other aspects of your life while working on coping skills and anything else that you want to improve on or pursue. You can work with a therapist in your area or consider remote options.

Effectiveness of mental health care through online therapy 

Research shows that online therapy can help individuals reduce their alcohol consumption and can help to manage a drinking problem. In another helpful report and meta-analysis of 15 different studies, researchers concluded that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) could effectively decrease alcohol use. CBT is a widely accepted method of treatment that helps participants identify and replace negative thought patterns that may contribute to maladaptive behaviors. For example, a therapist may help an individual realize that they frequently think about alcohol as a coping mechanism and provide them with healthier ways of addressing their concerns. 

Benefits of online therapy in managing alcohol consumption and fostering sobriety

Not everyone is comfortable with in person therapy and online therapy makes it easier to find support. Therapy through an online platform like BetterHelp allows you to get care remotely, which can help if you’re not yet comfortable discussing a subject like alcohol use in person. There are over 25,000 providers who offer services through BetterHelp, with a wide range of specialties, so you can be matched with a licensed therapist who has experience helping people explore alcohol use and any other concerns you have.