I Feel Alone: Strategies To Manage Your Mental Health

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant, LMHC
Updated October 22, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Loneliness is a common emotion that most people feel occasionally. However, if you're feeling alone often, or if that feeling is affecting your ability to function, it could be a sign that loneliness has become a bigger issue. Prolonged loneliness can lead to stress, depression, and other potential negative health consequences

By understanding how to recognize the feeling of loneliness and what you can do to address it, you can improve your mental well-being, both when you are alone and when you are with others. This article discusses loneliness and gives you some tools for addressing it.

A woman in a sweater is standing up next to a window, and she has a forlorn expression on her face.
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Struggling with feeling lonely and isolated?

Defining loneliness

Loneliness is a complex emotional state characterized by a perceived lack of connection, understanding, and intimacy with others, despite the desire for companionship. It's not merely about being physically alone; we may feel lonely even in the presence of others if we do not feel seen, understood, or valued. 

This subjective experience varies widely between people, and can be influenced by personal expectations, social norms, and individual experiences of interaction or isolation. 

Loneliness can impact mental and even physical health, emphasizing the importance of addressing and mitigating its effects.

Many life situations can lead you to feel lonely, and each person may experience loneliness differently based on their unique circumstances, personality, and life experiences. 

Why do I feel alone? Common causes:

  • Life changes: Transitional periods can often bring with them feelings of loneliness or isolation. Moving, starting a new job, or ending a relationship, for example, may place you in a situation where your previous support systems are not available, leaving you looking for new people to spend time with and depend upon. After a period of adjustment, however, these feelings generally subside.
  • Emotional disconnect: Often, when we say, "I feel lonely," what we are actually saying is, "I feel misunderstood," "I don't feel seen," or "I don't feel heard." If you're feeling alone even when you're around other people, emotional disconnect may be at the root of your loneliness. 
  • Feeling out of place: It’s also common for people—particularly young people—to feel lonely when they are still carving out their identity and finding their place in the world. Feeling different from or out of touch with the people they're surrounded by can be an isolating experience.
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Recognizing the signs of loneliness

Maybe you don't realize you're engaging in activities designed to dodge loneliness. Or you're not feeling your best and are starting to suspect that it could, in part, be due to withdrawal from other people or due to feeling lonely. Below are some potential signs that an individual might feel lonely.

Elevated stress levels

Positive social relationships are correlated with lower stress levels, so it makes sense that elevated stress levels often accompany loneliness. If you feel lonely, you might notice physical or mental signs of stress, like clenching your jaw, trouble sleeping, or aches and pains. 

Excessively checking social media

Social media can be a wonderful way to connect with people, but it does not entirely replace face-to-face interactions. Sometimes, social media usage can interfere with our ability to connect on a deeper level, leading to feelings of isolation despite being in close relationships. It can also give the illusion that we are investing in relationships or social connection, even if we are not spending quality time with others.

Studies show limiting social media usage can decrease loneliness and increase overall well-being for some people. Spending less time scrolling your feeds might actually help you feel more connected. 

Spending money

Spending money excessively can be a sign of loneliness. While studies have shown that so-called "retail therapy" can give our brains a boost,  this behavior can also be a coping mechanism for deeper issues like loneliness. People might spend excessively on things they don't need as a way to fill an emotional void or to momentarily distract themselves from feelings of isolation or disconnection. 

Changes in sleep patterns

Difficulty sleeping, insomnia, or sleeping too much can be a sign of loneliness and the stress it causes. Such disruptions in sleep can significantly impact one's physical health and emotional well-being, further exacerbating feelings of isolation and disconnection. 

Altered eating habits

Disordered eating patterns can be a coping mechanism, where food is used to momentarily fill the emotional gap caused by loneliness. Over time, these habits can lead to more serious health issues, both physical and mental, underscoring the importance of addressing the root causes of loneliness and seeking healthier ways to cope.

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Struggling with feeling lonely and isolated?

What do I do when I feel alone?

When you recognize that you feel lonely, you can take steps to mitigate it. If feelings of loneliness are unmanageable or persistent or you're experiencing other physical or mental symptoms, consider reaching out to a qualified professional for help. 

  1. Allow your feelings to be felt

Sometimes, we try to hide or avoid acknowledging our negative emotions, thinking that it will make them disappear if we don't look at them. Unfortunately, repressing emotions can be unhealthy and even lead to uncomfortable physical symptoms. 

It's important to acknowledge your authentic feelings, whether you are having difficulty being alone or feeling lonely even with others around. Identifying and validating your feelings can help you take the next step. In acknowledging loneliness, you may also notice other feelings that could be valuable to address, such as pain, anger, or sadness. 

  1. Practice self-love

Practicing self-love is crucial, especially during times of loneliness. It's about taking care of yourself in ways you might for others who are down. This includes self-soothing activities and being kind to oneself, which can be as simple as enjoying a warm drink or snuggling in a blanket—actions that mimic the comfort of companionship, as studies suggest. 

Embracing self-love helps identify personal needs, fostering vulnerability and openness. This not only aids in alleviating loneliness but also enhances interactions with others, making it a valuable practice for both solitary moments and social connections.

  1. Build new thought patterns

Sometimes, feelings of loneliness can pair with maladaptive thought patterns. For example, you might notice that you are engaging in all-or-nothing thoughts, personalization, or catastrophizing. An example of a maladaptive thought related to loneliness could be "no one will ever like me." 

There are things you can do to address this and build new thought patterns. Thought reframing is one helpful skill many discover when working with a therapist. An example of reframing in this context could be, "I haven't met every person I'll meet in this lifetime, so I don't actually know if it's true that no one will ever like me."

  1. Find community

Finding community involves seeking groups or spaces where you share interests, values, or experiences with others. It can profoundly counteract loneliness by providing a sense of belonging and support. 

Explore local clubs, sports leagues, online forums, gyms, volunteer organizations, or faith communities, to connect with like-minded individuals. Engaging in community activities not only offers social interaction but also enriches your life with meaningful connections and shared endeavors.

  1. Try volunteering 

Giving to others can be a great way to feel connected. Think of something you can do to help your family or community and consider doing it. Giving back to your community is one possible way to build meaning and purpose in your life, and research shows that people who volunteer are often happier and feel less lonely

  1. Develop your personal goals and interests

Setting personal goals can redirect focus from loneliness to aspirations, whether they're career-oriented, hobbies, or unexplored interests. 

Revisiting childhood passions or trying new activities can make daily life more fulfilling and significant. This pursuit not only empowers and elevates mood but can also lead to meeting like-minded individuals, offering an opportunity for both personal growth and social connection.

  1. Address underlying causes

It's important to note that trying different tips and techniques for alleviating loneliness may not work if underlying issues aren't being addressed. If there's a potential underlying cause for your feelings of loneliness, such as social anxiety, complicated grief, depression, or other mental health conditions, you may need to address that to address the loneliness. 

A mental health professional who provides talk therapy may be able to support you, help you recognize underlying causes, and find the solutions that work for you as a unique individual. 

  1. Consult a mental health professional

If you feel lonely often, it may be time to reach out to a therapist or another experienced specialist. A trusted and qualified professional can help you overcome barriers to connecting with others and provide a safe place to practice being open about yourself. In therapy, you can also address matters like feeling misunderstood, symptoms of depression, or anything else that's going on in your life. 

Mental health support for overcoming loneliness

You can seek out a professional in your area or sign up through a reputable online platform that connects you with licensed, independent therapists and counselors, such as BetterHelp. Feelings of isolation or loneliness can be painful and may impact the body and mind, making it difficult to attend in-person therapy. With online therapy, you can attend sessions from wherever you're most comfortable (as long as there's internet). 

Research shows that those who experience loneliness and related emotions can benefit from online therapy platforms. A study published in Behavior Therapy, a peer-reviewed academic journal, found that Internet-based cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can soothe feelings of loneliness

The study specifically notes a correlation between the amount of time participants spent in therapy and a decrease in loneliness, and an increase in quality of life. Online CBT programs provide the tools to help reframe intrusive thoughts that can create a sense of isolation, making way for stronger relationships and better social connections.

Seek professional help

If you feel lonely often, it may be time to reach out to a therapist or another experienced specialist. A trusted and qualified professional can help you overcome barriers to connecting with others and provide a safe place to practice being open about yourself. In therapy, you can also address matters like feeling misunderstood, symptoms of depression, or anything else that's going on in your life. 

You can seek out a professional in your area or sign up through a reputable online platform that connects you with licensed, independent therapists and counselors, such as BetterHelp. Feelings of isolation or loneliness can be painful and may impact the body and mind, making it difficult to attend in-person therapy. With online therapy, you can attend sessions from wherever you're most comfortable (as long as there's internet). 

Research shows that those who experience loneliness and related emotions can benefit from online therapy platforms. A study published in Behavior Therapy, a peer-reviewed academic journal, found that Internet-based cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can soothe feelings of loneliness. The study specifically notes a correlation between the amount of time participants spent in therapy and a decrease in loneliness, and an increase in quality of life. Online CBT programs provide the tools to help reframe intrusive thoughts that can create a sense of isolation, making way for stronger relationships and better social connections.

"Kelley is kind and listens well. She can pick out the under text of my worries and concerns to help me address the underlying issue. She validates my feelings and helps me recognize my strengths."
— BetterHelp member’s review of their therapist

Takeaway

Feeling lonely may be overwhelming or painful, but it does not have to last forever. With care, you can find relief.
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